Frasier Quotes
Frasier steps onto the scales at the weigh-in on television
Presenter: Ouch! 1lb heavier, Fras’!
Frasier: That can’t be! I’ve added a salad to every meal!
Presenter: Ouch! 1lb heavier, Fras’!
Frasier: That can’t be! I’ve added a salad to every meal!
TV Show: Frasier
Niles arrives at Frasier’s place. He has had a very bad day
Niles: I need a sherry.
Frasier: Brace yourself!
Niles: [sees the empty bottle] You always think it’s going to happen to someone else.
Niles: I need a sherry.
Frasier: Brace yourself!
Niles: [sees the empty bottle] You always think it’s going to happen to someone else.
TV Show: Frasier
Martin takes charge
Martin: [to Daphne] You’re gonna lose your looks? Happens to everyone. [to Frasier] You’re afraid you’re gonna end up alone? You’ll still have your family. [to Niles] You’re afraid you’re gonna be a bad father? Join the club! [to all three] Now just clam up and go to bed!
Martin: [to Daphne] You’re gonna lose your looks? Happens to everyone. [to Frasier] You’re afraid you’re gonna end up alone? You’ll still have your family. [to Niles] You’re afraid you’re gonna be a bad father? Join the club! [to all three] Now just clam up and go to bed!
TV Show: Frasier
Nanette is in Frasier's house and she tries to explain her disdain for carrying on her role as Nanny G.
Nanette: Do you know what it's like, playing the same character for twenty years?!.
Nanette: Do you know what it's like, playing the same character for twenty years?!.
TV Show: Frasier
[Niles is appalled when he learns the reason for his father’s heart attack.]
Niles: (to Frasier) Look at you! You just stand there with a smile on your face.
Frasier: That’s make-up, you idiot!
Niles: (to Frasier) Look at you! You just stand there with a smile on your face.
Frasier: That’s make-up, you idiot!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier and Niles discuss the possibility of a future without Martin
Frasier: Now, I can’t imagine life without him.
Niles: It would be very hard to walk into this apartment and see that chair…and know that Dad wasn’t here anymore.
Frasier: Oh, I’d get rid of that chair immediately.
Frasier: Now, I can’t imagine life without him.
Niles: It would be very hard to walk into this apartment and see that chair…and know that Dad wasn’t here anymore.
Frasier: Oh, I’d get rid of that chair immediately.
TV Show: Frasier
Niles does not want to get involved in undoing Frasier’s criminal activity
Frasier: Fine, I’ll do it myself! Here, hold this for me. (hands Niles the stolen item)
Niles: What for?
Frasier: [grabs it back] Now your prints are on it too, you have to help me!
Niles: Fiend!
Frasier: Fine, I’ll do it myself! Here, hold this for me. (hands Niles the stolen item)
Niles: What for?
Frasier: [grabs it back] Now your prints are on it too, you have to help me!
Niles: Fiend!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier claims that Niles is afraid of spiders…then also that he is afraid of heights…then also of crowds
Frasier: You are looking at that rarest of beasts: the arachno-acro-agoraphobe!
Frasier: You are looking at that rarest of beasts: the arachno-acro-agoraphobe!
TV Show: Frasier
[Daphne’s doula insists on a drug-free childbirth, and Roz, as a mother, can hardly believe her ears.]
Harvest: A natural childbirth needn’t be painful.
Roz: It needn’t be, but it be!
Harvest: A natural childbirth needn’t be painful.
Roz: It needn’t be, but it be!
TV Show: Frasier
[Daphne changes her mind about the natural birth after seeing a video of one.]
Daphne: I’m having my baby the way God intended: in a hospital, numb from the waist down!
Daphne: I’m having my baby the way God intended: in a hospital, numb from the waist down!
TV Show: Frasier
Niles has discovered fast food. Frasier remains unconvinced
Daphne: I guess he's got the fast food bug.
Frasier: And which one would that be? E. coli?
Daphne: I guess he's got the fast food bug.
Frasier: And which one would that be? E. coli?
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier explains his strategy for winning Charlotte over
Frasier: I am merely going present myself as the anti-Frank.
Niles: Ah, so you’re going to be not rugged and not handsome. Interesting.
Frasier: No…
Niles: You could also be not passionate and not committed.
Frasier: Very funny(!)
Niles: Maybe she’d like you if you were not interesting and not informed…
Frasier: Niles!
Frasier: I am merely going present myself as the anti-Frank.
Niles: Ah, so you’re going to be not rugged and not handsome. Interesting.
Frasier: No…
Niles: You could also be not passionate and not committed.
Frasier: Very funny(!)
Niles: Maybe she’d like you if you were not interesting and not informed…
Frasier: Niles!
TV Show: Frasier
[Charlotte has just told Frasier that she no longer remembers what she and Frank were fighting about.]
Frasier: [to Niles] You know what that means, don’t you? They had a long night of acrobatic make-up sex.
Niles: I’ve just thought of another way you could be the anti-Frank.
Frasier: [to Niles] You know what that means, don’t you? They had a long night of acrobatic make-up sex.
Niles: I’ve just thought of another way you could be the anti-Frank.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: I had a great time with you today. With somebody else, it would’ve been a disaster.
Charlotte: With somebody else, I would’ve been in Portland.
Charlotte: With somebody else, I would’ve been in Portland.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: Roz is dropping by with someone she wanted me to meet.
Niles: Ooh, a lady friend?
Frasier: No, we’re going to form a jazz trio, Niles(!)
Niles: Ooh, a lady friend?
Frasier: No, we’re going to form a jazz trio, Niles(!)
TV Show: Frasier
[Niles is drowning his sorrows after separating from Maris]
Roz: Alice is so cute! She fell asleep hugging her bottle.
Niles: I’m right behind her!
Roz: Alice is so cute! She fell asleep hugging her bottle.
Niles: I’m right behind her!
TV Show: Frasier
Charlotte is cooking dinner with Frasier
Charlotte: We’re such a cliché: the little woman at the stove, the big rugged man with his brawny arm…
Frasier: [interrupts] Oh, the hollandaise is breaking!
Charlotte: We’re such a cliché: the little woman at the stove, the big rugged man with his brawny arm…
Frasier: [interrupts] Oh, the hollandaise is breaking!
TV Show: Frasier
After spending time with Daphne’s brothers, Niles is worried about his child
Niles: The idea that our son might take after them is making me crazy!
Frasier: Now Niles, just remember, those hearty Crane genes are in there, too.
Niles: Oh, please. Those Moon genes have probably beaten our genes up and stolen their lunch money!
Niles: The idea that our son might take after them is making me crazy!
Frasier: Now Niles, just remember, those hearty Crane genes are in there, too.
Niles: Oh, please. Those Moon genes have probably beaten our genes up and stolen their lunch money!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: [Last lines on his KACL talk show] For eleven years you've heard me say, "I’m listening." Well, you were listening, too. And for that I am eternally grateful. Goodnight, Seattle.
TV Show: Frasier