Holby City Quotes
Connie Beauchamp: And if you ever speak to me like that again, I'll make sure the closest theatre you get to is a box office.
Movie: Holby City
Connie Beauchamp: Do you get altitude sickness?
Will Curtis: What?
Connie Beauchamp: From your moral high ground.
Will Curtis: What?
Connie Beauchamp: From your moral high ground.
Movie: Holby City
[to Matt who has just terrified a patient by using lots of incomprehensible medical terms when she asked What's wrong with me]
Zubin Khan: Next time you go anywhere near a reference book, look up the term layman.
Zubin Khan: Next time you go anywhere near a reference book, look up the term layman.
Movie: Holby City
[Connie has just given a presentation to support her application for another MRI scanner]
Henrik Hanssen: I think your vision is wonderful. I think it's Utopian. I think the only thing missing, really, is a river of honey, and unicorns cavorting wildly through the hospital grounds. This vision of yours isn't really a vision for Holby at all; it's a vision for Darwin ward and for Connie Beauchamp. It's a work of utter solipsism, not to mention naïvety. Perhaps we should have collaborated on this, then we wouldn't have wasted everyone's time.
Henrik Hanssen: I think your vision is wonderful. I think it's Utopian. I think the only thing missing, really, is a river of honey, and unicorns cavorting wildly through the hospital grounds. This vision of yours isn't really a vision for Holby at all; it's a vision for Darwin ward and for Connie Beauchamp. It's a work of utter solipsism, not to mention naïvety. Perhaps we should have collaborated on this, then we wouldn't have wasted everyone's time.
Movie: Holby City
[Michael Spence wants Connie Beauchamp to come back and work at Holby City, but she won't consider it while Vanessa Lytton still works there]
Connie Beauchamp: I want her on her bloody hands and knees for what she did to me... I want her head on a platter!
Connie Beauchamp: I want her on her bloody hands and knees for what she did to me... I want her head on a platter!
Movie: Holby City
[talking about her colostomy bag]
Jenny Logan: I'm going to be standing behind you in the church this August if it's the last thing I do - and without a bag sticking out from underneath my bridesmaid's dress.
Helen Logan: Well thank God for that, cos you can never find the shoes to match the bag!
Jenny Logan: I'm going to be standing behind you in the church this August if it's the last thing I do - and without a bag sticking out from underneath my bridesmaid's dress.
Helen Logan: Well thank God for that, cos you can never find the shoes to match the bag!
Movie: Holby City
Diane: Where's my patient?
Jess: Bay Four.
Alex: And mine?
Jess: Bay Four.
Alex: Are our patients in bed together?
Jess: Bay Four.
Alex: And mine?
Jess: Bay Four.
Alex: Are our patients in bed together?
TV Show: Holby City
Connie: Unless Tom Campbell-Gore is wearing my skirt and heels, I'm in charge here.
TV Show: Holby City
[Addressing an ungrateful patient.]
Connie: Have you any idea what it took to save your life today? Three surgeons, two anaesthetists, not to mention the nurses, porters, theatre staff. It probably cost about £35,000 to put you back on your feet. And I ruined a perfectly good shirt.
Connie: Have you any idea what it took to save your life today? Three surgeons, two anaesthetists, not to mention the nurses, porters, theatre staff. It probably cost about £35,000 to put you back on your feet. And I ruined a perfectly good shirt.
TV Show: Holby City
[Gossiping about Connie.]
Lisa: Her husband's just been made chairman of the board.
Donna: Husband? I thought they just plugged her into the mains at the end of each day.
Lisa: Her husband's just been made chairman of the board.
Donna: Husband? I thought they just plugged her into the mains at the end of each day.
TV Show: Holby City
[Discussing the odd behaviour of lab technician Reg.]
Loftwood: Evolved somewhere under the elevated section of the M25, apparently...
Loftwood: Evolved somewhere under the elevated section of the M25, apparently...
TV Show: Holby City
[As requested, Zubin reads "affirmations" to patient Monica Keppel, who believes in faith-healing, while she is under anaesthetic. He adds a few of his own.]
Zubin: [reading from sheet] "Please speak the following healing affirmations into the patient's ear in a calm, relaxing voice." Hello, Monica. I am Two Trees Blowing In The Wind, your anaesthetist.
Ric: It doesn't say that.
Zubin: Your operation has gone well. When you wake, you will be comfortable and you will urinate easily.
Ric: It does say that.
Zubin: She's done her research. You will be hungry for - insert appropriate dietary requirements - and your body is now ready to complete the chain of healing. "Repeat the statement three times." Oh, I forgot a bit. And, Monica, when you wake up you will also believe that you're a giant talking rabbit.
Ric: Professor Khan!
Zubin: [throwing away sheet of affirmations in disgust] Well, it either works or it doesn't.
Zubin: [reading from sheet] "Please speak the following healing affirmations into the patient's ear in a calm, relaxing voice." Hello, Monica. I am Two Trees Blowing In The Wind, your anaesthetist.
Ric: It doesn't say that.
Zubin: Your operation has gone well. When you wake, you will be comfortable and you will urinate easily.
Ric: It does say that.
Zubin: She's done her research. You will be hungry for - insert appropriate dietary requirements - and your body is now ready to complete the chain of healing. "Repeat the statement three times." Oh, I forgot a bit. And, Monica, when you wake up you will also believe that you're a giant talking rabbit.
Ric: Professor Khan!
Zubin: [throwing away sheet of affirmations in disgust] Well, it either works or it doesn't.
TV Show: Holby City
Ric: Dean, I think I might have found a new rotation for you.
Dean: What department?
Ric: Telephony.
Dean: What department?
Ric: Telephony.
TV Show: Holby City
Peter Holland: Connie's one of the best in the country.
Kim Holland: But not the best.
Connie: Well, who knows? They don't run cardiothoracic competitions!
Kim Holland: But not the best.
Connie: Well, who knows? They don't run cardiothoracic competitions!
TV Show: Holby City
Connie: [to Elliot] You know, one day hospitals might be run by people who actually understand how they work
TV Show: Holby City
[Abra and Reg are about to treat patient Grace Horley with a leech]
Abra: This is Reg, our leech wrangler.
Reg: Eh, have a look at this little beauty.
Grace: I'm not letting that slimy thing anywhere near me.
Abra: I thought Reg was a bit of a looker, myself.
Abra: This is Reg, our leech wrangler.
Reg: Eh, have a look at this little beauty.
Grace: I'm not letting that slimy thing anywhere near me.
Abra: I thought Reg was a bit of a looker, myself.
TV Show: Holby City
Grace: Where's my friend?
Abra: Lewis? I heard you sent him packing.
Grace: I did.
Abra: Ah! You thought he might stick around anyway.
Grace: [unconvincingly] No.
Abra: You girls - you never say what you want, and you never want what you say.
Abra: Lewis? I heard you sent him packing.
Grace: I did.
Abra: Ah! You thought he might stick around anyway.
Grace: [unconvincingly] No.
Abra: You girls - you never say what you want, and you never want what you say.
TV Show: Holby City
[Each of them has tried to upstage the other while performing a surgical operation.]
Abra: You're a fine surgeon, Mr Jordan. But you have the charm of a salt-encrusted slug.
Nick: I'll take that as a compliment.
Abra: I knew you would.
Abra: You're a fine surgeon, Mr Jordan. But you have the charm of a salt-encrusted slug.
Nick: I'll take that as a compliment.
Abra: I knew you would.
TV Show: Holby City
Kyla: You haven't got a twelve year old to look after twenty-four seven.
Donna: No, I'm not that stupid, am I?
Donna: No, I'm not that stupid, am I?
TV Show: Holby City
Nick: Philip's got the hots for you.
Connie: You noticed that, did you?
Nick: He was like a puppy with a toilet roll.
Connie: When I want something...
Nick: ...You're like a rottweiler with a crowbar!
Connie: You noticed that, did you?
Nick: He was like a puppy with a toilet roll.
Connie: When I want something...
Nick: ...You're like a rottweiler with a crowbar!
TV Show: Holby City
Sam and Connie have disagreed very publicly in theatre about the type of operation that a patient should have. Connie has ordered Sam to leave the theatre.]
Connie: [to Paul Rose] I don't think Mr Strachan's methods of getting his own way have changed since he was six.
Connie: [to Paul Rose] I don't think Mr Strachan's methods of getting his own way have changed since he was six.
TV Show: Holby City
[Flirting with Kyla by means of bad jokes.]
Abra: Okay, so, this surgeon goes into a pub with a slab of tarmac under his arm, and says “Beer please, and one for the road.” …’Cause he’s got a bit of road.
Abra: Okay, so, this surgeon goes into a pub with a slab of tarmac under his arm, and says “Beer please, and one for the road.” …’Cause he’s got a bit of road.
TV Show: Holby City
[Dan has seen Jac hit Joseph and wants an explanation from her]
Jac: The last few weeks have been rather trying for me.
Dan: They have been very interesting for the rest of us.
Jac: The last few weeks have been rather trying for me.
Dan: They have been very interesting for the rest of us.
TV Show: Holby City
Abra: So…a Consultant, a Registrar, an SHO and a Scotsman go into a pub. And the barman says -
Kyla: - What is this, some kinda joke?
Abra: Ta da. Well that’s it, you’ve heard both my jokes now… So you’ll have to tell me one.
Kyla: Um. Well there was this surgeon, and there was this nurse.
Abra: And the surgeon, he’s, um, bit of an idiot, tells really bad jokes?
Kyla: They are pretty bad, yeah.
Abra: But the nurse… is really beautiful?
Kyla: I dunno about that.
Abra: Oh, I think so. What's the punch line?
Kyla: There isn’t one… Yet.
Kyla: - What is this, some kinda joke?
Abra: Ta da. Well that’s it, you’ve heard both my jokes now… So you’ll have to tell me one.
Kyla: Um. Well there was this surgeon, and there was this nurse.
Abra: And the surgeon, he’s, um, bit of an idiot, tells really bad jokes?
Kyla: They are pretty bad, yeah.
Abra: But the nurse… is really beautiful?
Kyla: I dunno about that.
Abra: Oh, I think so. What's the punch line?
Kyla: There isn’t one… Yet.
TV Show: Holby City
Joseph: I'm dying for a bacon butty.
Elliot: You? A bacon butty?
Joseph: Yes, I do take the silver spoon out of my mouth once in a while to enjoy a good fry up.
Elliot: You? A bacon butty?
Joseph: Yes, I do take the silver spoon out of my mouth once in a while to enjoy a good fry up.
TV Show: Holby City
[Without any prior warning, Ric has just announced that he is about to take a sabbatical so he can work in Uganda for a few months.]
Diane: Did you know anything about this?
Abra: Mid-life crisis.
Diane: Huh! He usually gets married.
Abra: Well, this is probably cheaper!
Diane: Did you know anything about this?
Abra: Mid-life crisis.
Diane: Huh! He usually gets married.
Abra: Well, this is probably cheaper!
TV Show: Holby City
Abra: I did an operation I shouldn’t have. I destroyed the notes…now I need to find some notes so that Clifford thinks everything was above board.
Kyla: What?
Abra: If I’m caught that’s me finished, no two ways about it, I’ll be struck off. Sued, jailed… probably a stint in the stocks as well.
Kyla: You killed someone?
Abra: Apparently worse. You know Pete Golding, we admitted this morning?
Kyla: Mm.
Abra: I gave him a pig’s kidney. To, ah, keep him alive and off dialysis.
Kyla: You did what?
Abra: You wanted to know.
Kyla: Are you insane? A pig’s kidney? A pig’s kidney, that’s -
Abra: - I had no alternative.
Kyla: How about not giving him a pig’s kidney?
Kyla: What?
Abra: If I’m caught that’s me finished, no two ways about it, I’ll be struck off. Sued, jailed… probably a stint in the stocks as well.
Kyla: You killed someone?
Abra: Apparently worse. You know Pete Golding, we admitted this morning?
Kyla: Mm.
Abra: I gave him a pig’s kidney. To, ah, keep him alive and off dialysis.
Kyla: You did what?
Abra: You wanted to know.
Kyla: Are you insane? A pig’s kidney? A pig’s kidney, that’s -
Abra: - I had no alternative.
Kyla: How about not giving him a pig’s kidney?
TV Show: Holby City
Maddy: I just love men with muscles and a six-pack.
Donna: I just love men, me.
Maddy: That's what I meant really. I just pretend to be discerning.
Donna: I just love men, me.
Maddy: That's what I meant really. I just pretend to be discerning.
TV Show: Holby City
[Speaking to Diane.]
Dan: There are five things I admire in a doctor. Colaboration, courage, skill, integrity and an hour glass figure. Four out of five's not bad!
Dan: There are five things I admire in a doctor. Colaboration, courage, skill, integrity and an hour glass figure. Four out of five's not bad!
TV Show: Holby City