Mystery Science Theater 3000 Quotes
[Little boy rides away]
Driver: Take Care.
Joel: Don't forget to ride towards traffic.
Driver: Take Care.
Joel: Don't forget to ride towards traffic.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[looking at Master Ninja I in disbelief]
Joel: You know, this has all the continuity of a fever dream.
Joel: You know, this has all the continuity of a fever dream.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Main character in movie gets attacked by invisible enemy]
Joel: Oh look, they were too cheap to hire villains.
Joel: Oh look, they were too cheap to hire villains.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Mike appears in the theater after trying to strangle Bobo]
Crow: Mike, why were you choking the monkey?
Mike Nelson: Because I... hey.
Crow: Mike, why were you choking the monkey?
Mike Nelson: Because I... hey.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Mike asked the bots to do a report on cheating]
Gypsy: Cheating. Cheating is bad. Richard Basehart is good.
Gypsy: Cheating. Cheating is bad. Richard Basehart is good.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Mitchell punches through a sheet of aluminum foil]
Tom Servo: [Arnold Schwarzenegger voice] Liquid metal.
Tom Servo: [Arnold Schwarzenegger voice] Liquid metal.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Off to the left side of the screen, a car rolls off camera]
Tom Servo: Boy, the car will do anything to get out of the movie.
Tom Servo: Boy, the car will do anything to get out of the movie.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[on "Angels' Brigade]
Crow T. Robot: I bet the words "Where's my cocaine?" were heard a lot on this film.
Crow T. Robot: I bet the words "Where's my cocaine?" were heard a lot on this film.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[reading credits]
Mike Nelson: Leon Leon?
Crow: He had the laziest, most unimaginative parents in the WORLD.
Mike Nelson: Leon Leon?
Crow: He had the laziest, most unimaginative parents in the WORLD.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[reading opening credits]
Tom Servo: Hm, "story by" so there will be a story, that's encouraging.
Tom Servo: Hm, "story by" so there will be a story, that's encouraging.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[reading the list of bands in a movie]
Mike Nelson: Oh, Deathmask! They played at my parents' anniversary party!
Mike Nelson: Oh, Deathmask! They played at my parents' anniversary party!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[repeated line] [a character looks directly at the camera]
Crow T. Robot: What do you, the viewers at home, think?
Crow T. Robot: What do you, the viewers at home, think?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[repeated line]
Crow T. Robot: A planet where apes evolved from men?
Crow T. Robot: A planet where apes evolved from men?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[repeated line]
Mike Nelson: Cambot, give me rocket number nine.
Mike Nelson: Cambot, give me rocket number nine.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[seeing the title "Why Study Industrial Arts"]
Crow T. Robot: Because you're bad at math?
Crow T. Robot: Because you're bad at math?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Servo has a flame-thrower for an arm]
Crow: What matter of bot' are you, who can summon up fire without flint or timber?
Crow: What matter of bot' are you, who can summon up fire without flint or timber?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[singing to a happy Christmas tune]
Tom: Charles Manson walks the streets, The Zodiac Killer's at large, Charles Bukowski is puking out the window and Santa Claus is on his way.
Tom: Charles Manson walks the streets, The Zodiac Killer's at large, Charles Bukowski is puking out the window and Santa Claus is on his way.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[singing]
Tom Servo: It's the devil's theme, his stupid little song, even though he's the embodiment of evil he's still got a goofy song, in his tights he brings death, despair, destruction and disease, now let's all join him. Devil.
Tom Servo: It's the devil's theme, his stupid little song, even though he's the embodiment of evil he's still got a goofy song, in his tights he brings death, despair, destruction and disease, now let's all join him. Devil.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Starts snowing in movie]
Mike Nelson: This is how much pure cocaine you'd need to enjoy this movie.
Mike Nelson: This is how much pure cocaine you'd need to enjoy this movie.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Ten minutes into the movie]
Crow: Oh, it's over, did that movie seem really long to you?
Crow: Oh, it's over, did that movie seem really long to you?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[the episode opens with Crow in a cryogenic chamber]
Joel: Hi, folks. Welcome to the Satellite of... Love. Say, uh, Tom, what's with the Crow-in-the-box?
Tom Servo: Oh, I'm just taking Crow's temperature down to absolute zero! Woohoo!
Joel: Tom! If you do that, you'll cease all molecular activity! It could start a chain reaction that could destroy us all!
Tom Servo: Yeah, that's how it played out in our scenario. Hey, wait a minute! That would be really stupid! [Joel puts on a pair of thermal gloves and opens the cryogenic chamber]
Joel: Hang on, Crow! Don't worry! I got ya! [Joel reaches into the chamber and Crow shatters]
Tom Servo: Good one, Joel!
Joel: Oops. We'll be right back.
Tom Servo: I'm not putting him back together, either.
Joel: Hi, folks. Welcome to the Satellite of... Love. Say, uh, Tom, what's with the Crow-in-the-box?
Tom Servo: Oh, I'm just taking Crow's temperature down to absolute zero! Woohoo!
Joel: Tom! If you do that, you'll cease all molecular activity! It could start a chain reaction that could destroy us all!
Tom Servo: Yeah, that's how it played out in our scenario. Hey, wait a minute! That would be really stupid! [Joel puts on a pair of thermal gloves and opens the cryogenic chamber]
Joel: Hang on, Crow! Don't worry! I got ya! [Joel reaches into the chamber and Crow shatters]
Tom Servo: Good one, Joel!
Joel: Oops. We'll be right back.
Tom Servo: I'm not putting him back together, either.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[the fired security guard pushes a button, blowing up the film vault]
Tom Servo: That was supposed to open the van door!
Mike Nelson: Damn.
Tom Servo: That was supposed to open the van door!
Mike Nelson: Damn.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[the hero kisses the heroine]
Crow: Oh, just drape a piece of liver over her face; it'd have the same effect.
Crow: Oh, just drape a piece of liver over her face; it'd have the same effect.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[the title "High School Big Shot" appears accompanied by a flair of dramatic music]
Crow T. Robot: Big deal, so the big shot's in band.
Crow T. Robot: Big deal, so the big shot's in band.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[the title of the short is "Are You Ready For Marriage?"]
Mike Nelson: Uh, yeah, sure. I'm sick of sex, anyway.
Mike Nelson: Uh, yeah, sure. I'm sick of sex, anyway.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000