Anonymous Quotes | Quotesoup

Times spent wasted are not wasted times.

By Anonymous

To be is to do (I. Kant) To do is to be (A. Sartre) Do-be-do-be-do (F. Sinatra) Yabba-Dabba-Doo! (F. Flinstone)

By Anonymous

life, n.: A whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.

By Anonymous

Love is a sensation cause by temptation Guy sticks his location in the girls destination To increase the population of the next generation Do you understand my explanation? Or do you need a demonstration?

By Anonymous

Many nice things suck.

By Anonymous

Masturbation is like procrastination, it feels good till you realize you're fucking yourself...

By Anonymous

May your life be like toilet paper - long and useful!

By Anonymous

Meat is murder. That kinda makes all predators murderers.

By Anonymous

Men are like roses, you got to watch out for all the pricks!

By Anonymous

Most legislators are so dumb that they couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel.

By Anonymous

My doctor told me not to drink any more, so I don't. I don't drink any less, but I don't drink any more.

By Anonymous

Never go to a doctor whose office plants are dead.

By Anonymous

Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower.

By Anonymous

Nobody has figured out the meanig of life, yet almost everyone knows how to make pudding... I don't get it.

By Anonymous

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

By Anonymous

Oh John, let's not park here. Oh John, let's not park. Oh John, let's not. Oh John, let's. Oh John. Oh.

By Anonymous

On the road of life, don't forget to stop and smell the roses.

By Anonymous

Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, 'I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease'. Disraeli replied, 'That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.'

By Anonymous

One night, I was lying in bed looking up at the stars, when suddenly I said to myself, 'Hey, where the Hell did my ceiling go?'

By Anonymous

Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, and everyone thinks everyone elses stinks.

By Anonymous

Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good.

By Anonymous

PROCRASTINATION: Hard work often pays off in the future, but laziness always pays off now.

By Anonymous

Q: How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher, or an airline stewardess? A: A nurse says: 'This won't hurt a bit.' A schoolteacher says: 'We're going to have to do this over and over again until we get it right.' An airline stewardess says: 'Just hold this over your mouth and nose, and breath normally.'

By Anonymous

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

By Anonymous

Q: What did the instructor at the school for Kamikazi pilots say to his students? A: Watch closely. I'm only going to do this once.

By Anonymous

Redundant book title: 'Windows For Dummies'

By Anonymous

Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.

By Anonymous

Sects, sects, sects... Is that all you monks think about?

By Anonymous

See the happy moron - he doesn't give a damn. I wish I was a moron - by God! Perhaps I am!

By Anonymous

Seen on the door to a light-wave lab: 'Do not look into laser with remaining good eye.'

By Anonymous