Don't do drugs, don't have unprotected sex, don't drink and drive..... Leave that to me.
By Anonymous
Don't marry a woman with big hands. It makes your dick look small.
By Anonymous
Don't smoke, kids! Unless you're on fire. Then it's only natural.
By Anonymous
Don't talk more shit than your ass can produce.
By Anonymous
Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
By Anonymous
DROP THE SCYTHE, AND TURN AROUND SLOWLY.
By Anonymous
Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!
By Anonymous
Eagles may soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
By Anonymous
Earth first. We'll stripmine the other planets later.
By Anonymous
Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
By Anonymous
Everyone has the right to be ugly, but some people abuse the privilege.
By Anonymous
Excuse me, I have to recharge my flamethrower.
By Anonymous
Fat Girls are good for two things. Heat in the winter and shade in the summer.
By Anonymous
Females do pursue me, if you count mosquitos.
By Anonymous
For every winner, there are dozens of losers. Odds are you're one of them.
By Anonymous
For Sale: One Parachute. Used Once. Never Opened. Slightly Stained.
By Anonymous
Friends help friends move... REAL friends help friends move bodies.
By Anonymous
Friends help you move, true friends help you move bodies.
By Anonymous
From time to time, I like to cook dinner, to see how easy a woman has it.
By Anonymous
Girls have bigger asses than guys, because all girls are full of shit.
By Anonymous
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he will spend all day in a boat drinking beer.
By Anonymous
HEALTH: The slowest possible rate of dying.
By Anonymous
Hey, wasn't the Bible written by the same people who said the world was flat?
By Anonymous
High school is the four years of your life that you'll spend the rest of your life trying to forget.
By Anonymous
Hire the handi-capped: they don't work very well but at least they're fun to watch.
By Anonymous
History repeats itself. It has to, no-one listens.
By Anonymous
