Metalocalypse Quotes
Murderface: What do ya mean, booze ain't food! I'd rather chop off my ding-dong than admit that.
Toki Wartooth: You'd rather chop off your ding-dong than not drink?
Murderface: Yeah!
Toki Wartooth: Wowie!
Toki Wartooth: You'd rather chop off your ding-dong than not drink?
Murderface: Yeah!
Toki Wartooth: Wowie!
Movie: Metalocalypse
Nathan Explosion: Two cups of rice...
Nathan Explosion: [Trying to pour the rice into the shopping cart and watching it fall through the bottom] Brutal.
Nathan Explosion: [Trying to pour the rice into the shopping cart and watching it fall through the bottom] Brutal.
Movie: Metalocalypse
Nathan Explosion: We are here to make coffee metal... We will make everything metal... Blacker than the blackest black, times infinity!
Movie: Metalocalypse
Nathan Explosion: Toki, why'd you stop playing?
Toki Wartooth: I... have a confessions to makes... I can'ts reads music...
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Dudes, Tokis can't read musics, let's all laugh...
Toki Wartooth: Can you?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: ...No... I haves musics dyskleksia... you know that... I... don't wish to talks about it...
Toki Wartooth: I... have a confessions to makes... I can'ts reads music...
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Dudes, Tokis can't read musics, let's all laugh...
Toki Wartooth: Can you?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: ...No... I haves musics dyskleksia... you know that... I... don't wish to talks about it...
Movie: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Yeah, that's good codpiece.
William Murderface: Yeah it's no big deal, it's just totally diamond encrusted with a titanium base.
Toki Wartooth: Oh whats a coincidence. I gots myself a real cool codpiece too!
William Murderface: Uh, that's a dildo. A strap-on dildo.
Toki Wartooth: Ah screw you all offs! My codpiece is the coolest!
William Murderface: Yeah it's no big deal, it's just totally diamond encrusted with a titanium base.
Toki Wartooth: Oh whats a coincidence. I gots myself a real cool codpiece too!
William Murderface: Uh, that's a dildo. A strap-on dildo.
Toki Wartooth: Ah screw you all offs! My codpiece is the coolest!
Movie: Metalocalypse
Nathan Explosion (young): [after punching Damian during a meeting] Sorry....uh...again.
Charles Ofdensen: Mm-hmm. What do I tell you guys before every meeting?
Nathan Explosion: Try not to punch people.
Charles Ofdensen: Try not to punch people. That's correct.
Charles Ofdensen: Mm-hmm. What do I tell you guys before every meeting?
Nathan Explosion: Try not to punch people.
Charles Ofdensen: Try not to punch people. That's correct.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan Explosion: Shut up with the fucking construction, man! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT HUNG OVER PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP?! [gets up] How can people grow up listening to all that racket? [turns on some Black Metal; he looks somewhat annoyed] There that's better.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Welcome to Dethklok's Dorito Land! [two people get electrocuted trying to enter] And I'd like to remind you all that Dorito Land is not open to the public....it's just for us. Sorry.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Auctioneer: And now we will auction the skull from the famous comedian, Buddy Hackett. We'll start this bid at fifty thousand dollars.
Skwisgaar: Oh, I gots to have that.
Auctioneer: Fifty thousand. Do I hear sixty thousand?
Nathan: Yeah.
Skwisgaar: This going to be a long night.
Skwisgaar: Oh, I gots to have that.
Auctioneer: Fifty thousand. Do I hear sixty thousand?
Nathan: Yeah.
Skwisgaar: This going to be a long night.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Stella Murderface: William!
Ibsen: I think you'll find any journalist worth his own salt, would do the same.
Ibsen: I think you'll find any journalist worth his own salt, would do the same.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: [haltingly] Ares - yous - alrights - to drive?
Pickles the Drummer: Nyeah he's fine...
Pickles the Drummer: Nyeah he's fine...
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: Hoo, I mights needs to take five, six personal days, for all this griefs, gonna have to deals with -
Murderface: Oh, here we go again! You took two personal blooming days last week!
Toki: Well, I was depressed, about -
Murderface: You're depressed? You're depressed!? I'm fat! I'm the fat one!
Toki: Come on.
Skwisgaar: Aww, you're like.. a male model.
Murderface: I'm fat, we know that! The one good thing about Jean-Pierre being dead is maybe I won't eat so much, and lose these flabby Deth-handles.
Nathan: Noooo...
Murderface: No, I'm fat!
Toki: ...Well, I'm startin' to get hungries. But it looks like we starves...
Pickles: Well, great. What are we supposed to do now?
Murderface: Oh, here we go again! You took two personal blooming days last week!
Toki: Well, I was depressed, about -
Murderface: You're depressed? You're depressed!? I'm fat! I'm the fat one!
Toki: Come on.
Skwisgaar: Aww, you're like.. a male model.
Murderface: I'm fat, we know that! The one good thing about Jean-Pierre being dead is maybe I won't eat so much, and lose these flabby Deth-handles.
Nathan: Noooo...
Murderface: No, I'm fat!
Toki: ...Well, I'm startin' to get hungries. But it looks like we starves...
Pickles: Well, great. What are we supposed to do now?
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: [awed gasp] What's this place called?
Skwisgaar: This is, I believes, called food libraries.
Skwisgaar: This is, I believes, called food libraries.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles: It's called a grocery store, ya douchebags! I'm sorry about douchebags. I got... got low blood sugar.
Nathan: Alright, here's the deal: we have to do our own shopping so we can make our own dinner like regular jack-offs do. Now you're all in charge of putting together one dish. AND DON'T JUST BUY BOOZE! That ain't food!
Murderface: What do you mean, "booze ain't food?" I'd rather chop off my ding-dong than admit that!
Toki: You'd rather chop off your ding-dong than not drink?
Murderface: Yeah!
Toki: Wowee!
Nathan: Alright, here's the deal: we have to do our own shopping so we can make our own dinner like regular jack-offs do. Now you're all in charge of putting together one dish. AND DON'T JUST BUY BOOZE! That ain't food!
Murderface: What do you mean, "booze ain't food?" I'd rather chop off my ding-dong than admit that!
Toki: You'd rather chop off your ding-dong than not drink?
Murderface: Yeah!
Toki: Wowee!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: [reads his shopping list] Hey grandma, is there olives in it?
Old Lady: In what?
Murderface: Lemon tart, Wrinkle-tits! Jeezees!
Old Lady: [shocked gasp]
Murderface: Good, then it's pee-pee time! [starts urinating on the olives]
Old Lady: In what?
Murderface: Lemon tart, Wrinkle-tits! Jeezees!
Old Lady: [shocked gasp]
Murderface: Good, then it's pee-pee time! [starts urinating on the olives]
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles: Hey chief, this stuff good for soup? [gestures at shopping cart full of booze]
Worker: ... No -
Pickles: - Aaaah! That's a yes.
Worker: ... No -
Pickles: - Aaaah! That's a yes.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan Explosion: Approach us.
Jean-Pierre: Everything to your liking? My lords?
Pickles the Drummer: Are you aware of the fate of our last restaurant helicopter chef?
Jean-Pierre: [trembling and sweating hardily] His face was-
William Murderface: HIS FACE WAS SMASHED! [slams his knife into the table]
Jean-Pierre: Yes, I know.
Toki Wartooth: He sliced his hand - and face - off holvercroft!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: [practicing the word "hovercraft"] Hover-ho-hover-croft...
Jean-Pierre: Everything to your liking? My lords?
Pickles the Drummer: Are you aware of the fate of our last restaurant helicopter chef?
Jean-Pierre: [trembling and sweating hardily] His face was-
William Murderface: HIS FACE WAS SMASHED! [slams his knife into the table]
Jean-Pierre: Yes, I know.
Toki Wartooth: He sliced his hand - and face - off holvercroft!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: [practicing the word "hovercraft"] Hover-ho-hover-croft...
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles: Hovercraft. Ugh, hovercraft! They're trying to tell you that the guy got his face smashed into the hovercraft, that's what they're trying to tell you.
Jean-Pierre: Yes, I know.
Toki: And then from the sorrow, FA-TUU! He blow he brain in!
Skwisgaar: [correcting Toki's grammar] He blow he brain out.
Toki: Whatever. It make a great album cover.
Skwisgaar: Yeah, all of our chefs, he has died a horrible death. What of thats do you think?
Jean-Pierre: I would rather have my brain scooped out with a melon-baller than to miss the opportunity to deliver the various cheese snacks to my beloved Dethklok.
Jean-Pierre: Yes, I know.
Toki: And then from the sorrow, FA-TUU! He blow he brain in!
Skwisgaar: [correcting Toki's grammar] He blow he brain out.
Toki: Whatever. It make a great album cover.
Skwisgaar: Yeah, all of our chefs, he has died a horrible death. What of thats do you think?
Jean-Pierre: I would rather have my brain scooped out with a melon-baller than to miss the opportunity to deliver the various cheese snacks to my beloved Dethklok.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Helicopter Pilot: Sorry, m'lords. Uh, we're chewing through a few thousand doves up here. Don't worry; these rotors'll grind 'em into paste in no time.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Jean-Pierre: Oh, from the Prime Minister of Norway [presents a wine bottle] There are several cases. The finest wine -
Nathan: NOOOOOOOO! We never drink before a show! Never![William pops off the top of the bottle and pours some in a goblet]
Murderface: Well, I've been drinking all day.
Toki: [holds up beer can] Me too!
Skwisgaar: Me too.
Pickles: [surrounded by beer cans and beer bottles] Me too!
Nathan: ... Me too.
Nathan: NOOOOOOOO! We never drink before a show! Never![William pops off the top of the bottle and pours some in a goblet]
Murderface: Well, I've been drinking all day.
Toki: [holds up beer can] Me too!
Skwisgaar: Me too.
Pickles: [surrounded by beer cans and beer bottles] Me too!
Nathan: ... Me too.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: We are here to make coffee metal. We will make everything metal. Blacker than the blackest black times infinity.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
One-eyed Fan: My eye got torn out, and force-fed to me in a show. DETHKLOK RULES!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Two-fingered Fan: In London, some dude chopped off my fingers and threw them up on stage. MURDERFACE ROLLED THEM UP AND SMOKED THEM! [yells into reporter's microphone] MURDERFACE!!!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
General Crozier: Freaks.
Senator Stampingston: These freaks as you call them are currently worth billions. Gentlemen: [echoing opening theme lines] Skwisgaar Skwigelf, taller than a tree; Toki Wartooth, not a bumble bee; William Murderface, Murderface, Murderface; Pickles, the drummer - doodily-doo, ding-dong doodily, doodily doo; Nathan Explosion. I'm afraid that's all we know, gentlemen.
Senator Stampingston: These freaks as you call them are currently worth billions. Gentlemen: [echoing opening theme lines] Skwisgaar Skwigelf, taller than a tree; Toki Wartooth, not a bumble bee; William Murderface, Murderface, Murderface; Pickles, the drummer - doodily-doo, ding-dong doodily, doodily doo; Nathan Explosion. I'm afraid that's all we know, gentlemen.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: I don't think all of our employees are cursed, I mean...
Pickles: No, no. The chefs.
Nathan: Oh, the chefs are cursed, yeah.
Toki: Actuallies, he's stills alifes. Yeah.
Nathan: Well, I mean, he'll be dead soon, that's what I - that's what I meant to say.
Skwisgaar: Oh, come on, huh? He could probably hear that. Oh, wait, no, he can't 'cause he ain't got no ears.
Pickles: Hold on, it says here that keeping this guy alive is costing us... $10,000 a day?!
Murderface: Whoa!
Toki: FA-TUU!
Murderface: Well here's an idea, why don't we yankee doodle dandy, you know, pull the plug, kill him -
Pickles: Well let's just fire him, look at him, he's just sitting there, ain't cook a damn thing all day long. Let's face it, he's bringing me down.
Skwisgaar: What is wrong with this dumb dildo thing? They give us all the free coffee in the world and no instruction on how to cook it!
Pickles: No, no. The chefs.
Nathan: Oh, the chefs are cursed, yeah.
Toki: Actuallies, he's stills alifes. Yeah.
Nathan: Well, I mean, he'll be dead soon, that's what I - that's what I meant to say.
Skwisgaar: Oh, come on, huh? He could probably hear that. Oh, wait, no, he can't 'cause he ain't got no ears.
Pickles: Hold on, it says here that keeping this guy alive is costing us... $10,000 a day?!
Murderface: Whoa!
Toki: FA-TUU!
Murderface: Well here's an idea, why don't we yankee doodle dandy, you know, pull the plug, kill him -
Pickles: Well let's just fire him, look at him, he's just sitting there, ain't cook a damn thing all day long. Let's face it, he's bringing me down.
Skwisgaar: What is wrong with this dumb dildo thing? They give us all the free coffee in the world and no instruction on how to cook it!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: [reading from his list] Who is Wall Nuts?
Skwisgaar: [throws a box of tampons into Toki's cart] Haa, hey Toki; look inside of your basket. Guess why you'res in such crappy mood, you have lady's tampoons... unside of it... and you buy them for yourself. Go on have a conversation with all the ladies and tell them your problems.
Toki: You a lady, Skwisgaar!
Skwisgaar: [suddenly] NO I'M NOT!
Skwisgaar: [throws a box of tampons into Toki's cart] Haa, hey Toki; look inside of your basket. Guess why you'res in such crappy mood, you have lady's tampoons... unside of it... and you buy them for yourself. Go on have a conversation with all the ladies and tell them your problems.
Toki: You a lady, Skwisgaar!
Skwisgaar: [suddenly] NO I'M NOT!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: [reading from his list] Two cups of rice... [ He opens a nearby rice sack and pours some rice into a cup, transferring it to the cart, but the rice escapes onto the floor through the gaps in the cart] Brutal.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles: [holding up a lobster] Okay, hold on now. So you're tellin' me that you put these little guys in boiling water and they shriek and they turn red and they die.
Worker: Yes sir.
Pickles: That is the most metal thing I ever heard in my whole life. High five.
Worker: Yes sir.
Pickles: That is the most metal thing I ever heard in my whole life. High five.
TV Show: Metalocalypse