Ambrose Bierce Quotes
Ambrose Bierce Quotes. Below is a collection of famous Ambrose Bierce quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by Ambrose Bierce. Share these quotations with your friends and family.
POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles he mistakes the ag...
By Ambrose Bierce
Education. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
By Ambrose Bierce
As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value.
By Ambrose Bierce
Projectile - n. the final arbiter in international disputes. Formerly these disputes were resolved by physical contact of the disputants with such arguments as the rudimentary logic of the times would supply - sword, spear, and so forth. With the growth of prudence in military affairs the projectile came more and more into favor, and is now held in high esteem by all. Its capital defect ( in Bierce's day ) has been that it requires personal attendance at the point of launch.
By Ambrose Bierce
They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
By Ambrose Bierce
Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization. Technology
By Ambrose Bierce
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. Technology
By Ambrose Bierce
Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught. Sports
By Ambrose Bierce
Pray: (noun) To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
By Ambrose Bierce
Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
By Ambrose Bierce
Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
By Ambrose Bierce
Bigot, one who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
By Ambrose Bierce
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. Politics
By Ambrose Bierce
Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others. Politics
By Ambrose Bierce
Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
By Ambrose Bierce
A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills.
By Ambrose Bierce
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills. Nature
By Ambrose Bierce
Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy.
By Ambrose Bierce