Frasier Quotes
Martin is writing a letter, and Niles cannot help proofreading it over his shoulder
Niles: It's best not to end a sentence with a preposition.
(Martin writes something on a piece of paper and hands it to Niles)
Niles: Not to be technical, but “off” is a preposition too.
Niles: It's best not to end a sentence with a preposition.
(Martin writes something on a piece of paper and hands it to Niles)
Niles: Not to be technical, but “off” is a preposition too.
TV Show: Frasier
Daphne is trying to cheer up Frasier before his date
Daphne: There's nothing quite as exciting as a first date. All those questions you ask. “What's your favourite food?” “What's your favourite colour?” “If you were to come back as an animal, what sort of animal would you be?” If she were to ask you that one, what would you say?
Frasier: “Check, please” comes to mind.
Daphne: There's nothing quite as exciting as a first date. All those questions you ask. “What's your favourite food?” “What's your favourite colour?” “If you were to come back as an animal, what sort of animal would you be?” If she were to ask you that one, what would you say?
Frasier: “Check, please” comes to mind.
TV Show: Frasier
[Niles explains why he doesn't like horse races.]
Niles: It's the jockeys, if you must know. Diminutive, underweight figures in expensive silks, wielding riding crops, just remind me too much of Maris.
Niles: It's the jockeys, if you must know. Diminutive, underweight figures in expensive silks, wielding riding crops, just remind me too much of Maris.
TV Show: Frasier
Roz interrupts Frasier during his show to stop him inviting listeners to accost him in public
Frasier: I, for one, happen to believe in the kindness of strangers.
Roz: Well, I believe in the strangeness of strangers.
Frasier: I, for one, happen to believe in the kindness of strangers.
Roz: Well, I believe in the strangeness of strangers.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: Daphne, you can't go. You have to stay. I've only just recently realized how important you are to us. You see, if you go, Dad and I will kill each other. I'm not just tossing out hyperbole here. I'm speaking in the most literal sense. Dad and I — both dead! Only he'll be lying there with a bacteria-ridden sponge protruding from his mouth like a bloated tongue.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: [To Martin] Would you get Eddie off of the couch? Or else it's out to the garbage chute for the thrill ride of his life!
TV Show: Frasier
Niles: I've taken Maris to hundreds of these events and she has not once wanted to dance. Of course, Maris hates public displays of rhythm.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier breaks the news of Diane's return to Niles
Frasier: She's back! The scourge of my existence!
Niles: Strange, I usually get some sign when Lilith is in town: dogs forming into packs, blood weeping down the wall…
Frasier: She's back! The scourge of my existence!
Niles: Strange, I usually get some sign when Lilith is in town: dogs forming into packs, blood weeping down the wall…
TV Show: Frasier
Diane is telling a tiresome story over dinner. Martin finds an effective way to take the wind out of her sails
Diane: I suddenly discovered myself entangled in an enormous bed of…of, um…
Niles: Sea kelp?
Diane: Exactly right, sea kelp!
Martin: Oh, that's funny; I thought he said “seek help”
Diane: I suddenly discovered myself entangled in an enormous bed of…of, um…
Niles: Sea kelp?
Diane: Exactly right, sea kelp!
Martin: Oh, that's funny; I thought he said “seek help”
TV Show: Frasier
Roz has given Niles the details of her shady contact, and Frasier thinks he is mad for even considering it
Frasier: I will not have you turning a minor, albeit annoying situation into a Martin Scorsese film!
Frasier: I will not have you turning a minor, albeit annoying situation into a Martin Scorsese film!
TV Show: Frasier
During the scene where Jerome drops by unexpectedly
Niles: Do you think that he's here to collect? (a favour)
Frasier: No Niles, he's probably hosting a luau, and came by to borrow our poi ramekins(!)
Niles: Do you think that he's here to collect? (a favour)
Frasier: No Niles, he's probably hosting a luau, and came by to borrow our poi ramekins(!)
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: It may be an unwise man who doesn't learn from his own mistakes, but it's an absolute idiot that doesn't learn from other people's.
TV Show: Frasier
Niles: You don't realize how desperate I am. Ever since our separation, I've been paying women to touch me.
Frasier: Oh, Niles.
Niles: Manicurists, pedicurists, facialists. Whenever you see a man who's well-groomed, you can bet he's not gettin' any.
Frasier: Oh, Niles.
Niles: Manicurists, pedicurists, facialists. Whenever you see a man who's well-groomed, you can bet he's not gettin' any.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: Roz, it is a wonderful day. You know, I think the entire city of Seattle is convinced it’s springtime. I was walking down the street, I passed a pet store, and in the window I could see two snakes doing a mating dance.
Roz: If you ask me, celebrating a dance that brings more snakes into the world is like toasting a law school graduation.
Roz: If you ask me, celebrating a dance that brings more snakes into the world is like toasting a law school graduation.
TV Show: Frasier
Someone has just borrowed the video ofHow Green Was My Valleybefore Frasier had the chance
Frasier: Excuse me. Is there another copy?
