Frasier Quotes
Frasier: Dad, the inability to maintain adult relationships often has its roots in parent-child trauma.
Martin: What's your generation gonna do when we're all gone and there's no one left to blame?
Martin: What's your generation gonna do when we're all gone and there's no one left to blame?
TV Show: Frasier
[Niles learns of Frasier's new patient]
Frasier: Very challenging case. The man has father issues, any number of neuroses and a phobia or two.
Niles: Sounds to me like you’ve hit the crackpot!
Frasier: Very challenging case. The man has father issues, any number of neuroses and a phobia or two.
Niles: Sounds to me like you’ve hit the crackpot!
TV Show: Frasier
[Frasier tries to think of a solution to the shortage of caviar.]
Frasier: What was the name of the boat...?
Niles: HMS Bounty!
Frasier: This isn’t Trivial Pursuit. Let me finish!
Frasier: What was the name of the boat...?
Niles: HMS Bounty!
Frasier: This isn’t Trivial Pursuit. Let me finish!
TV Show: Frasier
[Martin, still frustrated at the amount of red tape he faces at the bank, takes a phone call in Frasier’s absence]
Martin: No, I'm sorry. Frasier isn’t here. Sure you can place an order. Here, let me transfer you to that department! [hangs up]
Martin: No, I'm sorry. Frasier isn’t here. Sure you can place an order. Here, let me transfer you to that department! [hangs up]
TV Show: Frasier
Martin: Hey Fras,’ how was your trip to the accountant?
Frasier: Fine, er, fine... why are all these lights on?
Frasier: Fine, er, fine... why are all these lights on?
TV Show: Frasier
Evelyn took a phone call from her children’s nanny.]
Evelyn: Sorry about that. Susie got stuck in the laundry chute again.
Daphne: Aww, poor thing. How old is she?
Evelyn: What's the difference? After tomorrow, she’s not our nanny any more.
Evelyn: Sorry about that. Susie got stuck in the laundry chute again.
Daphne: Aww, poor thing. How old is she?
Evelyn: What's the difference? After tomorrow, she’s not our nanny any more.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier has confided in Niles of how Bebe is trying to lure him back
Niles: I think I’ve figured it out. Bebe wants to have sex with a human male to bring about the Apocalypse.
Niles: I think I’ve figured it out. Bebe wants to have sex with a human male to bring about the Apocalypse.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: I almost feel sorry for her. Just another helpless woman suffering from an unslakeable thirst…
Frasier & Niles: [unison] …for Crane.
Frasier & Niles: [unison] …for Crane.
TV Show: Frasier
[Niles and Daphne are discussing names for a baby]
Niles: How about Desmond?
Daphne: Hmm. "Desmond Crane, you are hereby sentenced to..." No, I don't like it. What about Jack?
Niles: 'Fraid not. The first name ends with the same sound that begins the last name, so you either end up running them together — Jackrane — or you face the dreaded glottal stop. Jack—Crane. Jack—Crane. It's unpleasant for the throat.
Daphne: This conversation’s unpleasant for the throat.
Niles: How about Desmond?
Daphne: Hmm. "Desmond Crane, you are hereby sentenced to..." No, I don't like it. What about Jack?
Niles: 'Fraid not. The first name ends with the same sound that begins the last name, so you either end up running them together — Jackrane — or you face the dreaded glottal stop. Jack—Crane. Jack—Crane. It's unpleasant for the throat.
Daphne: This conversation’s unpleasant for the throat.
TV Show: Frasier
[Frasier, Niles, and Leland are singing the Major-General's song. Martin tries to fit in.]
Leland: About binomial theorem, I'm teeming with a lot o' news, with many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
All: With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse, with many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse, with many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse—
Martin: With many awful facts about the scary hippopotamus!
Leland: About binomial theorem, I'm teeming with a lot o' news, with many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
All: With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse, with many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse, with many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse—
Martin: With many awful facts about the scary hippopotamus!
TV Show: Frasier
[Worn out by Alice's energetic games, Niles and Daphne place her in front of the TV.]
Niles: Should we really be popping her in front of the tube?
Daphne: It's an educational tape. Did you want to read her more Jung for Youngsters?
Niles: Should we really be popping her in front of the tube?
Daphne: It's an educational tape. Did you want to read her more Jung for Youngsters?
TV Show: Frasier
[Frasier is talking about one of his favourite films, Noch einen Stuhl.]
Frasier: It's the story of a nineteenth-century Austrian family, from the point of view of an old fireside armchair.
Roz: I'm sorry, I dozed off. What were you saying?
Frasier: It's the story of a nineteenth-century Austrian family, from the point of view of an old fireside armchair.
Roz: I'm sorry, I dozed off. What were you saying?
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier and Roz recall the occasion when they slept together two years previously
Frasier: I seem to recall hearing the term “stallion-like”
Roz: I never said that
Frasier: Well, one of us did!
Frasier: I seem to recall hearing the term “stallion-like”
Roz: I never said that
Frasier: Well, one of us did!
TV Show: Frasier
Daphne and Niles have just read the pregnancy test
Niles: But my slow sperm...
Daphne: I must have fast eggs!
Niles: But my slow sperm...
Daphne: I must have fast eggs!
TV Show: Frasier
Niles has observed Frasier's unfortunate dating pattern
Frasier: I'd like to strike you, of course, but you speak the truth!
Frasier: I'd like to strike you, of course, but you speak the truth!
TV Show: Frasier
Niles is encouraging Frasier to commit to commitment. Despite the glib expression, he is inspired
Frasier: I am going to call Julia, and I will not take "no" for an answer! I may have walked in here the old fault-finding, flaw-fleeing Flasier, but I leave a man committed to commitment!
Niles: [grinning] You said Flasier.
Frasier: I did not!
Frasier: I am going to call Julia, and I will not take "no" for an answer! I may have walked in here the old fault-finding, flaw-fleeing Flasier, but I leave a man committed to commitment!
Niles: [grinning] You said Flasier.
Frasier: I did not!
TV Show: Frasier
Alistair Burke has just appeared in Café Nervosa
Frasier: He is only the head of the Seattle Opera Guild, and one of the finest directors in the world!
Niles: His productions are brilliant! He staged a Philip Glass opera last year and no one left.
Frasier: He is only the head of the Seattle Opera Guild, and one of the finest directors in the world!
Niles: His productions are brilliant! He staged a Philip Glass opera last year and no one left.
TV Show: Frasier
Martin: Let's see. One of my sons just got picked up by a guy. My other son is jealous. Yep, life is good!
TV Show: Frasier
Ronee: I'm gonna take a little break. Try not to kill yourselves from disappointment.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: Dad, you know, you really ought to slow down there. [to Ronee] You know, at his age, one slip and it's the ICU and then it's I-see-ya later.
Martin: Well, I wouldn't worry about me, Fras'. I don't feel any older now than I did when you were parading around in your mother's heels. [everyone laughs] Of course, that was just last Christmas.
Martin: Well, I wouldn't worry about me, Fras'. I don't feel any older now than I did when you were parading around in your mother's heels. [everyone laughs] Of course, that was just last Christmas.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: Welcome. Whether our journey together lasts for years or just one day, I can’t tell you how excited I am to take this first step with you.
[He says this first to the tempreceptionist, then to four successive patients who all disappear within minutes]
[He says this first to the tempreceptionist, then to four successive patients who all disappear within minutes]
TV Show: Frasier
[Niles is having a panic attack in the kitchen during the baby shower]
Martin: Calm down, Niles.
Niles: I can’t! I’m telling her another lie every time I open my mouth!
Martin: Oh, get a grip on yourself, man! It’s called marriage!
Martin: Calm down, Niles.
Niles: I can’t! I’m telling her another lie every time I open my mouth!
Martin: Oh, get a grip on yourself, man! It’s called marriage!
TV Show: Frasier
[Niles has had a nervous breakdown and stripped naked in Café Nervosa]
Waiter: I’m calling the cops!
Roz: The hell you are! This man’s tips alone have probably paid for all the pot you’ll ever smoke!
Waiter: I’m calling the cops!
Roz: The hell you are! This man’s tips alone have probably paid for all the pot you’ll ever smoke!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier It's as if you'd forgotten that not three days ago I was... punched in the face...by a man now dead.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: I was having the most distressing dream; I was climbing up a volcano, that was spewing ice instead of lava.
Daphne: An ice volcano. I wonder what that could mean.
Frasier checks his messages
Voice on the answering machine: Hello, it's Lilith.
Frasier, Martin and Daphne: [suddenly realising] Oh, well.
Daphne: An ice volcano. I wonder what that could mean.
Frasier checks his messages
Voice on the answering machine: Hello, it's Lilith.
Frasier, Martin and Daphne: [suddenly realising] Oh, well.
TV Show: Frasier
Niles: Shouldn’t you get the door?
Martin: You’re closer.
Niles: I don’t live here.
Martin: Doesn’t matter. You’re family.
Niles: So’s Daph…
Daphne: [interrupts] Oh no, you don’t!
Lilith: [from outside] Maybe if you slid me a key, I could let myself in.
Martin: You’re closer.
Niles: I don’t live here.
Martin: Doesn’t matter. You’re family.
Niles: So’s Daph…
Daphne: [interrupts] Oh no, you don’t!
Lilith: [from outside] Maybe if you slid me a key, I could let myself in.
TV Show: Frasier
[Frasier has just seen Frederick’s goth girlfriend, and is reeling from the shock]
Niles: Well, at least he’s not dating outside the faith.
Niles: Well, at least he’s not dating outside the faith.
TV Show: Frasier
[Niles has just announced his rebellious plans to Frasier]
Frasier: What?!
Niles: I’ve waited for this all my life, Frasier. One act of utter, devil-may-care, crotch-grabbing brazenness! And of course, I’ll have a nurse on speed-dial in case things get too hairy.
Frasier: What?!
Niles: I’ve waited for this all my life, Frasier. One act of utter, devil-may-care, crotch-grabbing brazenness! And of course, I’ll have a nurse on speed-dial in case things get too hairy.
TV Show: Frasier