Becker Quotes
Mr. Garland: So, did you get the test results? Am I really dying?!
Dr. John Becker: Mr. Garland, sometimes, no matter how hard we try--
Mr. Garland: (disappointed) I'm gonna live?
Dr. John Becker: Mr. Garland, sometimes, no matter how hard we try--
Mr. Garland: (disappointed) I'm gonna live?
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: I was going to go along with that astrology crap, but then I looked it up. Mercury doesn't go into retrograde for another three months.
Linda: Wow, that must mean that all the weird stuff that happened here today was nothing but a bunch of unrelated coincidences.
Dr. John Becker: Yeah, you got a better explanation?
Linda: Well, if you add up the month, the day and the year, that adds up to 26. You add the two and the six, that's eight. Divide that by four, that's two, which is the number of people here in this room. Coincidence? I don't think so.
Linda: Wow, that must mean that all the weird stuff that happened here today was nothing but a bunch of unrelated coincidences.
Dr. John Becker: Yeah, you got a better explanation?
Linda: Well, if you add up the month, the day and the year, that adds up to 26. You add the two and the six, that's eight. Divide that by four, that's two, which is the number of people here in this room. Coincidence? I don't think so.
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: Aw, Margaret, will you let go of that rat thing?
Margaret: (poking the ceiling with a broom) I can't, John. He's up there. I know he is.
Dr. John Becker: All right, get down. Get down. If it'll make you feel better, I'll go take a look.
Margaret: All right.
(Becker climbs a ladder to look above the ceiling panels)
Margaret: You see anything?
Dr. John Becker: (A huge rat shadow suddenly passes by him) Oh. Sweet Jesus.
Margaret: (poking the ceiling with a broom) I can't, John. He's up there. I know he is.
Dr. John Becker: All right, get down. Get down. If it'll make you feel better, I'll go take a look.
Margaret: All right.
(Becker climbs a ladder to look above the ceiling panels)
Margaret: You see anything?
Dr. John Becker: (A huge rat shadow suddenly passes by him) Oh. Sweet Jesus.
TV Show: Becker
[After Chris turns down Bob's offer of a date]
Bob: Wow, she's so nice!
Jake Malinak: Bob, she blew you off.
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Yeah, she was just letting you down easy.
Bob: That's what I mean! Usually, I just get a kick in the groin and a face-full of pepper spray!
Bob: Wow, she's so nice!
Jake Malinak: Bob, she blew you off.
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Yeah, she was just letting you down easy.
Bob: That's what I mean! Usually, I just get a kick in the groin and a face-full of pepper spray!
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: [about the music one of his neighbours plays] That's not music, that's a goat sexually molesting some kind of banjo!
TV Show: Becker
[After hearing Becker is living in Bob's apartment]
Jake Malinak: You're staying with Bob!? Is there anything you wanna talk to me about?
Dr. John Becker: I told you, my apartment is filled with 'roaches! [shudders] Urgh, 'roaches!
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: [shudders] Urgh, Bob!
Jake Malinak: You're staying with Bob!? Is there anything you wanna talk to me about?
Dr. John Becker: I told you, my apartment is filled with 'roaches! [shudders] Urgh, 'roaches!
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: [shudders] Urgh, Bob!
TV Show: Becker
[Becker storms into the diner]
Dr. John Becker: You know what I hate!?
Jake Malinak: Who's got the list?
Dr. John Becker: You know what I hate!?
Jake Malinak: Who's got the list?
TV Show: Becker
[Becker receives an unusual package]
Dr. John Becker: What the hell is this!? It's cold, it's packed in dry ice...
Chris Connor: Maybe it's the heart you always wanted.
Dr. John Becker: What the hell is this!? It's cold, it's packed in dry ice...
Chris Connor: Maybe it's the heart you always wanted.
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: I never told you to shut up.
Mr. Humphries: You hung up on me once.
Dr. John Becker: So I didn't have to tell you to shut up.
Mr. Humphries: You hung up on me once.
Dr. John Becker: So I didn't have to tell you to shut up.
TV Show: Becker
Mr. Humphries: Tonight, I want you to read this.
Dr. John Becker: "10,000 reasons to smile"? Puppies, rainbows... this is 10,000 reasons to step in front of a bus!
Mr. Humphries: My grandson bought that for me, but if you don't like it, then, here, read this.
Dr. John Becker: "Tuesdays With Morrie"?
