Kingsman: The Secret Service Quotes
Harry Hart: [to bigoted church lady]I'm a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So, hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Harry Hart: [Quoting Ernest Hemingway]There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
[from trailer] Harry Hart: [Quoting William Horman]Manners maketh man. Do you know what that means? Then let me teach you a lesson.
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Valentine: 'Sup man? Is this the part where you say some... really bad pun?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: It's like you said to Harry: This ain't that kind of movie, bruv.
Valentine: Perfect. [Valentine takes his last breath and slumps down]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: It's like you said to Harry: This ain't that kind of movie, bruv.
Valentine: Perfect. [Valentine takes his last breath and slumps down]
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Harry Hart: You throw away your biggest opportunity over a fucking dog. And then you humiliate me by stealing my boss' car.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: You shot a dog just to get a fucking job!
Harry Hart: Yes, I did. [Hart opens the study room to reveal his stuffed dog]
Harry Hart: And Mr. Pickle here reminds me of that every time I take a shit!
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: You shot your dog and had it stuffed? You fucking freak!
Harry Hart: No, I shot my dog and then brought him home and continued to care for him for the next 11 years until he died of pancreatitis.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: What?
Harry Hart: It was a blank, Eggsy. It was a fucking blank. Remember Amelia?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Yeah.
Harry Hart: She didn't drown. She works in our tech department in Berlin. She's fine. Limits must be tested. A Kingsman only condones the risking of one life to save another.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: My dad might have saved your life, even though your fuck-up cost his? What, you've got him stuffed here and all?
Harry Hart: Can't you see that everything I've done has been about trying to repay him?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: You shot a dog just to get a fucking job!
Harry Hart: Yes, I did. [Hart opens the study room to reveal his stuffed dog]
Harry Hart: And Mr. Pickle here reminds me of that every time I take a shit!
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: You shot your dog and had it stuffed? You fucking freak!
Harry Hart: No, I shot my dog and then brought him home and continued to care for him for the next 11 years until he died of pancreatitis.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: What?
Harry Hart: It was a blank, Eggsy. It was a fucking blank. Remember Amelia?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Yeah.
Harry Hart: She didn't drown. She works in our tech department in Berlin. She's fine. Limits must be tested. A Kingsman only condones the risking of one life to save another.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: My dad might have saved your life, even though your fuck-up cost his? What, you've got him stuffed here and all?
Harry Hart: Can't you see that everything I've done has been about trying to repay him?
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Waiter: Would sir care for a drink?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Martini. Gin, not vodka, obviously. Stirred for 10 seconds while glancing at an unopened bottle of vermouth. Thank you.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Martini. Gin, not vodka, obviously. Stirred for 10 seconds while glancing at an unopened bottle of vermouth. Thank you.
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
[Hart and Eggsy approach the dressing room mirror] Harry Hart: What do you see?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Someone who wants to know what the fuck is going on.
Harry Hart: I see a young man with potential. A young man who is loyal. Who can do as he is asked, and who wants to do something good with his life. Did you see the film 'Trading Places'?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: No.
Harry Hart: How about 'Nikita'? [Eggsy shakes his head]
Harry Hart: 'Pretty Woman'? [Confused look on Eggsy's face]
Harry Hart: Now, my point is that the lack of a silver spoon has set you on a certain path that you needn't stay on. If you're prepared to adapt and learn, you can transform.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Yeah, like in 'My Fair Lady'.
Harry Hart: You're full of surprises. Yes, like in 'My Fair Lady'. And in this case, I'm offering you the opportunity to become a Kingsman.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: A tailor?
Harry Hart: A Kingsman agent.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Like a spy.
Harry Hart: Of sorts. Interested?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: You think I've got anything to lose? [Hart places his hand on the mirror, which activates the elevator taking them to the secret tunnel]
Harry Hart: Since 1849, Kingsman Tailors have clothed the world's most powerful individuals. In 1919, a great number of them had lost their heirs to World War I. That meant a lot of money going uninherited. And a lot of powerful men with the desire to preserve peace and protect life. Our founders realized that they could channel that wealth and influence for the greater good. And so began our adventure. An independent international intelligence agency operating at the highest level of discretion. Without the politics and bureaucracy that undermine the intelligence of government-run spy organisations. A suit is the modern
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Someone who wants to know what the fuck is going on.
