Community Quotes
Troy: There is a time and a place for subtlety, and that time was before Scary Movie.
TV Show: Community
Troy: We are forty lightyears outside the Buttermilk Nebula, although it's possible that... [he peels away the graphic on their "navagation panel"] Yeah, it's a sticker.
TV Show: Community
Abed: I used to think all Jesus did was walk on water and tell people not to get abortions, but now I see he's so much more than that. He's like E.T., Edward Scissorhands, and Marty McFly combined
TV Show: Community
Abed: Troy, make me proud: be the first black man to make it to the end.
Troy: I love you.
Abed: I know.
Troy: I love you.
Abed: I know.
TV Show: Community
[Troy and Jeff are playing basketball]
Troy: Ready for The Bus Driver, Winger? You know why they call me The Bus Driver, right?
Jeff: 'Cause you've been traveling all day?
Troy: 'Cause I'm taking your butt to school.
Troy: Ready for The Bus Driver, Winger? You know why they call me The Bus Driver, right?
Jeff: 'Cause you've been traveling all day?
Troy: 'Cause I'm taking your butt to school.
TV Show: Community
Annie: [to Abed, about his skill at insulting people] You're really good at it. You're like a machine!
Abed: Like RoboCop?
Britta: Exactly like Rowboat Cop. Sharice is a bad rowboat. Sink her.
Abed: Like RoboCop?
Britta: Exactly like Rowboat Cop. Sharice is a bad rowboat. Sink her.
TV Show: Community
Professor Professorson: This, Annie, is night school. Every student, every teacher, every class- Figments! Like puffs of hot air from the lips of a ghost in the shadow of a unicorn's dream
TV Show: Community
Britta: [looking in notebook] Abed, why is my name in here?
Abed: That's mine.
Britta: And Shirley's and Annie's?
Annie: What is it?
Britta: Charts. Some kind of calendar?
Abed: That's my personal private business.
Britta: [reading] "Annie: 4 on, 28 off, next, November 10th. Britta: 5 on, 27 off..." Oh, my God, are you charting our menstrual cycles?
Annie: What?! Gross!
Shirley: Abed, this is so personal! And so accurate.
Annie: Abed, this is really creepy. I don't understand why you would do this.
Abed: I can explain. [Pause] Oh, I thought you'd keep yelling over me. Okay, I can explain. You know I have trouble reading people, and I say the wrong things, sometimes, and I noticed it was happening more often with you three than it was with the others. And then I noticed fluctuating patterns, and I started graphing them, and by the time I realized what I was actually measuring, it had started to yield really positive results for everybody, so I kept doing it.
. . .
Abed: Okay, if I could just take this time to share a few words of sarcasm with whoever it is that took this pen. I want to say thank you for doing this to me. For a while I thought I'd had to suffer through a puppy parade, but I much prefer being entombed alive in a mausoleum of feelings I can neither understand nor reciprocate. So whoever you are, can I get you anything? Ice cream? Best friend medal? Anything? Mmm-mmmm? Okay, sarcasm over.
Abed: That's mine.
Britta: And Shirley's and Annie's?
Annie: What is it?
Britta: Charts. Some kind of calendar?
Abed: That's my personal private business.
Britta: [reading] "Annie: 4 on, 28 off, next, November 10th. Britta: 5 on, 27 off..." Oh, my God, are you charting our menstrual cycles?
Annie: What?! Gross!
Shirley: Abed, this is so personal! And so accurate.
Annie: Abed, this is really creepy. I don't understand why you would do this.
Abed: I can explain. [Pause] Oh, I thought you'd keep yelling over me. Okay, I can explain. You know I have trouble reading people, and I say the wrong things, sometimes, and I noticed it was happening more often with you three than it was with the others. And then I noticed fluctuating patterns, and I started graphing them, and by the time I realized what I was actually measuring, it had started to yield really positive results for everybody, so I kept doing it.
. . .
Abed: Okay, if I could just take this time to share a few words of sarcasm with whoever it is that took this pen. I want to say thank you for doing this to me. For a while I thought I'd had to suffer through a puppy parade, but I much prefer being entombed alive in a mausoleum of feelings I can neither understand nor reciprocate. So whoever you are, can I get you anything? Ice cream? Best friend medal? Anything? Mmm-mmmm? Okay, sarcasm over.
