Glee Quotes
Bryan: We'll probably cut the glee club.
Will: What? But you were in the glee club. Show choir was your life!
Bryan: It was, Will. And after I graduated, I hit the big time. I was a featured soloist at King's Island in the Dooble-Dee-Doo Musical Revue; we were a smash. Then, for three years, I did the cruise ship circuit. When that dried up, I realized I had been sold a bill of goods. Nine years later, I woke up on a urine-stained mattress in the West Lima crack district. Then, something amazing happened: I was introduced to Jesus; he was my Honduran social worker. I straightened up, put down the pipe, met the love of my life, Wilma, and now I run a successful used Hummer dealership. Don't make that face – global warming’s a theory.
Will: What? But you were in the glee club. Show choir was your life!
Bryan: It was, Will. And after I graduated, I hit the big time. I was a featured soloist at King's Island in the Dooble-Dee-Doo Musical Revue; we were a smash. Then, for three years, I did the cruise ship circuit. When that dried up, I realized I had been sold a bill of goods. Nine years later, I woke up on a urine-stained mattress in the West Lima crack district. Then, something amazing happened: I was introduced to Jesus; he was my Honduran social worker. I straightened up, put down the pipe, met the love of my life, Wilma, and now I run a successful used Hummer dealership. Don't make that face – global warming’s a theory.
TV Show: Glee
Brenda: Years ago, when I auditioned to play Miss Adelaide in "Guys and Dolls," I was asked to take my top off. Evidently, that is not customary, and that's when I started huffing glue.
TV Show: Glee
Bryan: Can't feed a child sheet music, Will. I mean, I suppose you could for a while, but they'd be dead in a month.
TV Show: Glee
Rachel: [On her mother] What if she's singing on the tape? What if she's terrible? Or worse – what if she's better than me?
TV Show: Glee
Jesse: [watching Rachel] Hi.
Rachel: [stops dancing after seeing Jesse] Hi. How was your spring break?
Jesse: Good. It's good to be back. What were you just rehearsing?
Rachel: A guy came to glee club to talk to us about dreams. Luckily, I've known mine since I was four. I'm gonna play three parts in Broadway: Evita, 'Funny Girl' and Laurey in 'Oklahoma!'. I was just practicing her dream ballet with Curly. It's what I do when I'm feeling a little stressed.
Jesse: That's not a dream. A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that you know if it came true all the hurt would go away. You singing 'Don't Cry For Me Argentina' in front of a sold-out crowd is not a fantasy. It's an inevitability.
Rachel: [hugging Jesse] I thought you'd never come back.
Jesse: And miss all your drama? Never.
Rachel: [stops dancing after seeing Jesse] Hi. How was your spring break?
Jesse: Good. It's good to be back. What were you just rehearsing?
Rachel: A guy came to glee club to talk to us about dreams. Luckily, I've known mine since I was four. I'm gonna play three parts in Broadway: Evita, 'Funny Girl' and Laurey in 'Oklahoma!'. I was just practicing her dream ballet with Curly. It's what I do when I'm feeling a little stressed.
Jesse: That's not a dream. A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that you know if it came true all the hurt would go away. You singing 'Don't Cry For Me Argentina' in front of a sold-out crowd is not a fantasy. It's an inevitability.
Rachel: [hugging Jesse] I thought you'd never come back.
Jesse: And miss all your drama? Never.
TV Show: Glee
Bryan: [About Will] Uh, I don't know this man. His caretaker just stepped away; I overheard him mention he's a sex offender.
TV Show: Glee
Russell: Uh, my name is Russell, and I'm a glee club survivor. Whenever anything bad would happen, I would just say, "Let's put on a show!" Well, guess what? Puttin' on a show about your father's prostate cancer will actually just make him more depressed about the situation.
TV Show: Glee
Sue: Is it a tad over-the-top to bill the district for skydiving lessons to have the Cheerios parachuted onto the football field? Perhaps.
TV Show: Glee
Bryan: I've grown weary of your insults, Will. They're terrible, and they make me want to punch you in the face.
TV Show: Glee
Bryan: Sue, you're an impressive woman. I can't tell you how much you turn me on right now. You ever heard of the term, "anger sex"?
Sue: It's the only kind I know, Bryan.
Bryan: I should tell you I'm married.
Sue: Not a problem for me.
Bryan: And I'm still cutting half your budget.
Sue: Eh, you win some, you lose some.
Bryan: Should I lock the door?
Sue: No. Got a secret room upstairs – like Letterman.
Sue: It's the only kind I know, Bryan.
Bryan: I should tell you I'm married.
Sue: Not a problem for me.
Bryan: And I'm still cutting half your budget.
Sue: Eh, you win some, you lose some.
Bryan: Should I lock the door?
Sue: No. Got a secret room upstairs – like Letterman.
TV Show: Glee
Puck: You're wrong. It's a really good name. It's a rockstar name.
Quinn: You want to name our daughter Jack Daniels? She's a girl.
Puck: Okay, fine – whatever. Jackie Daniels.
Quinn: You want to name our daughter Jack Daniels? She's a girl.
Puck: Okay, fine – whatever. Jackie Daniels.
TV Show: Glee
Kurt: Yeah, you don’t want to be late for your appointment at Supercuts!
Azimio: Watch your mouth, homo!
Dave Karofsky: And you know what, fancy? You don’t need an appointment at Supercuts; they love walk-ins!
Azimio: Watch your mouth, homo!
Dave Karofsky: And you know what, fancy? You don’t need an appointment at Supercuts; they love walk-ins!
TV Show: Glee
Azimio: [to Finn] How many times do we got to go through this? You being a jock and being in this glee club does not make you versatile; it makes you bisexual.
TV Show: Glee
Shelby: And ladies, I don’t want to hear about chafing just because you're being forced to wear metal underwear. Not my problem.
TV Show: Glee
Artie[to Tina who is in non-Goth clothes] It's so weird.
Finn: This so isn't you.
Tina: I feel like an Asian Branch Davidian.
Will: Tina, are there any other looks you can try?
Santana: Biker chick?
Finn: Cowgirl?
Mercedes: Hoodrat.
Quinn: Computer programmer?
Brittany: Cross-country skier.
Puck: Catholic schoolgirl?
Brittany: Happy Meal, no onions. Or a chicken.
Finn: This so isn't you.
Tina: I feel like an Asian Branch Davidian.
Will: Tina, are there any other looks you can try?
Santana: Biker chick?
Finn: Cowgirl?
Mercedes: Hoodrat.
Quinn: Computer programmer?
Brittany: Cross-country skier.
Puck: Catholic schoolgirl?
Brittany: Happy Meal, no onions. Or a chicken.
TV Show: Glee
Puck: Wait, where’s Rachel? I mean, I only noticed because, like, five minutes have gone by without her saying something totally obnoxious.
Mercedes: Rachel got some intense news yesterday.
Quinn: We were spying on Vocal Adrenaline when-
Will: Guys! It's not right to spy...but what did you find out?
Mercedes: Okay, y'all ready? Ms. Corcoran, the Vocal Adrenaline coach... she's Rachel's mom.
Will: Are you serious?
Puck: We're screwed. Rachel's going to jump ship for Vocal Adrenaline.
Mercedes: Rachel got some intense news yesterday.
Quinn: We were spying on Vocal Adrenaline when-
Will: Guys! It's not right to spy...but what did you find out?
Mercedes: Okay, y'all ready? Ms. Corcoran, the Vocal Adrenaline coach... she's Rachel's mom.
Will: Are you serious?
Puck: We're screwed. Rachel's going to jump ship for Vocal Adrenaline.
TV Show: Glee
Rachel: Never. I'm still processing the news and my dads have arranged for a therapist this afternoon.
TV Show: Glee
Brittany: [To Rachel] You look terrible. I look awesome.
(a toy falls off of Rachel's dress)
Kurt: And we have a jumper.
(a toy falls off of Rachel's dress)
Kurt: And we have a jumper.
TV Show: Glee
Finn: We live in Ohio – not New York, or San Francisco, or some other city where people eat vegetables that aren’t fried.
TV Show: Glee
Tina: My parents won't even let me watch "Twilight". My mom says she thinks Kristen Stewart seems like a bitch.
TV Show: Glee
Rachel: Guys, we have a serious problem. You know how I've been doing some deep background on Vocal Adrenaline?
Artie: Isn't that against the rules?
Rachel: No, not at all. Or…probably. Whatever! Anyway, what I figured out: I rooted through the dumpsters behind the auditorium and I found eighteen empty boxes of Christmas lights!
Tina: Oh, no.
Rachel: Which led me to the fabric store. I asked about red Chantilly lace; they were sold out.
Mercedes: Oh, sweet Jesus.
Kurt: Oh, my.
Will: What?
Kurt: They're doing Gaga.
Mercedes: That's it; it's over.
Rachel: Exactly!
Kurt: We should have guessed it. They're going for full-out theatricality. They know it's the easiest way to beat us. Damn them!
Puck: What’s up with this Gaga dude? He just, like, dresses weird, right? Like Bowie?
Kurt: Lady Gaga is a woman! She's only the biggest pop act to come along in decades. She's boundary-pushing, the most theatrical performer of our generation, and she changes her look faster than Brit changes sexual partners.
Brittany: It's true.
Artie: Isn't that against the rules?
Rachel: No, not at all. Or…probably. Whatever! Anyway, what I figured out: I rooted through the dumpsters behind the auditorium and I found eighteen empty boxes of Christmas lights!
Tina: Oh, no.
Rachel: Which led me to the fabric store. I asked about red Chantilly lace; they were sold out.
Mercedes: Oh, sweet Jesus.
Kurt: Oh, my.
Will: What?
Kurt: They're doing Gaga.
Mercedes: That's it; it's over.
Rachel: Exactly!
Kurt: We should have guessed it. They're going for full-out theatricality. They know it's the easiest way to beat us. Damn them!
Puck: What’s up with this Gaga dude? He just, like, dresses weird, right? Like Bowie?
Kurt: Lady Gaga is a woman! She's only the biggest pop act to come along in decades. She's boundary-pushing, the most theatrical performer of our generation, and she changes her look faster than Brit changes sexual partners.
Brittany: It's true.
TV Show: Glee
Puck: They called Paul Stanley 'The Starchild' because he was romantic or something but that doesn't really explain my whore lips.
TV Show: Glee
Puck: While Jackie Daniels is a great name for like a power boat or something, it's not right for a baby girl.
TV Show: Glee
Puck: [to Quinn] I know you're giving her up, but before you do I think you should name her Beth. If you'll let me, I'd really like to be there when she's born. I'd really like to meet her.
TV Show: Glee
Kurt: Could you have a word with Azimio and Karofsky about harassing me without damaging my Gaga outfit?
Finn: Are you serious? Do you know how difficult it is with those guys? They already think we're boyfriends.
Finn: Are you serious? Do you know how difficult it is with those guys? They already think we're boyfriends.
TV Show: Glee