Everybody Hates Chris Quotes
Narrator: Stacy was back with Doc and out of the store on weekends, which was all I ever wanted. Doc said he was gettin' another cashier. Whoever it was, they'd have to be better than Stacy.
Mr. Fong: Hey, Lionel Richie, you're late! Get busy! Scrub floor!
Mr. Fong: Hey, Lionel Richie, you're late! Get busy! Scrub floor!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Stacy: No matter how much you think you may hurt a woman's feelings, you have to tell the truth. She may hate you, burn down your house, pour bleach on your clothes, attack your new girlfriend with ants or take every dime you make. She may scratch your car with a rake or use your home phone to call China long-distance. She could put milk and detergent in your gas tank or put turpentine and nail polish remover and itching powder in your underwear. [2 hours later] She may glue your private parts to your leg or send an assassination threat to the President with your return address.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Believe it or not, Doc's girlfriend was the second-worst boss I've had. Mr. Fong was the worst, and I could only imagine how hard it would be workin' for him again.
Mr. Fong: Hey, quit imagining what it would be like to work for me and get back to work, Lionel Richie.
Mr. Fong: Hey, quit imagining what it would be like to work for me and get back to work, Lionel Richie.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Drew: I love Stacy. She came by today and brought me a pie. And if she was 13, I'd probably have to take her from you, Doc.
Narrator: You'd have to get past R. Kelly first.
Narrator: You'd have to get past R. Kelly first.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Greg: Captain Obvious only gives you the obvious solution. The rest is up to you.
Narrator: Kinda like Google.
Narrator: Kinda like Google.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Doc: Stacy said it's over, called me every name in the book.
Narrator: You can never find that book in the library.
Narrator: You can never find that book in the library.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Walter Dickerson: What's the matter, past your bedtime?
Narrator: Yes!
Narrator: Yes!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: After The Last Dragon, karate became more popular in the ghetto than poverty. Everybody was doin' it. Boys were doin' karate, girls were doin' it, even old people were doin' it.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Julius: Why is it always my responsibility to make sure the anniversary is good while you get to sit back and complain? I spent money on dinner, tickets, a hotel, and what do I get? $250 worth of angry stare.
Narrator: Nowadays, that stare costs over a thousand.
Narrator: Nowadays, that stare costs over a thousand.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Rochelle: Oh, baby, this is the best make-up anniversary ever.
Narrator: Translation: You blew it once, don't make it happen again.
Narrator: Translation: You blew it once, don't make it happen again.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Julius: We won't be able to use those $150 worth of show tickets to celebrate our anniversary.
Narrator: Sidney Poitier had nothing on my father's actin' abilities.
Award Presenter: And the award for "Best Husband Acting Like He Was Sad About Not Going Out On His Anniversary When He Was Actually Upset About Losing His Money" goes to... Julius!
Narrator: Sidney Poitier had nothing on my father's actin' abilities.
Award Presenter: And the award for "Best Husband Acting Like He Was Sad About Not Going Out On His Anniversary When He Was Actually Upset About Losing His Money" goes to... Julius!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris: [about watching Drew and Tonya] Ma, I can do it. I mean, I know how much you've been looking forward to this and I wouldn't want you to miss it because of us.
Award Presenter: And the award for "Best Kid Pretending Like He Gives A Damn About His Mother's Anniversary When He Really Wants To Get Out Of The House So He Can Sneak Out And Do Something He Doesn't Have Any Business Doing" goes to... Chris!
Award Presenter: And the award for "Best Kid Pretending Like He Gives A Damn About His Mother's Anniversary When He Really Wants To Get Out Of The House So He Can Sneak Out And Do Something He Doesn't Have Any Business Doing" goes to... Chris!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Vanessa: I was married once. For our anniversary, he took me to a Knicks game. I broke up with him at halftime.
Narrator: And ended up goin' home with Bernard King.
Narrator: And ended up goin' home with Bernard King.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: At the barbershop, rumors about Jerome were spreadin' faster than Britney Spears for the paparazzi.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris: I got all the emergency numbers: Fire, Police, SWAT, FBI, CIA, IRS, NAACP, and the NBA.
Narrator: In case Chris Mullin breaks in.
Narrator: In case Chris Mullin breaks in.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: I didn't have anything against Big Bird, but unfortunately for me, she didn't have anything against me, either.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Jerome: Hey, little dude out on a date, lemme hold your money! [Chris runs off]
Big Bird: Chris, wait!
Narrator: No!
Big Bird: Chris, wait!
Narrator: No!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Vanessa: Every time the Jets win, I use my green toothbrush.
Narrator: Four outta five dentists think she's crazy.
Narrator: Four outta five dentists think she's crazy.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris: Lemme make it up to you. Lemme take you out again.
Kelly: No. Never. Het. Noya. No, no, no, no, no, and no.
Narrator: Unfortunately for me, Kelly spoke 15 languages.
Kelly: Jo. Cuwa. Momo. Tla.
Narrator: Was that Cherokee?
Kelly: Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.
Kelly: No. Never. Het. Noya. No, no, no, no, no, and no.
Narrator: Unfortunately for me, Kelly spoke 15 languages.
Kelly: Jo. Cuwa. Momo. Tla.
Narrator: Was that Cherokee?
Kelly: Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Tonight's episode was brought to you by the letters D, A, M, and N!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Vanessa: [explaining her date with Kill Moves] We opened the champagne, headed for the seaport. There was a pink helicopter waitin' for me.
Narrator: You can hear about the rest of Vanessa's date at www.vanessa'sbigdatewithkillmoves.tv.
Narrator: You can hear about the rest of Vanessa's date at www.vanessa'sbigdatewithkillmoves.tv.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Back at school, Greg was doin' more wardrobe changes than Beyoncé in concert.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: The only thing scarier than a man almost dyin' was the man who had almost killed him.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Kelly didn't realize that I was avoidin' bein' seen with her. She just thought I was the greatest phone boyfriend ever.
Chris: I guess my favorite rappers are Run-D.M.C.
Big Bird: I love Salt-n-Pepa.
Chris: My favorite character from the Rocky movies is Clubber Lang.
Big Bird: I love Captain Drago.
Chris: And I jumped off the top stairs, started flyin', and landed on the Mary Jane Girls.
Big Bird: I had the exact same dream, except I landed on Rick James.
Narrator: About the only thing we didn't talk about is when we'd get together again.
Chris: I guess my favorite rappers are Run-D.M.C.
Big Bird: I love Salt-n-Pepa.
Chris: My favorite character from the Rocky movies is Clubber Lang.
Big Bird: I love Captain Drago.
Chris: And I jumped off the top stairs, started flyin', and landed on the Mary Jane Girls.
Big Bird: I had the exact same dream, except I landed on Rick James.
Narrator: About the only thing we didn't talk about is when we'd get together again.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Football Player #1: Hey, it's Big Bird!
Football Player #2: Hey, where's Bert and Ernie?
Football Player #1: [to Chris] I guess that makes you... Snuffleupagus?
Football Player #2: No, it makes him Roosevelt Franklin!
Football Player #1: Cookie?
Both: COOKIE!
Football Player #2: Hey, where's Bert and Ernie?
Football Player #1: [to Chris] I guess that makes you... Snuffleupagus?
Football Player #2: No, it makes him Roosevelt Franklin!
Football Player #1: Cookie?
Both: COOKIE!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Rochelle: Hello. Thank you for calling. Nobody is available to take your call right now. Please leave a message at the sound of the beep.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Rochelle: What's this?
Narrator: Flowers from a white person's garden.
Narrator: Flowers from a white person's garden.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris