Home Movies Quotes
[prison film]
Jason: Well, we've done a lot of bad things, right, guys?
Melissa: Yes, we have. Yes, we have.
Brendon: And now we're here in jail.
Melissa: Yes, we are. We're here being punished.
Jason: And we hate it. But what can we do? We did wrong.
Brendon: We can't do anything. Justice has been done. It's time to...[mumbling] pop it pop...
Melissa: Yeah.
Jason: You speak the truth, my brother. It is time to...
Melissa: Time for that.
Jason: Yes, time to...
Brendon & Melissa: Pay the...
[all mumbling]
Jason: What time is it, actually?
Brendon: It's 2: 30.
Jason: Yeah, I got to go home.
Brendon: Okay, fade to black. The End. Well, we tried.
Jason: Well, we've done a lot of bad things, right, guys?
Melissa: Yes, we have. Yes, we have.
Brendon: And now we're here in jail.
Melissa: Yes, we are. We're here being punished.
Jason: And we hate it. But what can we do? We did wrong.
Brendon: We can't do anything. Justice has been done. It's time to...[mumbling] pop it pop...
Melissa: Yeah.
Jason: You speak the truth, my brother. It is time to...
Melissa: Time for that.
Jason: Yes, time to...
Brendon & Melissa: Pay the...
[all mumbling]
Jason: What time is it, actually?
Brendon: It's 2: 30.
Jason: Yeah, I got to go home.
Brendon: Okay, fade to black. The End. Well, we tried.
TV Show: Home Movies
Brendan: (to Melissa) You read a book a month? Man, it would take me like a year to read a book a month.
TV Show: Home Movies
Coach McGuirk: I'm a Big Beautiful woman..... These are Chunky Soup Cans. (As he grabs his bra)
TV Show: Home Movies
Coach McGuirk: One plus two equals McGuirk. Two plus four equals she's hot. Six minus four equals McGuirk's happy.
TV Show: Home Movies
Brendon: I'm leaving, doctor I'm sorry you had to see me this way.
Linda: Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Brendon: What?
Linda: You heard me.
Brendon: No I was outside, what?
Linda: Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Brendon: What?
Linda: You heard me.
Brendon: No I was outside, what?
TV Show: Home Movies
Brendon: KNOCK, KNOCK!
Linda: WHO'S THERE?!
Brendon: FUCK YOU!!
Linda: FUCK YOU!! WHO?!
Doctor: Nice kid.
Brendon: FUCK YOU!
Linda: FUCK YOU!
Linda: WHO'S THERE?!
Brendon: FUCK YOU!!
Linda: FUCK YOU!! WHO?!
Doctor: Nice kid.
Brendon: FUCK YOU!
Linda: FUCK YOU!
TV Show: Home Movies
Coach McGuirk: Oh my god it's death!
Melissa: Coach it's me Melissa.
Coach McGuirk: Oh my god it's Melissa!
Melissa: This is my costume.
Coach McGuirk: Hey you know Melissa you shouldn't be walking around the hospital dressed as death.
Melissa: Coach it's me Melissa.
Coach McGuirk: Oh my god it's Melissa!
Melissa: This is my costume.
Coach McGuirk: Hey you know Melissa you shouldn't be walking around the hospital dressed as death.
TV Show: Home Movies
McGuirk: What else are ya gonna do, Lynch? Are you gonna spank me? Spank me.
Lynch: McGuirk...
McGuirk: [pulls down pants] Here. Here it is, spank it.
Lynch: McGuirk...
McGuirk: [pulls down pants] Here. Here it is, spank it.
TV Show: Home Movies
Brendon: I can't believe the water is hotter than the air!
Jason: Don't talk Brendon, I'm peeing.
Jason: Don't talk Brendon, I'm peeing.
TV Show: Home Movies
McGuirk: Alright, look! Here's what i need. Food. Fast food, preferrably. Beer. Light Beer. Preferrably.
Brendon: Alright, Melissa, do you mind fake writing this down?
Melissa: Yeah.
Brendon: OK. Go ahead!
McGuirk: I need a satellite map of this entire area
Brendon: OK. Melissa write it down
Melissa: Got it.
McGuirk: I need some hair dye, a fake moustache, i need gunpowder..
Melissa: Coach, Would you settle for some marshmellows?
McGuirk: Oh you got marshmellows?
Melissa: We can get you some marshmellows.
McGuirk: Yeah! Ill take 'em. Hey!, lets make smores! You got graham crackers?
Melissa: No.
McGuirk: Sh*t.