TV Show: Community
Troy: I wanna see if those wiener dogs are born that way, or if they start off normal and then get wiener.
TV Show: Community
Dean: [dramatic music plays as he reads Jeff's course schedule, then gives an evil smile] Agnis, cancel my appointments.
Agnis: What appointments?
Dean: [beat] Wishful thinking.
Agnis: What appointments?
Dean: [beat] Wishful thinking.
TV Show: Community
Dean: I have always dreamt of playing charades with you, Jeffrey, just not like this! And not on dry land!
TV Show: Community
[after Jeff is eaten by Hum-bugs for being sarcastic]
Annie: Ooh! Can I sing this one? [Abed nods and Annie sings] Bitter shallow hipster / Sweater matching socks / Christmas needs more presence / Than a haircut in a box.
Troy: Annie. Nice!
Annie: Get what I did with the word presence?
Annie: Ooh! Can I sing this one? [Abed nods and Annie sings] Bitter shallow hipster / Sweater matching socks / Christmas needs more presence / Than a haircut in a box.
Troy: Annie. Nice!
Annie: Get what I did with the word presence?
TV Show: Community
Abed: [opens a Christmas gift marked "Meaning of Christmas"] It's the first season of Lost on DVD.
Pierce: That's the meaning of Christmas?
Abed: No. It's a metaphor. It represents lack of pay-off.
. . .
Abed: I get it. The meaning of Christmas is the idea that Christmas has meaning. And it can be whatever we want. For me, it used to mean being with my mom. Now it means being with you guys. Thanks, Lost.
Pierce: That's the meaning of Christmas?
Abed: No. It's a metaphor. It represents lack of pay-off.
. . .
Abed: I get it. The meaning of Christmas is the idea that Christmas has meaning. And it can be whatever we want. For me, it used to mean being with my mom. Now it means being with you guys. Thanks, Lost.
TV Show: Community
Annie: It's not like I'm seeing anyone. There's just a guy...
Abed: A guy that goes to Greendale? Is it the Russian guy that looks like a short Johnny Depp?
Annie: It doesn't matter.
Troy: Is it the guy who looks a little like Vince Vaughn but smells a lot like fish?
. . .
Abed: Is it the guy who looks like Anderson Cooper but with the soul patch and the ponytail?
Annie: No.
Troy: Is it Black Michael Chiklis?
Annie: No.
Pierce: The white George Foreman?
Britta: You guys are talking about the same person: he's biracial, his name is David, and he's a human being.
. . .
Troy: Is it Fat Neil?
Abed: Bluestreak?
Pierce: Optimus Prime?
Annie: Okay, even I know some of these are Transformers.
. . .
Jeff: Is it Jean-Claude Van Overbite?
Abed: We should really start learning people's names.
Jeff: I agree with brown Jamie Lee Curtis.
Abed: A guy that goes to Greendale? Is it the Russian guy that looks like a short Johnny Depp?
Annie: It doesn't matter.
Troy: Is it the guy who looks a little like Vince Vaughn but smells a lot like fish?
. . .
Abed: Is it the guy who looks like Anderson Cooper but with the soul patch and the ponytail?
Annie: No.
Troy: Is it Black Michael Chiklis?
Annie: No.
Pierce: The white George Foreman?
Britta: You guys are talking about the same person: he's biracial, his name is David, and he's a human being.
. . .
Troy: Is it Fat Neil?
Abed: Bluestreak?
Pierce: Optimus Prime?
Annie: Okay, even I know some of these are Transformers.
. . .
Jeff: Is it Jean-Claude Van Overbite?
Abed: We should really start learning people's names.
Jeff: I agree with brown Jamie Lee Curtis.
TV Show: Community
Chang: What's this? What's going on?
Abed: It's a mixer.
Chang: Well why's everyone from Anthro class here? Are you guys picking a new study group member—and you didn't invite me?
Abed: We didn't know how to reach you.
Chang: What are you talking about? I'm everywhere.
Abed: We didn't know how to reach you.
Chang: That's not true. That's a lie.
Abed: [twitching] It's a mixer. We didn't know how to reach you. It's a mixer. It's a mixer. It's a mixer. It's a mixer. It's a mixer.
[Chang backs away]
Abed: Works every time.
Abed: It's a mixer.
Chang: Well why's everyone from Anthro class here? Are you guys picking a new study group member—and you didn't invite me?
