House Quotes
House [to Cuddy]: There are no cars coming. Just go.
Rachel: The light is red, ye bloody scallywag.
Cuddy: Stop with the pirate talk.
House: If you don't want Brownbeard to end up with two wooden legs, better get your ma to move this ship, you mangy bilge rat.
Cuddy: Of course... you showed her that filthy cartoon. What kind of idiot lets a three-year-old watch that?
House: If you want to lecture me on my poor judgment, there seems to be more relevant examples.
Rachel: The light is red, ye bloody scallywag.
Cuddy: Stop with the pirate talk.
House: If you don't want Brownbeard to end up with two wooden legs, better get your ma to move this ship, you mangy bilge rat.
Cuddy: Of course... you showed her that filthy cartoon. What kind of idiot lets a three-year-old watch that?
House: If you want to lecture me on my poor judgment, there seems to be more relevant examples.
TV Show: House
Thirteen: Great. I need you to stop at the hospital and check out a portable ultrasound machine for me.
Chase: Who's the father?
Chase: Who's the father?
TV Show: House
Chase [to Thirteen]: You killed your own brother?
Thirteen: Yes. It was awful and devastating, but it wasn't murder. He was sick and he wanted to die, and I promised I would help. Now please stop pacing and help me find this thing.
Chase: Have you talked to anybody about it? I mean, are you okay?
Thirteen: No, I may have an aortic arch aneurysm. Oh, wait, that's her. Either help me or leave.
Thirteen: Yes. It was awful and devastating, but it wasn't murder. He was sick and he wanted to die, and I promised I would help. Now please stop pacing and help me find this thing.
Chase: Have you talked to anybody about it? I mean, are you okay?
Thirteen: No, I may have an aortic arch aneurysm. Oh, wait, that's her. Either help me or leave.
TV Show: House
Taub: I don't know why she's even considering having my kid. She barely knows me. All she knows is I'm a short, balding guy. It doesn't even make evolutionary sense.
Foreman: You want her to keep it?
Taub: No.
Foreman: 'Cause you'd make a crappy dad.
Taub: I said, "no."
Foreman: You're too selfish. That's why you cheated on your wife, why your marriage fell apart—
Taub: Dude, I said...
Foreman: I know you. The only reason you're sitting in a strip club, ignoring the strip club, is because you actually are considering it.
Foreman: You want her to keep it?
Taub: No.
Foreman: 'Cause you'd make a crappy dad.
Taub: I said, "no."
Foreman: You're too selfish. That's why you cheated on your wife, why your marriage fell apart—
Taub: Dude, I said...
Foreman: I know you. The only reason you're sitting in a strip club, ignoring the strip club, is because you actually are considering it.
TV Show: House
[When Darrien's condition grows worse]
Chase [to Darrien]: It's time to get you to the hospital.
Darrien: Oh, no. (looks at Thirteen) Remy, you promised.
Thirteen: (looking up at Chase) All we'll do at the hospital is stick her in a patient bed and give her IV clotting factor. We can do that right here.
Chase: We could also embalm her right here.
Thirteen: I'll call the drugs in. You go pick them up. If I'm right, she'll be fine. Look, I know you don't know her and you don't care about her, but I do. Please.
Chase [to Darrien]: It's time to get you to the hospital.
Darrien: Oh, no. (looks at Thirteen) Remy, you promised.
Thirteen: (looking up at Chase) All we'll do at the hospital is stick her in a patient bed and give her IV clotting factor. We can do that right here.
Chase: We could also embalm her right here.
Thirteen: I'll call the drugs in. You go pick them up. If I'm right, she'll be fine. Look, I know you don't know her and you don't care about her, but I do. Please.
TV Show: House
[Rachel is watching an adult pirate cartoon]
Cuddy: (to Rachel) What are you watching?
Rachel: TV, you bloody scallywag. [Cuddy turns off the TV] (whining) Mo-om!
Cuddy: (to Rachel) What are you watching?
Rachel: TV, you bloody scallywag. [Cuddy turns off the TV] (whining) Mo-om!
TV Show: House
[When House calls Cuddy for help, he is lying in the bathtub with his leg bleeding]
House [to Cuddy]: I tried calling everyone else. You were the last one on the list.
Cuddy: Any reason why 911 wasn't on the list?
House [to Cuddy]: I tried calling everyone else. You were the last one on the list.
Cuddy: Any reason why 911 wasn't on the list?
TV Show: House
[Cuddy is driving House to the hospital]
Rachel: What happened to your leg?
House: I was trying to make it better.
Cuddy [to Rachel]: He was being reckless. Sit back, honey. (to House) This isn't about making your leg better. It's about making your life better.
House: Here we go. Wish I had called 911.
Cuddy: Why else would you risk your life doing something so stupid?
House: Well, you know, I've had a lot of setbacks lately.
Cuddy: Don't blame our breakup for this. You're not unhappy because of me. You're just unhappy. Unhappy people do reckless things.
Rachel: What happened to your leg?
House: I was trying to make it better.
Cuddy [to Rachel]: He was being reckless. Sit back, honey. (to House) This isn't about making your leg better. It's about making your life better.
House: Here we go. Wish I had called 911.
Cuddy: Why else would you risk your life doing something so stupid?
House: Well, you know, I've had a lot of setbacks lately.
Cuddy: Don't blame our breakup for this. You're not unhappy because of me. You're just unhappy. Unhappy people do reckless things.
TV Show: House
[Taub is waiting outside the strip club and Foreman comes out of the club]
Foreman [to Taub]: There you are. You were in the VIP room so long, I thought you were gonna pay off that girl's mortgage.
Taub: I got tossed out by Bobby the bouncer.
Foreman: You touched her?
Taub: I was looking at her mole.
Foreman: (chuckling) Genius. Let's go home.
Taub: I want to wait for the girl, make sure that mole's okay.
Foreman: Bobby the bouncer sees you standing out here like a stalker, he's gonna break open your skull.
Taub: It was asymmetrical. It might be cancerous.
Foreman: You want to get your skull cracked open. You're trying to punish yourself.
Taub: I want to fulfill my oath as a doctor.
Foreman: You think you're a screw-up because you got a girl pregnant and you deserve to suffer. You don't. You just need some sleep and you'll handle this mess. Let's get in the car.
Taub: She's probably off work soon.
Foreman: (zipping up his jacket) Give me the keys. I'll drive. [Taub ignores him] I'll get a cab. Good luck with everything. (walks away)
Foreman [to Taub]: There you are. You were in the VIP room so long, I thought you were gonna pay off that girl's mortgage.
Taub: I got tossed out by Bobby the bouncer.
Foreman: You touched her?
Taub: I was looking at her mole.
Foreman: (chuckling) Genius. Let's go home.
Taub: I want to wait for the girl, make sure that mole's okay.
Foreman: Bobby the bouncer sees you standing out here like a stalker, he's gonna break open your skull.
Taub: It was asymmetrical. It might be cancerous.
Foreman: You want to get your skull cracked open. You're trying to punish yourself.
Taub: I want to fulfill my oath as a doctor.
Foreman: You think you're a screw-up because you got a girl pregnant and you deserve to suffer. You don't. You just need some sleep and you'll handle this mess. Let's get in the car.
Taub: She's probably off work soon.
Foreman: (zipping up his jacket) Give me the keys. I'll drive. [Taub ignores him] I'll get a cab. Good luck with everything. (walks away)
TV Show: House
Chase [to Thirteen]: You were defending your friend beyond all rationality, granting her the right to die in your bedroom. Was it really all because of a promise?
Thirteen: That word means something to some people.
Chase: Not that much.
Thirteen: That word means something to some people.
Chase: Not that much.
TV Show: House
House: (to Rachel) Did you see the new Brownbeard episode?
Rachel: It was so funny.
House: No, it was so lame. Got a boat full of guy pirates and they make the girl pirate walk the plank.
Rachel: She floated.
House: That's 'cause she had big boobies. That's why he should have kept her.
Rachel: It was so funny.
House: No, it was so lame. Got a boat full of guy pirates and they make the girl pirate walk the plank.
Rachel: She floated.
House: That's 'cause she had big boobies. That's why he should have kept her.
TV Show: House
[When House wakes up from surgery]
House: What are you doing here?
Wilson: You hoping for someone else?
House: Hot nurse, candy striper… Someone who doesn't speak English. Someone who doesn't speak judgmental.
House: What are you doing here?
Wilson: You hoping for someone else?
House: Hot nurse, candy striper… Someone who doesn't speak English. Someone who doesn't speak judgmental.
TV Show: House
Dr. Wilson: You're forging my name on prescriptions again.
House: No. What you just said implies that I stopped at some point.
House: No. What you just said implies that I stopped at some point.
TV Show: House
House: (winning a bet against Foreman) Since I've seen your paycheck, I probably shouldn't. Canned beans aren't so bad... as long as they're cooked over an oil-drum fire under a bridge with the king of the hobos.
TV Show: House
Taub: Nice, cozy home for little Ruben. It's a family name.
Ruby: It's a sandwich.
Taub: Named for my family.
Ruby: It's a sandwich.
Taub: Named for my family.
TV Show: House
House: My doctor says it's okay as long as I don't leave my hospital bed.
Taub: Which doctor was that: Seuss or J?
Taub: Which doctor was that: Seuss or J?
TV Show: House
House: Hey, we were just getting to the good part.
Dr. Chase: Is there a good part? It was performance art.
Dr. Chase: Is there a good part? It was performance art.
TV Show: House
House [to Cuddy]: You think I have unresolved issues and you are the unresolved issues.
Cuddy: Yes. but it's... I think more than that. It's your life, your choices.
House: I did it to fix my life. No, wait, no, I did it because I'm a deeply unhappy person. No, no, I did it to get sympathy from you. I did it to piss you off. I did it because I'm not over you, or I was over you, and I was moving on. I did it because I want to know what it's like not to be in pain. I did it because I want to feel more pain. Whatever the reason, it was a bad reason and a bad idea. That's all that matters. Good lunch.
Cuddy: Yes. but it's... I think more than that. It's your life, your choices.
House: I did it to fix my life. No, wait, no, I did it because I'm a deeply unhappy person. No, no, I did it to get sympathy from you. I did it to piss you off. I did it because I'm not over you, or I was over you, and I was moving on. I did it because I want to know what it's like not to be in pain. I did it because I want to feel more pain. Whatever the reason, it was a bad reason and a bad idea. That's all that matters. Good lunch.
TV Show: House
Cuddy: If Greg House steps foot in my hospital again, comes anywhere near me, I want him thrown in jail.
TV Show: House
Chase: Arrhythmia, high hematocrit, and inconsistent RR variability.
Foreman: You forgot about the fourth symptom: being completely crazy.
Thirteen: One man's crazy is another woman's art.
Foreman: You forgot about the fourth symptom: being completely crazy.
Thirteen: One man's crazy is another woman's art.
TV Show: House
Foreman: How do we know she's actually sick?
House: Her being sick is a clue.
Foreman: She would have let that guy set her on fire for the sake of her work. You think she's scared of a little arrhythmia? She probably huffed paint thinner.
Thirteen: She would have let him set her on fire because of the honesty of her work. Faking an illness doesn't fit.
House: Thirteen's right, at least her conclusion was. Everything else was laughably wrong. If the patient induced pancreatitis and a heart attack, she'd be suicidal.
Chase: Exactly. She's risking her life all the time.
House: Exactly. If she wanted to be dead, she'd be dead a long time ago. Pretending to cheat death pays better than watercolors.
House: Her being sick is a clue.
Foreman: She would have let that guy set her on fire for the sake of her work. You think she's scared of a little arrhythmia? She probably huffed paint thinner.
Thirteen: She would have let him set her on fire because of the honesty of her work. Faking an illness doesn't fit.
House: Thirteen's right, at least her conclusion was. Everything else was laughably wrong. If the patient induced pancreatitis and a heart attack, she'd be suicidal.
Chase: Exactly. She's risking her life all the time.
House: Exactly. If she wanted to be dead, she'd be dead a long time ago. Pretending to cheat death pays better than watercolors.
TV Show: House
Cuddy: House… talk to me!
House: I already did.
Cuddy [gets in front of House, trying to stop him]: No, you just parroted back what Wilson and I've been saying to you the last few days.
House: Get out of my way.
Cuddy: No. [She looks down and touches his leg.] Oh, you pulled a stitch. House, please just talk to me.
[Cuddy takes House's arms, trying to turn him to face her and House pushes Cuddy against a wall and they are staring face to face]
House: [loudly] You want to know how I feel? [two deep breaths then, quietly] I feel hurt.
[Cuddy takes House's hands from her upper arms and holds them.]
Cuddy: I know. I'm sorry.
House: It's not your fault. [pulls his hands free and walks off.]
House: I already did.
Cuddy [gets in front of House, trying to stop him]: No, you just parroted back what Wilson and I've been saying to you the last few days.
House: Get out of my way.
Cuddy: No. [She looks down and touches his leg.] Oh, you pulled a stitch. House, please just talk to me.
[Cuddy takes House's arms, trying to turn him to face her and House pushes Cuddy against a wall and they are staring face to face]
House: [loudly] You want to know how I feel? [two deep breaths then, quietly] I feel hurt.
[Cuddy takes House's hands from her upper arms and holds them.]
Cuddy: I know. I'm sorry.
House: It's not your fault. [pulls his hands free and walks off.]
TV Show: House
[Thirteen walks into House's office and sees him with his jeans down and a white bandage around his left thigh]
House: Sorry. Just checking the stitches on my penis.
House: Sorry. Just checking the stitches on my penis.
TV Show: House