Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quotes
Spike: Hey, watch it, mate.
[Spike turns to look up at Olaf. Both he and Xander stare.]
Spike: On second thought, do what you like.
...
Xander: So, uh, think I should run and get Buffy?
Olaf: Barmaid, bring me stronger ale, and some plump, succulent babies to eat.
Xander: I'm gonna run and get Buffy. Or maybe you could fight him.
Spike: Yeah, I could do that, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much.
[Spike turns to look up at Olaf. Both he and Xander stare.]
Spike: On second thought, do what you like.
...
Xander: So, uh, think I should run and get Buffy?
Olaf: Barmaid, bring me stronger ale, and some plump, succulent babies to eat.
Xander: I'm gonna run and get Buffy. Or maybe you could fight him.
Spike: Yeah, I could do that, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: Trying to send him to a specific place is sort of like, like... trying to hit a puppy by throwing a live bee at it. Which is a weird image and you should all just forget it.
Anya: It's possible that he's in the land of perpetual Wednesday, or the crazy melty land, or, you know, the world without shrimp.
Tara: There's a world without shrimp? [pause] I-I'm allergic.
Anya: It's possible that he's in the land of perpetual Wednesday, or the crazy melty land, or, you know, the world without shrimp.
Tara: There's a world without shrimp? [pause] I-I'm allergic.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: I cringe to think what the place would have looked like if I'd been away for longer than three days.
Buffy: Well, maybe we would have had time to clean it up. You know, if Willow used some magicks to help.
Giles: Yes, 'cause nothing could possibly go wrong with that.
Buffy: Well, maybe we would have had time to clean it up. You know, if Willow used some magicks to help.
Giles: Yes, 'cause nothing could possibly go wrong with that.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Tara: W-what's so bad about them coming here? Aren't they good guys? I mean, watchers: that's just like other Giles-es, right?
Buffy: Yeah, they're scary and horrible!
Buffy: Yeah, they're scary and horrible!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Nigel: I need to know a little bit more about the Slayer, and about the both of you. Your relationship, whatever you can tell me.
Tara: O-o-our relationship?
Willow: We're friends.
Tara: Good friends.
Willow: Girlfriends, actually.
Tara: Yes, we're girlfriends.
Willow: We're in love. We're... lovers. [puts hand on Tara's knee] We're lesbian, gay-type lovers.
Nigel: I meant your relationship with the Slayer.
Tara: [hastily] Um, just good friends. [Willow takes her hand off Tara's knee.]
Tara: O-o-our relationship?
Willow: We're friends.
Tara: Good friends.
Willow: Girlfriends, actually.
Tara: Yes, we're girlfriends.
Willow: We're in love. We're... lovers. [puts hand on Tara's knee] We're lesbian, gay-type lovers.
Nigel: I meant your relationship with the Slayer.
Tara: [hastily] Um, just good friends. [Willow takes her hand off Tara's knee.]
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Remember,-
Spike: Yeah, yeah. "Hurt them and I'll stake you good and proper". Sing me a new one sometime. That one's getting old.
Spike: Yeah, yeah. "Hurt them and I'll stake you good and proper". Sing me a new one sometime. That one's getting old.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: I've had a lot of people talking at me the last few days. Everyone just lining up to tell me how unimportant I am. And I've finally figured out why. Power. I have it. They don't. This bothers them. Glory ... came to my home today.
Giles: [alarmed] Buffy, are you-
Buffy: Just to talk. She told me I'm a bug, I'm a flea, she could squash me in a second. Only she didn't. She came into my home, and we talked. We had what in her warped brain probably passes for a civilized conversation. Why? Because she needs something from me. Because I have power over her. You guys didn't come all the way from England to determine whether or not I was good enough to be let back in. You came to beg me to let you back in. To give your jobs, your lives some semblance of meaning.
...
Buffy: You're Watchers. Without a Slayer, you're pretty much just watchin' Masterpiece Theater. You can't stop Glory. You can't do anything with the information you have except maybe publish it in the Everyone Thinks We're Insane-O's Home Journal. So here's how it's gonna work. You're gonna tell me everything you know. Then you're gonna go away. You'll contact me if and when you have any further information about Glory. The magic shop will remain open. Mr. Giles will stay here as my official Watcher, reinstated at full salary...
Giles: [coughing] Retroactive.
