Joan of Arcadia Quotes
Girl 2: Back off, Pin Head.
Luke: That's Mister Pin Head to you.
Joan: You know what? I don't care about Dax Hibbing or Lynnie Charmichael, or my social resumé, or who's gay or who's not. I can't spend my time on this planet worrying about that stuff. There's other things to do.
Girl 1: Like what? Chemistry and chess?
Joan: Yeah, Like that. Now those guys might be nerds but at least they know what they're here for.
Luke: [After the girls walk away] You called me a nerd.
Joan: It was a metaphor.
Luke: That's Mister Pin Head to you.
Joan: You know what? I don't care about Dax Hibbing or Lynnie Charmichael, or my social resumé, or who's gay or who's not. I can't spend my time on this planet worrying about that stuff. There's other things to do.
Girl 1: Like what? Chemistry and chess?
Joan: Yeah, Like that. Now those guys might be nerds but at least they know what they're here for.
Luke: [After the girls walk away] You called me a nerd.
Joan: It was a metaphor.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Joan: Can I interrupt this moment of family tension to say that I will not be representing the school in the chess tournament.
Luke: Was that ever a possibility?
Joan: There was a brief moment of insanity.
Helen: Joan, that is such an honor. Why would you turn that down?
Joan: Because I don't know how to play chess. I keep telling everybody that but no one believes it.
Luke: I believe you.
Joan: Thank you. I don't understand it.
Luke: It's just strategy and a little bit of living in the future.
Will: Please, no more talk about the future.
Luke: That's how it works, Dad. I mean, you see four moves ahead, it's empirical. You see five moves ahead, it's still grounded in science. I mean, who knows where the demarcation is? Now, if you see twelve moves ahead, maybe you're crossing over into psychic phenomenon. And maybe that's what a psychic does. She just sees the board of life better then we do.
Will: There are a million people with white cars and dogs.
Kevin: [Interrupting to make a point] She said I'd dance at my wedding. That's what she told me. Then again, she said Joan has a special connection to the universe, so go figure.
Luke: Was that ever a possibility?
Joan: There was a brief moment of insanity.
Helen: Joan, that is such an honor. Why would you turn that down?
Joan: Because I don't know how to play chess. I keep telling everybody that but no one believes it.
Luke: I believe you.
Joan: Thank you. I don't understand it.
Luke: It's just strategy and a little bit of living in the future.
Will: Please, no more talk about the future.
Luke: That's how it works, Dad. I mean, you see four moves ahead, it's empirical. You see five moves ahead, it's still grounded in science. I mean, who knows where the demarcation is? Now, if you see twelve moves ahead, maybe you're crossing over into psychic phenomenon. And maybe that's what a psychic does. She just sees the board of life better then we do.
Will: There are a million people with white cars and dogs.
Kevin: [Interrupting to make a point] She said I'd dance at my wedding. That's what she told me. Then again, she said Joan has a special connection to the universe, so go figure.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
[Joan finds a wallet on the floor with lots of money in it]
Grace: You're going to turn it in, aren't you? The willing of the power elites.
Joan: More like: ever get the feeling you're being watched?
Grace: She's right. We are under surveillance 80% of the time.
Grace: You're going to turn it in, aren't you? The willing of the power elites.
Joan: More like: ever get the feeling you're being watched?
Grace: She's right. We are under surveillance 80% of the time.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
[Joan has just returned a wallet to a Navy recruiter]
Navy Recruiter: Nice to find someone so honest.
Joan: Okay.
Navy Recruiter: An award is in order!
Joan: Oh, no. I support the troops.
Navy Recruiter: I insist.
[Hands a large wad of money to Joan]
Joan: Oh, that's way too much.
Navy Recruiter: That's exactly the right amount for what I'm about to ask you to do.
[Joan realizes that it's actually God]
Navy Recruiter: Nice to find someone so honest.
Joan: Okay.
Navy Recruiter: An award is in order!
Joan: Oh, no. I support the troops.
