Kath and Kim Quotes
John Monk: Oh, this chicken is rubbery.
Kath Day Knight: [In mock Japanese accent] Thank you, John-san. Thank you vely mush.
John Monk: No, I mean it. It really is rubbery!
Kath Day Knight: Oh no! They're not chicken breasts. They're mine! They're my chicken fillet falsies!
Kath Day Knight: [In mock Japanese accent] Thank you, John-san. Thank you vely mush.
John Monk: No, I mean it. It really is rubbery!
Kath Day Knight: Oh no! They're not chicken breasts. They're mine! They're my chicken fillet falsies!
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Kath: [thinking Kim is gay] Kim I want you to know, I know that you've thrown your handbag in the river and I'm okay with that... [Kim looks bemused]
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Kath: [trying to talk to Kim about her sexuality, believing her to be a lesbian] You're a Dutch sea wall Kim!
Kim: [confused] What?
Kath: A dyke! on a bike... if you like...
Kim: Mum, I'm not gay.
Kim: [confused] What?
Kath: A dyke! on a bike... if you like...
Kim: Mum, I'm not gay.
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Kim: Oh, listen to this, Mum. [She reads from a novel]
Kim: He stood to attention, his sword erect, ready to take his punishment. He was a throbbing member of an exclusive club. The lord laughed as he thought of the noble knight's rogering.
Kath: Oh, that sounds great, Kim.
Kim: Yeah, it's the new Jeffrey Archer.
Kath: Oh right. What happens in the end?
Kim: I don't know. I haven't started it yet - that was just Jeffrey's bio in the front.
Kath: Oh, he sounds nice.
Kim: He does, doesn't he.
Kath: Yeah, I like the sound of him.
Kim: Oh, I always have.
Kath: Hmm, decent.
Kim: He stood to attention, his sword erect, ready to take his punishment. He was a throbbing member of an exclusive club. The lord laughed as he thought of the noble knight's rogering.
Kath: Oh, that sounds great, Kim.
Kim: Yeah, it's the new Jeffrey Archer.
Kath: Oh right. What happens in the end?
Kim: I don't know. I haven't started it yet - that was just Jeffrey's bio in the front.
Kath: Oh, he sounds nice.
Kim: He does, doesn't he.
Kath: Yeah, I like the sound of him.
Kim: Oh, I always have.
Kath: Hmm, decent.
TV Show: Kath and Kim
[In response to Kim's taunts about her mother's mature-age wedding]
Kath: I don't think you can handle the fact that while your marriage is on the rocks, Kel and I are getting ours off.
Kath: I don't think you can handle the fact that while your marriage is on the rocks, Kel and I are getting ours off.
TV Show: Kath and Kim
[last lines]
Kim Day Craig: Jeez, Mum, you look huge in that shirt. You look like Jordan.
Kath Day Knight: Oh, I wish. No, they're my chicken fillet falsies, Kim. I just rinsed off the Chicken Tonight and popped them back in.
Kim Day Craig: One looks bigger than the other.
Kath Day Knight: Oh, yeah. That's because John Monk ate the left one. But it's okay. I'm naturally much bigger on that side anyway. So I think it balances out. Isn't it amazing, Kim, that my franchisee dream finally came true? Can you believe John Monk sold us his business?
Kim Day Craig: How did you pay for that?
Kath Day Knight: In kind.
Kim Day Craig: Oh, that sounds nice.
Kath Day Knight: Yeah, it was nice.
Kim Day Craig: Mmm. You know, Mum, evidently, "The Da Vinci Code" has been proven to be completely untrue.
Kath Day Knight: Yes, Kim, I know that. I'm not stupid. But the second one, you know, "Da Vinci Code Two: G'Day Leonardo", they show that that is absolutely 'istorically correct. And what a boon for us that it's set right here in ye olde Melbourne. I can't believe it!
Kim Day Craig: Jeez, Mum, you look huge in that shirt. You look like Jordan.
Kath Day Knight: Oh, I wish. No, they're my chicken fillet falsies, Kim. I just rinsed off the Chicken Tonight and popped them back in.
Kim Day Craig: One looks bigger than the other.
Kath Day Knight: Oh, yeah. That's because John Monk ate the left one. But it's okay. I'm naturally much bigger on that side anyway. So I think it balances out. Isn't it amazing, Kim, that my franchisee dream finally came true? Can you believe John Monk sold us his business?
Kim Day Craig: How did you pay for that?
Kath Day Knight: In kind.
Kim Day Craig: Oh, that sounds nice.
Kath Day Knight: Yeah, it was nice.
Kim Day Craig: Mmm. You know, Mum, evidently, "The Da Vinci Code" has been proven to be completely untrue.
Kath Day Knight: Yes, Kim, I know that. I'm not stupid. But the second one, you know, "Da Vinci Code Two: G'Day Leonardo", they show that that is absolutely 'istorically correct. And what a boon for us that it's set right here in ye olde Melbourne. I can't believe it!
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Kath: I like to keep myself trim, Kim. Does it make me a crim to keep myself trim?
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Kim: You think Brett is the bee's knees. Well let me tell you, mum, bee's knees are hard to live with 24/7!
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Kath: [Talking to Kim about going on a date] Oh I dunno, just out for a nice meal somewhere, somewhere a bit special, maybe Chinese.
Kim: Not that special for 800 million Chinese!
Kath: Oh zip your lip, Kim.
Kim: Not that special for 800 million Chinese!
Kath: Oh zip your lip, Kim.
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Kath: Oh Kim, I'm very proud to say that last night Kel made me feel more like a woman than I have in a very long time.
Kim: Not before breakfast, ploise!
Kath: Oh no Kim, I need to talk about it, you know last night Kel touched me, he touched me in nooks and in unexplored crannies I never knew I had.
Kim: Not before breakfast, ploise!
Kath: Oh no Kim, I need to talk about it, you know last night Kel touched me, he touched me in nooks and in unexplored crannies I never knew I had.
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Sharon: Kim, I think it's nice about your mum and Kel. Don't you think it's nice that she's got a boyfriend? Or are they day factos?
Kim: Day facto, night facto... the fact that they're facto-ing at all I find repulsive in the extreme.
Kim: Day facto, night facto... the fact that they're facto-ing at all I find repulsive in the extreme.
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Kim: [To viewer] You couldn't ask for a better friend than Sharon. She's one of those people that make you feel better by just being around. You know, by comparison.
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Kim: I'm not a size 16, Mum. I'm a size 10!
Kath: Ha! (mutters) Country Roads, size 10!
Kath: Ha! (mutters) Country Roads, size 10!
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Sharon: You know what Mrs. D? I think you should come out!
Kath: ... I don't think so, Sharon.
Kath: ... I don't think so, Sharon.
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Kim: [To Kath at bridal shop] That could be the theme of your wedding... mutton dressed as lamb!
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Kel: [To Kath, indignant over her coldness after his 'seamans revelation'] Keep Saturday night free, because after that there will be no doubt that I, Kel Graham Knight, am all the man you need!... now, what did I do with my man-bag?
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Kath: [Talking to Kim about her sexuality, believing her to be a lesbian] You're a Dutch sea wall, Kim!
Kim: [Confused] What?
Kath: A dyke! On a bike... if you like...
Kim: Mum, I'm not gay.
Kim: [Confused] What?
Kath: A dyke! On a bike... if you like...
Kim: Mum, I'm not gay.
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Sharon: Well, if I'm so attractive Kim, how come I can't get a guy?
Kim: I don't know.
Kim: I don't know.
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Kath: Kim, I'll tell you something for nothing, you may eat like a pig, but you're certainly not a dog.
Kim: Well, if I'm not a dog, how come I've got a bitch for a mother?
Kath: I heard that.
Kim: Well, if I'm not a dog, how come I've got a bitch for a mother?
Kath: I heard that.
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Kim: [Talking to Kath about Brett's alleged unfaithfulness] In case you hadn't noticed, I'm an emotional wreck at the moment. My husband has been having it off with not one, but two third parties!
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Kath: [Trying to help her daughter to lose weight] Kimmy, Look at moiye, look at moiye, Look at moiye, ploise. Now I've got one word to say to you... Ozone!
Kim: What?
Kath: The ozone diet. It's the only way! It's taking Hollywood by storm, Kim. Everybody's on it: Madonna Penn Ritchie, Jennifer Pitt Aniston, Courtney Loves Cox.
Kim: The ozone diet? What does that pacifically entail?
Kath: Well, it's air evidently, Kimmy. You eat air for two weeks, and then red meat for two weeks, so it all balances out!
Kim: What?
Kath: The ozone diet. It's the only way! It's taking Hollywood by storm, Kim. Everybody's on it: Madonna Penn Ritchie, Jennifer Pitt Aniston, Courtney Loves Cox.
Kim: The ozone diet? What does that pacifically entail?
Kath: Well, it's air evidently, Kimmy. You eat air for two weeks, and then red meat for two weeks, so it all balances out!
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Kath: Oh, then there is your "welcome mat". (pointing to Kim's lower back)
Kim: What?
Kath: Oh, the un-slightly patch of hair just there.
Kim: What?
Kath: Oh, the un-slightly patch of hair just there.
TV Show: Kath and Kim
Kath: Look, I just feel I have so many options, R.E: the venue at the moment; you know I've got 'Big Jugs' on one hand, I've got 'Dirty Nelly's' on the other, and now I've got King Henry VIII constantly on my back!
TV Show: Kath and Kim