I Do Quotes
Butt-head: [over loudspeaker] Uh, attention. Attention. We're looking for the chick with big boobs.
Beavis: [over loudspeaker] Yeah. We are ready to do you now.
Butt-head, Beavis: Uh-huh-huh-huh.
Senators: Uh-huh-huh-huh. Uh-huh-huh-huh.
Beavis: [over loudspeaker] Yeah. We are ready to do you now.
Butt-head, Beavis: Uh-huh-huh-huh.
Senators: Uh-huh-huh-huh. Uh-huh-huh-huh.
Movie: I Do
Butt-head: Hey Beavis, let's get out of here...
Stewart: Hey, no cutters buddy.
Butt-head: Shut up Stewart, come on Beavis, let's go.
Beavis: Uuuuummm, have we met before, sir?
Butt-head: It's me, you bunghole!
Beavis: Uuuummm, what's a bunghole?
Butt-head: You're a bunghole, bunghole!
Stewart: Hey, Cro magnon, you can't use a word to define one self.
Beavis: Yeah, Cro magnon.
Butt-head: I could TOO, bunghole, come on Beavis, let's go...
Beavis: Hey, let go pervert, we still have to give out Gingerbread Men.
Butt-head: Cut the crap Beavis, you still owe me a Dollar!
Beavis: Help, Help, who are you!?!
Stewart: Hey, no cutters buddy.
Butt-head: Shut up Stewart, come on Beavis, let's go.
Beavis: Uuuuummm, have we met before, sir?
Butt-head: It's me, you bunghole!
Beavis: Uuuummm, what's a bunghole?
Butt-head: You're a bunghole, bunghole!
Stewart: Hey, Cro magnon, you can't use a word to define one self.
Beavis: Yeah, Cro magnon.
Butt-head: I could TOO, bunghole, come on Beavis, let's go...
Beavis: Hey, let go pervert, we still have to give out Gingerbread Men.
Butt-head: Cut the crap Beavis, you still owe me a Dollar!
Beavis: Help, Help, who are you!?!
Movie: I Do
Christine: Hey Alasdair?
Alasdair: Yeah Christine?
Christine: When you blow your nose, do you use your right or left hand?
Alasdair: Neither. I use Kleenex.
Alasdair: Yeah Christine?
Christine: When you blow your nose, do you use your right or left hand?
Alasdair: Neither. I use Kleenex.
Movie: I Do
Christine: Hi, and welcome to another episode of You Can't Do That on Television, a show that is quickly becoming a matter of questionable taste.
Movie: I Do
Christine: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the first time we've ever had twins on the show, so I'd like to introduce you to them.
[Pointing to Korbett]
Christine: This is Kyle,
[pointing to Kyle]
Christine: and this is Korbett.
Kyle: No I'm Kyle.
[Points to Korbett]
Kyle: He's Korbett.
Christine: Oh, I'm sorry. Incidentally, how do people tell you apart?
Kyle, Korbett: [Together, each pointing to the other] Easy. He's the ugly one.
Christine: Jeez, I'm sorry I asked.
[Pointing to Korbett]
Christine: This is Kyle,
[pointing to Kyle]
Christine: and this is Korbett.
Kyle: No I'm Kyle.
[Points to Korbett]
Kyle: He's Korbett.
Christine: Oh, I'm sorry. Incidentally, how do people tell you apart?
Kyle, Korbett: [Together, each pointing to the other] Easy. He's the ugly one.
Christine: Jeez, I'm sorry I asked.
Movie: I Do
Christine: Lisa, why are you drinking all that water?
Lisa: Well, remember last year at summer camp?
Christine: Oh, do I? With the hard beds, and the cruel counselors, and all the black flies, and all the mosquito bites we got!
Lisa: Well, right, so mom told me that I can't go if I don't stop wetting the bed. Soooo.
[Christine gets it, grabs a glass, drinks it, then along with Lisa, pours the rest in her bed]
Lisa: Well, remember last year at summer camp?
Christine: Oh, do I? With the hard beds, and the cruel counselors, and all the black flies, and all the mosquito bites we got!
Lisa: Well, right, so mom told me that I can't go if I don't stop wetting the bed. Soooo.
[Christine gets it, grabs a glass, drinks it, then along with Lisa, pours the rest in her bed]
Movie: I Do
Cripple: Hey, mister, do you want some dope?
Holland: Er?
Cripple: I said, dope. Do you want any?
Holland: Do you have elephant?
Cripple: Heh?
Holland: Do you have Mingtoydop?
Cripple: Heh?
Holland: I guess you don't.
Holland: Er?
Cripple: I said, dope. Do you want any?
Holland: Do you have elephant?
Cripple: Heh?
Holland: Do you have Mingtoydop?
Cripple: Heh?
Holland: I guess you don't.
Movie: I Do
Dudley Do-Right: You got weapons?
Standing Room Only: Weapons? Come on. This is basically a dinner theater we're runnin' here.
Dudley Do-Right: You got fireworks?
Chief: That we got.
Standing Room Only: Weapons? Come on. This is basically a dinner theater we're runnin' here.
Dudley Do-Right: You got fireworks?
Chief: That we got.
Movie: I Do
Father: That´s a great deal. You gain all the money, then he does all the work, and I do absolutely nothing. I like that.
Movie: I Do
George Carlin: It's the old American double standard. Say one thing, do something different. And, of course, the country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. This country was founded on a very basic double standard. This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
[laughter and applause]
George Carlin: Am I right? A group of slave owners who wanted to be free. So they killed a lot of white English people, in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out of the rest of the red Indian people, so they move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people.
[cheers and applause]
George Carlin: You know what the motto of this country ought to be? "You give us a color, we'll wipe it out!"
[laughter]
[laughter and applause]
George Carlin: Am I right? A group of slave owners who wanted to be free. So they killed a lot of white English people, in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out of the rest of the red Indian people, so they move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people.
[cheers and applause]
George Carlin: You know what the motto of this country ought to be? "You give us a color, we'll wipe it out!"
[laughter]
Movie: I Do
Guy Patterson: When was the last time you were decently kissed? I mean, really, honestly good and kissed?
Movie: I Do
Nell Fenwick: [referring to the corn festival] Dudley, this is totally authentic!
Dudley Do-Right: This is Canada, Nell. Things are real up here.
Dudley Do-Right: This is Canada, Nell. Things are real up here.
Movie: I Do
Porky Pig: I've got the last dodo! I've got the last dodo!
[runs with the dodo in the horizon.]
Dodo: [hundreds of dodos appear.] Yep! He's got the last dodo! Hoot! Hoot! Hoot!
[runs with the dodo in the horizon.]
Dodo: [hundreds of dodos appear.] Yep! He's got the last dodo! Hoot! Hoot! Hoot!
Movie: I Do
Radio Raheem: Let me tell you the story of Right Hand, Left Hand. It's a tale of good and evil. Hate: It was with this hand that Cane iced his brother. Love: These five fingers, they go straight to the soul of man. The right hand: the hand of love. The story of life is this: Static. One hand is always fighting the other hand; and the left hand is kicking much ass. I mean, it looks like the right hand, Love, is finished. But, hold on, stop the presses, the right hand is coming back. Yeah, he got the left hand on the ropes, now, that's right. Ooh, it's the devastating right and Hate is hurt, he's down. Left-Hand Hate K.O.ed by Love.
Movie: I Do
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Dagney? That's your name? Tremendous name. My name's Jimmy and I have just one single impulsive question. Are you in love?
Dagney: What?
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: At the present time, are you in love?
Dagney: Why?
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Because if you are, then I won't waste your time. I'm really not the type of man to impede another man's happiness. However, if you're not presently in love then I will continue my rhapsody, because if I may say so, Dagney, you are most definitely the bees' knees.
Dagney: Does this rap ever work?
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Alas, in the old days. Now I rarely get a chance to try it. But you haven't answered my question.
Dagney: I forgot it.
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Are you in love?
Dagney: Well there is someone...
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: But?
Dagney: We date... I have memorized his phone number, but I won't use his toothbrush... We're somewhere in between and he's crazy about me.
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: As he should be. You glide.
Dagney: I glide?
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: You glide. It's a very attactive quality. Most girls, they merely plod along. You, on the other hand, you glide... Tell me about it. What's his name? Chip?
Dagney: Alex...
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Same thing. Does he make you thump?
Dagney: Define thump.
Dagney: What?
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: At the present time, are you in love?
Dagney: Why?
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Because if you are, then I won't waste your time. I'm really not the type of man to impede another man's happiness. However, if you're not presently in love then I will continue my rhapsody, because if I may say so, Dagney, you are most definitely the bees' knees.
Dagney: Does this rap ever work?
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Alas, in the old days. Now I rarely get a chance to try it. But you haven't answered my question.
Dagney: I forgot it.
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Are you in love?
Dagney: Well there is someone...
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: But?
Dagney: We date... I have memorized his phone number, but I won't use his toothbrush... We're somewhere in between and he's crazy about me.
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: As he should be. You glide.
Dagney: I glide?
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: You glide. It's a very attactive quality. Most girls, they merely plod along. You, on the other hand, you glide... Tell me about it. What's his name? Chip?
Dagney: Alex...
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Same thing. Does he make you thump?
Dagney: Define thump.
Movie: I Do
Jimmy: [Speaking about Diane Dane ] She told me never trust a label. And I'm beginning to believe her.
Lenny: Well, sure. I mean, come on. They put us up in a first class hotel, all expenses paid, while our record climbs the charts; bunch of lyin' snakes.
Jimmy: Sorry I'm buggin' you! I guess I'm alone in my principles.
[leaves the room]
Lenny: Oh come on. Oh, there he goes off to his room to write that hit song Alone in my principles.
Lenny: Well, sure. I mean, come on. They put us up in a first class hotel, all expenses paid, while our record climbs the charts; bunch of lyin' snakes.
Jimmy: Sorry I'm buggin' you! I guess I'm alone in my principles.
[leaves the room]
Lenny: Oh come on. Oh, there he goes off to his room to write that hit song Alone in my principles.
Movie: I Do
Lisa: [Sitting on her bed, talking sympathetically to her sleeping bag] Look, there's a lot of worse things you could be, other then a sleeping bag. Like, you could be a pillow, or even a pin cushion.
Alasdair: [Comes in the bedroom and sees her] Uh, Lisa, what are you doing?
Lisa: Well, trying to cheer up this sleeping bag.
Alasdair: Well, why would you want to cheer up the sleeping bag?
Lisa: Well, because my dad says it's a down sleeping bag.
Alasdair: A 'down' sleeping bag, Vanessa?
[Starts to leave]
Alasdair: You need help. A lot of help.
[Leaves the bedroom frantically]
Christine: [Cut to the main set] Down. Boy is that ever bad! You know whoever writes this stuff really needs a holiday.
Alasdair: [Comes in the bedroom and sees her] Uh, Lisa, what are you doing?
Lisa: Well, trying to cheer up this sleeping bag.
Alasdair: Well, why would you want to cheer up the sleeping bag?
Lisa: Well, because my dad says it's a down sleeping bag.
Alasdair: A 'down' sleeping bag, Vanessa?
[Starts to leave]
Alasdair: You need help. A lot of help.
[Leaves the bedroom frantically]
Christine: [Cut to the main set] Down. Boy is that ever bad! You know whoever writes this stuff really needs a holiday.
Movie: I Do
Madea: What's going on with you?
Jennifer: My grandma died.
Madea: Aw I'm sorry to hear that, baby.
Jennifer: My Aunt April's gonna send us back to foster care. They gonna separate us. I'm all Manny and Byron got. If we separate, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
[sobs]
Madea: Calm yourself down, honey. Calm down. Getting all worked up.
Jennifer: Can we stay with you?
Madea: Huh?
Jennifer: Nobody wants us!
Madea: That ain't true. Somebody wants you.
Jennifer: I'm only 16. I don't know how to handle all this!
Madea: Living takes a lifetime. You got a whole lot more living to do, honey. You gonna make it. Hush, now. Gotta keep getting up every day, one day at a time. You'll make it.
Jennifer: My grandma died.
Madea: Aw I'm sorry to hear that, baby.
Jennifer: My Aunt April's gonna send us back to foster care. They gonna separate us. I'm all Manny and Byron got. If we separate, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
[sobs]
Madea: Calm yourself down, honey. Calm down. Getting all worked up.
Jennifer: Can we stay with you?
Madea: Huh?
Jennifer: Nobody wants us!
Madea: That ain't true. Somebody wants you.
Jennifer: I'm only 16. I don't know how to handle all this!
Madea: Living takes a lifetime. You got a whole lot more living to do, honey. You gonna make it. Hush, now. Gotta keep getting up every day, one day at a time. You'll make it.
Movie: I Do
Marisol Collado: Have you realised, Sebastian?
Sebastián: What?
Marisol Collado: That you exist. That you're here. Living is wonderful. You must be aware at any minute that you live. That now the sun's setting. That there are waves on the sea. That a dog barks. That a horse gallops far away. That we're together. That it doesn't matter what happens tomorrow, cause we will still be together. That our senses exist. That they are awake. That we see, hear, taste.
[a train sounds far away]
Marisol Collado: Do you hear it?
Sebastián: Yes.
Marisol Collado: The train.
[Horses galloping]
Marisol Collado: . Can you hear that? They sound like drums.
[bells far away]
Marisol Collado: The church bells. Flocks... Yokes... There's life everywhere, Sebastian. And love too, the same in an old olive tree than in a small flower. And everywhere, there we are.
Sebastián: What?
Marisol Collado: That you exist. That you're here. Living is wonderful. You must be aware at any minute that you live. That now the sun's setting. That there are waves on the sea. That a dog barks. That a horse gallops far away. That we're together. That it doesn't matter what happens tomorrow, cause we will still be together. That our senses exist. That they are awake. That we see, hear, taste.
[a train sounds far away]
Marisol Collado: Do you hear it?
Sebastián: Yes.
Marisol Collado: The train.
[Horses galloping]
Marisol Collado: . Can you hear that? They sound like drums.
[bells far away]
Marisol Collado: The church bells. Flocks... Yokes... There's life everywhere, Sebastian. And love too, the same in an old olive tree than in a small flower. And everywhere, there we are.
Movie: I Do
Matthew: Hi and welcome to You Can't Do That On Television. Today's show is about Enemies and Paranoia.
Adam: Matthew what's paranoia?
Ross: The Russians is coming. THE RUSSIANS IS COMING!
Matthew: That's extreme paranoia; not to mention bad grammar.
Adam: Matthew what's paranoia?
Ross: The Russians is coming. THE RUSSIANS IS COMING!
Matthew: That's extreme paranoia; not to mention bad grammar.
Movie: I Do