House Quotes
Wilson: What happened?
House: She said 'yes' and I heard 'no'. I didn't actually hear 'no', but I just was sure that was what she meant. What do I even care what she meant? She said 'yes' and that's all that matters. ....I'm screwing this up.
House: She said 'yes' and I heard 'no'. I didn't actually hear 'no', but I just was sure that was what she meant. What do I even care what she meant? She said 'yes' and that's all that matters. ....I'm screwing this up.
TV Show: House
[After Cuddy gives House a kiss in front of Wilson to confirm House's claims to him]
Wilson: I've been more passionate with my great-aunt.
House: Mabel? Up high!
[A brief pause after House holds up his right hand. Cuddy grabs his crotch with a surprised look from Wilson.]
Cuddy: We done here?
[Wilson nods and she leaves.]
House: She didn't even ask me to cough.
Wilson: I've been more passionate with my great-aunt.
House: Mabel? Up high!
[A brief pause after House holds up his right hand. Cuddy grabs his crotch with a surprised look from Wilson.]
Cuddy: We done here?
[Wilson nods and she leaves.]
House: She didn't even ask me to cough.
TV Show: House
Hugo: [To his sister Della, the patient] You do so many great things. I just watch. I get to watch and coach and cheer. That's not me out there. It never will be. If you take this piece of me, carry it with you, then I really can share everything you do. THIS is the great thing I can do with my life. Don't make me live without you.
TV Show: House
Cuddy: You used a 3 million dollar piece of hospital equipment so you could read a novel?
House: Cool, right?
Cuddy: Well, as your girlfriend, I'm impressed. As your boss, you're a jackass. Don't do it again.
House: As your boyfriend, I thank you. As your employee, I resent you because I need this for my case.
Cuddy: As your boss, you just got six more clinic hours next week.
House: Cool, right?
Cuddy: Well, as your girlfriend, I'm impressed. As your boss, you're a jackass. Don't do it again.
House: As your boyfriend, I thank you. As your employee, I resent you because I need this for my case.
Cuddy: As your boss, you just got six more clinic hours next week.
TV Show: House
House: [Examining stuffed animals] Which of these says "I want to sleep with you" more? Penguin or beaver? Beaver. Beaver. Beaver. You're right. It's too high school.
TV Show: House
Chase: Oh, and she's not like Cameron.
House: True. Cameron had much smaller breasts. By which I mean she was smarter.
House: True. Cameron had much smaller breasts. By which I mean she was smarter.
TV Show: House
Taub: (looking at a picture of a young Chase with his mother) Awww, it's baby Chase and his mama.
House: Ignore the baby, look at the babe.
House: Ignore the baby, look at the babe.
TV Show: House
Cuddy: What are you doing?
House: I got bored with the porn on my computer. You got any girl on girl on girl on vibrating object on girl stuff?
House: I got bored with the porn on my computer. You got any girl on girl on girl on vibrating object on girl stuff?
TV Show: House
Foreman: House was wrong trying to come up with a complicated reason you hired Kelly.
Chase: Thank you.
Foreman: It's actually quite simple. You think she's hot. You want to sleep with her.
Chase: Well, it was nice to see you finally taking an interest in my life. We should go bowling sometime.
Chase: Thank you.
Foreman: It's actually quite simple. You think she's hot. You want to sleep with her.
Chase: Well, it was nice to see you finally taking an interest in my life. We should go bowling sometime.
TV Show: House
House: So this time I'm gonna put you at ease. It's just you and old Doc House. A couple of pals chittin' the chat.
Chase: Why not just place a chair above a trap door with a shark tank underneath?
House: Wednesday is when I have my shark tank cleaned.
Chase: Why not just place a chair above a trap door with a shark tank underneath?
House: Wednesday is when I have my shark tank cleaned.
TV Show: House
Wilson: How are things going with Cuddy?
House: Great. We've gotten to fifth base. That's two home runs, and then she gives me back a triple.
House: Great. We've gotten to fifth base. That's two home runs, and then she gives me back a triple.
TV Show: House
Wilson [to House about spending the night with Cuddy]: Are you sleeping over there yet?
House: Nope. She comes over, we hook up, she leaves.
Wilson: Whose idea was that?
House: Mine. But I let her think it's hers. That's the fun of a relationship. You get the sex, the dinners… video game partnership. I also get a full-night's sleep.
House: Nope. She comes over, we hook up, she leaves.
Wilson: Whose idea was that?
House: Mine. But I let her think it's hers. That's the fun of a relationship. You get the sex, the dinners… video game partnership. I also get a full-night's sleep.
TV Show: House
Foreman: I checked the pipes and the paint. It's not lead poisoning. You got anything?
Taub: Yeah… I was looking around in the corner over there. I found a question about why you have a problem with our new doctor.
Foreman: Sorry, we should all be super-polite in the DDXs, fail to correct each other, and then treat patients for diseases they don't have.
Taub: Dude, is this about Thirteen?
Foreman: [scoffs] No. Why are you calling me "dude"?
Taub: Maybe it's hard seeing House replace her when you've still got feelings.
Foreman: One, I don't have feelings for Thirteen beyond friendship. Two, it's a temporary replacement. And three, dude?
Taub: It felt right. [shrugs]
Taub: Yeah… I was looking around in the corner over there. I found a question about why you have a problem with our new doctor.
Foreman: Sorry, we should all be super-polite in the DDXs, fail to correct each other, and then treat patients for diseases they don't have.
Taub: Dude, is this about Thirteen?
Foreman: [scoffs] No. Why are you calling me "dude"?
Taub: Maybe it's hard seeing House replace her when you've still got feelings.
Foreman: One, I don't have feelings for Thirteen beyond friendship. Two, it's a temporary replacement. And three, dude?
Taub: It felt right. [shrugs]
TV Show: House
House [to Margaret when she regains consciousness]: Dorothy. Dorothy. Dorothy, dear… It's Aunt Em, darling.
Margaret: What's-what's wrong with me?
House: Well, on the one hand, you've got some mysterious heart and tummy problems. On the other, you look great for a 65-year-old. So who are you? And, no, that's not some weird Canadian pronunciation of "how."
Margaret: What's-what's wrong with me?
House: Well, on the one hand, you've got some mysterious heart and tummy problems. On the other, you look great for a 65-year-old. So who are you? And, no, that's not some weird Canadian pronunciation of "how."
TV Show: House
Chase [to House]: Why not just place a chair above a trap door with a shark tank underneath?
House: Wednesday is when I get my shark tank cleaned.
House: Wednesday is when I get my shark tank cleaned.
TV Show: House
Foreman [to Chase]: House was wrong trying to come up with a complicated reason you hired Kelly.
Chase: Thank you.
Foreman: It's actually quite simple. You think she's hot. You want to sleep with her.
Chase: Well, it was nice to see you finally taking an interest in my life. We should go bowling sometime.
Foreman: I'm just saying if you spend all your off-work time and energy getting laid, it's gonna spill into your work as well.
Chase: Thank you.
Foreman: It's actually quite simple. You think she's hot. You want to sleep with her.
Chase: Well, it was nice to see you finally taking an interest in my life. We should go bowling sometime.
Foreman: I'm just saying if you spend all your off-work time and energy getting laid, it's gonna spill into your work as well.
TV Show: House
Chase [to House]: What are you doing?
House: Just letting you all share in the joys of my last trip to Carlsbad Caverns. Which the husband probably would have beaten up if he'd found it in the address book.
House: Just letting you all share in the joys of my last trip to Carlsbad Caverns. Which the husband probably would have beaten up if he'd found it in the address book.
TV Show: House
Kelly: Normal EKG. No osler nodes.
House: Right, Dr. Kelly!
Chase: Kelly's her first name.
House: What's your point, Dr. Robert?
House: Right, Dr. Kelly!
Chase: Kelly's her first name.
House: What's your point, Dr. Robert?
TV Show: House
Chase [to Foreman]: So who gives a crap if I prepped her?
Foreman: Uh, House. And that's just off the top of my head.
Chase: Why are you doing this? You trying to make me look bad so you look better… or you don't like her, or you're angry at me? What?
Foreman: We hire someone unqualified, it's just dead weight we'll all be pulling. Me especially.
Chase: You especially why?
Foreman: What do you mean why? Because I'm...
Chase: You're what? You're my boss or something?
Foreman: Something like.
Chase: So that's what it is. You're angry that House gave me the chance to hire someone because you still think you're at a different level to everyone else. That's just pathetic.
Foreman: I am at a different level.
Chase: Which is reflected in what, exactly? Your title? No. Your salary? Not really. Your responsibilities? Hardly. Your attitude? Ah. I think we finally found it.
Foreman: It doesn't change the fact that you made a bad decision because you want to get laid.
Chase: Or the fact that you're courageously picking on Kelly because you're scared to take on House. Congratulations. You're a real leader.
Foreman: Uh, House. And that's just off the top of my head.
Chase: Why are you doing this? You trying to make me look bad so you look better… or you don't like her, or you're angry at me? What?
Foreman: We hire someone unqualified, it's just dead weight we'll all be pulling. Me especially.
Chase: You especially why?
Foreman: What do you mean why? Because I'm...
Chase: You're what? You're my boss or something?
Foreman: Something like.
Chase: So that's what it is. You're angry that House gave me the chance to hire someone because you still think you're at a different level to everyone else. That's just pathetic.
Foreman: I am at a different level.
Chase: Which is reflected in what, exactly? Your title? No. Your salary? Not really. Your responsibilities? Hardly. Your attitude? Ah. I think we finally found it.
Foreman: It doesn't change the fact that you made a bad decision because you want to get laid.
Chase: Or the fact that you're courageously picking on Kelly because you're scared to take on House. Congratulations. You're a real leader.
TV Show: House
House: You know what, I'm back to the Cameron theory. That you hired the dumb version of Cameron so that you could fire her and get revenge.
Foreman: Give her a break.
House: Oh, you've switched sides? Let me guess, Chase represents the dumb version of Thirteen…
Foreman: I realized if we all just keep pressuring Kelly, of course she's gonna get stuff wrong. It's irresponsible of me to let that happen.
House: You are a true leader of men.
Foreman: Give her a break.
House: Oh, you've switched sides? Let me guess, Chase represents the dumb version of Thirteen…
Foreman: I realized if we all just keep pressuring Kelly, of course she's gonna get stuff wrong. It's irresponsible of me to let that happen.
House: You are a true leader of men.
TV Show: House
House: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? I know about the Jew, the black, and the Croc Hunter, but when did we get our Asian persuasion on?
TV Show: House
Wilson: Cuddy will be home from work in six hours. But no big deal. I'll just scream, "Look over there," while you quickly shove a scope up her daughter's rectum.
TV Show: House
Wilson: Hey, hey, hey! You are not going to pin this on me. Rachel needs to be monitored for 24 hours to see that the dime passes. You know, just to make sure she doesn't die.
House: You're telling me to do the right thing while climbing out the window?!
House: You're telling me to do the right thing while climbing out the window?!
TV Show: House
Foreman: Where are you?
House: I believe this is what your people term a poopie call.
Foreman: Uh, the word's booty.
House: Well, I don't know what you're doing, but this is a poopie call.
House: I believe this is what your people term a poopie call.
Foreman: Uh, the word's booty.
House: Well, I don't know what you're doing, but this is a poopie call.
TV Show: House
Taub [to Chase]: So, what was that shrug? A "Dr.-Cheng-could-work" shrug? Or a "House-is-gonna-crush-you-for-even-considering-her" shrug? [Chase shrugs again] You suck.
Chase: House is gonna hate anyone we hire, because he doesn't want to hire [gesticulates wildly] ...anyone.
Taub: So you think I should abstain? Just give the decision back to him?
Chase: Then he'll just mock you for being a wuss. You're screwed.
Chase: House is gonna hate anyone we hire, because he doesn't want to hire [gesticulates wildly] ...anyone.
Taub: So you think I should abstain? Just give the decision back to him?
Chase: Then he'll just mock you for being a wuss. You're screwed.
TV Show: House
House: Foreman... you need to stay after school. [the remainder of the team leaves the room] I apparently need to apologize. Last week, I should not have gone over your head and allowed Chase to hire a new team member. So go hire someone who liked "The Bridges of Madison County."
TV Show: House
Wilson [to House]: You told me you gave them your credit card...
House: And you were dumb enough to believe me. [Wilson walks into the house and sees Rachel. House picks up his jacket] Cuddy'll be back in an hour and ten minutes... I'll be back in an hour and five.
Wilson: [follows House to the door] Ohhh, no, you don't.
House: Oh, yes, I do.
Wilson: You're not gonna leave the kid?
House: Yes, I am. [begins putting on his coat] 'Cause unlike you, I don't have a conscience.
Wilson: [tries to get past House to the door] And unlike you, I'm not having sex with Cuddy, so I actually can leave.
House: And you were dumb enough to believe me. [Wilson walks into the house and sees Rachel. House picks up his jacket] Cuddy'll be back in an hour and ten minutes... I'll be back in an hour and five.
Wilson: [follows House to the door] Ohhh, no, you don't.
House: Oh, yes, I do.
Wilson: You're not gonna leave the kid?
House: Yes, I am. [begins putting on his coat] 'Cause unlike you, I don't have a conscience.
Wilson: [tries to get past House to the door] And unlike you, I'm not having sex with Cuddy, so I actually can leave.
TV Show: House