Video Store Clerk: Oh yeah, that'd be across the street in our "How Green Was My Valley" annex(!)
Frasier: Excuse me. Is there another copy?
Video Store Clerk: Oh yeah, that'd be across the street in our "How Green Was My Valley" annex(!)
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier delivers a brief but impassioned speech, bellowing from his balcony.
Frasier: People of Seattle, listen to me! We are not barbarians, we are not Neanderthals and we are not French! Do you hear that, you up there?!
Frasier: People of Seattle, listen to me! We are not barbarians, we are not Neanderthals and we are not French! Do you hear that, you up there?!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: Chainsaw? Of the Newport Chainsaws?
Daphne: His last album sold over 5 million copies.
Frasier: Ah well, I'll just add that to my list of reasons to die.
Daphne: His last album sold over 5 million copies.
Frasier: Ah well, I'll just add that to my list of reasons to die.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: No matter how provoked you may have been, there is no earthly justification for
TV Show: Frasier
Niles: Ah, there he is! The man who floats like a lepidoptera and stings like a hymenoptera!
TV Show: Frasier
Niles is reluctant to play chess with Frasier
Niles: Maris and I used to play chess every Thursday night. Oh, how she loved the game.
Frasier: No wonder: the king is stationary, while the queen has all the power!
Niles: Maris and I used to play chess every Thursday night. Oh, how she loved the game.
Frasier: No wonder: the king is stationary, while the queen has all the power!
TV Show: Frasier
Mr. Safford's lawyer, John Giroux, approaches Frasier on behalf of his client
Giroux: Judge him by his words and his actions, not by how old he is.
Frasier: You sound like my father: a man who believes that burial is a form of age discrimination.
Giroux: Judge him by his words and his actions, not by how old he is.
Frasier: You sound like my father: a man who believes that burial is a form of age discrimination.
TV Show: Frasier
Niles arrives at Frasier's flat. Daphne answers the door
Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, don't say anything about last night's boxing match. Your dad hasn't seen it yet.
Niles: Oh, I didn't even know it was boxing season.
Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, don't say anything about last night's boxing match. Your dad hasn't seen it yet.
Niles: Oh, I didn't even know it was boxing season.
TV Show: Frasier
Roz: Frasier, why didn't you tell me it was your birthday? I'd have thrown you a birthday party at the station.
Frasier: (through his teeth) Question asked, question answered.
Frasier: (through his teeth) Question asked, question answered.
TV Show: Frasier
Roz cannot believe how Niles spends his money
Roz: You spend money like a drunken sailor.
Niles: She said authoritatively.
Roz: You spend money like a drunken sailor.
Niles: She said authoritatively.
TV Show: Frasier
Niles doesn't believe Bebe can quit smoking on her own
Niles: You obviously didn't see the crazed, cunning glint in her eyes.
Frasier: She always looks like that - she's an agent.
Niles: You obviously didn't see the crazed, cunning glint in her eyes.
Frasier: She always looks like that - she's an agent.
TV Show: Frasier
Roz wonders what she is doing wrong, if all her friends are getting married but not she
Frasier: Well, do you want me to answer as a friend, or a therapist?
Roz: As a friend.
Frasier: See a therapist.
Frasier: Well, do you want me to answer as a friend, or a therapist?
Roz: As a friend.
Frasier: See a therapist.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier regrets trying to persuade Roz, and neglects to notice the on-air light behind him
Frasier: Me and my stupid advice! (sees the light)…will be with you for the next three hours, Seattle!
Frasier: Me and my stupid advice! (sees the light)…will be with you for the next three hours, Seattle!
TV Show: Frasier
Martin reminds Frasier of a school play in which he appeared, which was warmly received but had one bad review
Frasier: But, you know, you would have sulked too, if you'd read in the paper, “Mr. Crane's attempts to gyrate his hips as Conrad, the teen idol in Bye Bye Birdie, made this reviewer say, ‘Bye-bye, breakfast!’ ”
Niles: That review was a mash note compared to my first draft.
Frasier: But, you know, you would have sulked too, if you'd read in the paper, “Mr. Crane's attempts to gyrate his hips as Conrad, the teen idol in Bye Bye Birdie, made this reviewer say, ‘Bye-bye, breakfast!’ ”
Niles: That review was a mash note compared to my first draft.
TV Show: Frasier
On the way out to dinner with the family, Frasier pulls up outside a news stall
Frasier: There he is: the man who doesn’t like me.
Martin: I knew we should’ve taken two cars!
Frasier: There he is: the man who doesn’t like me.
Martin: I knew we should’ve taken two cars!
TV Show: Frasier
Daphne is explaining to Frasier how tedious she finds holidays spent at home in England
Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, why is it so easy to love our families, yet so hard to like them?
Frasier: Well, Daphne, that is one of those questions that make life so rich…and psychiatrists richer.
Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, why is it so easy to love our families, yet so hard to like them?
Frasier: Well, Daphne, that is one of those questions that make life so rich…and psychiatrists richer.
TV Show: Frasier