Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quotes
Angelus: Dear Buffy. I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards.
Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? It might make an impression.
Angelus: Lacks... poetry.
Spike: It doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?
Drusilla: Don't worry, Spike. Angel always knows...what speaks to a girl's heart.
Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? It might make an impression.
Angelus: Lacks... poetry.
Spike: It doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?
Drusilla: Don't worry, Spike. Angel always knows...what speaks to a girl's heart.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: Don't be so jumpy... I've been in your bed before.
Xander: Yeah, but Will, we were both in footy pajamas.
Xander: Yeah, but Will, we were both in footy pajamas.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: Buff, for the love of God, don't open that raincoat.
Buffy: Come on! It's a party! Aren't you gonna open your present?
Xander: It's not that I don't want to. Sometimes the remote impossible possibility that you might like me was all that sustained me. But not now. Not like this. This isn't real to you, you're only here because of a spell. I mean, if I thought you had one clue what it would mean to me, but you don't, so I can't.
Buffy: [angered] So you're saying this is all a game?
Xander: A game? I... No!
Buffy: You make me feel this way, and then you reject me? What am I, a toy?
Xander: Buffy, please calm down.
Buffy: I'll calm down when you explain yourself!
Amy: Get away from him. He's mine.
Buffy: Oh, I don't think so. Xander, tell her.
Xander: What? I, uh...
Amy: He doesn't have to say. I know what his heart wants.
Buffy: Funny, I know what your face wants. [Buffy punches Amy hard in the face] What is this, you're two-timing me?
Amy: Goddess Hecate, work thy will...
Xander: Uh-oh.
Amy: ... Before thee let the unclean thing crawl!
Buffy: Come on! It's a party! Aren't you gonna open your present?
Xander: It's not that I don't want to. Sometimes the remote impossible possibility that you might like me was all that sustained me. But not now. Not like this. This isn't real to you, you're only here because of a spell. I mean, if I thought you had one clue what it would mean to me, but you don't, so I can't.
Buffy: [angered] So you're saying this is all a game?
Xander: A game? I... No!
Buffy: You make me feel this way, and then you reject me? What am I, a toy?
Xander: Buffy, please calm down.
Buffy: I'll calm down when you explain yourself!
Amy: Get away from him. He's mine.
Buffy: Oh, I don't think so. Xander, tell her.
Xander: What? I, uh...
Amy: He doesn't have to say. I know what his heart wants.
Buffy: Funny, I know what your face wants. [Buffy punches Amy hard in the face] What is this, you're two-timing me?
Amy: Goddess Hecate, work thy will...
Xander: Uh-oh.
Amy: ... Before thee let the unclean thing crawl!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cordelia: Harmony, shut up. [Xander looks back] Do you know what you are, Harmony? You're a sheep.
Harmony: I'm not a sheep.
Cordelia: You're a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for your approval, when I'm way cooler than you are 'cause I'm not a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? [Xander smiles] I'll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is. [Xander stops smiling]
Harmony: I'm not a sheep.
Cordelia: You're a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for your approval, when I'm way cooler than you are 'cause I'm not a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? [Xander smiles] I'll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is. [Xander stops smiling]
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Angelus: Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping...waiting...and though unwanted...unbidden...it will stir...open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us...guides us. Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. the joy of love...the clarity of hatred...and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd truly be dead.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cordelia: Oh, God! I invited him in my car once. That means he can come into my car whenever he wants!
Xander: Yep, you're doomed to havin' to give him and his vamp pals a lift whenever they feel like it. And those guys never chip in for gas.
Xander: Yep, you're doomed to havin' to give him and his vamp pals a lift whenever they feel like it. And those guys never chip in for gas.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: It's so weird. Every time something like this happens, my first instinct is still to run to Angel. I can't believe it's the same person. He's completely different from the guy that I knew.
Willow: Well, sort of, except ...
Buffy: Except what?
Willow: You're still the only thing he thinks about.
Willow: Well, sort of, except ...
