Bottom Quotes
Jennifer Nelson: [sings] The Glass Bottom Boat you will agree, will show you the magic of the deep blue sea.
Movie: Bottom
Jennifer Nelson: I'm going to have you arrested.
Bruce Templeton: They're going to have you arrested, for going around without your bottom.
Bruce Templeton: They're going to have you arrested, for going around without your bottom.
Movie: Bottom
Julius Pritter: [gets his foot stuck in a waste basket] I cannot go through life like this?
Movie: Bottom
Richie: What did we do? What did we do?
Eddie: Well it's your fault for touching up the burly Ferris wheel attendant.
Richie: I thought she was a girl.
Eddie: They were pectorals you fool!
Richie: Well she had an earring.
Eddie: Yeah, through HER foreskin.
Richie: Yes, which I found out later much to my distress!
Eddie: Well it's your fault for touching up the burly Ferris wheel attendant.
Richie: I thought she was a girl.
Eddie: They were pectorals you fool!
Richie: Well she had an earring.
Eddie: Yeah, through HER foreskin.
Richie: Yes, which I found out later much to my distress!
Movie: Bottom
[The pair are drinking tea made with pig's milk]
Eddie: Have you noticed something really odd about the pig? In all the times you have milked it have you noticed it only has one nipple?
Richie: Yeah I had noticed that weird isn't it?
Eddie: Plus it never seems to produce a lot of milk, also have you spotted those two great bollocks it has? [Richie has a shocked look on face before starting to vomit]
Eddie: Have you noticed something really odd about the pig? In all the times you have milked it have you noticed it only has one nipple?
Richie: Yeah I had noticed that weird isn't it?
Eddie: Plus it never seems to produce a lot of milk, also have you spotted those two great bollocks it has? [Richie has a shocked look on face before starting to vomit]
Movie: Bottom
[Eddie and Richie are pretending to be a newly-wed couple, Eddie dressed as the woman]
Eddie: These saucy honeymoon undies are a bit on the cutting severe side.
Richie: Don't you worry, Eddie, you could always take 'em off later. Or maybe I'll rip 'em off with my bare teeth - [to himself]
Richie: oh no, it's not a girl, it's Eddie, it's Eddie! It's not a girl, it's Eddie, it's not a girl, it's Eddie! Oh God, I hope I don't get drunk!
Eddie: These saucy honeymoon undies are a bit on the cutting severe side.
Richie: Don't you worry, Eddie, you could always take 'em off later. Or maybe I'll rip 'em off with my bare teeth - [to himself]
Richie: oh no, it's not a girl, it's Eddie, it's Eddie! It's not a girl, it's Eddie, it's not a girl, it's Eddie! Oh God, I hope I don't get drunk!
Movie: Bottom
Eddie: So what was your Indian name then? Running Mouth? Sitting Down? Talking Bollocks?!
Richie: Dances With The Wind.
Eddie: That'll be the curry again...
Richie: Dances With The Wind.
Eddie: That'll be the curry again...
TV Show: Bottom
Richie: Ah! "May all your birthdays be happy ones, we like you more than Eddie." Ah-haa. That's nice, isn't it?
TV Show: Bottom
Richie: I really think this is the one, Eddie. Even on the telephone there was an immediate sexual tension.
Eddie: What, you mean you felt horny and she felt tense?
Eddie: What, you mean you felt horny and she felt tense?
TV Show: Bottom
Richie: Right now look, there's only five hours until lunch, I've got to get my sprouts on. Don't want them all crunchy.
Eddie: Not sprouts! I hate sprouts...
Richie: Oh, will you stop winging Eddie! Nobody likes sprouts!
Eddie: Then why are we having them then!?
Richie: Because it's Christmas!!!
Eddie: Not sprouts! I hate sprouts...
Richie: Oh, will you stop winging Eddie! Nobody likes sprouts!
Eddie: Then why are we having them then!?
Richie: Because it's Christmas!!!
TV Show: Bottom
Richie: I've got just got to finish off my Sprouts Mexicane and we're all set.
Eddie: Sprouts Mexicane?
Richie: (Proudly) Sproutes Mexicane!
Eddie: What's that?
Richie: Well it's... sprouts, pinch of chili powder, jar of curry powder, hint of tobasco sauce - well, three bottles actually. Not so much a hint, more a Party Political Broadcast. And the secret ingredient: gunpowder!
Eddie: ...Sprouts?
Richie: Yeah, they were left over from Christmas.
Eddie: But it's October!
Richie: Yeah, they were a bit... frisky. But the spices'll cover any embarassment.
Eddie: Sprouts Mexicane?
Richie: (Proudly) Sproutes Mexicane!
Eddie: What's that?
Richie: Well it's... sprouts, pinch of chili powder, jar of curry powder, hint of tobasco sauce - well, three bottles actually. Not so much a hint, more a Party Political Broadcast. And the secret ingredient: gunpowder!
