Mystery Science Theater 3000 Quotes
Joel [as Rodeo Announcer]: And the crowd goes wild!
Crow, Servo: [dully]Yay.
Crow, Servo: [dully]Yay.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[After a succesful cattle roping]
Narrator: Eight seconds.
Joel [as the boy]: Yup, I'm hot. That's me pretty much.
Narrator: Eight seconds.
Joel [as the boy]: Yup, I'm hot. That's me pretty much.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Narrator: Yes, the Junior Rodeo is here to stay. And nobody's happier about it than Old Timer Billy Slater.
Joel: It's sad, really.
Servo: [singing to the tune ofHome on the Range] ...And the guys are not clowning all dayyyeeeeEEEEE!!!
Joel: It's sad, really.
Servo: [singing to the tune ofHome on the Range] ...And the guys are not clowning all dayyyeeeeEEEEE!!!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[The narrator describes the voracious shrew.]
Narrator: He must eat his own body weight every few hours…
Servo [as Narrator]: …plus a delicious shake.
Narrator: He must eat his own body weight every few hours…
Servo [as Narrator]: …plus a delicious shake.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[The title screen displays "The Killer Shrews".]
Crow [as Announcer]: Starring Joan Collins and Jackie Collins!
Crow [as Announcer]: Starring Joan Collins and Jackie Collins!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[While on the boat, Captain Sherman spots something through his binoculars.]
Sherman: Hey, Rook!, Rook, come here!
Crow [as Sherman]: These things make everything look bigger!
Sherman: Hey, Rook!, Rook, come here!
Crow [as Sherman]: These things make everything look bigger!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Arriving at Dr. Craigis's house, Sherman looks up at the giant antenna on the roof.]
Joel [as Sherman]: I've fallen in with a group of ham radio operators!
Joel [as Sherman]: I've fallen in with a group of ham radio operators!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Joel and the Bots are on the bridge of the SOL.]
Crow, Servo: [singing]Killer shrew! Killer shrew!
Don't know the diff'rence 'tween me and you!
He comes out at night to give you a fright.
Don't look now, but he's gonna take a bite!
Doh, di-dih doh, di-dih doh, dugga dugga duh
Killer shrew! Killer shrew! K-I-double-L-E-R shrew!
He's scary and tough, if that ain't enough.
He's augmented with bath mats an' stuff!
Crow, Servo: [singing]Killer shrew! Killer shrew!
Don't know the diff'rence 'tween me and you!
He comes out at night to give you a fright.
Don't look now, but he's gonna take a bite!
Doh, di-dih doh, di-dih doh, dugga dugga duh
Killer shrew! Killer shrew! K-I-double-L-E-R shrew!
He's scary and tough, if that ain't enough.
He's augmented with bath mats an' stuff!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Rook sees a dark, dog-like killer "shrew" advancing toward him.]
Servo: Puppies!
Servo: Puppies!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Ulysses shoots down a quail.]
Joel [as Announcer]: Hardly any animals were hurt in the making of this movie.
Joel [as Announcer]: Hardly any animals were hurt in the making of this movie.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Ulysses, wild over Hercules' recovery, chases after scantily clad servant girls.]
Crow [as Ulysses]: I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!
Servo: When Kennedys ruled Greece.
Crow [as Ulysses]: I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!
Servo: When Kennedys ruled Greece.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Our narrator, Police Lt. Chasen, wonders who could possibly believe a dead man could come back to life.]
Joel: Only millions of Christians.
Joel: Only millions of Christians.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Lon Chaney, Jr. wanders around a warehouse-like room after being brought back from the dead.]
Joel: He's wandered into a Mr. Bulky's.
Crow [as Chaney]: Let's see now... licorice whips, jujubes, slowpokes, Lon Chaney Junior Mints...
Joel: He's wandered into a Mr. Bulky's.
Crow [as Chaney]: Let's see now... licorice whips, jujubes, slowpokes, Lon Chaney Junior Mints...
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Having taken several bullets, a bazooka round, and a blast from a flamethrower, Lon Chaney emerges from the sewer much the worse for wear.]
Servo: Now I think he's just the incredibly resilient man.
Servo: Now I think he's just the incredibly resilient man.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Repeated Lines]
Dr. Forrester and Frank: DEEEEEEEP HUUUURRRRTING! DEEEEEEEP HUUUURRRRTING!