Abed: We didn't know how to reach you.
Chang: What are you talking about? I'm everywhere.
Abed: We didn't know how to reach you.
Chang: That's not true. That's a lie.
Abed: [twitching] It's a mixer. We didn't know how to reach you. It's a mixer. It's a mixer. It's a mixer. It's a mixer. It's a mixer.
[Chang backs away]
Abed: Works every time.
TV Show: Community
Dean Pelton: Well, that answers my question. Jeff Winger is sexy even in a coffin.
TV Show: Community
Abed: Is Pierce marijuana, and does marijuana help people move faster? I thought it just made them custom paint vans and solve mysteries.
TV Show: Community
Narrator: [as the study group plays D&D] And so it was that the group began to describe themselves walking, and as they described themselves walking so did Abed confirm they walked.
TV Show: Community
Duncan: Now, you won't know this, being American, but Liverpool are playing Man—
Jeff: —Manchester United. I'm a stylish American, Professor: I've been forcing myself to be into soccer since 2004.
Jeff: —Manchester United. I'm a stylish American, Professor: I've been forcing myself to be into soccer since 2004.
TV Show: Community
Duncan: I will see you at 6: 30, or as we English call it, gravedigger's biscuits.
TV Show: Community
Abed: Mariah, my name is Abed Nadir; [indicating Troy] my associate Troy Barnes.
Troy: Charmed, I'm sure.
Mariah: Are you the guys who keep staring at me and intermittently yelling out "Books"?
Troy: The very same. We're both interested in taking you to the Valentine's dance, but we are also best friends with each other.
Abed: It is of the utmost importance we protect that friendship from the stresses of courting you, so we're trying to be as direct and above-board about this as possible.
Troy: Will you go to the dance with one of us, and if so which one?
Mariah: We need to get something straight first: this is the cutest thing that's ever happened to me. [Abed and Troy high-five each other without taking their eyes off Mariah] But I don't know either one of you.
Abed: Give us a moment. [He and Troy confer in whispers] New proposal: get to know us at the dance and decide there which of us you'd like to see again.
Mariah: Okay, deal.
Abed: Yesss.
Mariah: [indicating what Troy is carrying] What's in the briefcase?
Troy: Oh! Tacos. You want one?
Mariah: No.
Troy: Great. We really wanted them.
Abed: Yeah, we're gonna eat them.
Troy: Charmed, I'm sure.
Mariah: Are you the guys who keep staring at me and intermittently yelling out "Books"?
Troy: The very same. We're both interested in taking you to the Valentine's dance, but we are also best friends with each other.
Abed: It is of the utmost importance we protect that friendship from the stresses of courting you, so we're trying to be as direct and above-board about this as possible.
Troy: Will you go to the dance with one of us, and if so which one?
Mariah: We need to get something straight first: this is the cutest thing that's ever happened to me. [Abed and Troy high-five each other without taking their eyes off Mariah] But I don't know either one of you.
Abed: Give us a moment. [He and Troy confer in whispers] New proposal: get to know us at the dance and decide there which of us you'd like to see again.
Mariah: Okay, deal.
Abed: Yesss.
Mariah: [indicating what Troy is carrying] What's in the briefcase?
Troy: Oh! Tacos. You want one?
Mariah: No.
Troy: Great. We really wanted them.
Abed: Yeah, we're gonna eat them.
TV Show: Community
Duncan: [Dean enters anthropology classroom while Duncan is drinking wine and throws glass on floor] And that's how Jews celebrate at weddings!
TV Show: Community
Auntie: [to Will about his father being in the goverment]WELL HE'S NOT FUCKING HERE NOW IS HE?
Movie: Community
Will: [repeating what Mack and the other kids had said earlier about using body parts as fertalizer]Bones are good for the soil!
Movie: Community
Dumpy: that's not your terroritory your pissing in
Ray: what?
Dumpy: I said that's not your terroitory your pissing in [last lines]
Ray: [sarcastically]Are you inbred?
Dumpy: [seriously]I'm not [points to his accomplice]
Dumpy: but he is!
Ray: what?
Dumpy: I said that's not your terroitory your pissing in [last lines]
Ray: [sarcastically]Are you inbred?
Dumpy: [seriously]I'm not [points to his accomplice]
Dumpy: but he is!
Movie: Community