Desperate Housewives Quotes
Susan: (to Bongo) "What is wrong with you? Lassie would have had a fire truck here by now! Stupid dog. (Bongo runs out) Good boy Bongo! Go get help! (Bongo brings back a dead bird) Ohh...ew!"
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Bree: "Hi Danielle. How was school?"
Danielle: "It was ok."
Bree: "Good. Where does Andrew keep his marijuana?"
Danielle: "It was ok."
Bree: "Good. Where does Andrew keep his marijuana?"
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Edie: "Crap! Crap! Crap! I'm telling you, all of the good dresses are taken. Well, what the hell am I supposed to wear?"
Lynette: "Well, Mrs. Huber never showed up. Why don't you wear this one?"
Edie: "This is an old lady dress. You won't even be able to see my body."
Lynette: "That is so like you, Edie. You're always thinking of others."
Lynette: "Well, Mrs. Huber never showed up. Why don't you wear this one?"
Edie: "This is an old lady dress. You won't even be able to see my body."
Lynette: "That is so like you, Edie. You're always thinking of others."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Bree: "Well, that's because you just don't love him as much as I do!"
Rex: "Well, isn't that nice."
Bree: "It's just a fact. I'm his mother. He lived inside of me."
Rex: "He hung out in your womb for a few months back in the 80s. Since then, I have grown to love him just as much as you!"
Rex: "Well, isn't that nice."
Bree: "It's just a fact. I'm his mother. He lived inside of me."
Rex: "He hung out in your womb for a few months back in the 80s. Since then, I have grown to love him just as much as you!"
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Gabrielle: "Edie, what did you do to that dress?"
Edie: "Well, I made it audience friendly. Can you tell I'm not wearing any underwear?"
Gabrielle: "Yes!"
Edie: "Good."
Edie: "Well, I made it audience friendly. Can you tell I'm not wearing any underwear?"
Gabrielle: "Yes!"
Edie: "Good."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Bree: "Were you with a woman? Did you tell that you have a wife, or does that hinder your pick-up style?"
Rex: "All right. Even if I was seeing someone, I have every right to. Exploring options is the whole point of being separated!"
Bree: "Options! I'm not a mutual fund, Rex."
Rex: "All right. Even if I was seeing someone, I have every right to. Exploring options is the whole point of being separated!"
Bree: "Options! I'm not a mutual fund, Rex."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Maisy: "You’re not going to tell a soul. Bree, you may hate me, but you’d hate the humiliation a lot more."
Bree: "Oh, I don’t hate you, Maisy. I pity you."
Bree: "Oh, I don’t hate you, Maisy. I pity you."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Julie: Oh, I talked to Dad today, and apparently, he and Brandi might break up."
Susan: "Oh, how awful!"
Julie: "Mom, you’re smiling."
Susan: "Am I? Hmm."
Susan: "Oh, how awful!"
Julie: "Mom, you’re smiling."
Susan: "Am I? Hmm."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Bree(whispering): "As of this moment, Rex, I am no longer your wife. I am going to go out, and find the most vindictive lawyer I can find, and together, we are going to eviscerate you. I'm going to take away your money, your family, and your dignity. Do you hear me?"
Rex: "Bree..."
Bree: "And I am so thrilled to know that you still love me. Because I want what's about to happen to you...to hurt as much as humanly possible. I'm so glad you didn't die before I got a chance to tell you that."
Rex: "Bree..."
Bree: "And I am so thrilled to know that you still love me. Because I want what's about to happen to you...to hurt as much as humanly possible. I'm so glad you didn't die before I got a chance to tell you that."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Maisy: "Oh, Bree. What a nice surprise. Would you like to come in?"
Bree: "Well, that depends. Are you having an affair with my husband?"
Bree: "Well, that depends. Are you having an affair with my husband?"
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
George: "It was nice talking with you, Dr. Van de Kamp."
Rex: "Please, you're dating my wife! Call me Rex!"
Rex: "Please, you're dating my wife! Call me Rex!"
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Edie: "I just wanted you to know that everyone on Wisteria Lane is praying for your sister's safe return."
Felicia: "Oh, I seriously doubt that."
Felicia: "Oh, I seriously doubt that."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Edie: "Look, Felicia, it's natural to freak out when a loved one is missing."
Felicia: "Loved one? Oh, Edie, let me be clear about this. I hated Martha. She was a wretched pig of a woman and the day she died, this world became a better place."
Felicia: "Loved one? Oh, Edie, let me be clear about this. I hated Martha. She was a wretched pig of a woman and the day she died, this world became a better place."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Bree: "Do me a favor, Rex. Please don't mistake my anal-retentiveness for actual affection."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Felicia: "Look at them all. Vultures. Pretending to care when all they really want are the sordid details."
Police Chief: "I don't know, I think they just want to show their support."
Felicia: "Please. Human beings feed on misery."
Police Chief: "I don't know, I think they just want to show their support."
Felicia: "Please. Human beings feed on misery."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Gabrielle: "I'm running out of money. In a couple of weeks, I'm gonna be screwed."