Dr. Forrester and Frank: DEEEEEEEP HUUUURRRRTING! DEEEEEEEP HUUUURRRRTING!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Alan Steele rides high in the saddle]
Servo: Yes, Big Alan Steele! Splash me on in the morning, wear the great smell of me all day long!
Servo: Yes, Big Alan Steele! Splash me on in the morning, wear the great smell of me all day long!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Shot of barren moonscape]
Servo: We seem to be in some sort of Limbo zone.
Crow: Rush Limbaugh?
Joel: No, that would be more like Hell.
Servo: We seem to be in some sort of Limbo zone.
Crow: Rush Limbaugh?
Joel: No, that would be more like Hell.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[The Moon Men's rock monsters lumber towards the queen's sister, Billis.]
Servo: Hey, baby, wanna get stoned?
Crow [as Bob Dylan]: Everybody must get stoned!
Servo: Hey, baby, wanna get stoned?
Crow [as Bob Dylan]: Everybody must get stoned!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Joel: [reading fan letter, a child's crayon scribble on graph paper] Cambot, put this up on stillstore, there's no print, but it's a really good drawing of me, and, Crow, and... Servo... on the bridge...?
Crow: [matter-of-factly] It's really not that good!
Joel: Come with me, mister! [grabs Crow by the net and drags him offscreen]
Crow: AAAAAAGH!
Crow: [matter-of-factly] It's really not that good!
Joel: Come with me, mister! [grabs Crow by the net and drags him offscreen]
Crow: AAAAAAGH!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Dr. Forrester: Well Jimmy Smits, your movie today is roasted fresh from the kitchens of Bert I Gordon. It's a fetid little piece of tripe featuring sword and sorcery, Gary Lockwood and an embarrassed Basil Rathbone.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[George fights a two-headed dragon.]
Joel: Lighten up, they’re just puppets!
Crow: Hey...
Joel: Sorry.
Joel: Lighten up, they’re just puppets!
Crow: Hey...
Joel: Sorry.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[George taps a fellow knight with his sword.]
Crow: I dub you Sir Moron. Come on, dummy.
Crow: I dub you Sir Moron. Come on, dummy.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Joel, Tom and Crow are on the SOL, Crow singing about his new love, Estelle.]
Crow: [singing] She's CUTE! She's ROOTY-TOOT-TOOT! I bet she smells like JUICY FRUIT!
Tom Servo: EEAUGHHH!
Crow: [continues singing, ignoring Tom] She can even play a wiiitch...She was even on Bewiiiitched...And I'm BEWILDERED and BOTHERRRRRRED!
Crow: [singing] She's CUTE! She's ROOTY-TOOT-TOOT! I bet she smells like JUICY FRUIT!
Tom Servo: EEAUGHHH!
Crow: [continues singing, ignoring Tom] She can even play a wiiitch...She was even on Bewiiiitched...And I'm BEWILDERED and BOTHERRRRRRED!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Gypsy makes a rare theater apperance during the beginning of this episode. The movie features a scene with some "good-natured brawling" going on between a large group of men.]
Gypsy: Hey, stop fighting! Everybody stop fighting!
Joel: [trying to hide his amusement] Um, it's...it's okay, Gypsy. It's just a movie.
Gypsy: [catching herself] Oh?...Oh! Sorry, sorry...
Gypsy: Hey, stop fighting! Everybody stop fighting!
Joel: [trying to hide his amusement] Um, it's...it's okay, Gypsy. It's just a movie.
Gypsy: [catching herself] Oh?...Oh! Sorry, sorry...
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Hercules and company ride their horses through a patch of fog]
Gypsy: Hey, get this, they're steam cleaning the horses!
Joel: [impressed] All right, Gypsy! Good one!
Gypsy: Hey, get this, they're steam cleaning the horses!
Joel: [impressed] All right, Gypsy! Good one!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Black-caped, solemn nurse Jesse glides through the hospital ward lobby.]
Crow: Ah, here comes Nurse-feratu.
Crow: Ah, here comes Nurse-feratu.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[ Dr. Steve Hardy appears on-screen.]
Crow: Hey, he was old even then!
Crow: Hey, he was old even then!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[A viewscreen on Rocky Jones' ship displays an image of a small, bumpy-looking planet.]
Servo: Look! It's the MST3K logo!
Joel: [aside] Uh, you're not supposed to know about that...
Servo: Oh, uh...
[Servo whistles innocently.]
Servo: Look! It's the MST3K logo!
Joel: [aside] Uh, you're not supposed to know about that...
Servo: Oh, uh...
[Servo whistles innocently.]
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000