Becker Quotes
Becker: Ah hell, there's that damn meter maid! HEY GRANDMA, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY CAR! WHY AREN'T YOU OUT STEALING KETCHUP PACKETS LIKE NORMAL OLD WOMEN!?
TV Show: Becker
[Watching a TV program]
Becker: Oh please! She's no doctor! She's no writer, hell, she's not even a real blonde!
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Come on, Becker! How could you know anything about her!?
Becker: She's my ex-wife!
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: GET OUT OF HERE! She's your ex-wife? Jake, you gotta see this!
Jake Malinak: Blind!
Becker: Oh please! She's no doctor! She's no writer, hell, she's not even a real blonde!
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Come on, Becker! How could you know anything about her!?
Becker: She's my ex-wife!
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: GET OUT OF HERE! She's your ex-wife? Jake, you gotta see this!
Jake Malinak: Blind!
TV Show: Becker
Bob: She has the high fashion, uptown look Bob finds very hot.
Becker: She'd crush you like a bug!
Bob: You don't know Bob; he's one tough little insect!
Becker: She'd crush you like a bug!
Bob: You don't know Bob; he's one tough little insect!
TV Show: Becker
Becker: You know how it is when you're married; you have those cute little nicknames for each other.
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: So what's your name for her?
Becker: "Castrating bitch from Hell"!
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: So what's your name for her?
Becker: "Castrating bitch from Hell"!
TV Show: Becker
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Sounds like you're still carrying a torch for her.
Becker: Yeah, like the villagers carried one for Frankenstein!
Becker: Yeah, like the villagers carried one for Frankenstein!
TV Show: Becker
Becker: Look partner, she's gonna be fine! Why don't you just call your office? Maybe there's someone who missed getting screwed today!
Lawyer: I really resent that!
Becker: Well then my work is done!
Sandra: And you said I wasn't fair to you.
Becker: Oh come on, that don't count, he's a lawyer. I actually look forward to the day we can hunt them!
Lawyer: I really resent that!
Becker: Well then my work is done!
Sandra: And you said I wasn't fair to you.
Becker: Oh come on, that don't count, he's a lawyer. I actually look forward to the day we can hunt them!
TV Show: Becker
Jake Malinak: Just caught a whiff of something strange from outside. Like a combination of exhaust fumes, hair tonic and really cheap cologne!
[Bob walks in]
Bob: Hello, wage slaves! Bob's back!
Jake Malinak: That explains it!
Bob: Long time no see! Kinda your life story, eh?
Jake Malinak: Times like this, I don't mind!
[Bob walks in]
Bob: Hello, wage slaves! Bob's back!
Jake Malinak: That explains it!
Bob: Long time no see! Kinda your life story, eh?
Jake Malinak: Times like this, I don't mind!
TV Show: Becker
Becker: Have you ever been robbed?
Margaret: Oh please, I have lived in New York my whole life. I was held up on Prom Night...by my date!
Margaret: Oh please, I have lived in New York my whole life. I was held up on Prom Night...by my date!
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: [to Margaret while looking at travel brochures] What were you thinking?
[slaps brochures on counter]
Dr. John Becker: Too hot. Too cold. Too stupid. Mexico? What's the point? In a few weeks, they'll all be up here.
[slaps brochures on counter]
Dr. John Becker: Too hot. Too cold. Too stupid. Mexico? What's the point? In a few weeks, they'll all be up here.
TV Show: Becker
[After Jake inadvertantly reveals an erotic dream involving him and Reggie]
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: OH, GIVE ME A BREAK!
Jake Malinak: Oh God! Thanks a lot, John!
Dr. John Becker: [chuckling] Couldn't resist!
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: What is it with guys and tearing clothes off!? Don't you ever dream of unbuttoning clothes and neatly folding them over a chair?
Jake Malinak: Look Reg, I'm really sorry. It was just a dream!
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Ah, no big deal. But do me a favour: next time you have a dream about us, can it be somewhere exotic? Even in your dreams, I can't get out of this lousy diner!
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: OH, GIVE ME A BREAK!
Jake Malinak: Oh God! Thanks a lot, John!
Dr. John Becker: [chuckling] Couldn't resist!
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: What is it with guys and tearing clothes off!? Don't you ever dream of unbuttoning clothes and neatly folding them over a chair?
Jake Malinak: Look Reg, I'm really sorry. It was just a dream!
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Ah, no big deal. But do me a favour: next time you have a dream about us, can it be somewhere exotic? Even in your dreams, I can't get out of this lousy diner!
TV Show: Becker
[Becker is eating lunch in the diner]
Dr. John Becker: What's with the toothpick? What are you, Neil Armstrong, claiming this burger in the name of all mankind?
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: It's a garnish! Sue me, I'm trying to give the place a lift!