Buffy: Except what?
Willow: You're still the only thing he thinks about.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: I'm sorry, but let's not forget that I hated Angel long before you guys jumped on the bandwagon. So I think I deserve a little something for not saying "I told you so" long before now. And if Giles wants to go after the ... fiend that murdered his girlfriend, I say, "Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!"
Buffy: Yeah. There's just one problem with Giles in a revenge scenario. It'll get him killed.
Buffy: Yeah. There's just one problem with Giles in a revenge scenario. It'll get him killed.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: Are you insane? We're supposed to kill the bitch, not leave gag gifts in her friends' beds.
Drusilla: But, Spike, the bad teacher was going to restore Angel's soul.
Spike: What if she did? If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack. I love a good slaughter as much as the next bloke, but his little pranks will only leave us with one incredibly brassed-off Slayer!
Angelus: Don't worry, Roller Boy. I've got everything under control. [ Molotov Cocktail lights the room on fire]
Drusilla: But, Spike, the bad teacher was going to restore Angel's soul.
Spike: What if she did? If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack. I love a good slaughter as much as the next bloke, but his little pranks will only leave us with one incredibly brassed-off Slayer!
Angelus: Don't worry, Roller Boy. I've got everything under control. [ Molotov Cocktail lights the room on fire]
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Hey. Here we are. It's all of we. Are we taking me home?
Dr. Wilkinson: No. Buffy, you need to lie down, honey.
Buffy: Yeah? Lie at home. My bed is better than any bed that's... not my bed.
Dr. Wilkinson: She's still a little out of it.
Buffy: Shhh! Hospital zone. No singing.
Dr. Wilkinson: No. Buffy, you need to lie down, honey.
Buffy: Yeah? Lie at home. My bed is better than any bed that's... not my bed.
Dr. Wilkinson: She's still a little out of it.
Buffy: Shhh! Hospital zone. No singing.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Willow brings Buffy, who is in hospital, her homework]
Buffy: Homework.
Willow: It's my way of saying get well soon.
Buffy: You know, chocolate says that even better.
Willow: I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name.
Buffy: Chocolate means nothing to me.
Buffy: Homework.
Willow: It's my way of saying get well soon.
Buffy: You know, chocolate says that even better.
Willow: I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name.
Buffy: Chocolate means nothing to me.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?
Cordelia: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.
Cordelia: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: I'm good at medical stuff, since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time.
Xander: No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong.
Willow: Wrong? Why? How did you play doctor?
Buffy: I... never have.
Xander: No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong.
Willow: Wrong? Why? How did you play doctor?
Buffy: I... never have.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: You don't know how to kill this thing.
Buffy: I thought I might try violence.
Xander: Solid call.
Buffy: I thought I might try violence.
Xander: Solid call.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Impulsive? Do you remember my ex-boyfriend, the vampire? I slept with him, he lost his soul, now my boyfriend's gone forever, and the demon that wears his face is killing my friends. The next impulsive decision I make will involve my choice of dentures.
Willow: Okay, the Angel thing went badly, I'm on board with that, but that's not your fault. And anyways, love isn't always like that. Love can be... nice!
Willow: Okay, the Angel thing went badly, I'm on board with that, but that's not your fault. And anyways, love isn't always like that. Love can be... nice!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: Oh, no, no. No. Not cool. This was no wimpy chain rattler. This was "I'm dead as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore."
Giles: Well, despite the Xander-speak, that's a fairly accurate definition of a poltergeist.
Xander: I defined something? Accurately? Guess I'm done with the book learning.
Giles: Well, despite the Xander-speak, that's a fairly accurate definition of a poltergeist.
Xander: I defined something? Accurately? Guess I'm done with the book learning.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: I appreciate your thoughts on the matter, in fact I encourage you to always challenge me when you feel it's appropriate; you should never be cowed by authority. Except, of course, in this instance, when I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: [about the ghost of James] He's-he's trying to... resolve whatever issues are keeping him in limbo. What exactly those are, I'm not...
Buffy: He wants forgiveness.
Giles: Yes. I imagine he does. But when James possesses people, they act out exactly what happened that night. So he's experiencing a form of purgatory instead. I mean, he's doomed to kill his Ms. Newman over and over and over again, and... Forgiveness is impossible.
Buffy: Good. He doesn't deserve it.
Giles: To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's not done because people deserve it, it's done because they need it.
Buffy: No. James destroyed the one person he loved the most in a moment of blind passion. And that's not something you forgive. No matter why he did what he did. And no matter if he knows now that it was wrong and selfish and stupid, it is just something he's gonna have to live with.
Xander: He can't live with it, Buff. He's dead.
Buffy: He wants forgiveness.
Giles: Yes. I imagine he does. But when James possesses people, they act out exactly what happened that night. So he's experiencing a form of purgatory instead. I mean, he's doomed to kill his Ms. Newman over and over and over again, and... Forgiveness is impossible.
Buffy: Good. He doesn't deserve it.
Giles: To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's not done because people deserve it, it's done because they need it.
Buffy: No. James destroyed the one person he loved the most in a moment of blind passion. And that's not something you forgive. No matter why he did what he did. And no matter if he knows now that it was wrong and selfish and stupid, it is just something he's gonna have to live with.
Xander: He can't live with it, Buff. He's dead.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: [as Angel viciously scrubs his face] You might want to let up. They say when you've drawn blood, you've exfoliated.
Angelus: What do you know about it? I'm the one who was friggin' violated. You didn't have this thing in you.
Drusilla: What was it? A demon?
Angelus: [still washing his face] Love!
Drusilla: Poor Angel.
Angelus: What do you know about it? I'm the one who was friggin' violated. You didn't have this thing in you.
Drusilla: What was it? A demon?
Angelus: [still washing his face] Love!
Drusilla: Poor Angel.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: Last month he's the freak with jicama breath who waxes his back. He wins a few meets and suddenly inherits the cool gene?
Cordelia: Well, all I know is, my cheerleading squad wasted a lot of pep on losers. It's about time our school excelled at something.
Willow: Hmm. You're forgetting our high mortality rate.
Xander: We're number one!
Cordelia: Well, all I know is, my cheerleading squad wasted a lot of pep on losers. It's about time our school excelled at something.
Willow: Hmm. You're forgetting our high mortality rate.
Xander: We're number one!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: That is wrong. A big fat spanking wrong. It's a slap in the face to every one of us who studied hard and worked long hours to earn our Ds.
Cordelia: Xander, I know you take pride in being the voice of the common wuss, but the truth is, certain people are entitled to special privileges. They're called winners. That's the way the world works.
Xander: And what about that nutty "all men are created equal" thing?
Cordelia: Propaganda spouted out by the ugly and less deserving.
Xander: I think that was Lincoln.
Cordelia: Disgusting mole and stupid hat.
Willow: Actually, it was Jefferson.
Cordelia: Kept slaves. Remember?
Cordelia: Xander, I know you take pride in being the voice of the common wuss, but the truth is, certain people are entitled to special privileges. They're called winners. That's the way the world works.
Xander: And what about that nutty "all men are created equal" thing?
Cordelia: Propaganda spouted out by the ugly and less deserving.
Xander: I think that was Lincoln.
Cordelia: Disgusting mole and stupid hat.
Willow: Actually, it was Jefferson.
Cordelia: Kept slaves. Remember?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Tell me what's in the steam!
Coach Marin: After the fall of the Soviet Union, documents came into light detailing experiments with fish DNA in their Olympic swimmers. Tarpon, mako shark. But they couldn't crack it.
Buffy: And you did... sort of. Why?
Coach Marin: What kind of question is that? For the win! To make my team the best they could be! Do you understand we have a shot at the State Championship?
Buffy: Do you understand that I don't care? It's over. There's not gonna be any Swim Team.
Coach Marin: Boy, when they were handing out school spirit, you didn't even stand in line, did you?