Brendon: Alright, Melissa, do you mind fake writing this down?
Melissa: Yeah.
Brendon: OK. Go ahead!
McGuirk: I need a satellite map of this entire area
Brendon: OK. Melissa write it down
Melissa: Got it.
McGuirk: I need some hair dye, a fake moustache, i need gunpowder..
Melissa: Coach, Would you settle for some marshmellows?
McGuirk: Oh you got marshmellows?
Melissa: We can get you some marshmellows.
McGuirk: Yeah! Ill take 'em. Hey!, lets make smores! You got graham crackers?
Melissa: No.
McGuirk: Sh*t.
TV Show: Home Movies
Fenton: He punched me.
Mr. Lynch: Who did?
Brendon: Fenton.
Fenton: Uh, me did. It's a lighting thing.
Mr. Lynch: Who did?
Brendon: Fenton.
Fenton: Uh, me did. It's a lighting thing.
TV Show: Home Movies
McGuirk: Everybody move, I got to back up. [he backed up but got bumped by a box] Oh, my God. Somebody move that box over there! [He backs up again, but got bumped yet again] Oh, [censor beep] it. [he backs up again but this time the car hit down the stage]
Audience: [clapping]
Audience: [clapping]
TV Show: Home Movies
Jason: The mighty Septopus, a horrible beast with seven testicles.
Brendon: Tentacles, captain.
Jason: Tentacles, right.
Brendon: Tentacles, captain.
Jason: Tentacles, right.
TV Show: Home Movies
Fenton: Oh, I almost forgot everybody. I wrote the theme song to the movie on my way over here.
Jason: Cool.
Brendon: What?
Melissa: Let's hear it.
Brendon: No. Guys...
Fenton: 2, 3, 4. [singing] Beware the mighty Septopus, what a dandy guy.
Brendon: What?
Fenton: [singing] Lives on top the submarine and he's always eating pies.
Brendon: He doesn't eat pies.
Fenton: [singing] He's always eating pies up there and throwing festivals.
Brendon: He doesn't throw festivals.
Fenton: [singing] He's the grandest guy in town with seven testicles!
Brendon: Tentacles.
Fenton: [singing] Septopus, Septopus, Septopus, Septopus, [Jason & Melissa joins in] Septopus, Septopus, Septo...
Jason: Cool.
Brendon: What?
Melissa: Let's hear it.
Brendon: No. Guys...
Fenton: 2, 3, 4. [singing] Beware the mighty Septopus, what a dandy guy.
Brendon: What?
Fenton: [singing] Lives on top the submarine and he's always eating pies.
Brendon: He doesn't eat pies.
Fenton: [singing] He's always eating pies up there and throwing festivals.
Brendon: He doesn't throw festivals.
Fenton: [singing] He's the grandest guy in town with seven testicles!
Brendon: Tentacles.
Fenton: [singing] Septopus, Septopus, Septopus, Septopus, [Jason & Melissa joins in] Septopus, Septopus, Septo...
TV Show: Home Movies
Fenton: [playing his video game] I believe the character would have this. I mean it's his motivation from playing the game.
Brendon: I respect that but however he's a possessed stowaway, possessed by the Septopus. Why would he have a video game? It makes no sense, look we're running out of time.
Fenton: [playing his video game] Okay, he just would Brendon, You're overthinking it, he just would. And I don't know what to tell you. Ooh, I got another man!
Brendon: I respect that but however he's a possessed stowaway, possessed by the Septopus. Why would he have a video game? It makes no sense, look we're running out of time.
Fenton: [playing his video game] Okay, he just would Brendon, You're overthinking it, he just would. And I don't know what to tell you. Ooh, I got another man!
TV Show: Home Movies
McGuirk: Brendon.
Brendon: Yeah?
McGuirk: Notice anything different about me?
Brendon: What, your giant boobs?
McGuirk: They're not boobs, they're pecs. Big differences.
Brendon: I don't think so, I think they're called boobs or breast.
McGuirk: No. Have you ever been to a gym?
Brendon: No.
McGuirk: At a gym, boobs are called pecs.
Brendon: Yeah?
McGuirk: Notice anything different about me?
Brendon: What, your giant boobs?
McGuirk: They're not boobs, they're pecs. Big differences.
Brendon: I don't think so, I think they're called boobs or breast.
McGuirk: No. Have you ever been to a gym?
Brendon: No.
McGuirk: At a gym, boobs are called pecs.
TV Show: Home Movies
Coach McGuirk: What are you looking at?