Giles: [alarmed] Buffy, are you-
Buffy: Just to talk. She told me I'm a bug, I'm a flea, she could squash me in a second. Only she didn't. She came into my home, and we talked. We had what in her warped brain probably passes for a civilized conversation. Why? Because she needs something from me. Because I have power over her. You guys didn't come all the way from England to determine whether or not I was good enough to be let back in. You came to beg me to let you back in. To give your jobs, your lives some semblance of meaning.
...
Buffy: You're Watchers. Without a Slayer, you're pretty much just watchin' Masterpiece Theater. You can't stop Glory. You can't do anything with the information you have except maybe publish it in the Everyone Thinks We're Insane-O's Home Journal. So here's how it's gonna work. You're gonna tell me everything you know. Then you're gonna go away. You'll contact me if and when you have any further information about Glory. The magic shop will remain open. Mr. Giles will stay here as my official Watcher, reinstated at full salary...
Giles: [coughing] Retroactive.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Just tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting.
Quentin Travers: Well, that's the thing, you see. Glory isn't a demon.
Buffy: What is she?
Quentin: She's a god.
Buffy: Oh.
Quentin Travers: Well, that's the thing, you see. Glory isn't a demon.
Buffy: What is she?
Quentin: She's a god.
Buffy: Oh.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: Well, you know what they say, the bigger they are-
Anya: The faster they stomp you into nothing.
Anya: The faster they stomp you into nothing.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Dawn: I just think you're freakin' out 'cause you have to fight someone prettier than you. That is the case, right?
Buffy: Glory is evil. And powerful. And in no way prettier than me.
Buffy: Glory is evil. And powerful. And in no way prettier than me.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Spike is sitting on a coffin, painting his nails when Buffy comes in]
Spike: Morning sunshine, if you've come round for eggs and sausages, afraid I'm fresh out.
[Buffy pulls the top of the coffin from under him]
Spike: Careful, these are wet.
Spike: Morning sunshine, if you've come round for eggs and sausages, afraid I'm fresh out.
[Buffy pulls the top of the coffin from under him]
Spike: Careful, these are wet.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Are you okay? Did she hurt you?
Dawn: Why do you care?
Buffy: Because I love you, you're my sister.
Dawn: No I'm not.
Buffy: Yes you are. [holds Dawn's hand] It's blood, Summers blood, it's just like mine. It doesn't matter where you came from, or how you got here, you are my sister. There's no way you could annoy me so much if you weren't.
...
Buffy: I have to get you back home though, Mom's freaking out.
Dawn: Oh, is she mad about the whole fire thing?
Buffy: I think you sort of have a "Get out of jail free" card on account of big love and trauma.
Dawn: Really? Okay, good. Do you think she'd raise my allowance?
Buffy: Don't push it.
Dawn: Why do you care?
Buffy: Because I love you, you're my sister.
Dawn: No I'm not.
Buffy: Yes you are. [holds Dawn's hand] It's blood, Summers blood, it's just like mine. It doesn't matter where you came from, or how you got here, you are my sister. There's no way you could annoy me so much if you weren't.
...
Buffy: I have to get you back home though, Mom's freaking out.
Dawn: Oh, is she mad about the whole fire thing?
Buffy: I think you sort of have a "Get out of jail free" card on account of big love and trauma.
Dawn: Really? Okay, good. Do you think she'd raise my allowance?
Buffy: Don't push it.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: How was school today?
Dawn: The usual, big square building filled with boredom and despair.
Buffy: Just how I remember it.
Dawn: The usual, big square building filled with boredom and despair.
Buffy: Just how I remember it.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: The point is, I work hard for that money.
Spike: And you're saying I didn't?
Xander: You stole it.
Spike: And you're making it into very hard work!
Spike: And you're saying I didn't?
Xander: You stole it.
Spike: And you're making it into very hard work!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Spike, finish the story you were telling my little sister.
Spike: Right, so I knew the little girl was in the coal bin so I ripped it open very violently... and gave her to a nice family where they were never ever mean to her and didn't lock her in a coal bin.
Spike: Right, so I knew the little girl was in the coal bin so I ripped it open very violently... and gave her to a nice family where they were never ever mean to her and didn't lock her in a coal bin.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: What... is this? The late-night stakeout, the bogus suspects, the flask? Is this a date?
Spike: A d-Please! A date? You are completely off your bird! I mean... do you want it to be?
Buffy: Spike, the only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious
Spike: A d-Please! A date? You are completely off your bird! I mean... do you want it to be?
Buffy: Spike, the only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Harmony: Who is-? Oh wait, I get it. Our little sex game was just the beginning, now you've gone and picked up some cheap queen of the damned to dress up like your precious Drudzilla.
Spike: Harm-
Harmony: You'd better not be thinking what I think you're thinking, because my answer is the same as always. No threesomes unless it's boy, boy, girl, or Charlize Theron.
Spike: Harm, you moron, this is Drusilla.
Harmony: You have got some nerve coming back here after breaking my Boo-Boo's heart.
Drusilla: [Mouths to Spike] Boo-Boo?
Spike: Harm-
Harmony: You'd better not be thinking what I think you're thinking, because my answer is the same as always. No threesomes unless it's boy, boy, girl, or Charlize Theron.
Spike: Harm, you moron, this is Drusilla.
Harmony: You have got some nerve coming back here after breaking my Boo-Boo's heart.
Drusilla: [Mouths to Spike] Boo-Boo?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: Oh, what...Ohh! Gaaah! What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody women? What the hell does it take? Why... do you bitches torture me?
Buffy: Which question do you want me to answer first?
Buffy: Which question do you want me to answer first?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: You can't be responsible for what Spike thinks or feels.
Buffy: Well, aren't I responsible? I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, "Woof! That's the one for me!"
Buffy: Well, aren't I responsible? I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, "Woof! That's the one for me!"
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Tara: Well, I-I go online sometimes, but… everyone's spelling is really bad. It's… depressing.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: I don't know about you guys, but I've had it with super-strong little women who aren't me.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: A fourteen-year-old is too old to be babysat, it's not fair to her.
Buffy: What'd she make you do?
Giles: Well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance, and we ate cookie dough and talked about boys.
Buffy: [laughs] Oh, I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, my fun-time Buffy party night involved watching a robot throw Spike through a window. So if you wanna trade... No wait, I wouldn't give that memory up for anything.
Giles: Robot? Sounds interesting.
Buffy: We're gonna work on it in the morning, I mean, unless you want to stay for a while, and then you and I could-
Joyce: Who wants to hear everything?
Buffy: ...listen to my Mom talk about boys.
Giles: Right. Must go. See you tomorrow. Bye Joyce.
Joyce: Bye Rupert.
Joyce: [recounting her date with Brian] Gosh, I'd forgotten how much fun dating can be.
Buffy: I dunno, I was standing right here. I didn't see Prince Charming. I didn't even see a goodnight kiss. It all looked pretty tame to me.
Joyce: Well, I suppose by your standards it would seem pretty... Oh, dear.
Buffy: What?
Joyce: I left my bra in his car.
Buffy: [appalled] Mother!
Joyce: I'm joking.
Buffy: Good God, that's horrible. Don't do that.
Joyce: [playfully] I left it in the restaurant.
Buffy: [running upstairs, hands over her ears] No more! No more! No more!
Joyce: [calling upstairs] On the dessert cart!
Buffy: [faintly, off screen] I can't hear you!
Buffy: What'd she make you do?
Giles: Well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance, and we ate cookie dough and talked about boys.
Buffy: [laughs] Oh, I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, my fun-time Buffy party night involved watching a robot throw Spike through a window. So if you wanna trade... No wait, I wouldn't give that memory up for anything.
Giles: Robot? Sounds interesting.
Buffy: We're gonna work on it in the morning, I mean, unless you want to stay for a while, and then you and I could-
Joyce: Who wants to hear everything?
Buffy: ...listen to my Mom talk about boys.
Giles: Right. Must go. See you tomorrow. Bye Joyce.
Joyce: Bye Rupert.
Joyce: [recounting her date with Brian] Gosh, I'd forgotten how much fun dating can be.
Buffy: I dunno, I was standing right here. I didn't see Prince Charming. I didn't even see a goodnight kiss. It all looked pretty tame to me.
Joyce: Well, I suppose by your standards it would seem pretty... Oh, dear.
Buffy: What?
Joyce: I left my bra in his car.
Buffy: [appalled] Mother!
Joyce: I'm joking.
Buffy: Good God, that's horrible. Don't do that.
Joyce: [playfully] I left it in the restaurant.
Buffy: [running upstairs, hands over her ears] No more! No more! No more!
Joyce: [calling upstairs] On the dessert cart!
Buffy: [faintly, off screen] I can't hear you!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Joyce: I think we're just about ready for pie.
Xander: And then I'll be pretty much ready for barf.
Buffy: Xander!
Dawn: Gross.
Xander: You know, barf from the eating. 'Cause all was good and too much goodness.
Joyce: I'm taking it as a compliment.
Giles: Yes, everything was delicious.
Anya: Yes. I'm going to barf, too.
Joyce: Everyone's so sweet.
Xander: How you doin' there, Will? Are you in the vomit club, too?
Willow: [groans] I had too much nog.
Tara: Oh, baby. Want me to rub your tummy? She likes it when I… uh, s-stop explaining things.
Dawn: My nog tastes funny. I think I got one with rum in it.
Willow: That's… bad.
Xander: Yeah! Now Santa's gonna pass you right by! Naughty boozehound.
Willow: Santa always passes me by. Something puts him off. Could be the big honkin' menorah.
...
Anya: I mean, it's a myth that it's a myth. There is a Santa Claus.
Xander: The advantage of having a thousand-year-old girlfriend. Inside scoop.
Tara: There's a Santa Claus?
Anya: Mm-hmm. Been around since, like, the 1500s. But he wasn't always called Santa. But with, you know, Christmas night, flying reindeer, coming down the chimney — all true.
Dawn: All true?
Anya: Well, he doesn't traditionally bring presents so much as, you know, disembowel children. But otherwise…
Tara: The reindeer part was nice.
Xander: And then I'll be pretty much ready for barf.
Buffy: Xander!
Dawn: Gross.
Xander: You know, barf from the eating. 'Cause all was good and too much goodness.
Joyce: I'm taking it as a compliment.
Giles: Yes, everything was delicious.
Anya: Yes. I'm going to barf, too.
Joyce: Everyone's so sweet.
Xander: How you doin' there, Will? Are you in the vomit club, too?
Willow: [groans] I had too much nog.
Tara: Oh, baby. Want me to rub your tummy? She likes it when I… uh, s-stop explaining things.
Dawn: My nog tastes funny. I think I got one with rum in it.
Willow: That's… bad.
Xander: Yeah! Now Santa's gonna pass you right by! Naughty boozehound.
Willow: Santa always passes me by. Something puts him off. Could be the big honkin' menorah.
...
Anya: I mean, it's a myth that it's a myth. There is a Santa Claus.
Xander: The advantage of having a thousand-year-old girlfriend. Inside scoop.
Tara: There's a Santa Claus?
Anya: Mm-hmm. Been around since, like, the 1500s. But he wasn't always called Santa. But with, you know, Christmas night, flying reindeer, coming down the chimney — all true.
Dawn: All true?
Anya: Well, he doesn't traditionally bring presents so much as, you know, disembowel children. But otherwise…
Tara: The reindeer part was nice.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: She's cold.
911 Operator: The body is cold?
Buffy: No, my mom!
911 Operator: The body is cold?
Buffy: No, my mom!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Willow is searching for something to wear]
Willow: Have you seen the blue one? Joyce liked the blue one.
Tara: I can check the Laundry room again if you want.
Willow: What about Purple? What does Purple mean?
Tara: I think Purple means royal.
Willow: I can't be Royal when I'm at the hospital. "Oh look at me I'm Queen of everything". [Crying] I have to go see Buffy and be supportive. Why do all my clothes have stupid things on them? Why can't I dress like a grown up? Can't I be a grown up?
Tara: Shh, darling. [Kissing her on the head]
Willow: Tara, I can't do this.
[Tara and Willow kiss]
Tara: We can do this.
Willow: We can be there for Buffy and Dawn.
Tara: We can be strong.
Willow: Strong like an Amazon?
Tara: [Laughs] Like an Amazon.
Willow: I wish I had the blue.
Willow: Have you seen the blue one? Joyce liked the blue one.
Tara: I can check the Laundry room again if you want.
Willow: What about Purple? What does Purple mean?
Tara: I think Purple means royal.
Willow: I can't be Royal when I'm at the hospital. "Oh look at me I'm Queen of everything". [Crying] I have to go see Buffy and be supportive. Why do all my clothes have stupid things on them? Why can't I dress like a grown up? Can't I be a grown up?
Tara: Shh, darling. [Kissing her on the head]
Willow: Tara, I can't do this.
[Tara and Willow kiss]
Tara: We can do this.
Willow: We can be there for Buffy and Dawn.
Tara: We can be strong.
Willow: Strong like an Amazon?
Tara: [Laughs] Like an Amazon.
Willow: I wish I had the blue.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Anya: Are they gonna cut the body open?
Willow: Oh my God! Would you just… s-stop talking? Just… shut your mouth! Please!
Anya: What am I doing?
Willow: How can you act like that?
Anya: Am I supposed to be changing my clothes a lot? I-is that the helpful thing to do?
Xander: Guys—
Willow: The way you behave—
Anya: Nobody will tell me.
Willow: Because it's not okay for you to be asking these things!
Anya: But I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I knew her, and then she's— there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead... anymore! It's stupid! It's mortal and stupid! And... and Xander's crying and not talking, and... and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never have any more fruit punch, ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn, or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why! [She begins to cry.]
Willow: [long pause] We don't know. How it works. Why.
Willow: Oh my God! Would you just… s-stop talking? Just… shut your mouth! Please!
Anya: What am I doing?
Willow: How can you act like that?
Anya: Am I supposed to be changing my clothes a lot? I-is that the helpful thing to do?
Xander: Guys—
Willow: The way you behave—
Anya: Nobody will tell me.
Willow: Because it's not okay for you to be asking these things!
Anya: But I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I knew her, and then she's— there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead... anymore! It's stupid! It's mortal and stupid! And... and Xander's crying and not talking, and... and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never have any more fruit punch, ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn, or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why! [She begins to cry.]
Willow: [long pause] We don't know. How it works. Why.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: I'll tell you what it is is. It's the frickin' doctors. I mean, they just let her out, clean bill of health. Dig a hole in your skull, here's a band aid, next. They should have checked her over, kept her in. We don't got enough monsters in this town, the doctors gotta help them out?
Willow: Xander, it just happened.
Xander: [Nearly crying] Things don't happen. I mean they don't just happen. Somebody's gotta...
Willow: Xander, it just happened.
Xander: [Nearly crying] Things don't happen. I mean they don't just happen. Somebody's gotta...
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Angel: I can stay in town as long as you want me.
Buffy: How's forever? Does forever work for you?
...
Buffy: I'm worried about tomorrow.
Angel: What's tomorrow?
Buffy: That's exactly what I don't know.
Buffy: How's forever? Does forever work for you?
...
Buffy: I'm worried about tomorrow.
Angel: What's tomorrow?
Buffy: That's exactly what I don't know.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: I could jam wooden things into monsters but Mom was the strong one.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Spike meets Willow and Xander outside Buffy's house. Spike is carrying flowers]
Spike: I'm not going in.
Xander: And you're not leaving those. You really think you're going to score points with Buffy this way?
Spike: This isn't about Buffy.
Xander: Bull. We're all hip to your doomed obsession.
Spike: They're for Joyce.
Xander: Like you cared about her. [Spike moves closer to Xander]
Willow: Guys. Not here.
Spike: Care? Joyce was the only one of the lot of you I could stand.
Xander: And she was the only one with a daughter you wanted to shag. I'm touched.
Spike: I liked the lady. Understand, monkey boy? She was decent. She didn't put on airs. And she was the only one who didn't treat me like a freak.
Xander: Her mistake.
Spike: [scoffs] Think what you want. [He throws the flowers to the ground and stomps off]
Xander: Un ... believable. The guy thinks he can put on a big show and con Buffy into being his sex monkey.
Willow: [looking at flowers] Xander... He didn't leave a card.
Spike: I'm not going in.
Xander: And you're not leaving those. You really think you're going to score points with Buffy this way?
Spike: This isn't about Buffy.
Xander: Bull. We're all hip to your doomed obsession.
Spike: They're for Joyce.
Xander: Like you cared about her. [Spike moves closer to Xander]
Willow: Guys. Not here.
Spike: Care? Joyce was the only one of the lot of you I could stand.
Xander: And she was the only one with a daughter you wanted to shag. I'm touched.
Spike: I liked the lady. Understand, monkey boy? She was decent. She didn't put on airs. And she was the only one who didn't treat me like a freak.
Xander: Her mistake.
Spike: [scoffs] Think what you want. [He throws the flowers to the ground and stomps off]
Xander: Un ... believable. The guy thinks he can put on a big show and con Buffy into being his sex monkey.
Willow: [looking at flowers] Xander... He didn't leave a card.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer