Californication Quotes
Becca Moody: I'm not going to live with my dad because it's fun. I'm going because I have to. I don't know if you've noticed, but your dad is about to marry my mom.
Mia Lewis: Yeah, so?
Becca Moody: So it's really happening. He can't pretend anymore that it's not. And whatever miraculous thing he thought was going to happen with the writing. You know that thing he wrote back home in New York was going to be the redemption of his soul. Obviously, that's not happening either.
Mia Lewis: No, I guess not.
Becca Moody: So it's official. Rock bottom. The death of hope. Can't leave him alone now. The man's got nothing.
Mia Lewis: Yeah, so?
Becca Moody: So it's really happening. He can't pretend anymore that it's not. And whatever miraculous thing he thought was going to happen with the writing. You know that thing he wrote back home in New York was going to be the redemption of his soul. Obviously, that's not happening either.
Mia Lewis: No, I guess not.
Becca Moody: So it's official. Rock bottom. The death of hope. Can't leave him alone now. The man's got nothing.
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: Sometimes, it's best not to get involved in the affairs of others.
Becca Moody: That's interesting, coming from the most intrusive man I know.
Becca Moody: That's interesting, coming from the most intrusive man I know.
TV Show: Californication
Mia Gross: Hey, that was really cool what you did tonight, it's nice to see some good old fashion family values in this morally bankrupt city of ours.
Hank Moody: That's me, I'm all about the family values.
Mia Gross: What happened to your eye?
Karen Van Der Beek: Yeah what did happen to your eye, Hank?
Hank Moody: Well, you should see the other guy.
Mia Gross: I hope she doesn't press charges.
Hank Moody: It was not a "she", it was a "he", the other guy.
Mia Gross: Right, or whatever I'm off to bed, good night. It was nice to meet you, Hank.
Hank Moody: Nice to meet you, too.
Hank Moody: That's me, I'm all about the family values.
Mia Gross: What happened to your eye?
Karen Van Der Beek: Yeah what did happen to your eye, Hank?
Hank Moody: Well, you should see the other guy.
Mia Gross: I hope she doesn't press charges.
Hank Moody: It was not a "she", it was a "he", the other guy.
Mia Gross: Right, or whatever I'm off to bed, good night. It was nice to meet you, Hank.
Hank Moody: Nice to meet you, too.
TV Show: Californication
[about having sex with Karen]
Marcy Runkle: I don't want to go where Hank has been. I mean, he probably left booby-traps up there like the Vietcong.
Marcy Runkle: I don't want to go where Hank has been. I mean, he probably left booby-traps up there like the Vietcong.
TV Show: Californication
[to Karen]
Hank Moody: Oh, I know that look. That's the look that shrivels me testes.
Hank Moody: Oh, I know that look. That's the look that shrivels me testes.
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: Hey. You know, it's not fair to say BRB and then never actually BRB.
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: I was thinking maybe I'll get into teaching.
Charlie: "There's an idea... Not a particularly good one, but an idea nonetheless"
Hank Moody: I hate you.
Charlie: "There's an idea... Not a particularly good one, but an idea nonetheless"
Hank Moody: I hate you.
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: I’m fine, I’m disgusted with my life and my self. But I’m not unhappy about that. How are you?
TV Show: Californication
Meredith: My baby.
Hank Moody: You have a baby with married guy? Holy fuck!
Meredith: No, my dog, Cat Stevens.
Hank Moody: You have a dog named Cat Stevens? Holy fuck!
Hank Moody: You have a baby with married guy? Holy fuck!
Meredith: No, my dog, Cat Stevens.
Hank Moody: You have a dog named Cat Stevens? Holy fuck!
TV Show: Californication
Mia: What are you gonna do, spank me?
Charlie: You girls talk about everything, don't you?
Charlie: You girls talk about everything, don't you?
TV Show: Californication
Priest: If anyone should see any cause why these two should not be wed, speak now, or forever hold your peace.
Mia: Yoo-hoo? Over here.
Mia: Yoo-hoo? Over here.
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: (pointing at Jesus on cross) I was just having a little chat with your husband here.
Nun: Is there anything that I can help you with?
Hank Moody: Oh no, I don't want to bother a real live person about it.
Nun: Is there anything that I can help you with?
Hank Moody: Oh no, I don't want to bother a real live person about it.
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: Well, to make a long story short, I can't write, which kinda sucks, since I'm supposed to be a writer. And a professional one at that.
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: [getting a blow job from a nun] Sweet baby Jesus, Hank is going to hell.
TV Show: Californication
Becca: Father?
Hank Moody: Daughter?
Becca: Why is there a naked lady in your room?
Hank Moody: Uh... You. Stay... Right here.
Becca: There's no hair on her vagina. Do you think she's okay?
Hank Moody: I'll check.
Hank Moody: Daughter?
Becca: Why is there a naked lady in your room?
Hank Moody: Uh... You. Stay... Right here.
Becca: There's no hair on her vagina. Do you think she's okay?
Hank Moody: I'll check.
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: So, not only are you a cadaverous lay, you also have a shitty taste in movies.
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: [getting the Evil Eye from Karen] Oh, I know that look. That's the look that shrivels me testes.
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: It's not whether you win or you lose, it's how you play the game.
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: HelL-A Magazine blog number 1. Hank hates you all. A few things I've learned on my travels through this crazy little thing called life. One, a morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness. Two, I probably won't go down in history, but I will go down on your sister. And 3, while I'm down there it might be nice to see a hint of pubis. I'm not talking about a huge 70's Playboy bush or anything. Just something that reminds me that I'm performing cunnilingus on an adult. But I guess the larger question is why is the city of angels so hell bent on destroying its female population.
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: [looking in a bathroom mirror] Nobody likes you, you're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile, you fucking douche.
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: [about a painting] What the fuck is that?
Bill Lewis: Oh, you like it? I could have bought a car instead.
Hank Moody: I think you should still buy the car and then run over whoever created that turd.
Bill Lewis: Oh, you like it? I could have bought a car instead.
Hank Moody: I think you should still buy the car and then run over whoever created that turd.
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: Well, your breasts are obviously real... and... eh... you have an abundance of pubic hair, which is really nice and... eh... there's no evidence of vaginal rejuvenation. I'd say, aside from the fact that you worship a space alien, you just might be the most beautiful woman I've seen in a long, long time
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: What the fuck do you want?
Mia Lewis: I'm late.
Hank Moody: What? That's not possible. I...I...I...I...I...I...I wore a condom. That's... that would be like, uh, the immaculate conception. And you, you're the one who... y, you... and then you left.
Mia Lewis: I'm late for school.
Mia Lewis: I'm late.
Hank Moody: What? That's not possible. I...I...I...I...I...I...I wore a condom. That's... that would be like, uh, the immaculate conception. And you, you're the one who... y, you... and then you left.
Mia Lewis: I'm late for school.
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: [trying to lure a dog named Cat Stevens] Hey, Cat Stevens. C'mere, Cat. Come here. I'll take you away from all this. Cat... Yusuf Islam. Peace Train's a good song. C'mere, Cat. C'mere.
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: Oh, big boy... are you crying?
Charlie Runkle: A little.
Hank Moody: Jesus Christ.
Charlie Runkle: A little.
Hank Moody: Jesus Christ.
TV Show: Californication