Dr. John Becker: Well if that's what you're after, why don't you try scraping the grime off the walls and emptying the dead bugs out of the light fixtures?
Jake Malinak: I dunno, John, it kinda dresses things up! I like it!
Dr. John Becker: Like it? You can't even see it! You didn't think of that, did you Reggie!? I mean, Jake here could put his eye out with one of these things, or I could puncture the roof of my mouth!
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: This puncture, would it shut you up for a couple of days!?
Dr. John Becker: What's with the toothpick? What are you, Neil Armstrong, claiming this burger in the name of all mankind?
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: It's a garnish! Sue me, I'm trying to give the place a lift!
Dr. John Becker: Well if that's what you're after, why don't you try scraping the grime off the walls and emptying the dead bugs out of the light fixtures?
Jake Malinak: I dunno, John, it kinda dresses things up! I like it!
Dr. John Becker: Like it? You can't even see it! You didn't think of that, did you Reggie!? I mean, Jake here could put his eye out with one of these things, or I could puncture the roof of my mouth!
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: This puncture, would it shut you up for a couple of days!?
TV Show: Becker
[Becker's cousin Barry has come into the diner]
Jake Malinak: So you knew John as a kid?
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Let me ask you a question-
Barry Becker: Exactly the same. He just bitched in a higher voice!
Jake Malinak: So you knew John as a kid?
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Let me ask you a question-
Barry Becker: Exactly the same. He just bitched in a higher voice!
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: The knuckle-dragging boobs of this country have allowed themselves to be led to slaughter by the hideous forces of evil!
Jake Malinak: Come on, John! You promised me, you promised me you'd stop watching Oprah!
Dr John Becker: It's not Oprah, not this time- but I got my eye on her! You know that burned out building down the block?
Jake Malinak: Er, this is the Bronx, John. You're gonna have to be a bit more specific!
Jake Malinak: Come on, John! You promised me, you promised me you'd stop watching Oprah!
Dr John Becker: It's not Oprah, not this time- but I got my eye on her! You know that burned out building down the block?
Jake Malinak: Er, this is the Bronx, John. You're gonna have to be a bit more specific!
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: Jake, you watch the news last night?
Jake Malinak: How many times do I have to tell you...
Dr. John Becker: Rhetorical question, stay with me, will you? So they're doing a story about violence in America, and they're interviewing some bloated senator from one of our great trailer park states. Now, does Senator Gomer advocate making guns more difficult to get? No, he blames television. What about all the violence that happened before television? I suppose the Spanish Inquisition came off a bad episode of Gilligan's Island. Oh great, now I'm out of cigarettes, the perfect cherry on this crap sundae of a morning.
Jake Malinak: Why don't you just quit, John? They're taking years off your life
Dr. John Becker: Yeah, but those are the crusty old fart years where you walk around bitching at the world.
Jake Malinak: As opposed to this whole high-on-life Gandhi thing you've got going on now?
Jake Malinak: How many times do I have to tell you...
Dr. John Becker: Rhetorical question, stay with me, will you? So they're doing a story about violence in America, and they're interviewing some bloated senator from one of our great trailer park states. Now, does Senator Gomer advocate making guns more difficult to get? No, he blames television. What about all the violence that happened before television? I suppose the Spanish Inquisition came off a bad episode of Gilligan's Island. Oh great, now I'm out of cigarettes, the perfect cherry on this crap sundae of a morning.
Jake Malinak: Why don't you just quit, John? They're taking years off your life
Dr. John Becker: Yeah, but those are the crusty old fart years where you walk around bitching at the world.
Jake Malinak: As opposed to this whole high-on-life Gandhi thing you've got going on now?
TV Show: Becker
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: [on the phone] Look, I need a new motor for my damn freezer! Don't give me excuses; I've got a kitchen full of sour milk, rotten eggs and purple meat! [hangs up] What you having, Becker?
Dr. John Becker: Second thoughts about dining here!
Dr. John Becker: Second thoughts about dining here!
TV Show: Becker
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: [to Amanda about the diner] Not quite our condo on South Beach.
Jake Malinak: Not quite a condo on Omaha Beach!
Jake Malinak: Not quite a condo on Omaha Beach!
TV Show: Becker
Jake Malinak: [shaking hands with Amanda] Ooh, you sound tall.
Amanda: You smell friendly. Why're we talking like this?
Jake Malinak: I'm blind.
Amanda: And yet you're still staring at my breasts!
Jake Malinak: Sorry, creature of habit.
Amanda: You smell friendly. Why're we talking like this?
Jake Malinak: I'm blind.
Amanda: And yet you're still staring at my breasts!
Jake Malinak: Sorry, creature of habit.
TV Show: Becker
Mr. Ehrlich: So, anyway, Dr. Becker, I just feel off. Everything hurts.
Dr. John Becker: As I've been saying, Mr. Ehrlich, it's all part of the flu.
Mr. Ehrlich: I've got chills and a fever. Even my legs are achey,
Dr. John Becker: All part of the flu.
Mr. Ehrlich: My nose is stuffy, I have no energy.
Dr. John Becker: Part of the flu!
Mr. Ehrlich: Then there's the sweats, mostly at night.
Dr. John Becker: The flu!
Mr. Ehrlich: I think that's why they call them night sweats. What caused them?
Dr. John Becker: [shouts] It's the flu! For God's sake, Mr. Ehrlich, what's the matter with you?!
Mr. Ehrlich: I don't know, I think I caught a bug.
Dr. John Becker: [storms out]
Dr. John Becker: As I've been saying, Mr. Ehrlich, it's all part of the flu.
Mr. Ehrlich: I've got chills and a fever. Even my legs are achey,
Dr. John Becker: All part of the flu.
Mr. Ehrlich: My nose is stuffy, I have no energy.
Dr. John Becker: Part of the flu!
Mr. Ehrlich: Then there's the sweats, mostly at night.
Dr. John Becker: The flu!
Mr. Ehrlich: I think that's why they call them night sweats. What caused them?
Dr. John Becker: [shouts] It's the flu! For God's sake, Mr. Ehrlich, what's the matter with you?!
Mr. Ehrlich: I don't know, I think I caught a bug.
Dr. John Becker: [storms out]
TV Show: Becker
[Linda walks into the diner]
Linda: Reggie, hi! Gimme a coffee and a muffin, quick: I have to get to the office before Dr Becker! If I'm even half a second late, the bug up his butt grabs the stick up his butt and beats me with it!
Becker[behind her]: Morning, Linda!
Linda: Reggie, hi! Gimme a coffee and a muffin, quick: I have to get to the office before Dr Becker! If I'm even half a second late, the bug up his butt grabs the stick up his butt and beats me with it!
Becker[behind her]: Morning, Linda!
TV Show: Becker
[Becker and Reggie are stuck on a flight to Buffalo, pretending to be married and Becker is being stalked by an amorous flight attendent]
Reggie: Hey, get your claws off my husband, AND GET ME MY DAMN NUTS!
Becker: I want a divorce.
Reggie: Hey, get your claws off my husband, AND GET ME MY DAMN NUTS!
Becker: I want a divorce.
TV Show: Becker
[After learning his ex-girlfriend's family never forwarded his letters to her, leading to their breakup]
Megan: My dad: he never liked you after all that stuff you said about Nixon!
Becker: Turned out I was right though, wasn't I!? Well, that explains why I never heard back from you...
Megan: So all these years, you thought I didn't care?
Becker: Nixon! Bastard's dead and he's still screwing me!
Megan: My dad: he never liked you after all that stuff you said about Nixon!
Becker: Turned out I was right though, wasn't I!? Well, that explains why I never heard back from you...
Megan: So all these years, you thought I didn't care?
Becker: Nixon! Bastard's dead and he's still screwing me!
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: Tell me something; what is it about me that makes people think my only purpose on this planet is to help them!?
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: The letters "M.D." after your name?
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: The letters "M.D." after your name?
TV Show: Becker
[doing a word association test]
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Dog.
Dr. John Becker: Leave.
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Tree.
Dr. John Becker: Me.
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Man.
Dr. John Becker: Alone.
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Hey!
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Dog.
Dr. John Becker: Leave.
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Tree.
Dr. John Becker: Me.
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Man.
Dr. John Becker: Alone.
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Hey!
TV Show: Becker
Margaret: So someone finally shot you.
Dr. John Becker: I always thought it would be you, Margaret.
Margaret: So did I.
Dr. John Becker: I always thought it would be you, Margaret.
Margaret: So did I.
TV Show: Becker
[After Becker learns a temporary doctor will be assigned to his practice]
Dr. John Becker: You can't replace me with just anybody! My patients trust me, they know me!
Margaret: They certainly do; the police are checking them out as possible suspects!
Dr. John Becker: You can't replace me with just anybody! My patients trust me, they know me!
Margaret: They certainly do; the police are checking them out as possible suspects!
TV Show: Becker
[After Reggie shows up to take John home from the hospital]
Dr. John Becker: Stop flapping your lips, get my stuff and let's go!
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: [exasperated] Why exactly did you save his life?
Dr. Liz Carson: Had to; took an oath. Why'd you volunteer to take him home?
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Had to; lost a coin toss.
Dr. John Becker: Stop flapping your lips, get my stuff and let's go!
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: [exasperated] Why exactly did you save his life?
Dr. Liz Carson: Had to; took an oath. Why'd you volunteer to take him home?
Regina 'Reggie' Kostas: Had to; lost a coin toss.
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: For god's sake, if you're gonna kill yourself, at least have the decency to wait until after rush hour. (sees no one is in the diner)
TV Show: Becker