Navy Recruiter: I insist.
[Hands a large wad of money to Joan]
Joan: Oh, that's way too much.
Navy Recruiter: That's exactly the right amount for what I'm about to ask you to do.
[Joan realizes that it's actually God]
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
God: You should be nicer to your mother.
Joan: She's against me having a life.
God: She's against you getting hurt. She knows something about that.
Joan: Is this about those paintings?
God: Where do you think that kind of thing comes from in a person?
Joan: A mood?
God: You have a mood, you eat french fries. But when you have pain, it takes a little more work to deal with it.
Joan: She had to have done this before she had Kevin...
God: Before your father, even.
Joan: What happened to her?
[God doesn't answer]
Joan: Is that why she's so weird about me dating?
[God doesn't answer]
Joan: How bad was it?
God: It was evil, and I don't throw that word around.
Joan: She's against me having a life.
God: She's against you getting hurt. She knows something about that.
Joan: Is this about those paintings?
God: Where do you think that kind of thing comes from in a person?
Joan: A mood?
God: You have a mood, you eat french fries. But when you have pain, it takes a little more work to deal with it.
Joan: She had to have done this before she had Kevin...
God: Before your father, even.
Joan: What happened to her?
[God doesn't answer]
Joan: Is that why she's so weird about me dating?
[God doesn't answer]
Joan: How bad was it?
God: It was evil, and I don't throw that word around.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Will: I need you to tell her. I don't know why, but I really need it, Helen. Maybe it's because I'm so afraid of her not knowing how close it is to her, all of the time. Please do this for me.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
[Helen enters Joan's room to talk about being raped]
Helen: I have something to tell you.
Joan: I know.
Helen: I have something to tell you.
Joan: I know.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Joan: Well I can't do any stunts. No, No, and how about the jumps? So, so. So why am I here, well it's really odd, but I'm here to cheer on a mission from God. So put me in the game or leave me on the bench, so you can go to heaven and I'll get out of French.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Joan: Go Eagles! Go Eagles!
Go, go, go Eagles!
We live to cheer,
we're so sincere,
unless you get in trouble,
then we're out of here.
It's such a royal pain
when friend gets arrested.
How could I have known?
How could I have guessed it?
It's not like she's my sister,
(Whoops, is that my beeper)
and even if she was,
am I my sister's keeper?
Sorry, got to go
tryouts are today
Tell them that we'll think of her
Every time that we say
Go Eagles! Go Eagles!
Go, go, go Eagles!
My name is Joan,
this cheer is my own,
so kiss my feathers
'cause this bird has flown
Go, go, go Eagles!
We live to cheer,
we're so sincere,
unless you get in trouble,
then we're out of here.
It's such a royal pain
when friend gets arrested.
How could I have known?
How could I have guessed it?
It's not like she's my sister,
(Whoops, is that my beeper)
and even if she was,
am I my sister's keeper?
Sorry, got to go
tryouts are today
Tell them that we'll think of her
Every time that we say
Go Eagles! Go Eagles!
Go, go, go Eagles!
My name is Joan,
this cheer is my own,
so kiss my feathers
'cause this bird has flown
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Luke: There's this moose. And the moose is telling this other moose that the other moose is really an elk and as such should be running with another herd.
Kevin: Uh huh?
Luke: OK? But the moose is basing his whole assessment on what appears to be questionable evidence.
Kevin: Like his horns are kinda small?
Luke: Actually, it's more of a behavioral observation. Like, say the moose in question was seen sniffing a flower, which according to the first moose is elk-like. But the second moose isn't so sure. I mean, he doesn't feel like an elk, he doesn't have elk thoughts. Does it make him an elk just because he likes this one flower?
Kevin: Did you want to try a science metaphor?
Luke: ...Does it mean I'm gay if I like a lesbian?
Kevin: Who have you been talking to?
Luke: I'd rather leave the moose out of it.
Kevin: Well, first of all, No. Liking a girl is liking a girl. And who says she's a lesbian?
Luke: That would be the moose again.
Kevin: Right, you know, usually this kinda thing you just know.
Luke: I know, but apparently there are all these indicators about me.
Kevin: Here's your only indicator. You ready? When you're alone, just kinda passing the time, what do you think about?
Luke: How to get past level five on Diablo. That kinda thing?
Kevin: No, I mean, OK, when you're in the shower?
Luke: OH! Right, well, sometimes I think about Condaleeza Rice. I mean, her influence is second only to Kissinger.
Kevin: : [Stares]
Luke: Um, and then there's Sigourney Weaver in Alien, Christina Ricci, Batgirl.
Kevin: Ok, stop. See, that's all you need to know.
Luke: So, I'm definitely a mo
Kevin: Uh huh?
Luke: OK? But the moose is basing his whole assessment on what appears to be questionable evidence.
Kevin: Like his horns are kinda small?
Luke: Actually, it's more of a behavioral observation. Like, say the moose in question was seen sniffing a flower, which according to the first moose is elk-like. But the second moose isn't so sure. I mean, he doesn't feel like an elk, he doesn't have elk thoughts. Does it make him an elk just because he likes this one flower?
Kevin: Did you want to try a science metaphor?
Luke: ...Does it mean I'm gay if I like a lesbian?
Kevin: Who have you been talking to?
Luke: I'd rather leave the moose out of it.
Kevin: Well, first of all, No. Liking a girl is liking a girl. And who says she's a lesbian?
Luke: That would be the moose again.
Kevin: Right, you know, usually this kinda thing you just know.
Luke: I know, but apparently there are all these indicators about me.
Kevin: Here's your only indicator. You ready? When you're alone, just kinda passing the time, what do you think about?
Luke: How to get past level five on Diablo. That kinda thing?
Kevin: No, I mean, OK, when you're in the shower?
Luke: OH! Right, well, sometimes I think about Condaleeza Rice. I mean, her influence is second only to Kissinger.
Kevin: : [Stares]
Luke: Um, and then there's Sigourney Weaver in Alien, Christina Ricci, Batgirl.
Kevin: Ok, stop. See, that's all you need to know.
Luke: So, I'm definitely a mo
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Mr. Price: Ahem. Pardon me, but the point of this afternoon is to pretend that you might one day make a valuable contribution to society. Perhaps you could play along. For example, Ms. Polk, you might want to look into journalism, which is a profession where they actually pay people to be cynical and disaffected.
Grace: Not since all the publications got consumed by media conglomerates who manipulate information and--
Mr. Price: Go. And what career would you like to explore, Mr. Rove?
Adam : I want to do something soulless and corporate, Mr. Price.
Mr. Price: Good choice.
Grace: Not since all the publications got consumed by media conglomerates who manipulate information and--
Mr. Price: Go. And what career would you like to explore, Mr. Rove?
Adam : I want to do something soulless and corporate, Mr. Price.
Mr. Price: Good choice.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Sylvia: Yeah, I need a baby-sitter. I need a cheap baby-sitter who's not a psycho.
Joan: I can do it. And I'm not a psycho.
Sylvia: Rocky, my kid, he's really a great kid. He mostly entertains himself. And you're really not a psycho?
Joan: No, I'm-- I'm totally normal. You can even ask my friend. [They both turn to look at Adam who is banging his head against the window.] Um, maybe you should just take my word for it.
Joan: I can do it. And I'm not a psycho.
Sylvia: Rocky, my kid, he's really a great kid. He mostly entertains himself. And you're really not a psycho?
Joan: No, I'm-- I'm totally normal. You can even ask my friend. [They both turn to look at Adam who is banging his head against the window.] Um, maybe you should just take my word for it.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Will: What you reading? [she shows him the book] Why?
Helen: Because for me, sometimes it's like Kevin died, and I need to deal with that.
Will: Helen--
Helen: I know. I'm the one who's always preaching gratitude and moving on, and I was clinging to that so hard, and then it-- it stopped working for me. I felt alone, and I, um... I talked to a priest. I didn't want to bother you.
Will: That was the deal we made a long time ago. You get to bother me. You don't have to do anything alone.
Helen: I'm sorry I lied to you about the priest. That's who I met on my lunch break.
Will: You come to me, not some stranger. Promise me.
Helen: Because for me, sometimes it's like Kevin died, and I need to deal with that.
Will: Helen--
Helen: I know. I'm the one who's always preaching gratitude and moving on, and I was clinging to that so hard, and then it-- it stopped working for me. I felt alone, and I, um... I talked to a priest. I didn't want to bother you.
Will: That was the deal we made a long time ago. You get to bother me. You don't have to do anything alone.
Helen: I'm sorry I lied to you about the priest. That's who I met on my lunch break.
Will: You come to me, not some stranger. Promise me.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Luke: You know, I'm not certain this magnet is powerful enough for my needs.
Kevin: Mm-hmm.
[He puts a little jar of paint in is pocket.]
Luke: See, 'cause what I want to do is make a rail gun that lessens the power requirements of the compulsator by increasing the magnetic field using ceramic magnets.
Kevin: Just give me the magnet!
[He puts the magnet and another jar of paint in his pocket.]
Luke: Oh. Well, Mr. Big bucks has a job and wants to show off. Thanks. What are you-- what are you doing?
Kevin: It's called the wheelchair discount.
[Kevin puts only 1 or 2 jars of paint on the counter. We know he has many more in his pockets.]
Clerk: Will that be all?
Kevin: Yeah.
Luke: Kev? What?
Kevin: Shut up.
Luke: Give me the magnet.
Kevin: Fine. Be jelly. I'm just trying to help you out here.
Luke: Be that as it may--
Kevin: [To the clerk] You want me to empty out my pockets or anything?
Clerk: No, it's ok.
Kevin: 'Cause sometimes my chair sets off the alarm.
Clerk: Uh, it won't be necessary. $3.87, please. See?
Kevin: [To Luke] It's like being invisible. Isn't that one of those geek powers you always used to wish for?
Luke: [To the clerk] Is this the strongest magnet you've got?
Clerk: Uh, yeah. $6.49.
Kevin: [To Luke] That's $6.49 you could have saved. [And he wheels out]
Luke: Keep the change.
Clerk: Out of a 20?
[Kevin rolls back up to the counter and puts the remaining paint jars on the counter and leaves.]
Luke: I'm sorry, um, I'll pay for these.
Clerk: Poor guy, right? I mean
Kevin: Mm-hmm.
[He puts a little jar of paint in is pocket.]
Luke: See, 'cause what I want to do is make a rail gun that lessens the power requirements of the compulsator by increasing the magnetic field using ceramic magnets.
Kevin: Just give me the magnet!
[He puts the magnet and another jar of paint in his pocket.]
Luke: Oh. Well, Mr. Big bucks has a job and wants to show off. Thanks. What are you-- what are you doing?
Kevin: It's called the wheelchair discount.
[Kevin puts only 1 or 2 jars of paint on the counter. We know he has many more in his pockets.]
Clerk: Will that be all?
Kevin: Yeah.
Luke: Kev? What?
Kevin: Shut up.
Luke: Give me the magnet.
Kevin: Fine. Be jelly. I'm just trying to help you out here.
Luke: Be that as it may--
Kevin: [To the clerk] You want me to empty out my pockets or anything?
Clerk: No, it's ok.
Kevin: 'Cause sometimes my chair sets off the alarm.
Clerk: Uh, it won't be necessary. $3.87, please. See?
Kevin: [To Luke] It's like being invisible. Isn't that one of those geek powers you always used to wish for?
Luke: [To the clerk] Is this the strongest magnet you've got?
Clerk: Uh, yeah. $6.49.
Kevin: [To Luke] That's $6.49 you could have saved. [And he wheels out]
Luke: Keep the change.
Clerk: Out of a 20?
[Kevin rolls back up to the counter and puts the remaining paint jars on the counter and leaves.]
Luke: I'm sorry, um, I'll pay for these.
Clerk: Poor guy, right? I mean
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Luke: [Knocking on the door frame] I brought you the stuff you needed.
Kevin: The stuff you bought for me, you mean? I don't need it. I'm getting rid of all my toys.
Luke: Well, scale models are not toys.
Kevin: It's time for me to grow up.
Luke: I wasn't aware that was something you could just decide.
Kevin: I was the perfect big brother. Come on, admit it. I'm stronger, faster, better-looking.
Luke: Well, not better-looking.
Kevin: It's a reality, kid. Face it. People were nice to you because you were Kevin Girardi's kid brother. Probably kept you from being beat up about a hundred times.
Luke: I do seem to attract threats of violence.
Kevin: Last night, the natural order was reversed. You were the Big Brother. You were smarter and stronger and tougher.
Luke: And better-looking?
Kevin: I'm the big brother in this family, in or out of the wheelchair, so get off of my cloud.
Luke: The cloud reference eludes me.
Kevin: Yesterday... that will not happen again.
Luke: Are you apologizing to me? No, no, of course not. Why--why would you? It's an explanation, and that's enough.
Kevin: If you can't get your money back, I'll reimburse you.
Luke: Well, that's ok. Of course. Yes, I can use the money. And you're fully capable.
Kevin: You're going to be proud of me again.
Kevin: The stuff you bought for me, you mean? I don't need it. I'm getting rid of all my toys.
Luke: Well, scale models are not toys.
Kevin: It's time for me to grow up.
Luke: I wasn't aware that was something you could just decide.
Kevin: I was the perfect big brother. Come on, admit it. I'm stronger, faster, better-looking.
Luke: Well, not better-looking.
Kevin: It's a reality, kid. Face it. People were nice to you because you were Kevin Girardi's kid brother. Probably kept you from being beat up about a hundred times.
Luke: I do seem to attract threats of violence.
Kevin: Last night, the natural order was reversed. You were the Big Brother. You were smarter and stronger and tougher.
Luke: And better-looking?
Kevin: I'm the big brother in this family, in or out of the wheelchair, so get off of my cloud.
Luke: The cloud reference eludes me.
Kevin: Yesterday... that will not happen again.
Luke: Are you apologizing to me? No, no, of course not. Why--why would you? It's an explanation, and that's enough.
Kevin: If you can't get your money back, I'll reimburse you.
Luke: Well, that's ok. Of course. Yes, I can use the money. And you're fully capable.
Kevin: You're going to be proud of me again.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Book store owner: Joan, I have a Master's degree in English Literature. I could've done a number of things with my life.
[Joan gives him a look]
Book store owner: At least three things, and I chose to open a bookstore because I believe in the power of knowledge which comes from books.
[Joan gives him a look]
Book store owner: At least three things, and I chose to open a bookstore because I believe in the power of knowledge which comes from books.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Painter God: Here's what you need to know about the martyrs: they did it the hard way.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Kevin: For God's sake, I can't stand it. Can we - can we please just talk about the gigantic stain on the carpet? We've been dancing around it for almost two years now, and it's making me crazy and maybe it's why I'm pissed off all the time. 'Cause no one will say it out loud, so I have to. The accident: it was my fault. This is my fault. The guys and I were out partying after the game. My friend Andy was wasted. I tried to take his keys. He got pissed off. I was afraid of not being cool so I went for the ride. I went for the ride. So, here we all are. I did this. I did do it. The Universe didn't conspire; the planets didn't align against me. Can somebody just please say it out loud? I did this!
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
[Kevin is waiting for the bathroom]
Kevin: Ok, Joan, here's the thing: it's the face you were born with - there's only so much you can do.
Kevin: Ok, Joan, here's the thing: it's the face you were born with - there's only so much you can do.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Helen: First of all, Eminem's birthday does not count as a religious holiday, and second, his birthday was October 17th.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Joan: Adam!
[Adam turns around and walks away]
Joan: [Sigh] He's never going to forgive me.
Grace: The dude has a photographic memory. Everytime he thinks he might forgive you, the image of you smashing his artwork just pops into his head. Not that I've discussed it with him.
[Adam turns around and walks away]
Joan: [Sigh] He's never going to forgive me.
Grace: The dude has a photographic memory. Everytime he thinks he might forgive you, the image of you smashing his artwork just pops into his head. Not that I've discussed it with him.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Man with gun: Thirteen bucks?
Will: I've got a wife and kids.
Man with gun: Oh, that changes everything, wife and kids. There's a free pass for that one.
Will: I'm not begging for mercy, I'm explaining why I only have thirteen bucks in my wallet.
Will: I've got a wife and kids.
Man with gun: Oh, that changes everything, wife and kids. There's a free pass for that one.
Will: I'm not begging for mercy, I'm explaining why I only have thirteen bucks in my wallet.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Joan: I don't want to drive. Why are you making me?
God: Most young people want to drive. Why are you so hesitant?
Joan: Well you know everything. Why don't you tell me?
God: Perhaps your mother is correct. You're afraid of hurting yourself and ending up like Kevin.
Joan: Yeah, maybe she's right.
God: Balderdash! You've always been a headstrong, brave child not overly concerned with your own well-being - a trait you inherited from your father. What you fear is hurting someone else. You fear that one instance of bad judgement might entail consequences. Consequences like those...
Joan: Like Kevin? That's... that's why I don't want to drive. I mean, isn't that... isn't that a pretty good reason?
God: Being an adult isn't merely about risking your own well-being, it means risking others' - in cars, in love, in family - hurting others is always a possibility. That's what's difficult about being an adult: facing the harsh fact that you may hurt others even when you don't want to.
Joan: Then it's a flaw in the design, and who's fault is that?
God: It might help if you think of the Universe as an obstacle course. There's no flaw in the design, it's just -
Joan: Obstacles?
God: Time's up.
God: Most young people want to drive. Why are you so hesitant?
Joan: Well you know everything. Why don't you tell me?
God: Perhaps your mother is correct. You're afraid of hurting yourself and ending up like Kevin.
Joan: Yeah, maybe she's right.
God: Balderdash! You've always been a headstrong, brave child not overly concerned with your own well-being - a trait you inherited from your father. What you fear is hurting someone else. You fear that one instance of bad judgement might entail consequences. Consequences like those...
Joan: Like Kevin? That's... that's why I don't want to drive. I mean, isn't that... isn't that a pretty good reason?
God: Being an adult isn't merely about risking your own well-being, it means risking others' - in cars, in love, in family - hurting others is always a possibility. That's what's difficult about being an adult: facing the harsh fact that you may hurt others even when you don't want to.
Joan: Then it's a flaw in the design, and who's fault is that?
God: It might help if you think of the Universe as an obstacle course. There's no flaw in the design, it's just -
Joan: Obstacles?
God: Time's up.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Joan: I have to wash my hair!
Plumber/God: Well I'm God, my needs come first.
Plumber/God: Well I'm God, my needs come first.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Friedman: Why are you talking so fast?
Luke: [caffeine buzzed] Why are you listening so fast?
Luke: [caffeine buzzed] Why are you listening so fast?
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Rebecca Askew: How was breakfast this morning?
Kevin: Tasty.
Rebecca Askew: I meant with your father.
Kevin: Testy.
Kevin: Tasty.
Rebecca Askew: I meant with your father.
Kevin: Testy.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Luke: [to Friedman; caffeine buzzed] And you should hear what I'm not telling you, OK, so shut up!
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Joan: When... when do you plan on having sex?
Luke: Oh, at my first opportunity.
Luke: Oh, at my first opportunity.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia
Joan: What are you? Some kind of Peeping Tom?
Luke: It's not my fault I have a... naturally quiet tread.
Luke: It's not my fault I have a... naturally quiet tread.
TV Show: Joan of Arcadia