Mystery Science Theater 3000 Quotes
Crow T. Robot: I accuse you, Joel. Now, carefully, hand over the hamburger sandwich.
Tom Servo: Don't let him forget the french fries potato garnish.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot: I can't deny anything you've said. But you're a big fat liar.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot: I don't think it's a good idea to kill someone when they're driving.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot: I think we've analyzed the plot more than the writers did.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot: I think you're supposed to strangle me 'till I'm dead.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot: I'd rather spend a weekend in Robert Bork's underpants than watch more of this.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot: I'll be fine as soon as I scrape my butt off the ceiling.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot: I'm thinkin' of tellin' my wife I love her. Naah, forget it, not worth it.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot: In the future, all robots will act like Don Knotts.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot: It just so happens I've written a topical, satirical review that we call...
Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, Crow T. Robot: Supercalafragalistic-expialawacky!
Crow T. Robot: Ha ha ha he he hoo!
Tom Servo: Go, go, go! I got it, I got it, I got it! Okay, get out of the way!
Mike Nelson: [Mike enters dressed as Uncle Sam] I'm the government, I'm the government, I'm filled with bloats and perks. I'm the government, I'm the government, I'm the reason nothing works.
Tom Servo: [with money in head and reading script] Boy I tell you, it's not easy bein' the working man, but at least I've earned an honest day's wage and I can...
Mike Nelson: Thank you! [steals money]
Tom Servo: Hey!
Crow T. Robot: I'm the crime bill: bang-bang! I'm the crime bill: bang-bang! I get shot at every day. I'm the crime bill: bang-bang! I'm the crime bill: bang-bang! I'm opposed by the NRA. Bang, Bang! ack, ahh
Mike Nelson: [now wearing baseball cap] Hello Mr. Senator. My daddy's out of work, and he says it's because of the deficit. So I saved some money in my piggy bank, and I'm going to give it to you to lower the deficit. If an 8 year old kid can save money, how come the government can't?
Tom Servo: Honk, honk.
Crow T. Robot: Beep, beep.
Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, Crow T. Robot: Government gridlock!
Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, Crow T. Robot: Honk, honk!
Crow T. Robot: Beep, beep...
Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, Crow T. Robot: Government gridlock!
Tom Servo: There's a traffic jam at the Congress intersection,
Crow T. Robot: But the light is red unless there's an election!
Mike Nelson: Government sure can get tacky,
Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, Crow T.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow: [sigh] Surprise ending written and conceived by a tube-worm.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow: [to a peaceful bit of folk music] My anaconda don't want none less you got buns hon.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot: I've been thinking about this chapstick, and it really helps our side to use as much chapstick as possible, although as a lubricant, it's awful. I prefer 10W40, or 10W30 in the winter, or 5W30 or any lubricant with a heavy viscosity, though many orifices of the body produce their own lubricants or secretions. My favorite orifices are: the nose, the ear - the ear produces a gelatinous, wax-like substance which can be removed with a swab. Not to be confused with a swabby. Remember, never stick anything in your ear larger than a pirate. This could cause severe pillaging. "Arr! Jim-boy! Pieces of meat! What's in those barrels anyway?"
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot: Joel? Joel?
Joel: Yeah Crow buddy?
Crow T. Robot: Would it be okay if I canged my name to Allan Parsons Project?
Tom Servo: They call me Mr Tibbs!
Gypsy: Mrs Richard Baseheart! Mr Richard Baseheart!
Magic Voice: From now on, I'll be know as Vivian Vance! Hehehe...
Joel: That's it! That's it! From now on all bets are off! From now on we go back to the old names for the rest of the experiments.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot: Just because it's futuristic doesn't mean it's practical.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot: Make sure your parting is gouged into your skull
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot: Man... his shirt's so tight, you can see his liver.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot: Martin Landau, wasn't he on Mission: Impossible?
Tom Servo: Yes, and he married Barbara Bain.
Crow T. Robot: Like I said, Mission: Impossible.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot: Meanwhile, back at the Cody Institute for Scientists Who Get Pummeled...
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000