Mr. Show Quotes
Supermodel Calling Service commercial voice (Bob): Thousands of hot models are waiting to talk to you around the clock!
TV Show: Mr. Show
Deranged indie film director (David): Look, its right here in the program: stage protest right before fancy pants.
TV Show: Mr. Show
Doctor speaking about imminent death syndrome (Bob): Many famous people have had imminent death syndrome...well, Juliette Lewis, the actress has it. The artist Leroy Neiman, and uh Christo. Jerry Lewis struggles with it everyday. These people are all very good at what they do...the best ever. Novelist Anne Rice, Clarence Thomas, uh...Stephen Hawking - "brilliant man." Quentin Tarantino (the actor, not the director), Hootie and two of the blowfish, the man who draws Ziggy, the man who draws the Family Circus, many famous cartoonists.
Doctor speaking about imminent death syndrome, while answering phone (Bob): Free horsey rides...I mean doctor's office!
Doctor speaking about imminent death syndrome, while answering phone (Bob): Free horsey rides...I mean doctor's office!
TV Show: Mr. Show
Benjamin Franklin (David): Gentlemen, who would shit on a flag made out of shit? It would be an empty gesture.
TV Show: Mr. Show
Droopy (Bob): No, you can't bring a class of school children here. This is a museum, not a babysitting place.
TV Show: Mr. Show
Harmon Peterson (Bob): I don't know! Maybe this tree knows! Tree, excuse me, can you predict the future for me? No? Can I check back with you every two minutes for sixteen days? Great! Thanks!! Look - when I say there's no new information, that means there's NO NEW INFORMATION! I'm not trying to hide anything on ya, OK?!
TV Show: Mr. Show
Brinks Peterson (David): Trying to get you the news without making a big production out of it.
TV Show: Mr. Show
Ernie (Bob): Oh, Nancy. You cannot fly. Only British people can fly! You shouldn't try to fly, and you shouldn't listen to British people!
TV Show: Mr. Show
Keith, U.S. Customs Agent (Bob): OK, sir, let's get this straight. Where are you coming from?
Mountain Dougie (David): New Freeland.
Keith, U.S. Customs Agent (Bob): Where is that?
Mountain Dougie (David): Montana.
Keith, U.S. Customs Agent (Bob): So you're already a U.S. Citizen.
Mountain Dougie (David): No, I told you, I'm from New Freeland.
Mountain Dougie (David): New Freeland.
Keith, U.S. Customs Agent (Bob): Where is that?
Mountain Dougie (David): Montana.
Keith, U.S. Customs Agent (Bob): So you're already a U.S. Citizen.
Mountain Dougie (David): No, I told you, I'm from New Freeland.
TV Show: Mr. Show
F.F. Woodycooks (Bob): The guard knew he needed to conserve energy...and had had a large dinner.
TV Show: Mr. Show
F.F. Woodycooks (Bob): You said it crime-stick! Those two were a couple of ding-a-lings! ... Now, who wants ice cream? If you want to learn more about how to take back the streets, and how sweet ice cream is, visit any one of my three ice cream-precinct locations.
TV Show: Mr. Show
David: Perhaps I might have picked something up when I was in London a few whiffens past.
TV Show: Mr. Show
Great great great grandfather Applesway (Paul F. Tompkins): Look! LOOK!!! An entire wall of nothing but hardcore gay anal sex. If that doesn't bring a tear to your eye, then you're the one who's inhuman!
TV Show: Mr. Show
Ty McGinty/Mr. Tink/Great great great grandfather Applesway (David/Tom Kenny/Paul F. Tompkins): Could I get some quarters?
TV Show: Mr. Show
Chuck (Bob): Look, I like to masturbate in a closed room while people are waiting for pie to cool.
TV Show: Mr. Show
John Oakfellow of the Red Cross (John Ennis): It's been a real soul-shattering experience.
TV Show: Mr. Show
Elderly resident of community affected by Devastator (unknown): I ain't afraid of no rolley coaster!
TV Show: Mr. Show
"The Limits of Science" educational film narrator (Bob): All facts start as dreams dreamt by a wizard.
TV Show: Mr. Show