Mystery Science Theater 3000 Quotes
Crow: [Crow's defense testimony] This thing on? Okay. Hi! I'm Crow T. Robot and I'm here to tell you that Mike Nelson is innocent. Mike Nelson is 200 % f - -ing not guilty. And if you bastards don't goddamn find him innocent, then you can just f - -ing kiss my fat f - -ing ass. And that f - -ing goes for your bulls - - court system, too! Mike, I'm so motherf - -ing sorry I couldn't f - -ing be there for this f - -ing s - -ty really bogus trial, man. But let me goddamn tell ya something, Nelson. If I was there, I'd f - -ing kick everyone's fat stupid motherf - -ing behinds and then cram it up their f - -ing ass. Anyway, Mike, buddy, I hope this s - - helps. Take care, Mike.
Bobo: [pause] I'm sitting next to a free man!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow: He looks like a cross between Jerry Mathers and James Dean.
Tom Servo: "Beaver Without A Cause".
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow: He made Satan the owner of my soul! I gotta' give it to you, Merlin! Good one!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow: Here comes Mike, destroyer of worlds.
Tom Servo: O god of fire and vengeance, stay away from me.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow: Hey hotshot, you ever used a tranquilizer gun RECTALLY before?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow: Hundreds of dancers are loaded into a C-31 transport and dropped on Singapore.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow: I felt a disturbance, like a million monkeys cried out at once, then all were silenced. The world... is no more. [the lights and sirens go off]
Tom Servo: And even worse... WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIGNS!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow: I hate it when a movie kills off a beloved character. This is great, though.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow: I have my doubts that this movie is actually "starring" anybody. More like "camera is generally pointed at."
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow: I want to hurt this movie, but I can never hurt it like it hurt me.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow: I'm going to read you parts of "The Picture of Dorian Gray", and I want you to be honest with me.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000