Mr. Humphries: It's about a younger man who visits an older man in the hospital.
Dr. John Becker: We don't need to read this book, we're living it right now!
Mr. Humphries: The younger man has a *positive* outlook on life. You got a problem with "Tuesdays With Morrie"?
Dr. John Becker: No, I got no problem with Tuesday. It's every other day of the week that's giving me trouble!
Dr. John Becker: "10,000 reasons to smile"? Puppies, rainbows... this is 10,000 reasons to step in front of a bus!
Mr. Humphries: My grandson bought that for me, but if you don't like it, then, here, read this.
Dr. John Becker: "Tuesdays With Morrie"?
Mr. Humphries: It's about a younger man who visits an older man in the hospital.
Dr. John Becker: We don't need to read this book, we're living it right now!
Mr. Humphries: The younger man has a *positive* outlook on life. You got a problem with "Tuesdays With Morrie"?
Dr. John Becker: No, I got no problem with Tuesday. It's every other day of the week that's giving me trouble!
TV Show: Becker
Chris Connor: You told Tony I was gay so he wouldn't be interested in me. Then you told me Tony was gay so I wouldn't be interested in him.
Dr. John Becker: Do you think I would be capable of that?
Chris Connor: You made up a sister named Pepper Becker!
Dr. John Becker: Do you think I would be capable of that?
Chris Connor: You made up a sister named Pepper Becker!
TV Show: Becker
[Bob walks into the diner]
Bob: You guys aren't gonna believe what just happened! I just came from the gym-
Jake Malinak: The gym!? I thought the judge said you couldn't go back there!
Bob: That was the old gym! Anyway, I'm standing in front of this big window, watching an abs and ass class, when suddenly, they wheel some guy by with a sheet over his head!
Jake Malinak: Was he dead?
Bob: [sarcastically] No, he was in a Halloween costume. Yeah, he was dead! Anway, the poor schmuck keeled over on the treadmill. [worried] He was in his thirties, just like me! I mean, you spend years building a life-wife, kids, career- then one day, it's over!
Jake Malinak: Well, you got nothing to worry about; you got none of those things! [cackles]
Bob: Neither do you! [Jake abruptly stops laughing]
Bob: You guys aren't gonna believe what just happened! I just came from the gym-
Jake Malinak: The gym!? I thought the judge said you couldn't go back there!
Bob: That was the old gym! Anyway, I'm standing in front of this big window, watching an abs and ass class, when suddenly, they wheel some guy by with a sheet over his head!
Jake Malinak: Was he dead?
Bob: [sarcastically] No, he was in a Halloween costume. Yeah, he was dead! Anway, the poor schmuck keeled over on the treadmill. [worried] He was in his thirties, just like me! I mean, you spend years building a life-wife, kids, career- then one day, it's over!
Jake Malinak: Well, you got nothing to worry about; you got none of those things! [cackles]
Bob: Neither do you! [Jake abruptly stops laughing]
TV Show: Becker
[Bob is trying to get reparations for being 1/64th Native American]
Bob: You people have no idea what it's like to be discriminated against!
Jake Malinak: Yeah, I'm a blind black man, we just SAIL through life.
Bob: You people have no idea what it's like to be discriminated against!
Jake Malinak: Yeah, I'm a blind black man, we just SAIL through life.
TV Show: Becker
Mr. Stoler: I don't need these pills. This test confirms everything I believe in.
Dr. John Becker: Damn it, this is what pisses me off about you people. You people find religion and think that you have all the answers!
Mr. Stoler: Don't doctors think they have all the answers?
Dr. John Becker: I *do* have all the answers!
Dr. John Becker: Damn it, this is what pisses me off about you people. You people find religion and think that you have all the answers!
Mr. Stoler: Don't doctors think they have all the answers?
Dr. John Becker: I *do* have all the answers!
TV Show: Becker
Linda: I was right. He's [Becker's] a junkie.
Dr. John Becker: Who the hell is this?
Linda Oops. Wrong number.
Dr. John Becker: Who the hell is this?
Linda Oops. Wrong number.
TV Show: Becker
Chris Connor: Just to set the record straight, I don't love you!
Dr John Becker: Well I don't love you! I don't even know what made me think I could like you: you're so cute and sweet and nice and perky!
Chris Connor: Well it's better than being a cranky old fart!
Dr John Becker: I'm not cranky! There are just certain things that irritate me!
Chris Connor: Yeah, everything irritates you! You wouldn't know happiness if it bit you in the ass!
Dr John Becker: Oh why don't you bite me in the ass!?
Chris Connor: Oh, why don't you bite yourself in the ass!? Your head's right there, anyway!
Dr John Becker: '[outraged] Just go away, would you!?
Chris Connor: Ah, I'm going! Goodnight!
Dr John Becker: Good night!
Chris Connor: [stutters angrily]GOOD NIGHT!
Dr John Becker: YOU WANNA HAVE DINNER WITH ME SOMETIME!?
Chris Connor: I'D LOVE TO!
Dr John Becker: Well I don't love you! I don't even know what made me think I could like you: you're so cute and sweet and nice and perky!
Chris Connor: Well it's better than being a cranky old fart!
Dr John Becker: I'm not cranky! There are just certain things that irritate me!
Chris Connor: Yeah, everything irritates you! You wouldn't know happiness if it bit you in the ass!
Dr John Becker: Oh why don't you bite me in the ass!?
Chris Connor: Oh, why don't you bite yourself in the ass!? Your head's right there, anyway!
Dr John Becker: '[outraged] Just go away, would you!?
Chris Connor: Ah, I'm going! Goodnight!
Dr John Becker: Good night!
Chris Connor: [stutters angrily]GOOD NIGHT!
Dr John Becker: YOU WANNA HAVE DINNER WITH ME SOMETIME!?
Chris Connor: I'D LOVE TO!
TV Show: Becker
[Becker walks into Ming's Chinese restaurant]
Dr John Becker: Hey, Ming! How's it going, buddy?
Ming: Becker, there are 5000 Chinese restaurants in this town. You wanna be a buddy, try one of them!
Dr John Becker: Nice attitude there. Is that how you treat all your good customers!?
Ming: When you come in at 5: 59 just to get the 'Early Bird Special', and then use so many coupons I end up owing you money, you're not a good customer, you're a pain in my ass!
Dr John Becker: Hey, Ming! How's it going, buddy?
Ming: Becker, there are 5000 Chinese restaurants in this town. You wanna be a buddy, try one of them!
Dr John Becker: Nice attitude there. Is that how you treat all your good customers!?
Ming: When you come in at 5: 59 just to get the 'Early Bird Special', and then use so many coupons I end up owing you money, you're not a good customer, you're a pain in my ass!
TV Show: Becker
Jake: I told you I don't wanna sell these.
Hector: You're not, they're selling themselves.
Jake: Get rid of them.
Hector: You don't want me to do that. Look how much money you made.
[Hector hands a big wad of money to Jake]
Jake: Hey, you know, I don't care. Listen, what I have on display up here reflects who I am, all right? And I want this to be one corner of the world where decent people can by and not be offended. So unwrap these magazines and put 'em down there.
Hector: What about your "corner of the world"?
Jake: Oh, my corner of the world is still gonna be pure. However, down there in Porn Town, that's where Jake pays the rent.
Hector: You're not, they're selling themselves.
Jake: Get rid of them.
Hector: You don't want me to do that. Look how much money you made.
[Hector hands a big wad of money to Jake]
Jake: Hey, you know, I don't care. Listen, what I have on display up here reflects who I am, all right? And I want this to be one corner of the world where decent people can by and not be offended. So unwrap these magazines and put 'em down there.
Hector: What about your "corner of the world"?
Jake: Oh, my corner of the world is still gonna be pure. However, down there in Porn Town, that's where Jake pays the rent.
TV Show: Becker
Dana: What do you have against the New York City Marathon?
Dr. John Becker: The Marathon just gets my hopes up. At first it seems like 20,000 idiots are leaving the city, but then they just make a big loop and come right back.
Dr. John Becker: The Marathon just gets my hopes up. At first it seems like 20,000 idiots are leaving the city, but then they just make a big loop and come right back.
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: Look, someone in your department shut down a residential care facility in my neighborhood and threw everyone out into the street. Now I'm here because I want something done about it!
Deputy Secretary: Wow. You sound pretty upset.
Dr. John Becker: Well, I am. You know, I've been on the phone all afternoon calling every city agency I can think of, and all I got was the typical beureaucratic runaround.
Deputy Secretary: Well that's terrible, you shouldn't have been treated like that.
Dr. John Becker: At least you see that.
Deputy Secretary: Well of course I do!
Dr. John Becker: Then you'll help me?