Yao Lin: "Why don't you hock some of your jewelry? There's a lot of stuff you never wear, and most of it's ugly."
Gabrielle: "Don't you have a toilet to scrub?"
Yao Lin: "Why don't you hock some of your jewelry? There's a lot of stuff you never wear, and most of it's ugly."
Gabrielle: "Don't you have a toilet to scrub?"
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Susan: "I guess I should go take a shower and wash Mrs. Huber off me."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Felicia: "Hello. I want to thank you all for coming out here and expressing your genuine sorrow and disbelief. My sister, Martha, would have been so touched. I know that many of you have questions. I've just spoken with the police who are still putting together the details of what happened. What they do know is, Martha died a violent death. Yes, I know. It’s hard to hear. Apparently, there was a struggle. They found scratching and bruising on her body, several broken bones, and traces of dirt in her lungs, which leads us to believe that she was still alive at the time of her burial, and probably in great pain. But the good news is, there are no signs that she had been molested. Now, I think it's time that you return to your homes, to your loved ones. Oh, in lieu of a memorial service, I'll be holding an estate sale the day after tomorrow. Please, no personal checks."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Rex: "Hey!"
Bree: "I’m not speaking to you."
Rex: "Didn’t like the settlement talks, huh?"
Bree: "You only demanded the good china because you know I love it."
Rex: "You take our timeshare in Aspen, and I’m vindictive? Come on! You'll hardly ever use that place!"
Bree: "Hardly? How about never!"
Rex: "I mean, fine. When I move out, I’m going to use your good china for take out food. Yeah. pizza, spare ribs..."
Bree: "You know what? At our next settlement talks, I plan on asking for your golf clubs!"
Rex: "Isn’t divorce fun?"
Bree: "I’m not speaking to you."
Rex: "Didn’t like the settlement talks, huh?"
Bree: "You only demanded the good china because you know I love it."
Rex: "You take our timeshare in Aspen, and I’m vindictive? Come on! You'll hardly ever use that place!"
Bree: "Hardly? How about never!"
Rex: "I mean, fine. When I move out, I’m going to use your good china for take out food. Yeah. pizza, spare ribs..."
Bree: "You know what? At our next settlement talks, I plan on asking for your golf clubs!"
Rex: "Isn’t divorce fun?"
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Susan(chuckles): "Listen, I know being dramatic is the birthright of every teenager, but come on..."
Zach: "WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING!!?? DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?"
Susan(harshly): "Thank you, Zach. You have just made this really easy for me. You are now forbidden from seeing or talking to my daughter ever again. And if you come within ten feet of her, I will call the police, and I will have you arrested! Now get out!"
Zach: "WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING!!?? DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?"
Susan(harshly): "Thank you, Zach. You have just made this really easy for me. You are now forbidden from seeing or talking to my daughter ever again. And if you come within ten feet of her, I will call the police, and I will have you arrested! Now get out!"
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Gabrielle: "John, you're a toy. A sweet dumb toy. So you might as well go to college, because me and you? no future!"
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Rex: "What do you say Bree, do we send the vultures home?"
Bree: "I want to keep the club membership. Rex is terrible at tennis and hates buffets."
Bree: "I want to keep the club membership. Rex is terrible at tennis and hates buffets."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Gabrielle: "I've tried poor but happy. Guess what? Wasn't that happy!"
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Bree: "Okay. So what’s our control word?"
Rex: "Well, lately I’ve been using Philadelphia. What’s wrong?"
Bree: "Well it’s just that my Aunt Fern lives in Philadelphia and I don’t want to be thinking about her while I’m spanking you with a leather strap."
Rex: "Okay. Fine. You pick a control word."
Bree: "Um, how about Boise?"
Rex: "Boise?"
Bree: "What’s the matter with Boise?"
Rex: "We’re going to be doing psychological role playing here, Bree, and a funny word like Boise would ruin the mood. We need something that sounds serious."
Bree: "Hmm. How about Palestine?"
Rex: "Boise will be just fine."
Rex: "Well, lately I’ve been using Philadelphia. What’s wrong?"
Bree: "Well it’s just that my Aunt Fern lives in Philadelphia and I don’t want to be thinking about her while I’m spanking you with a leather strap."
Rex: "Okay. Fine. You pick a control word."
Bree: "Um, how about Boise?"
Rex: "Boise?"
Bree: "What’s the matter with Boise?"
Rex: "We’re going to be doing psychological role playing here, Bree, and a funny word like Boise would ruin the mood. We need something that sounds serious."
Bree: "Hmm. How about Palestine?"
Rex: "Boise will be just fine."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Rex: "For God's sake, you promised to be supportive."
Bree: "What do you want me to say? My husband likes to wear metal clamps around his nipples. Hooray?"
Bree: "What do you want me to say? My husband likes to wear metal clamps around his nipples. Hooray?"
TV Show: Desperate Housewives
Lynette: "Are you sure you didn't misplace it? No offense, but you're getting up there in the years."
Mrs. McCluskey: "No offense, but you should be sterilised."
Mrs. McCluskey: "No offense, but you should be sterilised."
TV Show: Desperate Housewives