Frasier Quotes
Niles: Well, as some illustrious person once said, "Popularity is the hallmark of mediocrity."
Frasier: You just made that up, didn't you?
Niles: Yes, but I stand by it.
Frasier: You just made that up, didn't you?
Niles: Yes, but I stand by it.
TV Show: Frasier
[Niles is bemused by the smell of Martin's tackle box covered by Daphne's air freshener]
Niles: It smells like a fish died and all the other fish sent flowers.
Niles: It smells like a fish died and all the other fish sent flowers.
TV Show: Frasier
[Daphne encourages Frasier to go ice fishing with Martin]
Frasier: So you're suggesting that I go along and pretend I'm enjoying myself in something that gives me absolutely no pleasure at all just to hear the words "I love you"?
Daphne: Why not? Women have been doing it for centuries.
Frasier: So you're suggesting that I go along and pretend I'm enjoying myself in something that gives me absolutely no pleasure at all just to hear the words "I love you"?
Daphne: Why not? Women have been doing it for centuries.
TV Show: Frasier
Martin: Seattle's a big city. I'm sure there's a bunch of German fencing instructors, each one with dozens of students.
Frasier: Yes, but are they wealthy students?
Martin: [sarcastically] No, they're inner-city kids trying to work their way out of the ghetto with nothing but a foil and a dream.
Frasier: Yes, but are they wealthy students?
Martin: [sarcastically] No, they're inner-city kids trying to work their way out of the ghetto with nothing but a foil and a dream.
TV Show: Frasier
[Niles accuses Gunnar in English, which Frasier translates into Spanish for Marta, so she can tell Gunnar in German]
Gunnar: Schweinhund![draws his sword]
Niles: Alright, fine! You want to challenge me? En garde!
Frasier: Oh, yes, Niles! That's just what we need: a fourth language.
Gunnar: Schweinhund![draws his sword]
Niles: Alright, fine! You want to challenge me? En garde!
Frasier: Oh, yes, Niles! That's just what we need: a fourth language.
TV Show: Frasier
[Frasier is watching a daytime soap opera with Daphne and Martin]
Frasier: Is this what you do when I'm not at home?
Daphne: Not quite. When you're not home I can bloody well hear what they're saying!
Frasier: You wouldn't want to miss a line of this dialogue: "Oh Zirconia, can't you see Stone doesn't love you, he loves Placenta!"
Daphne: I don't think someone called "Frasier" should be pointing any fingers.
Frasier: Is this what you do when I'm not at home?
Daphne: Not quite. When you're not home I can bloody well hear what they're saying!
Frasier: You wouldn't want to miss a line of this dialogue: "Oh Zirconia, can't you see Stone doesn't love you, he loves Placenta!"
Daphne: I don't think someone called "Frasier" should be pointing any fingers.
TV Show: Frasier
[After Bebe has treated Daphne as a slave, she brings Bebe a snack]
Daphne: Will there be anything else?
Bebe: No, you run along, I'm fine.
Daphne: You're sure now? Because I could wait until you've finished the biscuit and floss your teeth for you!
Daphne: Will there be anything else?
Bebe: No, you run along, I'm fine.
Daphne: You're sure now? Because I could wait until you've finished the biscuit and floss your teeth for you!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: All right, stop it! Get a grip. You're not being asked to do anything that none of us hasn't done before in our own kitchens in our own homes! Now quick, Niles, kill five eels!
Niles: Wait, wait! What?
Frasier: I'm serious! Every restaurant critic in Seattle is out there and they all want anguille, so start killing eels!
Niles: Wait, wait. How do you suggest I do that?
Frasier: How do I know? You're the chef. Throw a toaster in the damn tank for all I care!
Niles: Wait, wait! What?
Frasier: I'm serious! Every restaurant critic in Seattle is out there and they all want anguille, so start killing eels!
Niles: Wait, wait. How do you suggest I do that?
Frasier: How do I know? You're the chef. Throw a toaster in the damn tank for all I care!
TV Show: Frasier
Niles: [to Frasier] You unprincipled charlatan! You unconscionable fraud! [turns] Happy birthday, Dad.
TV Show: Frasier
[Martin blows out the candles of his birthday cake at the same time the power goes out.]
Niles: Well, at least we know there's nothing wrong with Dad's lungs...
Niles: Well, at least we know there's nothing wrong with Dad's lungs...
TV Show: Frasier
[Niles leaves Frasier's apartment during a power outage. He returns a few minutes later, gasping for breath]
Niles: Nineteen floors down to my car! Garage door's electric! Can't open! Twenty floors back up! Lost count! Bad lady upstairs! Big dog! Need place to die!
Niles: Nineteen floors down to my car! Garage door's electric! Can't open! Twenty floors back up! Lost count! Bad lady upstairs! Big dog! Need place to die!
TV Show: Frasier
When Martin learns that Frasier's new boss is a woman, he expects his son to resent the situation
Frasier: If I had trouble taking orders from a woman, Frederick would never have been conceived!
Frasier: If I had trouble taking orders from a woman, Frederick would never have been conceived!
TV Show: Frasier
Martin: So this one night I invited her down to the corner bar.
Niles: Coroners have their own bar?
Martin: No. Corner, Niles — the corner bar!
Niles: Coroners have their own bar?
Martin: No. Corner, Niles — the corner bar!
TV Show: Frasier
Eddie's barking at the Doberman upstairs is keeping Frasier awake. He is wearing a space collar following a recent fight
Frasier: Oh, for God's sake! I am trying to get some sleep. I asked you to keep that dog quiet, and instead you outfit him with a megaphone!
Frasier: Oh, for God's sake! I am trying to get some sleep. I asked you to keep that dog quiet, and instead you outfit him with a megaphone!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier has conscripted Daphne and Martin to help him move into Niles' office
Martin: You know the best thing about gettin' old? Your hair may turn grey, your joints may stiffen, you may even have to walk with a cane…but people still ask you to help them move!
Martin: You know the best thing about gettin' old? Your hair may turn grey, your joints may stiffen, you may even have to walk with a cane…but people still ask you to help them move!
TV Show: Frasier
In the midst of an argument, Niles has just stormed out of his group therapy session, followed by his brother
Niles: Frasier, I have made a fist and I'm thinking of using it!
Frasier: You are not scaring me…the thumb goes on the outside, Niles! On the outside!
Niles: Frasier, I have made a fist and I'm thinking of using it!
Frasier: You are not scaring me…the thumb goes on the outside, Niles! On the outside!
TV Show: Frasier
[Frasier has arrived home to find Eddie lying on the sofa.]
Frasier: Dad? I thought we had an agreement. Eddie doesn't roll around on my sofa and I don't throw him in front of a bus.
Frasier: Dad? I thought we had an agreement. Eddie doesn't roll around on my sofa and I don't throw him in front of a bus.
TV Show: Frasier
Martin: She just sat around whining all the time about how she'd like to be in a warmer climate.
Frasier: My guess is she finally made it!
Frasier: My guess is she finally made it!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: Well, that's one on me. Or rather, one on me and my call-screener, Roz, whose ancestors were once heard remarking, "Oh, what a nice wooden horse! Of course I'll sign for it."
TV Show: Frasier
Bulldog: [to caller] You're in the Doghouse.
Caller: Hey, am I on?
Bulldog: Yeah, take as long as you want. [hangs up and goes to the next call]
Caller: Hey, am I on?
Bulldog: Yeah, take as long as you want. [hangs up and goes to the next call]
TV Show: Frasier
Roz: Well, when I'm handing out baloney sandwiches this weekend at the homeless shelter, it will do my heart good to know that a bunch of wealthy men are swishing two-hundred-dollar bottles of wine and spitting it into silver buckets!
Frasier: [Sheepish] It's not like we don't recycle the bottles.
Frasier: [Sheepish] It's not like we don't recycle the bottles.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: I cut myself because I was shaving without water, and why was there no water? Because I had to move your chair, which gouged the floor which made me call for Joe, who found bad pipes which called for Cecil, who ate the cat who killed the rat that lived in the house that Frasier built!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier has been left to negotiate with Kate
Kate: Why are you gunning for me?
Frasier: Gunning? For you? This isn't about you; it's about what you're doing to those people. It's the shame of Seattle.
Kate: No, no. This is about your ego, which is the size of Seattle!
Kate: Why are you gunning for me?
Frasier: Gunning? For you? This isn't about you; it's about what you're doing to those people. It's the shame of Seattle.
Kate: No, no. This is about your ego, which is the size of Seattle!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier fumes at the thought that Kate's behaviour could just be that of a femme fatale
Daphne: It's not like men have never used sex to get what they want.
Frasier: How can we possibly use sex to get what we want? Sex is what we want!
Daphne: It's not like men have never used sex to get what they want.
Frasier: How can we possibly use sex to get what we want? Sex is what we want!
TV Show: Frasier
Niles: I have a session with my multiple personality. Not to worry: if I'm late, he can just talk amongst himself.
TV Show: Frasier
The day after the broadcast
Bulldog: I'm proud of ya, man!
Frasier: Doesn't that put the cherry on the parfait(!)
Bulldog: I'm proud of ya, man!
Frasier: Doesn't that put the cherry on the parfait(!)
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier is trying to persuade Marta to let him speak to Maris
Marta: Missy Crane say, “No you Doctor Crane, no other Doctor Crane, and no Crane with a cane!”
Marta: Missy Crane say, “No you Doctor Crane, no other Doctor Crane, and no Crane with a cane!”
TV Show: Frasier
[Martin is giving the police a description of Maris.]
Martin: Yes, thin. Make that very thin. Caucasian... Make that very Caucasian.
Martin: Yes, thin. Make that very thin. Caucasian... Make that very Caucasian.
TV Show: Frasier
At the KACL Christmas party, Bulldog enters Frasier's studio wearing mistletoe over his head
Bulldog: Hey Roz, you know what's over my head?
Roz: Almost any clever remark?
Bulldog: Hey Roz, you know what's over my head?
Roz: Almost any clever remark?
TV Show: Frasier