House Quotes
Wilson: [to House] If Rachel wakes up, she's gonna tell Cuddy everything.
House: She's two! Last night, she was whining about the giant moose that lives outside her window.
House: She's two! Last night, she was whining about the giant moose that lives outside her window.
TV Show: House
House: Martha M. Masters. I'm Dr. House. This is the rest of the team. Boring, Bimbo, and Bite-Size. Martha enjoys quadratic equations, Italian frescoes, and her turn-ons include learning to be a doctor.
TV Show: House
House: Black guy campaigning for the opposition? Does Obama know about this?
Dr. Foreman: I tried calling him on the brother hotline. He didn't pick up.
Dr. Foreman: I tried calling him on the brother hotline. He didn't pick up.
TV Show: House
Dr. Cuddy: What is that smell? Is it onions? Peppers? Oh, I know... it's a sausagefest.
House: Sausagefest implies multiples. Now, if you're talking about yardage, I'd have to agree.
House: Sausagefest implies multiples. Now, if you're talking about yardage, I'd have to agree.
TV Show: House
Dr. Cuddy: You'll figure something out. The two of you have a combined IQ north of 300
House: That's also true of five morons.
House: That's also true of five morons.
TV Show: House
House: How mad would you be if I fired Masters?
Dr. Cuddy: Very. Unless you had cause. Real cause. Cause that a human being would consider cause.
House: Never mind, then.
Dr. Cuddy: Very. Unless you had cause. Real cause. Cause that a human being would consider cause.
House: Never mind, then.
TV Show: House
House: E coli is found in animals. So unless he's drinking pork cider... pork cider! I need the number of the patent office.
TV Show: House
House [to Masters]: Say something brilliant.
Masters: Oh, I, I don't...
House: Capital of Azerbaijian?
Masters: Baku.
House: Year Beethoven died?
Masters: 1827.
House: Twentieth decimal of Eulier's Number?
Masters: Six. (giggles) It's my favorite constant.
House: She's like the Internet with breasts. Oh, no, wait--the Internet has breasts.
Masters: Oh, I, I don't...
House: Capital of Azerbaijian?
Masters: Baku.
House: Year Beethoven died?
Masters: 1827.
House: Twentieth decimal of Eulier's Number?
Masters: Six. (giggles) It's my favorite constant.
House: She's like the Internet with breasts. Oh, no, wait--the Internet has breasts.
TV Show: House
House: [to Taub] Trying to catch your wife cheating?
Taub: Oh… Why would you say that?
House: Missing mojo. Posture's slumped. Expression defeated. Didn't try to back up your theory. And Chase told me. Go. Find your mojo.
Taub: Oh… Why would you say that?
House: Missing mojo. Posture's slumped. Expression defeated. Didn't try to back up your theory. And Chase told me. Go. Find your mojo.
TV Show: House
House [to Cuddy]: Just because my sausage has been filling your bun doesn't mean you get to decide what flavor chips I nosh on during the day.
Dr. Cuddy: Nope, I get to do that because I'm your boss.
Dr. Cuddy: Nope, I get to do that because I'm your boss.
TV Show: House
Masters: Scrofula. That's what they called cervical T.B. lymphadenitis in the 1700s.
House: Scrofulicous. That's what they called "annoying" in the 1700s.
House: Scrofulicous. That's what they called "annoying" in the 1700s.
TV Show: House
Chase [to House]: You just tried this. I'm not a better liar than Foreman.
House: Sure you are. You're descended from convicts.
House: Sure you are. You're descended from convicts.
TV Show: House
Masters: Smallpox was eradicated over 30 years ago.
House: So were hush puppies. Have you checked out your local hipster coffee shop lately?
House: So were hush puppies. Have you checked out your local hipster coffee shop lately?
TV Show: House
House: Why aren't you guys in my office?
Foreman: Why are you in the building? It's 8: 00 in the morning.
House: Where's Chase?
Taub: He's not here because it's 8: 00 in the morning.
Foreman: Why are you in the building? It's 8: 00 in the morning.
House: Where's Chase?
Taub: He's not here because it's 8: 00 in the morning.
TV Show: House
Masters [to House]: You don't trust me.
House: Going behind your back works better when you're not facing us.
House: Going behind your back works better when you're not facing us.
TV Show: House
Masters: Julie doesn't have smallpox.
House: Did I just dream the part where I finally agreed it was smallpox? Well, if what I thought was reality was actually a dream, then the reverse... oh, my God, I had a threesome with Beyonce and Lady Gaga.
House: Did I just dream the part where I finally agreed it was smallpox? Well, if what I thought was reality was actually a dream, then the reverse... oh, my God, I had a threesome with Beyonce and Lady Gaga.
TV Show: House
Masters: So I guess honesty is the best policy.
House: Why'd you say that? Seriously... to establish your viewpoint as if I didn't already know it. Or to demonstrate some weird cross-generational female solidarity with Cuddy?
Masters: Actually, I was just trying to fill the awkward silence.
House: Oh.
House: Why'd you say that? Seriously... to establish your viewpoint as if I didn't already know it. Or to demonstrate some weird cross-generational female solidarity with Cuddy?
Masters: Actually, I was just trying to fill the awkward silence.
House: Oh.
TV Show: House
Chase: Your Jedi mind tricks won't work here.
House: [gesture with his hand] Those are not the droids you are looking for.
House: [gesture with his hand] Those are not the droids you are looking for.
TV Show: House
House [to Cuddy]: What you got against chickens? One got choked last night, thanks to you.
TV Show: House
Masters: My father's 19 years older than my mother, and they've been happily married for 32 years.
Foreman: I'm guessing your dad wasn't on the Forbes 400 and your mom didn't look like a swimsuit model. Sorry. That didn't come out right.
Foreman: I'm guessing your dad wasn't on the Forbes 400 and your mom didn't look like a swimsuit model. Sorry. That didn't come out right.
TV Show: House
[While Chase and Masters are at their patient, Ramon's apartment; Chase is trying to pick the door lock]
Chase [to Masters]: You're okay with burglary now?
Masters: I asked his permission. The reason we don't ask permission is we're afraid the patient is going to hide something, but our patient hasn't been home, lives alone. He doesn't have any help, and he has no motive to hide anything.
Chase [to Masters]: You're okay with burglary now?
Masters: I asked his permission. The reason we don't ask permission is we're afraid the patient is going to hide something, but our patient hasn't been home, lives alone. He doesn't have any help, and he has no motive to hide anything.
TV Show: House
House: Classic Neurohecatia. [to Ramon] Two days of anticholinergics, you'll be walking out of here.
Ramon: Really?
House: No. I just made that up to see your reaction. Diagnostic test. This is awesome. 33-year-old carpenter presenting with narcissism, delusions of grandeur, hallucinations.
Taub: He hasn't had hallucinations.
House: I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about "him" with a capital "o-m-g."
Ramon: Really?
House: No. I just made that up to see your reaction. Diagnostic test. This is awesome. 33-year-old carpenter presenting with narcissism, delusions of grandeur, hallucinations.
Taub: He hasn't had hallucinations.
House: I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about "him" with a capital "o-m-g."
TV Show: House