Eddie: ...Sprouts?
Richie: Yeah, they were left over from Christmas.
Eddie: But it's October!
Richie: Yeah, they were a bit... frisky. But the spices'll cover any embarassment.
TV Show: Bottom
Dick Head: So, Eddie...
Eddie: Uh-uh, my name is... Deirdre Barlow.
Spudgun: So's mine
Hedgehog: Mine too.
Eddie: (pointing to Richie) And him.
Dick Head: Well, Deirdres...
Eddie: Uh-uh, my name is... Deirdre Barlow.
Spudgun: So's mine
Hedgehog: Mine too.
Eddie: (pointing to Richie) And him.
Dick Head: Well, Deirdres...
TV Show: Bottom
Eddie: Where did you get those?
Richie: I made them from a pair of washing up gloves. They are marigolds, and they were a little snug to get into. I also haven't been able to get the bastards off for three days. Also the thumb is stuck up my arse!
Richie: I made them from a pair of washing up gloves. They are marigolds, and they were a little snug to get into. I also haven't been able to get the bastards off for three days. Also the thumb is stuck up my arse!
TV Show: Bottom
Richie: What was that thing he used to say?
Eddie: Get off, Get off I'm not a sexual animal?
Richie: No not that one the other thing?
Eddie: Oi Richie get me another drink you overweight twat!
Richie: That's the one.
Eddie: Get off, Get off I'm not a sexual animal?
Richie: No not that one the other thing?
Eddie: Oi Richie get me another drink you overweight twat!
Richie: That's the one.
TV Show: Bottom
Richie: Just think, Eddie: if we go even further back in time, we could do some really old material! Just think: I might get erections again!
TV Show: Bottom
Eddie: This is a sex shop, isn't it?
Shop Assistant: Yes.
Eddie: (slaps money down) I'll take five quids worth then!
Shop Assistant: Very droll, sir, I've never heard that one before.
Eddie: Haven't you? Shall I tell it again?
Shop Assistant: No thank you sir, I'd rather have a pineapple inserted violently into my rectum.
Eddie: You've been working here too long mate.
Shop Assistant: Yes.
Eddie: (slaps money down) I'll take five quids worth then!
Shop Assistant: Very droll, sir, I've never heard that one before.
Eddie: Haven't you? Shall I tell it again?
Shop Assistant: No thank you sir, I'd rather have a pineapple inserted violently into my rectum.
Eddie: You've been working here too long mate.
TV Show: Bottom
Richie: : What kind?
Eddie: : Rubber ones.
Richie: : No, there's ribbed, the tickler, and ultrasensitive.
Eddie: : Ripped? Who's going to want a ripped condom?
Richie: : Must be for people who want to get pregnant. Well I don't think ultrasensitives our style, do you? The tickler it is. Oh, what colour?
Eddie: : What have they got?
Richie: : There's black, gold, union jack and leopard skin. Which do you think's the most romantic?
Eddie: : Well union jack, obviously!
Richie: : Right, a union jack tickler it is. Oh, what flavour?
Eddie: : Flavour?
Richie: : Yeah, there's chocolate, strawberry, marmite and cheese and onion.
Eddie: : Well everyone likes cheese and onion, don't they?
Richie: : Of course they do. A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is. Bagsy me first go with it.
Eddie: : ...No, no, get two.
Eddie: : Rubber ones.
Richie: : No, there's ribbed, the tickler, and ultrasensitive.
Eddie: : Ripped? Who's going to want a ripped condom?
Richie: : Must be for people who want to get pregnant. Well I don't think ultrasensitives our style, do you? The tickler it is. Oh, what colour?
Eddie: : What have they got?
Richie: : There's black, gold, union jack and leopard skin. Which do you think's the most romantic?
Eddie: : Well union jack, obviously!
Richie: : Right, a union jack tickler it is. Oh, what flavour?
Eddie: : Flavour?
Richie: : Yeah, there's chocolate, strawberry, marmite and cheese and onion.
Eddie: : Well everyone likes cheese and onion, don't they?
Richie: : Of course they do. A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is. Bagsy me first go with it.
Eddie: : ...No, no, get two.
TV Show: Bottom
Richie: Let's just be sort of economical with the truth. Erm, something buck - yeah, hot young buck.
Eddie: What about badger?
Richie: No, no, I'm more a sort of...
Eddie: HEDGEHOG!
Richie: No, fox. That's good. No, that is good!
Eddie: What about Stoat!
Richie: Foxy Stoat? Yeah, it's got a ring it to it! Foxy stoat seeks...
Eddie: Pig!
Richie: Foxy Stoat Seeks Pig! Oh shut up, Eddie.
Eddie: What about badger?
Richie: No, no, I'm more a sort of...
