Dumb and Dumber Quotes

Ms. Heller: The band sounds awful.

Principal Collins: Ha ha. I sold the wood instruments for Hawaiian Air tickets.

Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Lloyd: Whoa! Look at Jessica, look at her milk bubbles, and her shorts are really short!

Harry Dunne: I know...

Lloyd: Yea, last time I wore shorts that short, I got beat up!

Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Doctor: Come on out, you little bastard.

Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Harry Dunne: I like your outfit Mr Polar Bear.

Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Principal Collins: You know, Honey... I think I've finally figured out a way to bilk this school out of enough money to get us that condo in Waikiki.

Ms. Heller: How, Sweet Baby? You've done it all.

Principal Collins: Small potatoes. This is the big one. This is visionary. This idea is genius.
[Ms. Heller giggles]

Principal Collins: Look at this. The "Richard Moffitt Special Needs Grant".

Ms. Heller: Mm-hmm.

Principal Collins: This Moffitt guy used to be in a Special Needs program, & then he learns to string a couple of sentences together and now he's some big hotshot. Anyway, the State is giving 100 Grand in his name to every school that has a Special Needs Class.

Ms. Heller: This is fantastic!

Principal Collins: Mm-hmm.

Ms. Heller: All we have to do is *kill* this Moffitt guy, & we get all the money.

Principal Collins: No.
[Ms. Heller sighs]

Principal Collins: No. What we need is to set up a *fake* Special Needs Class.

Ms. Heller: We start our own class.

Principal Collins: Problem is, where do we find kids... we can pass off as "Special"?

Lloyd Christmas: O.k., that's high enough! Thanks, Turk.

Harry Dunne: I'm flying! Woo-hoo! So this is what a flag sees all day.

Lloyd Christmas: Yeah.

Harry Dunne: And your friend Turk is totally great.

Lloyd Christmas: Yeah, he's Aces, huh?
[

Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Harry: You found my treasure? Why didn't you tell me?

Lloyd Christmas: Three words: I did.

Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Harry: You found my treasure? Why didn't you tell me?

Lloyd Christmas: Three words: I did.

Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Principal Collins: You know, Honey... I think I've finally figured out a way to bilk this school out of enough money to get us that condo in Waikiki.

Ms. Heller: How, Sweet Baby? You've done it all.

Principal Collins: Small potatoes. This is the big one. This is visionary. This idea is genius.
[Ms. Heller giggles]

Principal Collins: Look at this. The Richard Moffitt Special Needs Grant.

Ms. Heller: Mm-hmm.

Principal Collins: This Moffitt guy used to be in a Special Needs program, & then he learns to string a couple of sentences together and now he's some big hotshot. Anyway, the State is giving 100 Grand in his name to every school that has a Special Needs Class.

Ms. Heller: This is fantastic!

Principal Collins: Mm-hmm.

Ms. Heller: All we have to do is *kill* this Moffitt guy, & we get all the money.

Principal Collins: No.
[Ms. Heller sighs]

Principal Collins: No. What we need is to set up a *fake* Special Needs Class.

Ms. Heller: We start our own class.

Principal Collins: Problem is, where do we find kids... we can pass off as Special?

Lloyd Christmas: O.k., that's high enough! Thanks, Turk.

Harry Dunne: I'm flying! Woo-hoo! So this is what a flag sees all day.

Lloyd Christmas: Yeah.

Harry Dunne: And your friend Turk is totally great.

Lloyd Christmas:

Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Harry Dunne: [Harry is covered in mud and hit by Jessica's dad's car] Charlie!

Jessica's Dad: Oh, my God... it's you... you're the guy that crapped up my house! What are you... you're covered in ******! My car's covered in ******!

Harry Dunne: No, no, no, no... It's not that?
[gets off the hood and starts to walk off]

Jessica's Dad: There's crap all over my hood! You got feces all over my mercedes! It's in my grill! My car's covered in ****!

Lloyd: Who's that?

Harry Dunne: Jessica's Dad? she says he's really anal.

Lloyd: [winces, disgusted] Ew... ugh, that's gross.

Jessica's Dad: [as they walk off, fading out] Get back here! I'm not cleaning this up! I'm gonna have to have this towed! Are you out of your mind? What is it with you and *fecal* matter?
[fade out]

Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Mrs. Dunne: Hey, fellas, it's getting kind of late. Come on.

Lloyd Christmas: Can I be on top?

Harry Dunne: Only if I can be on bottom.

Lloyd Christmas: All Right!

Movie: Dumb and Dumber
[Harry is about to throw away Lloyd's chipped tooth]

Lloyd: No! Wait - save it for the Tooth Fairy.

Harry: I happen to know for a fact that my mother is the Tooth Fairy.

Lloyd: No way! Your mom's the Tooth Fairy?

Harry: Yeah, she flies around at night while I'm asleep.

Lloyd: Well nice to meet you. I'm Lloyd Christmas.

Harry: Well, I'll be. Here I am bragging about how my mom's the Tooth Fairy and you're dad's Santa Claus!

Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Lloyd Christmas: There's gonna be chicks all over us. It's gonna be so faggy I don't think I can stand it.

Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Dale's Man: They're driving an '84... Sheepdog.

Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Harry: I like your flight suit.
Ray: I'm a custodian.
Harry: Well then... [salutes Ray]

Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Harry: I like your flight suit.
Ray: I'm a custodian.
Harry: Well then... [salutes Ray]

Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Lloyd: Excuse me, little old lady. Do you have change for a dollar?
Elderly woman: Change? No I'm sorry, I don't.
Lloyd: Well, can you do me a favor and watch my stuff here while I go break a dollar?
Elderly woman: Of course.
Lloyd: Thanks. Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back. Don't you go dying on me!

Movie: Dumb and Dumber
[first lines]
Lloyd: Excuse me. Could you tell me how to get to the medical school? I'm supose to be giving a lecture in 20 minutes, and my driver's a bit lost.

Movie: Dumb and Dumber