Brendon: [staring at Coach McGurk's pecs] Nothing, no. I just caught myself staring at your boobs.
Brendon: [staring at Coach McGurk's pecs] Nothing, no. I just caught myself staring at your boobs.
TV Show: Home Movies
Brendon: We known each other for a while and uh...you know we work together and we play together and this just ultimately I keep coming back to the same answer, that this is simply not working out on all fronts. And that's why I think that, you know what I really saying is maybe it would be better if you and I just broke up.
Fenton: You're breaking up with me?
Brendon: Well, I mean yeah, I mean...
Fenton: What, because of the lighting?
Brendon: No, no.
Fenton: The jealousy?
Brendon: What?
Fenton: You resent me, is that it?
Brendon: Listen, just calm down.
Fenton: You son of a bitch. You pig! You jealous pig!
Fenton: You're breaking up with me?
Brendon: Well, I mean yeah, I mean...
Fenton: What, because of the lighting?
Brendon: No, no.
Fenton: The jealousy?
Brendon: What?
Fenton: You resent me, is that it?
Brendon: Listen, just calm down.
Fenton: You son of a bitch. You pig! You jealous pig!
TV Show: Home Movies
[after Walter's and Perry's audition]
Jason: Ah, Brendon, Melissa, I made a decision and I want it respected. I want them in the part.
Walter & Perry: Yippee!
Walter: Perry, we did it!
Melissa: Jason!
Jason: What, they stunk but we have a deadline.
Walter & Perry: Hey.
Melissa: You know what, he's right Brendon.
Brendon: I know, I know, okay Walter, Perry.
Walter & Perry: Yes?
Brendon: You are hired. But I'm sorry, you're fired.
Perry: This is bull----.
Jason: Ah, Brendon, Melissa, I made a decision and I want it respected. I want them in the part.
Walter & Perry: Yippee!
Walter: Perry, we did it!
Melissa: Jason!
Jason: What, they stunk but we have a deadline.
Walter & Perry: Hey.
Melissa: You know what, he's right Brendon.
Brendon: I know, I know, okay Walter, Perry.
Walter & Perry: Yes?
Brendon: You are hired. But I'm sorry, you're fired.
Perry: This is bull----.
TV Show: Home Movies
Jason: Uh, we feel that the schedule is in jeopardy.
Brendon: I know, I know.
Melissa: And, we feel there is one person for the part.
Brendon: Right, I agree.
Melissa: And it's Fenton.
Brendon: I totally agree.
Jason: Uh, hold on. [whispering to Melissa] I thought it was Walter and Perry.
Melissa: No. You have to pay attention better Jason, Okay?
Jason: Uuuuuuuh, what?
Brendon: I know, I know.
Melissa: And, we feel there is one person for the part.
Brendon: Right, I agree.
Melissa: And it's Fenton.
Brendon: I totally agree.
Jason: Uh, hold on. [whispering to Melissa] I thought it was Walter and Perry.
Melissa: No. You have to pay attention better Jason, Okay?
Jason: Uuuuuuuh, what?
TV Show: Home Movies
Melissa: Okay good and action!
Jason: Wait. Let me get back in the shot.
Melissa: Sorry about that.
Jason: Okay and action!
Melissa: Wait. Cut, let me get rid of my gum. [throws her gum away] Action!
Fenton: Hey, I'm thirsty.
Melissa: Cut! Jason, could you get him something?
Fenton: Thank you. Jason.
Jason: No, Melissa you get him something.
Melissa: Jason, I asked you to get him something.
Jason: Well I'm telling you, you get...
Fenton: Someone get me a soda, please.
Jason: Right. Melissa go get him a soda.
Melissa: You get him a soda.
Jason: I'm not gonna.
Fenton: Please! Stop fighting and just get me a soda.
Melissa: You know, lets forget the soda and action!
Fenton: Oh, let's not forget the soda and get it!
Melissa: Get him soda.
Jason: You said action.
Fenton: Listen to my [making sounds with his tongue] drying mouth. [making sounds with his tongue]
Melissa: (sigh)
Jason: Wait. Let me get back in the shot.
Melissa: Sorry about that.
Jason: Okay and action!
Melissa: Wait. Cut, let me get rid of my gum. [throws her gum away] Action!
Fenton: Hey, I'm thirsty.
Melissa: Cut! Jason, could you get him something?
Fenton: Thank you. Jason.
Jason: No, Melissa you get him something.
Melissa: Jason, I asked you to get him something.
Jason: Well I'm telling you, you get...
Fenton: Someone get me a soda, please.
Jason: Right. Melissa go get him a soda.
Melissa: You get him a soda.
Jason: I'm not gonna.
Fenton: Please! Stop fighting and just get me a soda.
Melissa: You know, lets forget the soda and action!
Fenton: Oh, let's not forget the soda and get it!
Melissa: Get him soda.
Jason: You said action.
Fenton: Listen to my [making sounds with his tongue] drying mouth. [making sounds with his tongue]
Melissa: (sigh)
TV Show: Home Movies
Melissa: Seriously, get him a soda, Jason.
Fenton: Please!
Jason: No, Melissa, I can't get him a soda if you already yelled action and we're rolling and I'm in the scene.
Fenton: I'm so thirsty.
Melissa: Okay cut, Jason, get him a soda, please.
Jason: Action. Melissa, you get him a soda.
Melissa: Cut. Jason, you get him a soda.
Jason: Action!
Melissa: Cut!
Fenton: I'm thirsty!
Melissa: Jason, get him a soda. Action!
Jason: Cut. [walks away] get your own soda, Fenton.
Fenton: Please!
Jason: No, Melissa, I can't get him a soda if you already yelled action and we're rolling and I'm in the scene.
Fenton: I'm so thirsty.
Melissa: Okay cut, Jason, get him a soda, please.
Jason: Action. Melissa, you get him a soda.
Melissa: Cut. Jason, you get him a soda.
Jason: Action!
Melissa: Cut!
Fenton: I'm thirsty!
Melissa: Jason, get him a soda. Action!
Jason: Cut. [walks away] get your own soda, Fenton.
TV Show: Home Movies
Paula: Look, I broke up with the guy. I broke up with him already. He didn't take...
Jason: Mrs. Small.
Paula: Yeah?
Jason: Have you considered killing him.
Melissa: Yeah.
Brendon: Yeah. Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, wait, if you guys are here than who's directing Fenton?
Jason: Uh, Fenton is.
Melissa: Yeah, Brendon, I don't know if you ever noticed but he is kinda a pain in the ass.
Brendon: Interesting.
Jason: You should maybe consider firing Fenton or killing him.
Melissa: Yeah.
Jason: Mrs. Small.
Paula: Yeah?
Jason: Have you considered killing him.
Melissa: Yeah.
Brendon: Yeah. Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, wait, if you guys are here than who's directing Fenton?
Jason: Uh, Fenton is.
Melissa: Yeah, Brendon, I don't know if you ever noticed but he is kinda a pain in the ass.
Brendon: Interesting.
Jason: You should maybe consider firing Fenton or killing him.
Melissa: Yeah.
TV Show: Home Movies
McQuirk: You know dogs do that, Brendon.
Brendon: Yeah?
McQuirk: Just a note.
Brendon: Break up with, what do you mean?
McQuirk: Like packs of dogs, one dog that is acting...
Brendon: Yeah?
McQuirk: ...not acting the way the pack is...
Brendon: Yeah? Uh-huh.
McQuirk: ...they kill it. And they eat it.
Brendon: Right. But like with humans, that doesn't happen, no?
McQuirk: Probably.
Brendon: Yeah?
McQuirk: Just a note.
Brendon: Break up with, what do you mean?
McQuirk: Like packs of dogs, one dog that is acting...
Brendon: Yeah?
McQuirk: ...not acting the way the pack is...
Brendon: Yeah? Uh-huh.
McQuirk: ...they kill it. And they eat it.
Brendon: Right. But like with humans, that doesn't happen, no?
McQuirk: Probably.
TV Show: Home Movies
Brendon: Well let's kill Simon and eat him.
Jason: Let's just kill someone.
Brendon: Yeah.
Jason: Yeah, I mean how many times do I have to hint.
Brendon: Okay, well we're all in on this you know that?
Jason: Thank you, I mentioned it like seven times.
Jason: Let's just kill someone.
Brendon: Yeah.
Jason: Yeah, I mean how many times do I have to hint.
Brendon: Okay, well we're all in on this you know that?
Jason: Thank you, I mentioned it like seven times.
TV Show: Home Movies
Brendon: Don't get into show business, Josie. Don't spend your life being dragged down by projects that you lose interest in and have to sneak away from.
Jason & Melissa: [searching for Brendon] Brendon!
Brendon: Where's my childhood gone, Josie?
Jason & Melissa: [searching for Brendon] Brendon!
Brendon: Where's my childhood gone, Josie?
TV Show: Home Movies