Buffy: No. I was in the line for shred of sanity... (Coach Marin pulls out a gun, aiming at her) Which you obviously skipped.
Coach Marin: After the fall of the Soviet Union, documents came into light detailing experiments with fish DNA in their Olympic swimmers. Tarpon, mako shark. But they couldn't crack it.
Buffy: And you did... sort of. Why?
Coach Marin: What kind of question is that? For the win! To make my team the best they could be! Do you understand we have a shot at the State Championship?
Buffy: Do you understand that I don't care? It's over. There's not gonna be any Swim Team.
Coach Marin: Boy, when they were handing out school spirit, you didn't even stand in line, did you?
Buffy: No. I was in the line for shred of sanity... (Coach Marin pulls out a gun, aiming at her) Which you obviously skipped.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: So, something ripped him open and ate out his insides?
Willow: Like an Oreo cookie, well, except for, you know, without the... chocolatey cookie goodness.
...
Willow: So we're looking for a beastie.
Giles: That, uh, eats humans whole, except for the skin.
Buffy: This doesn't make any sense.
Xander: Yeah, the skin's the best part.
Buffy: Any demons with high cholesterol? [Giles looks at her] You're gonna think about that later, mister, and you're gonna laugh!
Willow: Like an Oreo cookie, well, except for, you know, without the... chocolatey cookie goodness.
...
Willow: So we're looking for a beastie.
Giles: That, uh, eats humans whole, except for the skin.
Buffy: This doesn't make any sense.
Xander: Yeah, the skin's the best part.
Buffy: Any demons with high cholesterol? [Giles looks at her] You're gonna think about that later, mister, and you're gonna laugh!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: I wouldn't break out the tartar sauce just yet. It's not like you were exposed more than once. Twice?
Xander: Three times a Fish Guy.
Buffy, Willow: Oh.
Cordelia: Whoa!
Xander: What am I gonna do?
Cordelia: You, you, you! What about me?! It's one thing to be dating the lame unpopular guy, but it's another to be dating the Creature from the Blue Lagoon.
Xander: Black Lagoon! The Creature from the Blue Lagoon was Brooke Shields. And thank you so much for your support!
Buffy: I think we'd better find the rest of the swim team and lock them up before they get in touch with their inner halibut.
Xander: Three times a Fish Guy.
Buffy, Willow: Oh.
Cordelia: Whoa!
Xander: What am I gonna do?
Cordelia: You, you, you! What about me?! It's one thing to be dating the lame unpopular guy, but it's another to be dating the Creature from the Blue Lagoon.
Xander: Black Lagoon! The Creature from the Blue Lagoon was Brooke Shields. And thank you so much for your support!
Buffy: I think we'd better find the rest of the swim team and lock them up before they get in touch with their inner halibut.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Principal Snyder: Are we having a chair shortage?
Willow: I didn't read anything about... oh, [slides off Oz's lap] I get it.
Principal Snyder: These public displays of affection are not acceptable in my school. This isn't an orgy, people. It's a classroom.
Buffy: Yeah, where they teach lunch.
Principal Snyder: Just give me a reason to expel you, Summers. [walks away]
Cordelia: How about 'cause you're a tiny impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu?
Buffy: That about sums it up.
Willow: I didn't read anything about... oh, [slides off Oz's lap] I get it.
Principal Snyder: These public displays of affection are not acceptable in my school. This isn't an orgy, people. It's a classroom.
Buffy: Yeah, where they teach lunch.
Principal Snyder: Just give me a reason to expel you, Summers. [walks away]
Cordelia: How about 'cause you're a tiny impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu?
Buffy: That about sums it up.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[flashback]
Drusilla: Me mum says I'm cursed. My seeing things is an affront to the Lord. That only He's supposed to see anything before it happens. But I don't mean to, Father, I swear. I swear. I try to be pure in His sight. I don't want to be an evil thing.
Angelus: Oh, hush, child. The Lord has a plan for all creatures. Even a devil child like you.
