Home Movies Quotes
McGuirk: Principal Plumb! Beautiful morning, isn't it? Coffee machine is on the fritz again, so I threw it on your car. Sorry. Is it, uh...could you check if it's working? No?
TV Show: Home Movies
Paula: Hey, Brendon, you know Mr. Lynch called me today.
Brendon: Mr. Lynch?
Paula: Mm-Hmm.
Brendon: You mean my Mr. Lynch?
Paula: You don't own him.
Brendon: Yes, I do. He's mine.
Brendon: Mr. Lynch?
Paula: Mm-Hmm.
Brendon: You mean my Mr. Lynch?
Paula: You don't own him.
Brendon: Yes, I do. He's mine.
TV Show: Home Movies
Brendon: But, mom, why do you want to go? You've been to hotels millions of times.
Paula: It's my duty as a parent to help out.
Brendon: No, it isn't.
Paula: Yes, it is.
Brendon: No, you shouldn't have to help out at all. That's why we pay taxes.
Paula: I'm a much better citizen than that.
Paula: It's my duty as a parent to help out.
Brendon: No, it isn't.
Paula: Yes, it is.
Brendon: No, you shouldn't have to help out at all. That's why we pay taxes.
Paula: I'm a much better citizen than that.
TV Show: Home Movies
Walter: Perry is gonna be sick.
Perry: I have seasickness.
Walter: I keep telling him we're on land, but he won't listen.
Perry: It doesn't matter. Land or sea, I get seasick on the bus.
Perry: I have seasickness.
Walter: I keep telling him we're on land, but he won't listen.
Perry: It doesn't matter. Land or sea, I get seasick on the bus.
TV Show: Home Movies
Walter: Fenton, wait for us.
Perry: Wait for us. I'm seasick.
Fenton: No!
Walter: Perry's sick.
Perry: I'm sick, Fenton. Have mercy.
Fenton: Don't follow me. I've gotta pee!
Walter: Perry, he's getting away. Hurry.
Perry: It makes me sick when I run.
Walter: Okay, you walk I'll run, Perry.
Perry: Wait for us. I'm seasick.
Fenton: No!
Walter: Perry's sick.
Perry: I'm sick, Fenton. Have mercy.
Fenton: Don't follow me. I've gotta pee!
Walter: Perry, he's getting away. Hurry.
Perry: It makes me sick when I run.
Walter: Okay, you walk I'll run, Perry.
TV Show: Home Movies
Paula: Mr. Lynch, do you have Walter and Perry on your list? They're not on my list.
Lynch: I don't bother listing them. They never run away.
Paula: Never?
Lynch: I don't bother listing them. They never run away.
Paula: Never?
TV Show: Home Movies
Walter: If you throw up, I'll throw up.
Perry: Okay, let's both throw up at the same time. Count of three, okay?
Walter: Okay.
Perry: Okay, let's both throw up at the same time. Count of three, okay?
Walter: Okay.
TV Show: Home Movies
Ken Addleburg: Okay, so that's how you do that. Now I want to show you how to turn down a bed if they ever ask you to do something.
Fenton: What did he say?
Ken: That's a little hotel humor.
[nobody laughs]
Ken: Line up, people, so we have all day.
Fenton: I can barely understand what you're saying?!
Fenton: What did he say?
Ken: That's a little hotel humor.
[nobody laughs]
Ken: Line up, people, so we have all day.
Fenton: I can barely understand what you're saying?!
TV Show: Home Movies
Walter: Perry, I want to stay in a hotel.
Perry: I want to live in a hotel.
Walter: I want to be a hotel manager.
Perry: I want to be a maitre d'
Walter: I want to be a bellhop.
Perry: I want to be a waiter.
Walter: I want to be a bell.
Fenton: Shut up.
Perry: Okay.
Perry: I want to live in a hotel.
Walter: I want to be a hotel manager.
Perry: I want to be a maitre d'
Walter: I want to be a bellhop.
Perry: I want to be a waiter.
Walter: I want to be a bell.
Fenton: Shut up.
Perry: Okay.
TV Show: Home Movies
Paula: Have you seen Brendon?
Lynch: Uh, no I haven't, Paula. Uh, you know, I remember my first field trip, like yours. It was the aquarium. I was very nervous. Just me and 42 kids.
Paula: Where is Brendon?
Lynch: [sighs] I was so afraid I was going to lose some, and they were running all over the place.
Paula: What happened?
Lynch: I lost some kids.
Lynch: Uh, no I haven't, Paula. Uh, you know, I remember my first field trip, like yours. It was the aquarium. I was very nervous. Just me and 42 kids.
Paula: Where is Brendon?
Lynch: [sighs] I was so afraid I was going to lose some, and they were running all over the place.
Paula: What happened?
Lynch: I lost some kids.
TV Show: Home Movies
Clarisse: My girlfriend and I were born on the same exact day.
McGurik: Well, that's exciting? What day was that, D-Day?
Clarisse: No. You're funny.
McGurik: Yes, I am.
Clarisse: My boyfriend could get really jealous of you.
McGurik: Uh-huh. Look, little mama, let me tell you something, all right? I'm here to do my time, make my money, and that's it. I can't possibly get involved with a coworker. That would be wrong. Plus, how old are you?
Clarisse: 18.
McGurik: I could potentially get involved with a coworker.
McGurik: Well, that's exciting? What day was that, D-Day?
Clarisse: No. You're funny.
McGurik: Yes, I am.
Clarisse: My boyfriend could get really jealous of you.
McGurik: Uh-huh. Look, little mama, let me tell you something, all right? I'm here to do my time, make my money, and that's it. I can't possibly get involved with a coworker. That would be wrong. Plus, how old are you?
Clarisse: 18.
McGurik: I could potentially get involved with a coworker.
TV Show: Home Movies
Ken: [lifting weights] 48...49...and 50. [sets the weights down]
Fenton: Ahem. That was only 49.
Ken: No, no it's 50. You did not count the first one.
Fenton: No, I counted the first one. It was 49.
Ken: Listen to me you little punk...
Fenton: Ahem. That was only 49.
Ken: No, no it's 50. You did not count the first one.
Fenton: No, I counted the first one. It was 49.
Ken: Listen to me you little punk...
TV Show: Home Movies
[In front of a coffee shop]
Brendon: This is the perfect place to shoot the final scene.
Melissa: Let's go back to the hotel.
Brendon: No, no, no. It's fine. Plus I have to pee, so...
Melissa: Hold your breath.
Jason: Uh, I think that only works for hiccups.
Melissa: It works for pee, too.
Brendon: This is the perfect place to shoot the final scene.
Melissa: Let's go back to the hotel.
Brendon: No, no, no. It's fine. Plus I have to pee, so...
Melissa: Hold your breath.
Jason: Uh, I think that only works for hiccups.
Melissa: It works for pee, too.
TV Show: Home Movies
Paula: [on her cell phone] Okay. Okay. Uh-huh. Thank you. Bye. [hangs up her cell phone] They found Alison. She was at the airport. She's fine.
TV Show: Home Movies
Perry: I'm awake. Are you watching me sleep, Walter?
Walter: Yes. You're beautiful when you sleep.
Perry: Watch me now.
Walter: Okay. Shut your eyes.
Perry: I shut my eyes.
Walter: Oh my god. It's beautiful.
Walter: Yes. You're beautiful when you sleep.
Perry: Watch me now.
Walter: Okay. Shut your eyes.
Perry: I shut my eyes.
Walter: Oh my god. It's beautiful.
TV Show: Home Movies
Melissa: I knew we were gonna get in trouble.
Jason: Yeah, but it was fun.
Melissa: Yeah, you should have seen the look on your face when those people walked in the room. You were like, "Aah!"
Jason: That's me, all right. You should have seen your face. You were like, "Waa!" and then your face went like this. [makes shocked face expression]
Melissa: Yeah.
Jason: And then you were like this. [makes a sad face]
Melissa: Yeah, I'm gonna look out the window for a while.
Jason: Yeah, but it was fun.
Melissa: Yeah, you should have seen the look on your face when those people walked in the room. You were like, "Aah!"
Jason: That's me, all right. You should have seen your face. You were like, "Waa!" and then your face went like this. [makes shocked face expression]
Melissa: Yeah.
Jason: And then you were like this. [makes a sad face]
Melissa: Yeah, I'm gonna look out the window for a while.
TV Show: Home Movies
Picasso [played by Jason]: Revenge! The time is now!
George Washington [played by Brendon]: Yes! But I must insist we vote, for we must uphold democracy. Picasso
Annie Oakley [played by Melissa]: Aye!
Picasso: Aye!
Washington: Aye! Wait, were we agreeing to vote or was that the vote?
George Washington [played by Brendon]: Yes! But I must insist we vote, for we must uphold democracy. Picasso
Annie Oakley [played by Melissa]: Aye!
Picasso: Aye!
Washington: Aye! Wait, were we agreeing to vote or was that the vote?
TV Show: Home Movies
Picasso: Look, we're being watched by Starboy and the Captain of Outer Space.
Annie: Then they must know of our plan.
Washington: Not to worry, my evil ones, we've yet to reveal our biggest secret. Bring in the hostages!
William Shakespeare [played by Walter]: I'm Shakespeare.
Oliver Twist [played by Perry]: And I'm Oliver Twist.
The Mermaid Queen [played by Junior]: And I'm the Mermaid Queen.
All: Help us!
Picasso: Yes, if anything should happen to us while we innocently destroy the human race, the hostages get it! And we start with Shakespeare.
Shakespeare: No! I'm too young, and I'm still writing my masterpiece called Katz.
Annie: And you'll be next, Oliver Twist.
Oliver: Fine with me.
[Oliver starts laughing, Shakespeare and The Mermaid Queen also starts laughing]
Annie: Silence!
Washington: And finally you, the mermaid.
The Mermaid Queen: But I no do nothing wrong and neither do the other four.
Oliver: The other two.
Shakespeare: Three.
The Mermaid Queen: The other...
Annie: Two.
The Mermaid Queen: Two? I'm sorry, I have trouble with the mathematics. Look, I am just saying, please don't kill The Mermaid Queen!
Washington: You interfere and they get it! Understand, Starboy?
Annie: Then they must know of our plan.
Washington: Not to worry, my evil ones, we've yet to reveal our biggest secret. Bring in the hostages!
William Shakespeare [played by Walter]: I'm Shakespeare.
Oliver Twist [played by Perry]: And I'm Oliver Twist.
The Mermaid Queen [played by Junior]: And I'm the Mermaid Queen.
All: Help us!
Picasso: Yes, if anything should happen to us while we innocently destroy the human race, the hostages get it! And we start with Shakespeare.
Shakespeare: No! I'm too young, and I'm still writing my masterpiece called Katz.
Annie: And you'll be next, Oliver Twist.
Oliver: Fine with me.
[Oliver starts laughing, Shakespeare and The Mermaid Queen also starts laughing]
Annie: Silence!
Washington: And finally you, the mermaid.
The Mermaid Queen: But I no do nothing wrong and neither do the other four.
Oliver: The other two.
Shakespeare: Three.
The Mermaid Queen: The other...
Annie: Two.
The Mermaid Queen: Two? I'm sorry, I have trouble with the mathematics. Look, I am just saying, please don't kill The Mermaid Queen!
Washington: You interfere and they get it! Understand, Starboy?
TV Show: Home Movies
Melissa: Brendon, you okay?
Brendon: I hope he doesn't talk to me next.
Melissa: Why not?
Brendon: Because I hate discussing grades with Mr. Lynch, particularly my grades.
Melissa: But he's the teacher.
Brendon: Exactly, you know, he's got the upper hand. He knows my weaknesses.
Melissa: Brendon, why don't you just do your homework?
Brendon: Why? Because I try never to take my work home with me.
Melissa: But it's called "homework".
Brendon: It's a life quality issue, Melissa.
Brendon: I hope he doesn't talk to me next.
Melissa: Why not?
Brendon: Because I hate discussing grades with Mr. Lynch, particularly my grades.
Melissa: But he's the teacher.
Brendon: Exactly, you know, he's got the upper hand. He knows my weaknesses.
Melissa: Brendon, why don't you just do your homework?
Brendon: Why? Because I try never to take my work home with me.
Melissa: But it's called "homework".
Brendon: It's a life quality issue, Melissa.
TV Show: Home Movies
Melissa: Do you think I'm a horrible person?
Jason: No, I think you're very pretty
Melissa: I don't mean horrible to look at, I mean horrible because you're my sister's fiance and we just had an affair.
Jason: Oh, then yeah.
Jason: No, I think you're very pretty
Melissa: I don't mean horrible to look at, I mean horrible because you're my sister's fiance and we just had an affair.
Jason: Oh, then yeah.
TV Show: Home Movies
McGuirk: I got to admit, Brendon, I'm a little disappointed in you. I thought we worked on history.
Brendon: Well, the few answers that you told me were wrong, and most of the other stuff you told me never came up.
McGuirk: All right, what did I tell you again?
Brendon: About the Area 51 stuff and the conspiracy theories.
McGuirk: All that stuff is true, Brendon, all right? That's the stuff they don't want you to know about.
Brendon: Right.
McGuirk: Probably why they failed you, you know. Because you're in on it, now you're complicit, now you know.
Brendon: Right.
McGuirk: Now you're singled out.
Brendon: Sure.
McGuirk: You got to watch your back.
Brendon: Right.
Brendon: Well, the few answers that you told me were wrong, and most of the other stuff you told me never came up.
McGuirk: All right, what did I tell you again?
Brendon: About the Area 51 stuff and the conspiracy theories.
McGuirk: All that stuff is true, Brendon, all right? That's the stuff they don't want you to know about.
Brendon: Right.
McGuirk: Probably why they failed you, you know. Because you're in on it, now you're complicit, now you know.
Brendon: Right.
McGuirk: Now you're singled out.
Brendon: Sure.
McGuirk: You got to watch your back.
Brendon: Right.
TV Show: Home Movies
McGuirk: You remember what I told you about Area 51?
Brendon: Yeah, it's where they store the frozen bodies of the aliens that landed on Earth.
McGuirk: What about Area 52?
Brendon: That's where they store the frozen bodies of the illegal aliens.
McGuirk: All right, good. It's also a porn movie.
Brendon: Yeah, it's where they store the frozen bodies of the aliens that landed on Earth.
McGuirk: What about Area 52?
Brendon: That's where they store the frozen bodies of the illegal aliens.
McGuirk: All right, good. It's also a porn movie.
TV Show: Home Movies
McGuirk: Well, what did they ask you about?
Brendon: Historical figures.
McGuirk: That's not important. Like Jimmy Hoffa?
Brendon: No, more like Washington.
McGuirk: Well, just plug in the Area 51 answer.
Brendon: Historical figures.
McGuirk: That's not important. Like Jimmy Hoffa?
Brendon: No, more like Washington.
McGuirk: Well, just plug in the Area 51 answer.
TV Show: Home Movies
I’m Mr. Pants and I’m coming to get ya’
Better run for your life, you better run or I’ll get ya’
I got paws like a cat cause that’s what I am
I’ll throw up on your carpet and scratch up your hands
I 'm the roughest toughest kitty in the land
My name is Mr. Pants I’m the kitty cat man
Nobody’s gonna stop me from having my way
My name is Mr. Pants and have a nice day
Better run for your life, you better run or I’ll get ya’
I got paws like a cat cause that’s what I am
I’ll throw up on your carpet and scratch up your hands
I 'm the roughest toughest kitty in the land
My name is Mr. Pants I’m the kitty cat man
Nobody’s gonna stop me from having my way
My name is Mr. Pants and have a nice day
TV Show: Home Movies
You’ll scream for your life cause you won’t be happy
My name is Mr. Pants and I’m actually kind of grabby
Mr. Pants is my name and I’d like to say hi
Give me a call we’ll hang out some time I’m Mr. Pants!
My name is Mr. Pants and I’m actually kind of grabby
Mr. Pants is my name and I’d like to say hi
Give me a call we’ll hang out some time I’m Mr. Pants!
TV Show: Home Movies
I’m the furry fella getting in the land
My name is Mr. Pants I’m the kitty cat man
Nobody’s gonna stop me from having my way
My name is Mr. Pants and have a nice day…
My name is Mr. Pants I’m the kitty cat man
Nobody’s gonna stop me from having my way
My name is Mr. Pants and have a nice day…
TV Show: Home Movies
Lynch: Okay, so then, tell me what you know about Washington.
Brendon: It's a junior high?
Lynch: Hmm...
Brendon: It's on Washington Street?
Lynch: Hmm...
Brendon: He was the one who discovered Washington state?
Lynch: Hmm...
Brendon: I don't know, I guess he was the first president?
Lynch: Yes, and...?
Brendon: He's evil
Lynch: Uh...no.
Brendon: It's a junior high?
Lynch: Hmm...
Brendon: It's on Washington Street?
Lynch: Hmm...
Brendon: He was the one who discovered Washington state?
Lynch: Hmm...
Brendon: I don't know, I guess he was the first president?
Lynch: Yes, and...?
Brendon: He's evil
Lynch: Uh...no.
TV Show: Home Movies