Harry Hart: I see a young man with potential. A young man who is loyal. Who can do as he is asked, and who wants to do something good with his life. Did you see the film 'Trading Places'?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: No.
Harry Hart: How about 'Nikita'? [Eggsy shakes his head]
Harry Hart: 'Pretty Woman'? [Confused look on Eggsy's face]
Harry Hart: Now, my point is that the lack of a silver spoon has set you on a certain path that you needn't stay on. If you're prepared to adapt and learn, you can transform.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Yeah, like in 'My Fair Lady'.
Harry Hart: You're full of surprises. Yes, like in 'My Fair Lady'. And in this case, I'm offering you the opportunity to become a Kingsman.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: A tailor?
Harry Hart: A Kingsman agent.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Like a spy.
Harry Hart: Of sorts. Interested?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: You think I've got anything to lose? [Hart places his hand on the mirror, which activates the elevator taking them to the secret tunnel]
Harry Hart: Since 1849, Kingsman Tailors have clothed the world's most powerful individuals. In 1919, a great number of them had lost their heirs to World War I. That meant a lot of money going uninherited. And a lot of powerful men with the desire to preserve peace and protect life. Our founders realized that they could channel that wealth and influence for the greater good. And so began our adventure. An independent international intelligence agency operating at the highest level of discretion. Without the politics and bureaucracy that undermine the intelligence of government-run spy organisations. A suit is the modern
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Sorry, love. Gotta save the world.
Princess Tilde: [In a thick, Swedish accent]If you save the world, we can do it in the... asshole.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: [Calmly]I will be right back.
Princess Tilde: [In a thick, Swedish accent]If you save the world, we can do it in the... asshole.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: [Calmly]I will be right back.
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Harry Hart: [after eating McDonald's food with Valentine]Thank you for such a 'happy' meal.
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
[Hart arrives at Valentine's home. Valentine opens the door] Valentine: Mr. DeVere. It's a pleasure to meet you.
Harry Hart: I'm awfully sorry. I seem to have my dates muddled up.
Valentine: Oh, no no no. I cancelled the gala because of you. Anybody willing to donate that much deserves a private dinner. Come in.
Harry Hart: Thank you.
Valentine: Gotta admit, I was really intrigued to meet you. There aren't many billionaires I don't know.
Harry Hart: I don't doubt it.
Valentine: Obviously, I've had my people looking into your... affairs and that's some pretty old money you're from. How'd your folks make it?
Harry Hart: Property, mostly. Property in the markets. Nothing personal, if that's your concern.
Valentine: Look, I'm just in to find out what kind of person you are. I'm sure you understand that.
Harry Hart: I most certainly do.
Valentine: Hope you're hungry.
Harry Hart: I'm famished.
Valentine: Good. Grab a seat. [Gazelle brings in a silver food cart. Suspenseful music plays in the background as she places it between Hart and Valentine until she opens it, revealing McDonald's food]
Harry Hart: I'll have the Big Mac, please.
Valentine: Great choice. But nothing beats two cheeseburgers with secret sauce. Goes great with this '45 Lafitte.
Harry Hart: A classic pairing. And may I suggest Twinkies and a 1937 Chateau d'Yquem for pudding?
Valentine: I like it.
Harry Hart: I'm awfully sorry. I seem to have my dates muddled up.
Valentine: Oh, no no no. I cancelled the gala because of you. Anybody willing to donate that much deserves a private dinner. Come in.
Harry Hart: Thank you.
Valentine: Gotta admit, I was really intrigued to meet you. There aren't many billionaires I don't know.
Harry Hart: I don't doubt it.
Valentine: Obviously, I've had my people looking into your... affairs and that's some pretty old money you're from. How'd your folks make it?
Harry Hart: Property, mostly. Property in the markets. Nothing personal, if that's your concern.
Valentine: Look, I'm just in to find out what kind of person you are. I'm sure you understand that.
Harry Hart: I most certainly do.
Valentine: Hope you're hungry.
Harry Hart: I'm famished.
Valentine: Good. Grab a seat. [Gazelle brings in a silver food cart. Suspenseful music plays in the background as she places it between Hart and Valentine until she opens it, revealing McDonald's food]
Harry Hart: I'll have the Big Mac, please.
Valentine: Great choice. But nothing beats two cheeseburgers with secret sauce. Goes great with this '45 Lafitte.
Harry Hart: A classic pairing. And may I suggest Twinkies and a 1937 Chateau d'Yquem for pudding?
Valentine: I like it.
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Harry Hart: [to confused gang members]Are we going to stand around here all day, or are we going to fight?
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Harry Hart: The suit is the modern gentleman's armour. The Kingsmen are the new knights.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: How deep does this fuckin' elevator go?
Harry Hart: Deep enough.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: How deep does this fuckin' elevator go?
Harry Hart: Deep enough.
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
[Hart and Eggsy enter Fitting Room 3] Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: So we going up or down?
Harry Hart: Neither.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Is this it?
Harry Hart: Of course not. Pull the hook on the left. [Eggsy pulls down the left hanger, revealing a secret armoury behind the room]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Ah, yes. Very very nice.
Harry Hart: You're going to need a pair of shoes to go with your suit. An Oxford is any formal shoe with open lacing. This additional decorative piece is called broguing.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: [now understanding his password]Oxfords, not Brogues.
Harry Hart: Words to live by, Eggsy. Words to live by. Try a pair. [Eggsy sits down to put on the shoes]
Harry Hart: Your weapon scores are excellent, by the way. [Eggsy gives a click-wink]
Harry Hart: [Pointing at the umbrellas]These, you're familiar with. And this is our standard issue pistol. It's quite unique. As you all see it, it also fires a shotgun cartridge for use in messy close-range situations. How do they feel?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Yeah, good.
Harry Hart: Now do your very best impersonation of a German aristocrat's formal greeting. [Eggsy gets up, does a finger mustache with his left hand and the Nazi salute with his right]
Harry Hart: No, Eggsy. [Hart clicks his heels and a blade pops out of his right shoe]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: That is sick. [Eggsy clicks his heels to engage his shoe blade]
Harry Hart: In the old days, they had a phone in the heel as well.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: How do I get it back in?
Harry Hart: It is coated with one of the fastest-acting neurotoxins known to man, so, very carefully. [Hart pushes the blade against the wall to retract it. Eggsy does the same]
Harry Hart: Neither.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Is this it?
Harry Hart: Of course not. Pull the hook on the left. [Eggsy pulls down the left hanger, revealing a secret armoury behind the room]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Ah, yes. Very very nice.
Harry Hart: You're going to need a pair of shoes to go with your suit. An Oxford is any formal shoe with open lacing. This additional decorative piece is called broguing.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: [now understanding his password]Oxfords, not Brogues.
Harry Hart: Words to live by, Eggsy. Words to live by. Try a pair. [Eggsy sits down to put on the shoes]
Harry Hart: Your weapon scores are excellent, by the way. [Eggsy gives a click-wink]
Harry Hart: [Pointing at the umbrellas]These, you're familiar with. And this is our standard issue pistol. It's quite unique. As you all see it, it also fires a shotgun cartridge for use in messy close-range situations. How do they feel?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Yeah, good.
Harry Hart: Now do your very best impersonation of a German aristocrat's formal greeting. [Eggsy gets up, does a finger mustache with his left hand and the Nazi salute with his right]
Harry Hart: No, Eggsy. [Hart clicks his heels and a blade pops out of his right shoe]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: That is sick. [Eggsy clicks his heels to engage his shoe blade]
Harry Hart: In the old days, they had a phone in the heel as well.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: How do I get it back in?
Harry Hart: It is coated with one of the fastest-acting neurotoxins known to man, so, very carefully. [Hart pushes the blade against the wall to retract it. Eggsy does the same]
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
[after Eggsy puts on his suit] Merlin: Looking good, Eggsy.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Feeling good, Merlin.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Feeling good, Merlin.
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
[Eggsy enters the study room with JB to meet with Arthur] Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Merlin said you wanted to see me, sir?
Arthur: Sit down. [Eggsy sits down while Arthur looks at JB]
Arthur: Pretty dog. What's his name?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: JB.
Arthur: As in James Bond?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: No.
Arthur: Jason Bourne?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: No. Jack Bauer.
Arthur: Oh. [pauses]
Arthur: Bravo. It pains me to admit it, Eggsy, but one day, you might be as good a spy as any of them. [Arthur pulls out a gun and points it at Eggsy, then offers it to him]
Arthur: Take it. [Eggsy takes the gun]
Arthur: Shoot the dog. [Surprised look at Eggsy, as he points the gun at JB. Meanwhile, in the room next door, Merlin hands Roxy a gun]
Merlin: This weapon is live. Shoot the dog. [Back in the study room, Eggsy continues to hesitate as JB stares at him. He shakes his head in disagreement]
Arthur: Give me the gun. [Eggsy points the gun at Arthur. Suddenly, there is a gunshot from next door. Arthur takes the gun from him]
Arthur: At least the girl's got balls. Get out. I knew you couldn't make it. Go home. [Eggsy and JB leave the room]
Arthur: Merlin, send in Roxy, please.
Arthur: Sit down. [Eggsy sits down while Arthur looks at JB]
Arthur: Pretty dog. What's his name?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: JB.
Arthur: As in James Bond?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: No.
Arthur: Jason Bourne?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: No. Jack Bauer.
Arthur: Oh. [pauses]
Arthur: Bravo. It pains me to admit it, Eggsy, but one day, you might be as good a spy as any of them. [Arthur pulls out a gun and points it at Eggsy, then offers it to him]
Arthur: Take it. [Eggsy takes the gun]
Arthur: Shoot the dog. [Surprised look at Eggsy, as he points the gun at JB. Meanwhile, in the room next door, Merlin hands Roxy a gun]
Merlin: This weapon is live. Shoot the dog. [Back in the study room, Eggsy continues to hesitate as JB stares at him. He shakes his head in disagreement]
Arthur: Give me the gun. [Eggsy points the gun at Arthur. Suddenly, there is a gunshot from next door. Arthur takes the gun from him]
Arthur: At least the girl's got balls. Get out. I knew you couldn't make it. Go home. [Eggsy and JB leave the room]
Arthur: Merlin, send in Roxy, please.
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
[Arthur grabs a poison fountain pen] Arthur: Can you guess... [pulls the pen clip back]
Arthur: ... what this is?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: I don't have to. Harry showed me. You click it, I die. I thought that brandy tasted a bit shit.
Arthur: Bravo.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Valentine won you over, somehow.
Arthur: Once he explained, I understood. [Flashback to Arthur's meeting with Valentine]
Valentine: When you get a virus, you get a fever. That's the human body raising its core temperature to kill the virus. Planet Earth works the same way: Global warming is the fever, mankind is the virus. We're making our planet sick. A cull is our only hope. If we don't reduce our population ourselves, there's only one of two ways this can go: The host kills the virus, or the virus kills the host. Either way... [Back to Eggsy and Arthur's conversation]
Arthur: The result is the same: The virus dies.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: So Valentine's gonna take care of the population problem himself.
Arthur: Well if we don't do something, nature will. Sometimes, a culling is the only way to ensure that the species survives. And history will see Valentine as the man who saved humanity from extinction.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: And he gets to pick and choose who gets culled, does he? All his rich mates, they get to live. And then when he thinks it's worth saving, he keeps them safe, whether they agree with him or not.
Arthur: And you, Eggsy. In Harry's honor, I am inviting you to be part of a new world. It's time to make your decision. [Long pause]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: I'd rather be with Harry. Thanks.
Arthur: So be it. [Arthur points the fountain pen and engages the poison. After a few seconds, nothing happens to Eggsy. Arthur suddenly convulses]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin<
Arthur: ... what this is?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: I don't have to. Harry showed me. You click it, I die. I thought that brandy tasted a bit shit.
Arthur: Bravo.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Valentine won you over, somehow.
Arthur: Once he explained, I understood. [Flashback to Arthur's meeting with Valentine]
Valentine: When you get a virus, you get a fever. That's the human body raising its core temperature to kill the virus. Planet Earth works the same way: Global warming is the fever, mankind is the virus. We're making our planet sick. A cull is our only hope. If we don't reduce our population ourselves, there's only one of two ways this can go: The host kills the virus, or the virus kills the host. Either way... [Back to Eggsy and Arthur's conversation]
Arthur: The result is the same: The virus dies.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: So Valentine's gonna take care of the population problem himself.
Arthur: Well if we don't do something, nature will. Sometimes, a culling is the only way to ensure that the species survives. And history will see Valentine as the man who saved humanity from extinction.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: And he gets to pick and choose who gets culled, does he? All his rich mates, they get to live. And then when he thinks it's worth saving, he keeps them safe, whether they agree with him or not.
Arthur: And you, Eggsy. In Harry's honor, I am inviting you to be part of a new world. It's time to make your decision. [Long pause]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: I'd rather be with Harry. Thanks.
Arthur: So be it. [Arthur points the fountain pen and engages the poison. After a few seconds, nothing happens to Eggsy. Arthur suddenly convulses]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin<
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Harry Hart: [locking the doors]Manners - maketh - man. [continuing to intimidate gang members]
Harry Hart: Do you know what that means? Then let me teach you a lesson.
Harry Hart: Do you know what that means? Then let me teach you a lesson.
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Harry Hart: [to menacing gang members]Um, listen, boys. I've had a rather emotional day, so whatever your beef with Eggsy is - and I'm sure it's well founded - I'd appreciate it enormously if you could just leave us in peace, until I can finish this lovely pint of Guinness.
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Valentine: Is he dead?
Gazelle: That tends to happen when you shoot someone in the head.
Gazelle: That tends to happen when you shoot someone in the head.
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Lancelot: I suppose asking to borrow a cup of sugar is a step too far.
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Harry Hart: What did you do to me? I had no control. I killed all those people. [Valentine nods his head in agreement]
Harry Hart: I wanted to.
Valentine: Clever, isn't it? In simple terms, it's a neurological wave that triggers the centers of aggression and switches off inhibitors.
Harry Hart: Transmitted through your nasty free SIM cards, I assume.
Valentine: You know what this is like? It's like those old movies we both love. Now, I'm going to tell you my whole plan, and then I'm going to come up with some absurd and convoluted way to kill you, and you'll find an equally convoluted way to escape.
Harry Hart: Sounds good to me.
Valentine: Well, this ain't that kind of movie. [shoots Harry in the head]
Harry Hart: I wanted to.
Valentine: Clever, isn't it? In simple terms, it's a neurological wave that triggers the centers of aggression and switches off inhibitors.
Harry Hart: Transmitted through your nasty free SIM cards, I assume.
Valentine: You know what this is like? It's like those old movies we both love. Now, I'm going to tell you my whole plan, and then I'm going to come up with some absurd and convoluted way to kill you, and you'll find an equally convoluted way to escape.
Harry Hart: Sounds good to me.
Valentine: Well, this ain't that kind of movie. [shoots Harry in the head]
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Merlin: As some of you will have learned last night, teamwork is paramount here at Kingsman. We're here to enhance your skills and test you to the limit. Which is why you're gonna pick a puppy. Wherever you go, your dog goes. You will care for it. You will teach it. And by the time it's fully trained, so will you be. Those of you who are still here, that is. Do you understand? Choose your puppy. [the candidates approach the cages. Eggsy gets a pug while Roxy gets a black poodle]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: A poodle?
Roxy: What? They're gun dogs. Oldest working breed. Easy to train. [Looks at Eggsy's pug]
Roxy: A pug.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: It's a bulldog, ain't it? [Disappointing look at Roxy's face]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: It'll get bigger, don't it? [Roxy shakes her head]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Shit.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: A poodle?
Roxy: What? They're gun dogs. Oldest working breed. Easy to train. [Looks at Eggsy's pug]
Roxy: A pug.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: It's a bulldog, ain't it? [Disappointing look at Roxy's face]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: It'll get bigger, don't it? [Roxy shakes her head]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Shit.
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
[At Hart's home, Eggsy looks at the various front pages of The Sun on the wall] Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: 'To Pee or Not to Pee?'
Harry Hart: That was the headline the day after I defused a dirty bomb in Paris.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: 'Germany: 1, England: 5'
Harry Hart: Missed that game. I was breaking up an undercover spy ring at the Pentagon. [Eggsy looks at the other headlines, then points at the Prince Charles and Princess Diana wedding issue]
Harry Hart: My first mission. Foiled the assassination of Margaret Thatcher.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Not everybody had thanked you for that one.
Harry Hart: The point is, Eggsy, nobody thanked me for any of them. Front page news and all these occasions are celebrity nonsense. Because it's the nature of Kingsman that our achievements remain secret. A gentleman's name should appear in the newspaper only three times: When he's born, when he marries, and when he dies. And we are, first and foremost, gentlemen.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: That's me fucked, then. It's like Charlie said: I'm just a pleb.
Harry Hart: Nonsense. Being a gentleman has nothing to do with the circumstances of one's birth. Being a gentleman is something one learns.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Yeah, but how?
Harry Hart: Alright, first lesson. You should have asked me before you took your seat. Second lesson: How to make a proper Martini.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Yes, Harry.
Harry Hart: That was the headline the day after I defused a dirty bomb in Paris.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: 'Germany: 1, England: 5'
Harry Hart: Missed that game. I was breaking up an undercover spy ring at the Pentagon. [Eggsy looks at the other headlines, then points at the Prince Charles and Princess Diana wedding issue]
Harry Hart: My first mission. Foiled the assassination of Margaret Thatcher.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Not everybody had thanked you for that one.
Harry Hart: The point is, Eggsy, nobody thanked me for any of them. Front page news and all these occasions are celebrity nonsense. Because it's the nature of Kingsman that our achievements remain secret. A gentleman's name should appear in the newspaper only three times: When he's born, when he marries, and when he dies. And we are, first and foremost, gentlemen.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: That's me fucked, then. It's like Charlie said: I'm just a pleb.
Harry Hart: Nonsense. Being a gentleman has nothing to do with the circumstances of one's birth. Being a gentleman is something one learns.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Yeah, but how?
Harry Hart: Alright, first lesson. You should have asked me before you took your seat. Second lesson: How to make a proper Martini.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Yes, Harry.
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Harry Hart: [calmly after dispatching with gang members]Sorry about that, needed to let off a little steam.
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Gazelle: Looks like a lot of people are going to die.
Valentine: Do I look like I give a fuck?
Valentine: Do I look like I give a fuck?
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Valentine: So you want to donate to my foundation. You are aware that I wound things down in that area, right?
Harry Hart: Climate change is a threat which affects us all, Mr. Valentine. And you're one of the few powerful men who seems to share my concerns.
Valentine: I stepped things down because I wasn't getting anywhere. Every bit of research kept pointing to the same thing.
Harry Hart: The carbon emissions are a red herring, and we are past the point of no return, no matter what remedial actions we take.
Valentine: Uh-huh. You know your shit.
Harry Hart: I sometimes envy the blissful ignorance of those less well-versed in their... 'shit'. As Professor Arnold always said: 'Humankind is the only virus cursed to live with the horrifying knowledge of its host's fragile mortality.' [Surprised look by Valentine]
Valentine: There are not a lot of people who knew about him. [Short pause]
Valentine: Do you like spy movies, Mr. DeVere? [Hart notices Gazelle sitting behind him, pointing one of her bladed legs toward him]
Harry Hart: Nowadays, they're all a little serious for my taste. But the old ones... marvelous. Give me a far-fetched theatrical plot any day.
Valentine: The old Bond movies. Oh, man. Ah, when I was a kid, that was my dream job: gentleman spy.
Harry Hart: I always felt that the old Bond films were only as good as the villain. As a child, I rather fancied a future as a colorful megalomaniac.
Valentine: What a shame we both had to grow up. [Valentine smiles]
Valentine: Bon appetit. [Valentine and Hart toast with their burgers]
Harry Hart: Climate change is a threat which affects us all, Mr. Valentine. And you're one of the few powerful men who seems to share my concerns.
Valentine: I stepped things down because I wasn't getting anywhere. Every bit of research kept pointing to the same thing.
Harry Hart: The carbon emissions are a red herring, and we are past the point of no return, no matter what remedial actions we take.
Valentine: Uh-huh. You know your shit.
Harry Hart: I sometimes envy the blissful ignorance of those less well-versed in their... 'shit'. As Professor Arnold always said: 'Humankind is the only virus cursed to live with the horrifying knowledge of its host's fragile mortality.' [Surprised look by Valentine]
Valentine: There are not a lot of people who knew about him. [Short pause]
Valentine: Do you like spy movies, Mr. DeVere? [Hart notices Gazelle sitting behind him, pointing one of her bladed legs toward him]
Harry Hart: Nowadays, they're all a little serious for my taste. But the old ones... marvelous. Give me a far-fetched theatrical plot any day.
Valentine: The old Bond movies. Oh, man. Ah, when I was a kid, that was my dream job: gentleman spy.
Harry Hart: I always felt that the old Bond films were only as good as the villain. As a child, I rather fancied a future as a colorful megalomaniac.
Valentine: What a shame we both had to grow up. [Valentine smiles]
Valentine: Bon appetit. [Valentine and Hart toast with their burgers]
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
[Michelle's iPad plays Bryan Ferry's Slave to Love at the pub] Dean: Michelle, turn that shit off. It's doing my nut in. [Michelle is about to turn off the iPad when Eggsy, now a full-fledged Kingsman agent, arrives]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: I rather like that song. Leave it on, eh, Mum? [Dean turns off the iPad]
Dean: Mugsy's back. You've finally come to have that word with me, have you, son? Or are you gonna run away again and pretend you're going to court, dressed like that?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Oh, you mean this? No. I know this bloke who's just taken over a tailor shop on Savile Row. He's given me a job, Mum. Comes with a lot of perks, including a house. Come and live with me there, Mum. Come on. [Michelle is about to stand up when Dean interrupts them]
Dean: Sit down, you! Only place she'll be visiting is you in fucking hospital, d'you hear?
Michelle Unwin: Just leave him alone, Dean! Eggsy, go, please. Just go, babe.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: All right. [Eggsy turns around toward the door]
Dean: That's it, do as Mummy says. Why don't you ask that tailor friend of yours to knock up a nice chicken costume! It'll suit you, you mug! [Eggsy stops at the front door]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: As a good friend once said: Manners... [Eggsy bolts the left door]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: ... maketh... [bolts the right door]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: ... man. [locks the latch]
Poodle: Dean...
Dean: Shut the fuck up. Eggsy, I'm gonna shove your manners up your fuck... [Eggsy hooks a beer mug with his umbrella and flings it, knocking out Dean. He then approaches the rest of the gang]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: So, are we going to stand around here all day, or are we going to fight?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: I rather like that song. Leave it on, eh, Mum? [Dean turns off the iPad]
Dean: Mugsy's back. You've finally come to have that word with me, have you, son? Or are you gonna run away again and pretend you're going to court, dressed like that?
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Oh, you mean this? No. I know this bloke who's just taken over a tailor shop on Savile Row. He's given me a job, Mum. Comes with a lot of perks, including a house. Come and live with me there, Mum. Come on. [Michelle is about to stand up when Dean interrupts them]
Dean: Sit down, you! Only place she'll be visiting is you in fucking hospital, d'you hear?
Michelle Unwin: Just leave him alone, Dean! Eggsy, go, please. Just go, babe.
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: All right. [Eggsy turns around toward the door]
Dean: That's it, do as Mummy says. Why don't you ask that tailor friend of yours to knock up a nice chicken costume! It'll suit you, you mug! [Eggsy stops at the front door]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: As a good friend once said: Manners... [Eggsy bolts the left door]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: ... maketh... [bolts the right door]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: ... man. [locks the latch]
Poodle: Dean...
Dean: Shut the fuck up. Eggsy, I'm gonna shove your manners up your fuck... [Eggsy hooks a beer mug with his umbrella and flings it, knocking out Dean. He then approaches the rest of the gang]
Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: So, are we going to stand around here all day, or are we going to fight?
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service
[Pretending that Merlin is his servant at Valentine's party] Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Mycroft, you've just been promoted from my pilot to my valet.
Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service