Drusilla: [mortified] A devil...
Angelus: Yes, you're a spawn of Satan, all the Hail Mary's in the world aren't going to help. The Lord will use you and smite you down. He's like that.
Drusilla: What can I do?
Angelus: Fulfill His plan, child. Be evil. Just give in.
Drusilla: No! I want to be good. I want to be pure.
Angelus: We all do, at first. World doesn't work that way.
Drusilla: Father, I beg you. Please... please, help me.
Angelus: Very well. Ten 'Our Fathers' and an act of contrition. Does that sound good?
Drusilla: Yes. Yes, Father, thank you.
Angelus: The pleasure was mine. Oh, and my child?
Drusilla: Yes?
Angelus: God is watching you.
Drusilla: Me mum says I'm cursed. My seeing things is an affront to the Lord. That only He's supposed to see anything before it happens. But I don't mean to, Father, I swear. I swear. I try to be pure in His sight. I don't want to be an evil thing.
Angelus: Oh, hush, child. The Lord has a plan for all creatures. Even a devil child like you.
Drusilla: [mortified] A devil...
Angelus: Yes, you're a spawn of Satan, all the Hail Mary's in the world aren't going to help. The Lord will use you and smite you down. He's like that.
Drusilla: What can I do?
Angelus: Fulfill His plan, child. Be evil. Just give in.
Drusilla: No! I want to be good. I want to be pure.
Angelus: We all do, at first. World doesn't work that way.
Drusilla: Father, I beg you. Please... please, help me.
Angelus: Very well. Ten 'Our Fathers' and an act of contrition. Does that sound good?
Drusilla: Yes. Yes, Father, thank you.
Angelus: The pleasure was mine. Oh, and my child?
Drusilla: Yes?
Angelus: God is watching you.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Angelus: Acathla, the demon, came forth to swallow the world. He was killed by a virtuous knight who pierced the demon's heart before he could draw a breath to perform the act. Acathla turned to stone, as demons sometimes do, and was buried where neither man nor : demon would want to look. Unless of course they're puttin' up low-rent housing.
[to other vampires]
Angelus: Boys.
[two vampires open the sarcophagus]
Drusilla: He fills my head. I can't hear anything else.
Spike: Let me guess, someone pulls out the sword...
Angelus: Someone worthy.
Spike: ...The demon wakes up and wackiness ensues.
Drusilla: He will swallow the world.
Angelus: And every creature living on this planet will go to hell. My friends, we're about to make history... end.
[to other vampires]
Angelus: Boys.
[two vampires open the sarcophagus]
Drusilla: He fills my head. I can't hear anything else.
Spike: Let me guess, someone pulls out the sword...
Angelus: Someone worthy.
Spike: ...The demon wakes up and wackiness ensues.
Drusilla: He will swallow the world.
Angelus: And every creature living on this planet will go to hell. My friends, we're about to make history... end.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: This means I can't help you study for tomorrow's final.
Buffy: Oh, I'll wing it. Of course, if we go to Hell by then, I won't have to take 'em... Or maybe I'll be taking them forever.
Buffy: Oh, I'll wing it. Of course, if we go to Hell by then, I won't have to take 'em... Or maybe I'll be taking them forever.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Whistler: Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So, what are we, helpless? Puppets? Nah. The big moments are gonna come, you can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that count. That's when you find out who you are.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: I want to save the world.
Buffy: You do remember that you're a vampire, right?
Spike: We like to talk big. Vampires do. "I'm going to destroy the world." That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got... dog racing, Manchester United. And you've got people, billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision, with a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Piccadilly. Farewell, Leicester bloody Square. You know what I'm saying?
Buffy: You do remember that you're a vampire, right?
Spike: We like to talk big. Vampires do. "I'm going to destroy the world." That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got... dog racing, Manchester United. And you've got people, billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision, with a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Piccadilly. Farewell, Leicester bloody Square. You know what I'm saying?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer