Glee Quotes
Puck: Oh my God, he's coming out.
Finn: Why, yes, there is a man who's sort of recently come into my life, and that man is Jesus Christ.
Puck: That's way worse.
Finn: Why, yes, there is a man who's sort of recently come into my life, and that man is Jesus Christ.
Puck: That's way worse.
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Kurt: Sorry, uh, but if I wanted to sing about Jesus I'd go to church. And the reason I don't go to church is because most churches don't think very much of gay people. Or women. Or science.
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Mercedes: I don't see what's wrong with getting a little church in here.
Quinn: I agree. I've had a really hard year, and I've turned to God a lot for help. I, for one, wouldn't mind saying thanks.
Santana: Thanks for what? That it didn't come out a lizard-baby?
Brittany: Whenever I pray, I fall asleep.
Finn: You got a problem with Jesus?
Puck: Oh, I got no problem with the guy. I'm a total Jew for Jesus. He's my number one Heb. What I don't like seeing is people using J-Money to cramp everyone else's style 'cause it seems to me that true spirituality or whatever you want to call it is about enjoying the life that you've been given. I mean, I see God every time I make out with a new chick.
Quinn: I agree. I've had a really hard year, and I've turned to God a lot for help. I, for one, wouldn't mind saying thanks.
Santana: Thanks for what? That it didn't come out a lizard-baby?
Brittany: Whenever I pray, I fall asleep.
Finn: You got a problem with Jesus?
Puck: Oh, I got no problem with the guy. I'm a total Jew for Jesus. He's my number one Heb. What I don't like seeing is people using J-Money to cramp everyone else's style 'cause it seems to me that true spirituality or whatever you want to call it is about enjoying the life that you've been given. I mean, I see God every time I make out with a new chick.
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Burt: And last week you had to camp out early so you could be first in line for those Grey's Anatomy DVDs.
Kurt: SEASON SIX, Dad.
Kurt: SEASON SIX, Dad.
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Finn: What up, Grilled Cheesus? I need to ask you for something. I didn't go to Sunday school so I don't know if God works the same as a genie and I only get three wishes, but here's the thing... Dating Rachel is great, but she's kind of a prude and I'm sort of going crazy. Anyway, her boobs aren't that great, but they're still girl boobs and I'll still like to touch them. So, Jesus, considering that I've dedicated a week of my musical life to you, I hope you can see it in your heart to answer my prayers. Amen.
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Santana: Hey Kurt, we're really sorry about your dad's heart attack.
Brittany: I did a book report on heart attacks, if you want to give it to the doctor. I got knocked down an entire letter grade 'cause it was written in crayon.
Brittany: I did a book report on heart attacks, if you want to give it to the doctor. I got knocked down an entire letter grade 'cause it was written in crayon.
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Kurt: Thank you Mercedes. Your voice is stunning but I don't believe in God... You've all professed your beliefs, I'm just stating mine. I think God is kind of like Santa Claus for adults. Otherwise, God is kind of a jerk, isn’t he? I mean, he makes me gay and then he has his followers going around telling me it’s something that I chose. As if someone would choose to be mocked every single day of their life. And right now I don’t want a heavenly father, I want my real one back.
Mercedes: Look, Kurt, how do you know for sure? I mean, you can't prove that there's no God.
Kurt: You can't prove that there isn't a magic tea pot floating around on the dark side of the moon, with a dwarf inside of it that reads romance novels and shoots lightning out of its boobs, but it seems pretty unlikely, doesn't it?
Brittany: Is God an evil dwarf?
Mercedes: Look, Kurt, how do you know for sure? I mean, you can't prove that there's no God.
Kurt: You can't prove that there isn't a magic tea pot floating around on the dark side of the moon, with a dwarf inside of it that reads romance novels and shoots lightning out of its boobs, but it seems pretty unlikely, doesn't it?
Brittany: Is God an evil dwarf?
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Rachel: Let's discuss your new-found love for Jesus and how it's affecting me. I want this relationship to go the distance, but I need to know that when I'm 25 and I've won a bunch of Tonys and I'm ready to have intercourse and babies, that those babies will raised in a certain way...
Finn: You don't think you're gonna have sex until you're 25?
Rachel: Both of my dads' people were slaves once. I need to know that my children will be free to worship in the way that I decide is right.
Finn: Sure. Of course. Yeah, they should totally go to Jew church and wear those hats and eat that salty orange stuff with their bagels.
Finn: You don't think you're gonna have sex until you're 25?
Rachel: Both of my dads' people were slaves once. I need to know that my children will be free to worship in the way that I decide is right.
Finn: Sure. Of course. Yeah, they should totally go to Jew church and wear those hats and eat that salty orange stuff with their bagels.
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Sue: I'm sorry for what you're going through, Lady. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and I guess I don't have to--I think Mary Lou Retton's, like, an orphan or something.
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Emma: What happened to you, Sue? What horrible, horrible thing happened to you that made you such a miserable tyrant?"
Sue: Have a seat. Since I was a little girl, I've had exactly one hero. My big sister. You know how much I worshipped her? She was the sun and the moon to me. And while I was still very young, I noticed that other people didn't feel the way I did. People were rude to her. They were cruel. They laughed at her, and so I began to pray. I prayed every night for her to get better. And nothing changed. So I prayed harder. And after awhile I realized it wasn't that I wasn't praying hard enough. It's that no one was listening. Asking someone to believe in a fantasy, however comforting, isn't a moral thing to do. It's cruel.
Emma: Don't you think that's just a little bit arrogant?
Sue: It's as arrogant as telling someone how to believe in God, and if they don't accept it, no matter how open-hearted, or honest their dissent, they're going to hell. Well, that doesn't sound very Christian, does it?
Sue: Have a seat. Since I was a little girl, I've had exactly one hero. My big sister. You know how much I worshipped her? She was the sun and the moon to me. And while I was still very young, I noticed that other people didn't feel the way I did. People were rude to her. They were cruel. They laughed at her, and so I began to pray. I prayed every night for her to get better. And nothing changed. So I prayed harder. And after awhile I realized it wasn't that I wasn't praying hard enough. It's that no one was listening. Asking someone to believe in a fantasy, however comforting, isn't a moral thing to do. It's cruel.
Emma: Don't you think that's just a little bit arrogant?
Sue: It's as arrogant as telling someone how to believe in God, and if they don't accept it, no matter how open-hearted, or honest their dissent, they're going to hell. Well, that doesn't sound very Christian, does it?
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Tina: Last week we were too sexy, this week we're too religious--we can't win.
Brittany: Now I know what Miley feels like.
Brittany: Now I know what Miley feels like.
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Emma: Uh, more importantly, you didn't hurt Sam. It was a 300-pound left tackle who just got expelled because he's on steroids and he's 23. God works in all kinds of mysterious ways, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't spend a lot of time trying to speak to us through sandwiches. You look disappointed.
Finn: I am. It was sort of cool feeling like I had this direct line to God. Now I just feel like everybody else, you know, like we're all just floating around in space. I don't like that.
Emma: You're not alone. The big questions are really big for a reason--they're hard. But you know what? Absolutely everyone struggles with them.
Finn: I am. It was sort of cool feeling like I had this direct line to God. Now I just feel like everybody else, you know, like we're all just floating around in space. I don't like that.
Emma: You're not alone. The big questions are really big for a reason--they're hard. But you know what? Absolutely everyone struggles with them.
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Kurt: I'm very impressed with everyone's Sunday best. It's so Christ-chic. I hope our genuflection to the great Spaghetti Monster in the sky doesn't take too long...
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Kurt: I don’t believe in God, Dad, but I believe in you. And I believe in us. You and me – that’s what’s sacred to me.
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Finn: I don't know what it looks like to everyone else, but I thought we were sort of family.
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Finn: You’ve given me everything I prayed for and it turns out that Rachel’s boobs are really awesome.
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Kurt: I'm very impressed with everyone's Sunday best. It's so Christ-chic. I hope our genuflection to the great Spaghetti Monster in the sky doesn't take too long.
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Brittany: [about Puck in juvie] He may be the dumbest person on Earth and that's coming from me.
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Sam: I'm Sam. Sam I am. And I don't like Green Eggs and Ham.
Santana: Wow, he has no game.
Santana: Wow, he has no game.
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Kurt: He's on Team Gay. No straight boy dyes his hair to look like Linda Evangelista circa 1993.
Mercedes: You're crazy circa 2010.
Mercedes: You're crazy circa 2010.
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Kurt: I have three gifts: My voice, my ability to spot trends in men's fashion and my ability to know when it comes from a bottle.
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Santana: How can you do a duet by yourself? That's like vocal masturbation or something.
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Santana: [To Mercedes] Uhm, I'm sorry? Have you been to Breadstix? They are legally forbidden to stop bringing you bread-sticks. One time I bought a wheelbarrow and when the manager tried to stop me from filling it up I called the corporate office and got her fired.
TV Show: Glee