ALF Quotes
ALF: That's it. I say we fight violence with violence. That's how we used to solve things back home.
Willie: But ALF, don't you remember what happened to your planet?
ALF: Well, it blew up in a nuclear holocaust. Why?
Willie: Don't you see the connection?
ALF: [pause] What connection?
Willie: I give up.
ALF: Me too. I'm gonna lay down. My head is spinning. Maybe a cold cream sundae.
Willie: But ALF, don't you remember what happened to your planet?
ALF: Well, it blew up in a nuclear holocaust. Why?
Willie: Don't you see the connection?
ALF: [pause] What connection?
Willie: I give up.
ALF: Me too. I'm gonna lay down. My head is spinning. Maybe a cold cream sundae.
TV Show: ALF
Willie: When the babysitter is here, ALF, you are going to have to be in the attic.
ALF: Oh, great, prison. Why don't you just stick me in a sweatbox?
Willie: Were all making adjustments here, ALF. Your not gonna be there all that much...
ALF: Attica. Attica. Attica.
ALF: Oh, great, prison. Why don't you just stick me in a sweatbox?
Willie: Were all making adjustments here, ALF. Your not gonna be there all that much...
ALF: Attica. Attica. Attica.
TV Show: ALF
Willie: You can't vote, ALF , you're not a citizen.
ALF: I'll apply for a green card.
Willie: That's only if you want a job.
ALF: Pass. [pause]
ALF: I know, I'll marry Lynn. Become a citizen, vote, then drop her of like a hot potato.
Willie: ALF...
ALF: Sure it will be hard on her first. She'll cry, drink a little too much. Join with a bongo player named Waquine.
Willie: ALF.
ALF: You'd like Waquine, he doesn't like beets.
Willie: Neither you or Waquine may marry my daughter and you may not vote.
ALF: Fine. I have not voice in government, Waquine will get deported, and they'll make him eat beets.
Willie: How many cups of coffee have you had?
ALF: Forty. Why?
ALF: I'll apply for a green card.
Willie: That's only if you want a job.
ALF: Pass. [pause]
ALF: I know, I'll marry Lynn. Become a citizen, vote, then drop her of like a hot potato.
Willie: ALF...
ALF: Sure it will be hard on her first. She'll cry, drink a little too much. Join with a bongo player named Waquine.
Willie: ALF.
ALF: You'd like Waquine, he doesn't like beets.
Willie: Neither you or Waquine may marry my daughter and you may not vote.
ALF: Fine. I have not voice in government, Waquine will get deported, and they'll make him eat beets.
Willie: How many cups of coffee have you had?
ALF: Forty. Why?
TV Show: ALF
[ALF enters the Tanner's bedroom]
ALF: Are you decent?
Willie: Does it matter?
ALF: Not to me.
ALF: Are you decent?
Willie: Does it matter?
ALF: Not to me.
TV Show: ALF
[ALF is sitting on Willie's bed, and a burglar comes through the window]
ALF: [off-screen narrating] Then it happened. *He* came into my life. At first, I thought it was Santa Claus. Then it hit me, Santa probably wouldn't smell of cheap wine. Besides, he was beginning to fill his bag with things that didn't belong to him.
ALF: Can you take a little constructive criticism? What you're doing here is wrong.
Burglar: [examines ALF] Must be one of those talking dolls.
ALF: Oh, yeah? Ever had a talking doll rip out your voice box?
ALF: [off-screen narrating] Then it happened. *He* came into my life. At first, I thought it was Santa Claus. Then it hit me, Santa probably wouldn't smell of cheap wine. Besides, he was beginning to fill his bag with things that didn't belong to him.
ALF: Can you take a little constructive criticism? What you're doing here is wrong.
Burglar: [examines ALF] Must be one of those talking dolls.
ALF: Oh, yeah? Ever had a talking doll rip out your voice box?
TV Show: ALF
[on a camping trip]
Willie: One more word out of you, and you're not eating with us.
ALF: Right. Let the alien starve.
Willie: I think the alien could skip a meal. It might be a new experience for you! [pause]
Willie: How would you like your hamburger?
ALF: Medium rare. Hold the lightning.
Willie: How would you like to be 50% hair?
ALF: You know, you're a different person when you're on vacation.
Willie: I'm just trying to make this vacation fun.
ALF: How, by drowning us?
Willie: By trying to keep a positive attitude! You might do that yourself... INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING ALL THE TIME!
Kate: [annoyed] Guys, please.
ALF: Well, not everyone enjoys spending their vacation in a rainforest!
Willie: We're in this rainforest because of you!
ALF: I vote we go home.
Willie: You're not voting in this.
ALF: Call the newspapers! Democracy is dead!
Willie: One more word out of you, and you're not eating with us.
ALF: Right. Let the alien starve.
Willie: I think the alien could skip a meal. It might be a new experience for you! [pause]
Willie: How would you like your hamburger?
ALF: Medium rare. Hold the lightning.
Willie: How would you like to be 50% hair?
ALF: You know, you're a different person when you're on vacation.
Willie: I'm just trying to make this vacation fun.
ALF: How, by drowning us?
Willie: By trying to keep a positive attitude! You might do that yourself... INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING ALL THE TIME!
Kate: [annoyed] Guys, please.
ALF: Well, not everyone enjoys spending their vacation in a rainforest!
Willie: We're in this rainforest because of you!
ALF: I vote we go home.
Willie: You're not voting in this.
ALF: Call the newspapers! Democracy is dead!
TV Show: ALF
Brian: Do you get Sesame Street where you live?
ALF: No, and frankly, I don't get it here, either.
Woman on T.V.: If you said, "It was the cow riding on the subway", you're absolutely right!
ALF: No, and frankly, I don't get it here, either.
Woman on T.V.: If you said, "It was the cow riding on the subway", you're absolutely right!
TV Show: ALF
Kate: I said no soda pop.
Brian: It's not soda pop, it's beer.
ALF: [burps] You're about out of Coors!
Kate: What!? (grunts) Give those to me!
ALF: Hey, hey, careful his is still full!
Brian: It's not soda pop, it's beer.
ALF: [burps] You're about out of Coors!
Kate: What!? (grunts) Give those to me!
ALF: Hey, hey, careful his is still full!
TV Show: ALF
Kate: Now, you just listen to me, ALF! I will not allow this kind of behavior in my house! This boy, is only six years old, he is not to drink beer, and you are not drink beer, and I don't know what it's like on...Mork, or whatever planet you come from, but....
ALF: Melmac.
Kate: What?
ALF: Melmac.
Kate: What?
TV Show: ALF
ALF: [picking up Willie's glasses] Yeah, what is it about this Lash that you don't like?
Willie: Lash? How do you know about Lash?
ALF: Well, Lynn and I were talking last night and she seems to feel- [tries on Willie's glasses] Jeez, you're blind as a bat, aren't you?
Willie: Lash? How do you know about Lash?
ALF: Well, Lynn and I were talking last night and she seems to feel- [tries on Willie's glasses] Jeez, you're blind as a bat, aren't you?
TV Show: ALF
ALF: [off-screen narrating] Then it happened. He came into my life. At first, I thought it was Santa Claus. Then it hit me: Santa probably wouldn't smell of cheap wine. Besides, he was beginning to fill his bag with things that didn't belong to him. I was scared stiff, but I realized I had to do something; I realized I was the man of the house. [on screen, addressing burglar] Excuse me? Can you take a little constructive criticism? What you're doing here is wrong.
Burglar: [examines ALF] Must be one of those talking dolls.
ALF: Oh, yeah!? Ever had a talking doll rip out your voice box!?
Burglar: [examines ALF] Must be one of those talking dolls.
ALF: Oh, yeah!? Ever had a talking doll rip out your voice box!?
TV Show: ALF
Brian: Hey, ALF. What are you doing?
ALF: I'm running away from home.
Paul: Oh, great. Tell the whole world.
Brian: Why are you running away?
Paul: None of your business! [laughs]
Brian: I'm gonna tell Dad! [he runs away tattling to Willie]
ALF: Hey, why were you lying to Brian like that? [Paul hits him] Ow, don't hit me!
Paul: Shut up and keep tacking.
ALF: I'm running away from home.
Paul: Oh, great. Tell the whole world.
Brian: Why are you running away?
Paul: None of your business! [laughs]
Brian: I'm gonna tell Dad! [he runs away tattling to Willie]
ALF: Hey, why were you lying to Brian like that? [Paul hits him] Ow, don't hit me!
Paul: Shut up and keep tacking.
TV Show: ALF
Paul: Give me some nuts.
ALF: But I don't want any nuts.
Paul: I do! [ALF gives him some nuts; he crushes them with his head]
ALF: But I don't want any nuts.
Paul: I do! [ALF gives him some nuts; he crushes them with his head]
TV Show: ALF
[At the cat Lucky's funeral]
ALF: Where I'm from, this is ludicrous. It's like having a funeral for a hamburger.
ALF: Where I'm from, this is ludicrous. It's like having a funeral for a hamburger.
TV Show: ALF
[ALF and Lynn are preparing a surprise dinner for Kate and Willie]
ALF: I just need to finish spit-shining these plates here.
Lynn: [grabbing the plates] That won't be necessary.
ALF: Fine, let them eat off dirty dishes.
ALF: I just need to finish spit-shining these plates here.
Lynn: [grabbing the plates] That won't be necessary.
ALF: Fine, let them eat off dirty dishes.
TV Show: ALF
[ALF and Lynn are trying to get their parents to stop fighting]
ALF: To get a couple back together on Melmac, we'd recreate the happiest moment of their marriage.
Lynn: I wonder what Mom and Dad's happiest moment was.
ALF: The day they met me?
Lynn: Think again.
ALF: The day after they met me.
Lynn: Keep thinking.
ALF: I can't. My brain hurts.
ALF: To get a couple back together on Melmac, we'd recreate the happiest moment of their marriage.
Lynn: I wonder what Mom and Dad's happiest moment was.
ALF: The day they met me?
Lynn: Think again.
ALF: The day after they met me.
Lynn: Keep thinking.
ALF: I can't. My brain hurts.
TV Show: ALF
[ALF enters the Tanner's bedroom]
ALF: Are you decent?
Willie: Does it matter?
ALF: Not to me.
ALF: Are you decent?
Willie: Does it matter?
ALF: Not to me.
TV Show: ALF
[ALF has just broken Willie's shortwave radio]
Willie: Do you know how long - *looooooong*... It took me ten years to put that thing together.
ALF: I'm glad to see you haven't wasted your life.
Willie: Do you know how long - *looooooong*... It took me ten years to put that thing together.
ALF: I'm glad to see you haven't wasted your life.
TV Show: ALF
[ALF has just squirted Willie with a squirting flower]
Willie: You amaze me. You're 229 years old and that's what you think is funny.
Willie: You amaze me. You're 229 years old and that's what you think is funny.
TV Show: ALF
[ALF has to stay in the garage because Kate's mother is visiting]
ALF: Kate, there's no TV in here.
Kate: We'll let you use the portable TV.
ALF: The black and white one with the 1 inch screen? Good. I'll tape it to my eye.
ALF: Kate, there's no TV in here.
Kate: We'll let you use the portable TV.
ALF: The black and white one with the 1 inch screen? Good. I'll tape it to my eye.
TV Show: ALF
[ALF is determined to prove the man next door is Elvis Presley]
ALF: I can be logical if I have to. The man's name is Aaron King. Elvis' middle name was Aaron and he was king of Rock 'n' Roll.
Willie: I'm not convinced.
ALF: OK. How about this. Hank Aaron is baseball's home run king and Elvis loved baseball.
Willie: ALF, you are grasping at straws.
ALF: [shouts] OK. Listen to this. Aaron Burr wanted to be King of America and he was from the South, just like Elvis.
ALF: I can be logical if I have to. The man's name is Aaron King. Elvis' middle name was Aaron and he was king of Rock 'n' Roll.
Willie: I'm not convinced.
ALF: OK. How about this. Hank Aaron is baseball's home run king and Elvis loved baseball.
Willie: ALF, you are grasping at straws.
ALF: [shouts] OK. Listen to this. Aaron Burr wanted to be King of America and he was from the South, just like Elvis.
TV Show: ALF
[ALF is sitting on Willie's bed, and a burglar comes through the window]
ALF: [off-screen narrating] Then it happened. *He* came into my life. At first, I thought it was Santa Claus. Then it hit me, Santa probably wouldn't smell of cheap wine. Besides, he was beginning to fill his bag with things that didn't belong to him.
ALF: Can you take a little constructive criticism? What you're doing here is wrong.
Burglar: [examines ALF] Must be one of those talking dolls.
ALF: Oh, yeah? Ever had a talking doll rip out your voice box?
ALF: [off-screen narrating] Then it happened. *He* came into my life. At first, I thought it was Santa Claus. Then it hit me, Santa probably wouldn't smell of cheap wine. Besides, he was beginning to fill his bag with things that didn't belong to him.
ALF: Can you take a little constructive criticism? What you're doing here is wrong.
Burglar: [examines ALF] Must be one of those talking dolls.
ALF: Oh, yeah? Ever had a talking doll rip out your voice box?
TV Show: ALF
[ALF is trying to be a professional shrink and he's annoying Kate and Willie]
ALF: Speaking of aggravation, we've got to do something about Brian.
Kate: What's wrong with Brian?
ALF: He's been experiencing some negative stroking from Kate lately.
Kate: [in a sudden burst of anger] All right. That's it.
Willie: Calm down.
ALF: Stop ventilating.
Kate: I am not ventilating. I am talking. [to Willie]
Kate: And I resent the implication that I'm having a negative effect on my son's outlook. Oh I give up. I give up.
ALF: You're letting out your emotions. Good. Now we can make some real progress.
Willie: And you are spouting out a lot of psychological clichés you don't even understand.
ALF: Why so hostile, Willie? I'm okay. You're okay.
Willie: This must stop.
ALF: That's right. A good scream. Let it fly.
Willie: You cannot keep aggravating people like this.
ALF: Why do you hate your mother?
ALF: Speaking of aggravation, we've got to do something about Brian.
Kate: What's wrong with Brian?
ALF: He's been experiencing some negative stroking from Kate lately.
Kate: [in a sudden burst of anger] All right. That's it.
Willie: Calm down.
ALF: Stop ventilating.
Kate: I am not ventilating. I am talking. [to Willie]
Kate: And I resent the implication that I'm having a negative effect on my son's outlook. Oh I give up. I give up.
ALF: You're letting out your emotions. Good. Now we can make some real progress.
Willie: And you are spouting out a lot of psychological clichés you don't even understand.
ALF: Why so hostile, Willie? I'm okay. You're okay.
Willie: This must stop.
ALF: That's right. A good scream. Let it fly.
Willie: You cannot keep aggravating people like this.
ALF: Why do you hate your mother?
TV Show: ALF
[at the cat Lucky's funeral]
ALF: Where I'm from, this is ludicrous. It's like having a funeral for a hamburger.
ALF: Where I'm from, this is ludicrous. It's like having a funeral for a hamburger.
TV Show: ALF