Deputy Secretary: Oh dear no.
Dr. John Becker: ...Well, maybe you didn't understand me...
Deputy Secretary: No, I understood you perfectly. You've discovered a social injustice, and as a concerned citizen you've come to your government to demand some action.
Dr. John Becker: Exactly!
Deputy Secretary: It's not gonna happen. But that look on your face, oh, that took me back! What was that, righteous indignation? I used to feel like that when I first started working here forty-two years ago.
Dr. John Becker: Yeah, well - you've been in this office forty-two years?
Deputy Secretary: Yeah. Same desk, same fake plant, same window. Doesn't open. None of them do. Otherwise we'd all jump out. But you were saying?
Dr. John Becker: Look, I told you! Either reopen the facility, or make some arrangements to take care of these people!
Deputy Secretary: And I told you, I can't help.
Dr. John Becker: But you're the deputy secretary of social services!
Deputy Secretary: It's just a title.
Dr. John Becker: Dammit! Look, listen - you're in charge here, you're responsible, you work for the city!
<
Deputy Secretary: Wow. You sound pretty upset.
Dr. John Becker: Well, I am. You know, I've been on the phone all afternoon calling every city agency I can think of, and all I got was the typical beureaucratic runaround.
Deputy Secretary: Well that's terrible, you shouldn't have been treated like that.
Dr. John Becker: At least you see that.
Deputy Secretary: Well of course I do!
Dr. John Becker: Then you'll help me?
Deputy Secretary: Oh dear no.
Dr. John Becker: ...Well, maybe you didn't understand me...
Deputy Secretary: No, I understood you perfectly. You've discovered a social injustice, and as a concerned citizen you've come to your government to demand some action.
Dr. John Becker: Exactly!
Deputy Secretary: It's not gonna happen. But that look on your face, oh, that took me back! What was that, righteous indignation? I used to feel like that when I first started working here forty-two years ago.
Dr. John Becker: Yeah, well - you've been in this office forty-two years?
Deputy Secretary: Yeah. Same desk, same fake plant, same window. Doesn't open. None of them do. Otherwise we'd all jump out. But you were saying?
Dr. John Becker: Look, I told you! Either reopen the facility, or make some arrangements to take care of these people!
Deputy Secretary: And I told you, I can't help.
Dr. John Becker: But you're the deputy secretary of social services!
Deputy Secretary: It's just a title.
Dr. John Becker: Dammit! Look, listen - you're in charge here, you're responsible, you work for the city!
<
TV Show: Becker
Patient: [guest star Mary Steenburgen, Ted Danson's real-life wife] You arrogant bastard, if I say I know the Roosevelts, I know the Roosevelts.
[leaves the office]
Dr. John Becker: I pity the poor bastard who's married to her.
[leaves the office]
Dr. John Becker: I pity the poor bastard who's married to her.
TV Show: Becker
[about breasts]
Chris Connor: Why do you think they're here for? For fun? No! They're here to
[shouts]
Chris Connor: get things done!
Chris Connor: Why do you think they're here for? For fun? No! They're here to
[shouts]
Chris Connor: get things done!
TV Show: Becker
Margaret: [on the phone] I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
[hangs up the phone and Becker walks in]
Margaret: What did you do?
Dr. John Becker: I don't know.
[hangs up the phone and Becker walks in]
Margaret: What did you do?
Dr. John Becker: I don't know.
TV Show: Becker
Hector Lopez: All right, people, give me your money!
Jake Malinak: Does he have a gun?
Chris Connor: No.
Jake Malinak: No.
Jake Malinak: Does he have a gun?
Chris Connor: No.
Jake Malinak: No.
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: Since when do you wear glasses?
Linda: I don't.
Dr. John Becker: Then what are those?
Linda: They just look good, they don't do anything.
Dr. John Becker: Yeah, well, you'd be the expert on that.
Linda: I don't.
Dr. John Becker: Then what are those?
Linda: They just look good, they don't do anything.
Dr. John Becker: Yeah, well, you'd be the expert on that.
TV Show: Becker
Margaret: I don't like to lie. It's wrong.
Dr. John Becker: Says who?
Margaret: The Lord!
Dr. John Becker: The Lord? Margaret, this is the Bronx. Believe me, he's not here.
Dr. John Becker: Says who?
Margaret: The Lord!
Dr. John Becker: The Lord? Margaret, this is the Bronx. Believe me, he's not here.
TV Show: Becker