CSI - Crime Scene Investigation Quotes
Greg Fitzsimmons: Seriously, I love kids. Did you hug your kid today? Can I hug your kid? Can I hug your kid, sir?
Angry Audience Member: You touch my kids, I'll kill you.
Greg Fitzsimmons: Dude, it's a comedy show! I'm kidding. This is a joke. (the angry guy makes a gun motion with his hand at Greg) What? What was that? Oh... I see why you're so angry, that's your wife.
Angry Audience Member: You touch my kids, I'll kill you.
Greg Fitzsimmons: Dude, it's a comedy show! I'm kidding. This is a joke. (the angry guy makes a gun motion with his hand at Greg) What? What was that? Oh... I see why you're so angry, that's your wife.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Fat Guy [to Greg Fitzsimmons]: I mean it, man. You had me laughing my ass off.
Greg Fitzsimmons: Thanks, man. If someone finds a size 54 ass, I'll have 'em put it on ice for 'ya.
Greg Fitzsimmons: Thanks, man. If someone finds a size 54 ass, I'll have 'em put it on ice for 'ya.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Hodges: It's hard to believe that anybody could do something like this to such a beautiful little girl.
Catherine: So, if she had been plain or homely, it'd be easy for you to accept?
Hodges: No, but, maybe it's just me, when something like this happens to a kid with a face like that, it just seems a little more tragic.
Catherine: Maybe that will work in our favor. (Catherine walks out)
Hodges: Did I just piss her off?
Grissom: Yeah, but she was heading that way when she came in.
Catherine: So, if she had been plain or homely, it'd be easy for you to accept?
Hodges: No, but, maybe it's just me, when something like this happens to a kid with a face like that, it just seems a little more tragic.
Catherine: Maybe that will work in our favor. (Catherine walks out)
Hodges: Did I just piss her off?
Grissom: Yeah, but she was heading that way when she came in.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine [to Leo Finley]: What are you doing here?
Leo Finley: I was waiting for you.
Catherine: How did you get in here?
Leo Finley: Can't we talk about something interesting? Me for instance. I'm interesting.
Catherine: Yeah, let's do that. Let's talk about you.
Leo Finley: For starters, Norah left me. Actually, she threw my stuff out onto the street, got a restraining order on me, notified the neighbors and called my boss. "Hey, Scumbag. Don't bother coming in, we'll mail you your last check." So in one fell swoop, as it were, I lost my girlfriend, my livelihood and my place to live. I thought it was going to be different this time. Frankly, I blame you.
Catherine: I didn't create the circumstances of your life, Leo.
Leo Finley: You grind up the innocent with the guilty.
Catherine: Just take it easy. I was just doing my job.
Leo Finley (mockingly): I was just doing my job.
Catherine: Yeah, I was just doing my job.
Leo Finley: I was just doing my job. I was just following orders. Blonde Nazi bitch! You get in there with your big boots and you kick it all apart and you don't care who you hurt. Whose life you destroy in the process.
Catherine: Calm down.
Leo Finley: No! It's not fair.
Catherine: Calm down!
Leo Finley: Don't tell me to calm down!
Catherine (draws her gun): Just stay back and calm down!
Leo Finley: You going to shoot me? Would that help you figure out how completely you screwed my life up? Would you sleep better at night? Maybe, I should just save you the trouble and blow my own brains out. What do you think?
Catherine: I think you need to talk to somebody.
Leo Finley: I am talking to somebody. I'm talking to you. So how about this, if I do decide to
Leo Finley: I was waiting for you.
Catherine: How did you get in here?
Leo Finley: Can't we talk about something interesting? Me for instance. I'm interesting.
Catherine: Yeah, let's do that. Let's talk about you.
Leo Finley: For starters, Norah left me. Actually, she threw my stuff out onto the street, got a restraining order on me, notified the neighbors and called my boss. "Hey, Scumbag. Don't bother coming in, we'll mail you your last check." So in one fell swoop, as it were, I lost my girlfriend, my livelihood and my place to live. I thought it was going to be different this time. Frankly, I blame you.
Catherine: I didn't create the circumstances of your life, Leo.
Leo Finley: You grind up the innocent with the guilty.
Catherine: Just take it easy. I was just doing my job.
Leo Finley (mockingly): I was just doing my job.
Catherine: Yeah, I was just doing my job.
Leo Finley: I was just doing my job. I was just following orders. Blonde Nazi bitch! You get in there with your big boots and you kick it all apart and you don't care who you hurt. Whose life you destroy in the process.
Catherine: Calm down.
Leo Finley: No! It's not fair.
Catherine: Calm down!
Leo Finley: Don't tell me to calm down!
Catherine (draws her gun): Just stay back and calm down!
Leo Finley: You going to shoot me? Would that help you figure out how completely you screwed my life up? Would you sleep better at night? Maybe, I should just save you the trouble and blow my own brains out. What do you think?
Catherine: I think you need to talk to somebody.
Leo Finley: I am talking to somebody. I'm talking to you. So how about this, if I do decide to
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Brass (unenthused after Drops gives him an address): Jackson and D, yippee, we're going to the hood.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine [to Archie]: You ever worry that you could be replaced by a computer?
Archie: Every day of my life.
Archie: Every day of my life.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom (looks up to see blood dripping from the ceiling): It looks like this crime has a second story.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Drops: I can't explain these women. One minute, they're sending each other cupcakes on Facebook, the next they're trying to kill each other over a broken curling iron.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine: We've got a BOLO out on Dana Espinoza in connection with the apartment homicides. She's considered armed, dangerous, and pregnant.
Warrick: Oh! Raging hormones and a gun; we got to get that off the street fast.
Warrick: Oh! Raging hormones and a gun; we got to get that off the street fast.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Greg: Maybe the killer freaked out and wet himself. Not exactly a hardened criminal.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
David (looking at the victim who was shot in the head): Organ donor. Her heart was in the right place.
Grissom: Unfortunately her head was in the wrong place.
Grissom: Unfortunately her head was in the wrong place.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine (taking photos of the victim and sees a tattoo): Tramp stamp.
Hodges: Looks more like a tramp belt.
Catherine: Help me roll her. (they roll her to see the tattoo continue all over her back)
Hodges: So, hot girl with dollar sign tats and a mostly empty apartment. Prostitute, right?
Catherine: Maybe. Or maybe she just loves money.
Hodges: Y'know, it's the love of money that is the root of all evil, most people think that it's just the money.
Hodges: Looks more like a tramp belt.
Catherine: Help me roll her. (they roll her to see the tattoo continue all over her back)
Hodges: So, hot girl with dollar sign tats and a mostly empty apartment. Prostitute, right?
Catherine: Maybe. Or maybe she just loves money.
Hodges: Y'know, it's the love of money that is the root of all evil, most people think that it's just the money.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Brass: The name on the lease is Kellen Tyford.
Nick: Drops?
Grissom: The nightclub promoter?
Brass: Yeah, and get this, he leases the upstairs apartment too.
Grissom: That's a lotta apartments for a guy who's getting free room and board
Nick: Drops?
Grissom: The nightclub promoter?
Brass: Yeah, and get this, he leases the upstairs apartment too.
Grissom: That's a lotta apartments for a guy who's getting free room and board
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Brass (after Drops lost his chess game): Looks like something more than forensics be jammin' a brotha up in here.
Drops: Man, y'all some jinxes.
Brass: This is a set-up, don't you get it? Ivy league college student versus a high school drop out, convict, you got no chance. ... So said a jury of your peers.
Drops: 8 months, on a weak ass weapons charge, it's a vacation, man.
Drops: Man, y'all some jinxes.
Brass: This is a set-up, don't you get it? Ivy league college student versus a high school drop out, convict, you got no chance. ... So said a jury of your peers.
Drops: 8 months, on a weak ass weapons charge, it's a vacation, man.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Brass (about the victim): So, what, were you pimpin' her out, superfly?
Drops: Pimpin' her out? Nah, pimpin' ain't easy, and you know I'm all about the easy.
Drops: Pimpin' her out? Nah, pimpin' ain't easy, and you know I'm all about the easy.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: Yeah, well, who's the "somebody"? Because the only name on the lease is Drops and he has a really good alibi.
Nick: Yeah, and even if he knew who it was he's not just gonna give him up.
Wendy (walks up to them): He may not have to.
Nick: Yeah, and even if he knew who it was he's not just gonna give him up.
Wendy (walks up to them): He may not have to.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Drops (about Dana): This is the type of girl that you have to find in person.
Nick: Well, give us some addresses.
Drops: What are you gonna do? Mapquest her ass? 'Cause that's not gonna work. There's only one way to find this girl. Let me out. (Brass laughs) What? No, for real. I can have her for you today.
Nick: You think that we can just pop you outta jail?
Drops: Yeah. 48 hours. Like the flick, they bust Eddie outta jail, get the bad guy, everything's cool.
Nick: You think this is a joke, man? Dead bodies are piling up around your new family, now that would worry me.
Nick: Well, give us some addresses.
Drops: What are you gonna do? Mapquest her ass? 'Cause that's not gonna work. There's only one way to find this girl. Let me out. (Brass laughs) What? No, for real. I can have her for you today.
Nick: You think that we can just pop you outta jail?
Drops: Yeah. 48 hours. Like the flick, they bust Eddie outta jail, get the bad guy, everything's cool.
Nick: You think this is a joke, man? Dead bodies are piling up around your new family, now that would worry me.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Drops (while being released from jail for 48 hours to help them, sees Brass and Nick): Well, look who it is: Mom and Dad. (they put cuffs and an ankle braclet on him) One big happy family, huh?
Brass: Get in the car. (Drops does and Brass shuts the door) I got a feeling that I'm gonna regret this.
Nick: I already do.
Brass: Get in the car. (Drops does and Brass shuts the door) I got a feeling that I'm gonna regret this.
Nick: I already do.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: And what makes you so sure that Dana would go to this guy Bruce anyway?
Drops: If Dana's on the run, she's gonna need some on the run money, and let's say Zigzag, handles certain aspects of my finances.
Brass: What? Like laundering the street fig?
Drops: No, actually my 401k. Why you always tossin' the pimp card at me, man? I guess to you a black man in a suit is a pimp.
Brass: Aw, did I hurt your feelings?
Drops: If Dana's on the run, she's gonna need some on the run money, and let's say Zigzag, handles certain aspects of my finances.
Brass: What? Like laundering the street fig?
Drops: No, actually my 401k. Why you always tossin' the pimp card at me, man? I guess to you a black man in a suit is a pimp.
Brass: Aw, did I hurt your feelings?
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: So, who else would Dana go for help? Zigzag doesn't seem to be like a very big talker.
Drops: You're a lot funnier than I remember, crime lab, you been goin' to cop-comedy school?
Drops: You're a lot funnier than I remember, crime lab, you been goin' to cop-comedy school?
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Drops (after he's about to go talk to someone alone): Now, what about the cuffs, yo? (Brass sighs) Now, why would anybody talk to someone whose already arrested?
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick [to Drops]: J.J was after your money, now Walter is, and he's taking your girlfriend hostage to get it.
Brass: Where's the money, Kellen? Because I bet that's where we're gonna find both of them.
Drops: Man, talk to my lawyers. Better yet, talk to the tax dudes, they know where it is.
Brass: Where's the money, Kellen? Because I bet that's where we're gonna find both of them.
Drops: Man, talk to my lawyers. Better yet, talk to the tax dudes, they know where it is.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Brass [to Drops]: That's Jessica Jaynes' husband, what's Dana doing with him?
Drops: Beats the hell outta me. Walter's J.J's pimp ... your favorite word.
Drops: Beats the hell outta me. Walter's J.J's pimp ... your favorite word.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Walter: My J.J bangs one of your whales, 24/7 from Christmas to New Years and you stiff us.
Drops: Wait, wait. Stiff you? I got busted. I went to jail. Technically I'm still in jail.
Drops: Wait, wait. Stiff you? I got busted. I went to jail. Technically I'm still in jail.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Walter: You owe me somethin' else.
Drops: What for Vic? What's that 25 more? You can take the whole couch if you want to.
Walter: No, no, no. I got my pay. I need my payback. I lost my wife. (stands up and points a gun at Dana) I'm gonna let you choose which one you lose. Either your girl or your baby.
Drops: What for Vic? What's that 25 more? You can take the whole couch if you want to.
Walter: No, no, no. I got my pay. I need my payback. I lost my wife. (stands up and points a gun at Dana) I'm gonna let you choose which one you lose. Either your girl or your baby.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Drops: And what about the money? Not expectin' anythin', just wonderin'.
Nick: Well, technically it's the mother's, and Dana's the only beneficiary so, the money's hers.
Drops: And my kid's?
Nick: Yeah.
Drops: For once I did something good in my life.
Nick: Your life ain't over yet, Kellen. It ain't over yet.
Nick: Well, technically it's the mother's, and Dana's the only beneficiary so, the money's hers.
Drops: And my kid's?
Nick: Yeah.
Drops: For once I did something good in my life.
Nick: Your life ain't over yet, Kellen. It ain't over yet.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine: "Atomic Dave's Painless Removals." Some kind of pest control gizmo.
Warrick: Apparently it works. I don't think the squirrels would agree that it's painless though.
Warrick: Apparently it works. I don't think the squirrels would agree that it's painless though.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: Your killer's a ground squirrel?
Catherine: In a way I have to argue self defense.
Catherine: In a way I have to argue self defense.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Hodges: In an interview in the San Francisco Chronicle, October 31, 1996, if I recall correctly, one Gilbert Grissom revealed that as a boy he collected dead animals he found in his Marina Del Ray neighborhood and performed necropsies on them.
Grissom: Hodges, I want you to stop stalking me.
Grissom: Hodges, I want you to stop stalking me.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action.
Hodges: Winston Churchill.
Grissom: Ian Fleming.
Hodges: I should know that I'm a huge James Bond fan.
Greg: What aren't you a fan of?
Hodges: Winston Churchill.
Grissom: Ian Fleming.
Hodges: I should know that I'm a huge James Bond fan.
Greg: What aren't you a fan of?
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation