Frisky Dingo Quotes
Torpedo Vegas: He's like a kid in a candy shop, and that candy is... success. And I'm that friendly man at this cash register with a handle bar mustache *chuckles*
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: What?
Killface: I think I'm missing the key reference.
Torpedo Vegas: I can't have people sneaking in here leaking dooky water on my rugs. That's unacceptable.
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: I HAVE PATTY HEARST SYNDROME!
Killface: Barnaby just-
Torpedo Vegas: I'm getting furious at you, you don't even have any pants on.
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Neither does he!
Torpedo Vegas: Well he doesn't have a penis! As far as I can tell...
Killface: I - uh -
Xander Crews / Barnaby Jones: Yeah, what is the story on that?
Killface: Oh, like you can talk.
Xander Crews: Hey, my penis fills an entire tall-boy.
[Quick cut to Xander, as Awesome X, dancing in front of the X-ticles, naked except for a beercan covering his groin and shouting "Master Cylinder!" through a megaphone. Cut back to Torpedo Jones' lair]
Torpedo Jones: [Scoffing] I'm sure it doesn't fill it.
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: What?
Killface: I think I'm missing the key reference.
Torpedo Vegas: I can't have people sneaking in here leaking dooky water on my rugs. That's unacceptable.
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: I HAVE PATTY HEARST SYNDROME!
Killface: Barnaby just-
Torpedo Vegas: I'm getting furious at you, you don't even have any pants on.
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Neither does he!
Torpedo Vegas: Well he doesn't have a penis! As far as I can tell...
Killface: I - uh -
Xander Crews / Barnaby Jones: Yeah, what is the story on that?
Killface: Oh, like you can talk.
Xander Crews: Hey, my penis fills an entire tall-boy.
[Quick cut to Xander, as Awesome X, dancing in front of the X-ticles, naked except for a beercan covering his groin and shouting "Master Cylinder!" through a megaphone. Cut back to Torpedo Jones' lair]
Torpedo Jones: [Scoffing] I'm sure it doesn't fill it.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: Don't listen to him, he's crazy!
Xander Crews: Was Patty Hearst crazy when she kidnapped the Lindbergh twins?
Killface: Barnaby - just...turn six, alright?
Xander Crews: Was Patty Hearst crazy when she kidnapped the Lindbergh twins?
Killface: Barnaby - just...turn six, alright?
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Torpedo Vegas: Okay, I'll let you have the kid back if, and this is the part I kinda like, if you two fight to the death.
Killface: [Immediately] Done.
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: What?
Killface: [Immediately] Done.
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: What?
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Taqu'il: Oh God I love Chinatown.
Torpedo Vegas: Ah tonights death rabbit boughts have been cancelled.
Drycleaner: What the hell damn guy!
Taqu'il: Oh man I hate Chinatown.
Torpedo Vegas: Ah tonights death rabbit boughts have been cancelled.
Drycleaner: What the hell damn guy!
Taqu'il: Oh man I hate Chinatown.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: Alright, while I think of a plan-
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Plan? It was your stupid ass plan that got us into this pickle! Oh, we were supposed to get-
Killface: Don't... say it.
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Sorry.
Killface: Now just try to make the fight look real- [Xander smashes him in the face repeatedly] Yeah, okay, relatively. Okay, okay, Barnaby?
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Plan? It was your stupid ass plan that got us into this pickle! Oh, we were supposed to get-
Killface: Don't... say it.
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Sorry.
Killface: Now just try to make the fight look real- [Xander smashes him in the face repeatedly] Yeah, okay, relatively. Okay, okay, Barnaby?
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Do you hear a dial tone? 'Cause Barnaby Jones is off the hook!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: Barnaby, they're not buying it, we're going to have to go to plan B.
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Yeah, 'cause you're getting your ass kicked!
Killface: And I apologize in advance for this.
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Hey dude, what are you- [Killface bites Xander's ear off, Xander screams and falls] Oh, son of a bitch!
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Yeah, 'cause you're getting your ass kicked!
Killface: And I apologize in advance for this.
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Hey dude, what are you- [Killface bites Xander's ear off, Xander screams and falls] Oh, son of a bitch!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: My ear! Somebody put it in milk! [Killface spits it out]
Killface: What's that?
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: No no no, they can reattach it! [Stan's clones jump down on the ear and presumably eat it while harrumphing]
Killface: Now there's something you don't see everyday.
Killface: What's that?
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: No no no, they can reattach it! [Stan's clones jump down on the ear and presumably eat it while harrumphing]
Killface: Now there's something you don't see everyday.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Oh, you're fuckin' dead.
Killface: Yes, that's the spirit, Barnaby. [Xander smashes Killface in the face] Oh you're really selling it.
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Oh, what's that? I obviously can't hear you.
Killface: Okay, Barnaby?
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Hey, I'm Killface, and I have a plan! Let me shoot your fuckin' eyes out! And then, let's wander around a fuckin' sewer our whole lives, looking for my fat ass, weirdo kid!
Killface: Hey-
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Who just happens to be-
Killface: Barnaby-
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: The world's fattest fucking pussy! [Killface yells and bashes Xander to the ground]
Killface: You made me do that! [Steps on Xander's neck]
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Well, your kid's still a pussy.
Killface: Barnaby-
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: 'Cause you are a failure as a parent.
Killface: Yes, that's the spirit, Barnaby. [Xander smashes Killface in the face] Oh you're really selling it.
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Oh, what's that? I obviously can't hear you.
Killface: Okay, Barnaby?
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Hey, I'm Killface, and I have a plan! Let me shoot your fuckin' eyes out! And then, let's wander around a fuckin' sewer our whole lives, looking for my fat ass, weirdo kid!
Killface: Hey-
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Who just happens to be-
Killface: Barnaby-
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: The world's fattest fucking pussy! [Killface yells and bashes Xander to the ground]
Killface: You made me do that! [Steps on Xander's neck]
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Well, your kid's still a pussy.
Killface: Barnaby-
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: 'Cause you are a failure as a parent.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
X-Tacle #1: Hey Ronnie, isn't that your rape wig?
Ronnie: Yes, is one of them.
X-Tacle #1: KILL HIM!
Drycleaner: You Know the Law!
Taqu'il: This is Chinatown!
Ronnie: Yes, is one of them.
X-Tacle #1: KILL HIM!
Drycleaner: You Know the Law!
Taqu'il: This is Chinatown!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: No, look at his face!
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: What?
Killface: He's got the mind of a child!
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Aw.
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: What?
Killface: He's got the mind of a child!
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Aw.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: No, I won't kill my best friend!
Torpedo Vegas: I like that. [laughs awkwardly]
Killface: Excuse me?
Torpedo Vegas: Your words have moved me, Killface. And I'm not a man easily moved. This man, Barnaby Jones, may live.
Torpedo Vegas: I like that. [laughs awkwardly]
Killface: Excuse me?
Torpedo Vegas: Your words have moved me, Killface. And I'm not a man easily moved. This man, Barnaby Jones, may live.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Torpedo Vegas: So, why'd you two sneak into my lair?
Killface: I-
Xander Crews: He kidnapped me! I have Patty Hearst Syndrome!
Killface: I-
Xander Crews: He kidnapped me! I have Patty Hearst Syndrome!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Torpedo Vegas: Son, what can I say? This was a phenomenally great idea you had here. And your cut is... forty, thirty grand. Yeah, you can count it, if you wanna be a douchebag all your life.
Simon: What?
Torpedo Vegas: AHAHAHAHAHA! Naw, I'm kiddin'...don't worry about it.
Simon: What?
Torpedo Vegas: AHAHAHAHAHA! Naw, I'm kiddin'...don't worry about it.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: So hey. Thanks for not killing me. Things got a little crazy back there.
Killface: Barnaby, how could I kill my best friend?
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Yeah...
Killface: Barnaby, we're BFF!
Killface: Barnaby, how could I kill my best friend?
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Yeah...
Killface: Barnaby, we're BFF!
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Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Yeah, I am actually [Takes off wig and glasses] Xander Crews!
Killface: What!
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: [runs off] Woo woo woo!
Killface: What!
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: [runs off] Woo woo woo!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Xander Crews: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on. I'm just gonna do one question. From, uh...
Grace Ryan: Ooh! Ooh! Me! [Xander sighs] Please pick-
Xander Crews: Darcel Jones! From Team Jaguar! How are you doing? You should call it Team Sexy!
Grace Ryan: Ooh! Ooh! Me! [Xander sighs] Please pick-
Xander Crews: Darcel Jones! From Team Jaguar! How are you doing? You should call it Team Sexy!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
[Bored, Killface watches his TV]
Xander Crews (on TV): Next Question - no that's it, we're done!
Male TV Voice: Coming Up, Friends, followed by -
Killface: [Sighs, switches channel]
Female TV Voice: Betrayal, Starring Jeremy Irons-
Killface: Mm. No. [switches channel]
SpanishMale TV Voice: Si Bueno i como Barnaby Jone-
Killface: No. [switches channel]
Male TV News Voice: - Marathon, of this Old Barn-
[switches channel]
Female TV Documentary Voice: -A Bee-
[switches channel]
Darcell Jones: - Jones of Team Jaguar -
[Killface blasts his TV Screen]
Killface: Barnaby Jones. Well, mark my words, as my newish HD TV goes, so goes-[cut to the Crews building]
Xander Crews: Xander frickin' Crews! Do you see the big ass sign out there? Does it say "Stan the big dumb fat jerk liar who tried to steal my company"? No! Building's not tall enough! Yuck, you know, I'm just glad my murdered parents aren't alive to see this, and frankly, we're not too stoked about seeing it either.
Stan: You son of a bitch.
Xander Crews: Are we, Old Spice?
Old Spice: Yes!
Xander Crews: He says no. Now do it until you get it right!
Stan: MASTER CYLINDER! MASTER CYLINDER!
Xander Crews (on TV): Next Question - no that's it, we're done!
Male TV Voice: Coming Up, Friends, followed by -
Killface: [Sighs, switches channel]
Female TV Voice: Betrayal, Starring Jeremy Irons-
Killface: Mm. No. [switches channel]
SpanishMale TV Voice: Si Bueno i como Barnaby Jone-
Killface: No. [switches channel]
Male TV News Voice: - Marathon, of this Old Barn-
[switches channel]
Female TV Documentary Voice: -A Bee-
[switches channel]
Darcell Jones: - Jones of Team Jaguar -
[Killface blasts his TV Screen]
Killface: Barnaby Jones. Well, mark my words, as my newish HD TV goes, so goes-[cut to the Crews building]
Xander Crews: Xander frickin' Crews! Do you see the big ass sign out there? Does it say "Stan the big dumb fat jerk liar who tried to steal my company"? No! Building's not tall enough! Yuck, you know, I'm just glad my murdered parents aren't alive to see this, and frankly, we're not too stoked about seeing it either.
Stan: You son of a bitch.
Xander Crews: Are we, Old Spice?
Old Spice: Yes!
Xander Crews: He says no. Now do it until you get it right!
Stan: MASTER CYLINDER! MASTER CYLINDER!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
[On the X-tacle orbiting station]
X-tacle #1: Okay gang, we've have a pretty bad year this year. We've lost a lot of guys. So how about a big X-tacle welcome for our new recruits, huh? {To general greetings and acknowledgements] On the right over there we've got Ron, Peter, Dick, Woody, New Fat Mike and uh...
[The camera pauses on Sinn - obviously the only woman present. Everything goes silent]
X-tacle #1: ... and Hooper.
Sinn: [Perkily] Hi!
[General gasps of astonishment]
X-tacle #2: Yeah, what is up with that?
Sinn: [Adopting a deeper voice] I mean... what's up? ... Dudes?
X-tacle #3: Hey, uhm... is it weird that I kinda wanna fuck Hooper?
X-tacle #2: Not as weird as I kinda wanna fuck New Fat Mike.
Ronnie: Yeah, he gonna get it. Boosh.
X-tacle #1: Okay gang, we've have a pretty bad year this year. We've lost a lot of guys. So how about a big X-tacle welcome for our new recruits, huh? {To general greetings and acknowledgements] On the right over there we've got Ron, Peter, Dick, Woody, New Fat Mike and uh...
[The camera pauses on Sinn - obviously the only woman present. Everything goes silent]
X-tacle #1: ... and Hooper.
Sinn: [Perkily] Hi!
[General gasps of astonishment]
X-tacle #2: Yeah, what is up with that?
Sinn: [Adopting a deeper voice] I mean... what's up? ... Dudes?
X-tacle #3: Hey, uhm... is it weird that I kinda wanna fuck Hooper?
X-tacle #2: Not as weird as I kinda wanna fuck New Fat Mike.
Ronnie: Yeah, he gonna get it. Boosh.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
[After Simon attempts to re-hang a portrait of his mother up]
Killface: So just leave Lady Mom on the floor as a painful remainder of everyone I clutch to my bosom in friendship, only to feel the icy pang of betrayal as they sink their serpent's teeth into my... y'know... my bosom!
[Phillip enters, wearing a tuxedo and carrying a basket of pickles]
Phillip: [Cheerfully] Well, my ears are burnin'.
Killface: Wha... Phillip?!
Phillip: Ta-daaa!
[Icy pause]
Killface: [Stand-offish] Eager to know why you're here.
...
Killface: Have you come to gloat?
Phillip: That, and I think I might have left my Zune here. Have ya seen it?
Killface: I don't know.
Phillip: No? It's a...
Killface: No, nothing here but a profound sense of betrayal.
Phillip: ... little Zune, it's got Mp3s on it...
Killface: Oh, and back knives.
Phillip: Ah, it's no biggie, I'll just buy a new one. I'm a billionaire now, you know.
Killface: Yes, I can tell by the tuxedo.
Phillip: Yep, that's what we wear. Y'know.
Killface: ZZ Top would be proud.
Phillip: Chompa chompa.
Killface: So just leave Lady Mom on the floor as a painful remainder of everyone I clutch to my bosom in friendship, only to feel the icy pang of betrayal as they sink their serpent's teeth into my... y'know... my bosom!
[Phillip enters, wearing a tuxedo and carrying a basket of pickles]
Phillip: [Cheerfully] Well, my ears are burnin'.
Killface: Wha... Phillip?!
Phillip: Ta-daaa!
[Icy pause]
Killface: [Stand-offish] Eager to know why you're here.
...
Killface: Have you come to gloat?
Phillip: That, and I think I might have left my Zune here. Have ya seen it?
Killface: I don't know.
Phillip: No? It's a...
Killface: No, nothing here but a profound sense of betrayal.
Phillip: ... little Zune, it's got Mp3s on it...
Killface: Oh, and back knives.
Phillip: Ah, it's no biggie, I'll just buy a new one. I'm a billionaire now, you know.
Killface: Yes, I can tell by the tuxedo.
Phillip: Yep, that's what we wear. Y'know.
Killface: ZZ Top would be proud.
Phillip: Chompa chompa.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
[Phil takes a sip of his drink]
Killface: Yes, drink it in... and die!
Phil: [Horrified] Ah! The... Tom Collins!
Killface: Ha, you mean a vitoxin Collins!
Phil: Vitoxin?!
Killface: Yes! The anal blood gushing should start any moment! Should just... [It becomes clear nothing is happening] come... y'know, bursting... right out of your bottom.
Phil: Ha ha, no, I knew you were gonna try that!
Killface: No? Nothing?
Phil: I've been taking vitoxin for weeks!
Killface: [Outraged] Why, you formerly fat bastard!
Phil: Yeah thats how i kinda lost the weight...
Killface: Yes, drink it in... and die!
Phil: [Horrified] Ah! The... Tom Collins!
Killface: Ha, you mean a vitoxin Collins!
Phil: Vitoxin?!
Killface: Yes! The anal blood gushing should start any moment! Should just... [It becomes clear nothing is happening] come... y'know, bursting... right out of your bottom.
Phil: Ha ha, no, I knew you were gonna try that!
Killface: No? Nothing?
Phil: I've been taking vitoxin for weeks!
Killface: [Outraged] Why, you formerly fat bastard!
Phil: Yeah thats how i kinda lost the weight...
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Phil: Well, I'd better deposit this check. Thanks for the drink, enjoy the pickles, and if you find my Zune, just give me a c-
[Phil's head is blasted off]
Killface: Bugger me. (calls out) Hey Simon! Want to see something neat? Phil's head just exploded, like a ham!
[Phil's head is blasted off]
Killface: Bugger me. (calls out) Hey Simon! Want to see something neat? Phil's head just exploded, like a ham!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
[ontop a roof with a sniper rifle]
Valerie: Why 's it always got to be my ass? There's a... there's a person in this ass.
Valerie: Why 's it always got to be my ass? There's a... there's a person in this ass.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
[On learning that Stan has bought the Annihilatrix with his entire fortune]
Xander: You mean I'm not a billionaire anymore? How does this impact Train Island?!
Xander: You mean I'm not a billionaire anymore? How does this impact Train Island?!
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Killface: [Answers cell phone] Hello?
Xander Crews: [sighs over phone] What's up, Douchington?
Killface: No, no Douchington here- Hey, is that Xander Crews?
Xander Crews: [sighs over phone] What's up, Douchington?
Killface: No, no Douchington here- Hey, is that Xander Crews?
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: [To his son Simon] I hate to say it, but frankly, you're becoming something of a liability. You'll never get that hermit crab at this rate.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo