House Quotes
Masters [to Ramon]: You're smiling. Does that mean that you're comfortable with your choice? Or that you're afraid? Because this may be your only hope.
Ramon: You can prescribe a lot of things, but hope isn't one of 'em.
House: Sticking by your convictions and damning the consequences. You two have a lot in common. You're both idiots.
Ramon: You can prescribe a lot of things, but hope isn't one of 'em.
House: Sticking by your convictions and damning the consequences. You two have a lot in common. You're both idiots.
TV Show: House
Masters [to House]: If you had told me, he'd be dead by now. So why do I still want to tell the truth?
House: Either you're naïve or you have scruples. I'm not sure which is worse.
Masters: This is insane. We can't work like this.
House: I can.
House: Either you're naïve or you have scruples. I'm not sure which is worse.
Masters: This is insane. We can't work like this.
House: I can.
TV Show: House
Dr. Wilson [to House]: You have to go. Your girlfriend's birthday? It's not even a question.
House: She has one every year. How often do you break up with the love of your life? Okay, for you, it's more often than most, but still...
Dr. Wilson: I'm a big boy. I think I'll survive.
House: She has one every year. How often do you break up with the love of your life? Okay, for you, it's more often than most, but still...
Dr. Wilson: I'm a big boy. I think I'll survive.
TV Show: House
House [to Cuddy]: I've been an idiot. I got this argument stuck in my head. If everybody lies, then trust is not only unfounded and pointless, it's fictional. But trust is not an argument that can be won or lost. Maybe I just have to suspend my cynicism and believe. Maybe it's time I took a leap of faith. [pause] I'm sorry. I won't lie to you again.
TV Show: House
Dr. Cuddy: Wilson.
House: It's uh, bowling night. He'll never forgive me if I don't. Oh, screw it. I'm coming.
Dr. Cuddy: No, no. no. I am not going to be responsible for that. You drugged the man, you go bowling with him.
House: Well, my chances of sex are considerably lower with Wilson.
House: It's uh, bowling night. He'll never forgive me if I don't. Oh, screw it. I'm coming.
Dr. Cuddy: No, no. no. I am not going to be responsible for that. You drugged the man, you go bowling with him.
House: Well, my chances of sex are considerably lower with Wilson.
TV Show: House
Dr. Cuddy: House… I need you to come to that dinner for two hours. Keep your mouth shut, and behave like an adult. Yes, you will be in Hell, but I will feel better having you there. That is what a relationship is. We average our misery.
TV Show: House
Arlene: I wish that you would take a second look. I'm tired all the time, and when it's cold I get this weird pain in my shoulder.
House: I have a pain in my leg. You don't hear me complaining... except for just now.
Arlene: How do doctors get this idea you're better than everyone else?
House: Probably all that pulling people back from the brink of death, it's just a guess.
Arlene: My own daughter is a doctor. She makes a hobby of dismissing my concerns.
House: She sounds smart.
Arlene: Did she tell you to say that?
House: I've never met your daughter.
Arlene: That's hard to believe, since you're currently shtupping her.
House: I have a pain in my leg. You don't hear me complaining... except for just now.
Arlene: How do doctors get this idea you're better than everyone else?
House: Probably all that pulling people back from the brink of death, it's just a guess.
Arlene: My own daughter is a doctor. She makes a hobby of dismissing my concerns.
House: She sounds smart.
Arlene: Did she tell you to say that?
House: I've never met your daughter.
Arlene: That's hard to believe, since you're currently shtupping her.
TV Show: House
Masters [to House]: Why is your assumption of his guilt more valid than my assumption of his selflessness?
House: Because my assumption is backed up by millions of men, and Taub, who cheated on their wives.
House: Because my assumption is backed up by millions of men, and Taub, who cheated on their wives.
TV Show: House
Masters: Jack has an infection that's spread to his mastoid.
House: Great. We'll confirm that in a week, when your secret cultures have sprouted.
Masters: Am I in trouble?
House: I only get mad when you waste my time. Couldn't care less about yours. But let me know when they come back negative, and I'll mock you.
House: Great. We'll confirm that in a week, when your secret cultures have sprouted.
Masters: Am I in trouble?
House: I only get mad when you waste my time. Couldn't care less about yours. But let me know when they come back negative, and I'll mock you.
TV Show: House
Masters [about Driscoll]: Military history. In suspiciously good shape for his age. Makes a living bullying kids. I'm thinking… steroids?
House: Fascinating.
Masters [smiles]: Thanks. We can wean him off...
House: Steroids isn't fascinating, it's moronic. There's no other sign of hormonal imbalance. What's fascinating is that you equate discipline with bullying. Which means that your parents either disciplined you too much or too little. I'm guessing too little.
House: Fascinating.
Masters [smiles]: Thanks. We can wean him off...
House: Steroids isn't fascinating, it's moronic. There's no other sign of hormonal imbalance. What's fascinating is that you equate discipline with bullying. Which means that your parents either disciplined you too much or too little. I'm guessing too little.
TV Show: House
House [to Wilson] : How do you cheat on a test when there's no test?
Wilson: Sorry, not playing. [gets up, grabs his lab coat, and leaves his office with House following behind him.] Go away, House. [puts on his lab coat while walking] I am not giving you advice just so you can distort it to suit your own warped world view.
House: But it's been working so well. Cuddy wants to get Rachel into Waldenwood Preschool. The problem is, Rachel's dumber than a paste sandwich.
Wilson: And her not getting in bothers you. You care about Rachel. That was not advice.
House: Cuddy cares about her. When Rachel gets rejected, Cuddy will be upset. And as the boyfriend, I will be expected to be supportive and consoling.
Wilson: Not your strengths, I grant you. Leave it alone. It's just a play date. It'll be fine.
House: Play date being their code for way to weed out the paste sandwiches. They'll hand her puzzles and counting games, and Rachel will just sit there and eat the pieces. [gets an idea and turns & walks off]
Wilson: Oh, crap! Crap! I'm such a sucker!
Wilson: Sorry, not playing. [gets up, grabs his lab coat, and leaves his office with House following behind him.] Go away, House. [puts on his lab coat while walking] I am not giving you advice just so you can distort it to suit your own warped world view.
House: But it's been working so well. Cuddy wants to get Rachel into Waldenwood Preschool. The problem is, Rachel's dumber than a paste sandwich.
Wilson: And her not getting in bothers you. You care about Rachel. That was not advice.
House: Cuddy cares about her. When Rachel gets rejected, Cuddy will be upset. And as the boyfriend, I will be expected to be supportive and consoling.
Wilson: Not your strengths, I grant you. Leave it alone. It's just a play date. It'll be fine.
House: Play date being their code for way to weed out the paste sandwiches. They'll hand her puzzles and counting games, and Rachel will just sit there and eat the pieces. [gets an idea and turns & walks off]
Wilson: Oh, crap! Crap! I'm such a sucker!
TV Show: House
[Foreman calls House on his cell phone as House is at a playground]
Foreman: House, where are you?
House: Playground. Great place to meet chicks. Their moms too.
Foreman: House, where are you?
House: Playground. Great place to meet chicks. Their moms too.
TV Show: House
Chase: Everywhere you looked, gingham and stuffed animals.
Taub: How did you get out of there?
Chase: I didn't… right away. Wasn't anything wrong with her physically.
Taub: One down, two members of the threesome to go. You should flip a condom to choose.
Taub: How did you get out of there?
Chase: I didn't… right away. Wasn't anything wrong with her physically.
Taub: One down, two members of the threesome to go. You should flip a condom to choose.
TV Show: House
Masters [to Driscoll about Landon]: He doesn't need a drill instructor. He needs a dad.
TV Show: House
Cuddy: Hey, Rachel, have you ever played "Feed the Monkey" before?
[Rachel takes her time answering. She looks up at House and back to Cuddy]
Rachel: No, Mama.
[Rachel takes her time answering. She looks up at House and back to Cuddy]
Rachel: No, Mama.
TV Show: House
House [about Rachel]: She seemed so dumb, but when the pressure was on, she knew what had to be done, and she did it.
TV Show: House
Ali: [to Chase]: Oh, currently, your password is "great big ho." Change it back to anything but "password."
TV Show: House
Arlene [to Cuddy]: If you're going to dress like an Italian hooker, at least let it be this year's Italian hooker.
TV Show: House
[House and his team are watching television in the morgue]
Masters: [whispers] Is no one going to tell me.. [House shushes her as he watches television] Why we're in the morgue?
Chase: House is on the lam from someone. Taub's got his money on Wilson, but I'm pretty sure it's Cuddy.
Foreman: Fool's bet. There's a whole world of angry patients, creditors…
Masters: [whispers] Is no one going to tell me.. [House shushes her as he watches television] Why we're in the morgue?
Chase: House is on the lam from someone. Taub's got his money on Wilson, but I'm pretty sure it's Cuddy.
Foreman: Fool's bet. There's a whole world of angry patients, creditors…
TV Show: House
Taub [to House]: You bugged the room?
House: I absolutely, without apology, will admit that someone may have allegedly done so.
House: I absolutely, without apology, will admit that someone may have allegedly done so.
TV Show: House
Cuddy [to House]: If something like that comes up again, just… do what you need to do.
House: And keep you out of it?
Cuddy: Yeah. I am being a coward, which is exactly why doctors shouldn't treat their own families. Congratulations. You were right, as usual.
House: And keep you out of it?
Cuddy: Yeah. I am being a coward, which is exactly why doctors shouldn't treat their own families. Congratulations. You were right, as usual.
TV Show: House
Foreman [to House]: Aren't there other ways of keeping Masters occupied?
House: Not according to my sexual harassment seminar.
House: Not according to my sexual harassment seminar.
TV Show: House
Taub: Am I a horrible person? I used to win awards for volunteer work. I went to Guatemala and fixed cleft palates. Now we're sitting back letting Chase do our dirty work.
Foreman: We're doing the right thing. Stay out of it.
Taub: I don't know. I don't know about anything anymore. Then this thing with the kid, Rachel's brother...
Foreman: Stay out of that too. A: radiologists — experts, unlike you — said no bleed. B: you yourself said it's probably not. C: you've got no doctor-patient relationship. D: you'll lose your consulting job. E: your ex will kill you. F: I'm running out of alphabet here.
Foreman: We're doing the right thing. Stay out of it.
Taub: I don't know. I don't know about anything anymore. Then this thing with the kid, Rachel's brother...
Foreman: Stay out of that too. A: radiologists — experts, unlike you — said no bleed. B: you yourself said it's probably not. C: you've got no doctor-patient relationship. D: you'll lose your consulting job. E: your ex will kill you. F: I'm running out of alphabet here.
TV Show: House
Cuddy: I can't believe it. What just happened?
House: You just killed her.
Cuddy: Are you blaming me? This is all because you're so arrogant, you goaded her into firing you!
House: Actually, my mistakes started a little after that, when I agreed to your brilliant scheme to keep me on the case after she'd fired me off it.
Cuddy: She would have left the hospital.
House: Only 'cause you would have let her, like you did just now.
Cuddy: You think I can control her?
House: I don't know. I've never seen you try.
Cuddy: I have been rebelling against this woman my entire life.
House: Here's what I've seen. She insults you, you complain to me. I drug her at dinner, you never let her know. We slip her medicine, happens behind her back. You never confront her… and it pisses me off.
Cuddy: Are you taking this personally?
House: She leaves, she dies. One day… maybe a week from now, maybe a year from now, you're gonna decide that the man sleeping next to you killed your mother.
House: You just killed her.
Cuddy: Are you blaming me? This is all because you're so arrogant, you goaded her into firing you!
House: Actually, my mistakes started a little after that, when I agreed to your brilliant scheme to keep me on the case after she'd fired me off it.
Cuddy: She would have left the hospital.
House: Only 'cause you would have let her, like you did just now.
Cuddy: You think I can control her?
House: I don't know. I've never seen you try.
Cuddy: I have been rebelling against this woman my entire life.
House: Here's what I've seen. She insults you, you complain to me. I drug her at dinner, you never let her know. We slip her medicine, happens behind her back. You never confront her… and it pisses me off.
Cuddy: Are you taking this personally?
House: She leaves, she dies. One day… maybe a week from now, maybe a year from now, you're gonna decide that the man sleeping next to you killed your mother.
TV Show: House