Eddie: HEDGEHOG!
Richie: No, fox. That's good. No, that is good!
Eddie: What about Stoat!
Richie: Foxy Stoat? Yeah, it's got a ring it to it! Foxy stoat seeks...
Eddie: Pig!
Richie: Foxy Stoat Seeks Pig! Oh shut up, Eddie.
TV Show: Bottom
Richie: What on earth are you eating?
Eddie: Lard.
Richie: You are eating... lard.
Eddie: Yeah well I'm hungry, but I'm too drunk to cook.
Eddie: Lard.
Richie: You are eating... lard.
Eddie: Yeah well I'm hungry, but I'm too drunk to cook.
TV Show: Bottom
Richie: What is it?
Eddie: 'To drink that' No I'm only joking! Why not put an ad in the lonely hearts column?
Richie: Yeah!
Eddie: Yeah, yeah. "Ugly virgin desperately seeks sex of any description."
Eddie: 'To drink that' No I'm only joking! Why not put an ad in the lonely hearts column?
Richie: Yeah!
Eddie: Yeah, yeah. "Ugly virgin desperately seeks sex of any description."
TV Show: Bottom
Richie: I bought you a Coca-Cola in good faith. That's eighty pence you've hoodwinked out of me. Eighty pence. When I said "Hello my darling, would you like a Coca-Cola?" did you say "No thank you, I'm terribly sorry, but I'm a lesbian"? No, you didn't, not a bit of it. You said "Thank you very much, that'd be lovely".
TV Show: Bottom
Richie: Alright, I'm coming! Who do you think I am, Speedy Gonzales? Right, stop using my electricity, I'm not the Alma Khan!... Kripes, it's the gasman.
Gasman: Hello there. I was wondering if I could just read your meter.
Richie: HELLO MISTER GASMAN!
Gasman: Yes hello there.
Eddie: [Poking his head out into the landing] You what?
Richie: I said "HELLO MISTER GASMAN!" [stops looking at Eddie and points his eye directly in front of him]
Gasman: Yes hello again.
Eddie: Mister who?
Richie: GASMAN! GASMAN! GASMAN!
Gasman: Hello there. I was wondering if I could just read your meter.
Richie: HELLO MISTER GASMAN!
Gasman: Yes hello there.
Eddie: [Poking his head out into the landing] You what?
Richie: I said "HELLO MISTER GASMAN!" [stops looking at Eddie and points his eye directly in front of him]
Gasman: Yes hello again.
Eddie: Mister who?
Richie: GASMAN! GASMAN! GASMAN!
TV Show: Bottom
Gasman: DO YOU HAVE SOMEONE WHO LOOKS AFTER YOU? COULD I SEE THEM BECAUSE I NEED TO READ THE METER!
TV Show: Bottom
Eddie: Who is it darling?
Richie: IT'S THE GASMAN!
Gasman: Yes I think we've established that.
Eddie: Well don't leave him out in the cold, dreamboat. Show him in.
Richie: IT'S THE GASMAN!
Gasman: Yes I think we've established that.
Eddie: Well don't leave him out in the cold, dreamboat. Show him in.
TV Show: Bottom
Richie: You're not going anywhere, mate. ....mate? Eddie! You've killed him!
Eddie: [*drops frying pan*] I never touched him.
Richie: Yeah, but the frying pan did and you were touching that at the time.
Eddie: Bollocks, you killed him, he was dead before he hit the ground!
Richie: So why'd you keep hitting him then?
Eddie: ......for fun!
Richie: What are we going to do?!
Eddie: About 25 years, I think.
Eddie: [*drops frying pan*] I never touched him.
Richie: Yeah, but the frying pan did and you were touching that at the time.
Eddie: Bollocks, you killed him, he was dead before he hit the ground!
Richie: So why'd you keep hitting him then?
Eddie: ......for fun!
Richie: What are we going to do?!
Eddie: About 25 years, I think.
TV Show: Bottom
Eddie: Bloody Nora!
Richie: Shut up!
Eddie: They're having it off!
Richie: I'll be right over!
Richie: Shut up!
Eddie: They're having it off!
Richie: I'll be right over!
TV Show: Bottom
Richie: So, we've only got eleven pounds eighty to last us for the next two months?
Eddie: No, we've got 30p and a second-hand copy of "Parade".
Richie: What?
Eddie: It's an investment. Look, I got it for one pound fifty and originally it only cost a shilling. The value of these things is just sky-rocketing!
Richie: That's pre-decimalisation that is! They all have their pants on.
Eddie: No, we've got 30p and a second-hand copy of "Parade".
Richie: What?
Eddie: It's an investment. Look, I got it for one pound fifty and originally it only cost a shilling. The value of these things is just sky-rocketing!
Richie: That's pre-decimalisation that is! They all have their pants on.
TV Show: Bottom