Never Mind the Buzzcocks Quotes
Frankie: I feel like I'm at school today, I've learned a lot of knowledge.
Simon: Well then, it's about time.
Simon: Well then, it's about time.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: (After Frankie incorrectly answered her own lyrics) "You think I'm crazy, I'm not I'm your baby", dance dance dance, money money money! [Puts down the card] Mamma Mia.
Dominic: Here I go again.
Simon: No, I was looking for "Does it show again?". Mamma Mia.
Phill: Does it show again?
Simon: No, it was "Now I really know." Mamma Mia.
Phill: Here I go again?
Simon: No, it was "Even if I say". Mamma Mia.
Phill: Here I go again?
Simon: No, it was "Does it show again?" again.
Dominic: Here I go again.
Simon: No, I was looking for "Does it show again?". Mamma Mia.
Phill: Does it show again?
Simon: No, it was "Now I really know." Mamma Mia.
Phill: Here I go again?
Simon: No, it was "Even if I say". Mamma Mia.
Phill: Here I go again?
Simon: No, it was "Does it show again?" again.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
With regulars Simon Amstell and Phill Jupitus
With guests Bob Mortimer (Guest captain), Kelly Rowland, Jack Osbourne, Nick Grimshaw and David O'Doherty.
With guests Bob Mortimer (Guest captain), Kelly Rowland, Jack Osbourne, Nick Grimshaw and David O'Doherty.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Phill: [to Kelly] What do you think it is then?
Nick: I'm hoping it's horrific burns.
Nick: I'm hoping it's horrific burns.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: My favourite member of the Destiny's Child, of course.
Kelly: Well thank you very much.
Simon: No problem. I thought you'd maybe defend the others but you're just sort of..
Kelly: No, I like to be the favourite! Why not?
Simon: Yeah, I don't want to put down the other two.
Kelly: No, I love them to death.
Simon: I love Michelle and the other one.. I love 'em.
Kelly: Well thank you very much.
Simon: No problem. I thought you'd maybe defend the others but you're just sort of..
Kelly: No, I like to be the favourite! Why not?
Simon: Yeah, I don't want to put down the other two.
Kelly: No, I love them to death.
Simon: I love Michelle and the other one.. I love 'em.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
David: Do you know who I get confused with? Someone said this to me recently; "You look like Alf." He was a Jewish alien from the 1980's who used to eat cats.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: [exhales] Oh god, this is boring.
Kelly: IT IS A SONG, NO ONE KNOWS. [about Nick] He doesn't know it! [To Phill] Did you know it?
Phill: [prentends to be a black woman] Naw I din't! I'm with herr! You come on here with yo jive-ass ssongs.. Woo!
Kelly: IT IS A SONG, NO ONE KNOWS. [about Nick] He doesn't know it! [To Phill] Did you know it?
Phill: [prentends to be a black woman] Naw I din't! I'm with herr! You come on here with yo jive-ass ssongs.. Woo!
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Your stars are; Meatloaf. Who's uh.. wig didn't come today.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Kelly: Get outta here! Bears??
Simon: People collect bears. Why are you saying Bears? rather than Legs??
Simon: People collect bears. Why are you saying Bears? rather than Legs??
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
With regulars Simon Amstell and Phill Jupitus
With guests Johnny Vegas (Guest captain), Harry Judd, Kate Jackson, Danny Dyer and Rhys Darby.
With guests Johnny Vegas (Guest captain), Harry Judd, Kate Jackson, Danny Dyer and Rhys Darby.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: There is bad news. The ratings are not as high as we would like them to be, it's pretty serious, the team and I have had a long chat about it, and you know what? We're not going to pull any contrived, attention-grabbing stunts to boost the ratings tonight. No! We are sticking to the same award-winning quiz format that we all know and love. Right people? [Audience replies, "Yeah!"] OK. By the way, Phill, did you move that leaking gas canister away from the naked flame under your desk?
Phill: No, but I'm sure it'll be alright Simon.
Simon: Good, OK, I'm sure it won't go off, not when the cameras are rolling.
Phill: No, but I'm sure it'll be alright Simon.
Simon: Good, OK, I'm sure it won't go off, not when the cameras are rolling.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: By the way, Phill, want happened to the Eastern European Loansharks you were having trouble with? Are they still on your back?
Phill: Oh no, they're all sorted out Simon, they shouldn't be any trouble at all.
Simon: Oh good good. I'm sure they won't bother you any time soon, certainly not during a televised show record.
Phill: I imagine not.
Phill: Oh no, they're all sorted out Simon, they shouldn't be any trouble at all.
Simon: Oh good good. I'm sure they won't bother you any time soon, certainly not during a televised show record.
Phill: I imagine not.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: I just thought Phill. Did anyone ... um ... sort out that massive anvil hanging above your head?
Phill: Actually they didn't, no, which seems a bit foolish because it is now hanging by one thread...
Simon: Oh. But it's been up there for all these years, it's not going to fall down now, not in the middle of this show.
Phill: It wouldn't fall down, no.
Phill: Actually they didn't, no, which seems a bit foolish because it is now hanging by one thread...
Simon: Oh. But it's been up there for all these years, it's not going to fall down now, not in the middle of this show.
Phill: It wouldn't fall down, no.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Oh no! [Runs across to Phill, who is lying on the floor unconcious] Phill! Phill! Don't leave Phill! [Looks up to the ceiling] WHY?
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: [voiceover] Well, after the triple drama of the Eastern Europian Loansharks, gas explosion and falling anvil, will Phill survive? Tune in to Never Mind the Buzzcocks next week at 9pm on BBC2 to find out. Oh, go on. Please!
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
With regulars Simon Amstell and Phill Jupitus
With guests Jack Dee (Guest captain), Alexei Sayle, Lisa Maffia,Stine Bramwell and Anna Richardson
With guests Jack Dee (Guest captain), Alexei Sayle, Lisa Maffia,Stine Bramwell and Anna Richardson
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Lisa: If it was anything like So Solid, we've got banned for abs- for absolutely.. OK, yeah we did do bad themes but..y'know-
Phill: When you said 'we', which one of the nine hundred..and twenty members of So Solid Crew?
Phill: When you said 'we', which one of the nine hundred..and twenty members of So Solid Crew?
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Lisa: No, we was banned from playing certain shows..in certain places..
Phill: You said So Solid was banned from this very building earlier. How did you get in..-
Lisa: Oh yeahh! On Top of The Pops days 'cos they were smoking the good stuff.
Simon: Or as we call here at the BBC; the illegal stuff.
Phill: You said So Solid was banned from this very building earlier. How did you get in..-
Lisa: Oh yeahh! On Top of The Pops days 'cos they were smoking the good stuff.
Simon: Or as we call here at the BBC; the illegal stuff.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: We all just gotta have a nice pop quiz tonight. There's a question..what's the answer?
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Phill: Was it like, 'Would you like some nuts, madam?' 'No thanks', (making his right hand as a gun) 'I SAID D'YOU WANT SOME NUTS?! D'YOU SOME NUTS??! BITCH! D'YOU WANT SOME NUTS?!?'
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Alexei: You can't intimidate a heckler in a bunny suit. Try it; You're shit! Get off!
Simon: [high-pitched voice] I'm a rabbit..
Alexei: I don't care! You're still shit, are you a Shit Rabbit?
Simon: [high-pitched voice] Stop saying saying shit..
Alexei: See? you can't intimidate me.
Simon: [high-pitched voice] No..
Simon: [high-pitched voice] I'm a rabbit..
Alexei: I don't care! You're still shit, are you a Shit Rabbit?
Simon: [high-pitched voice] Stop saying saying shit..
Alexei: See? you can't intimidate me.
Simon: [high-pitched voice] No..
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Now that song that you've got, 'Boyfriend', it was inspired by a film about two lesbians?
Stine: That's true,yeah.
Simon: I assume that the film was about them feeling ashamed of what they've done and that they'll never do it again?
Stine: [giggles] Obviously,yes,yes.
Simon: Good,good. And you're not a lesbian yourself, are you?
Stine: Umm no. Did you think so?
Simon: Phew. Well I was concerned.
Stine: Concerned?
Simon: We can't have lesbians on the show.
Stine: Really? [laughs]
Simon: Oh good. You're not a uh.. [to audience] Are there any lesbians in the audience?
Stine: That's true,yeah.
Simon: I assume that the film was about them feeling ashamed of what they've done and that they'll never do it again?
Stine: [giggles] Obviously,yes,yes.
Simon: Good,good. And you're not a lesbian yourself, are you?
Stine: Umm no. Did you think so?
Simon: Phew. Well I was concerned.
Stine: Concerned?
Simon: We can't have lesbians on the show.
Stine: Really? [laughs]
Simon: Oh good. You're not a uh.. [to audience] Are there any lesbians in the audience?
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Oh then you better leave! [points to the exit] Not tonight. We need a lesbian-free show. I don't even want a small one.. [laughs/snorts] Ah Jack Dee?
Jack: I'm not a lesbian,no.
Jack: I'm not a lesbian,no.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Tell us about that, what was in it, what did you find out, what did you discover?
Anna: I think the most shocking revelation was that most teenagers have absolutely no idea basically about STIs.
Jack: When I was a teenager, I had no idea about STIs. ..My god, I do now.
Anna: I think the most shocking revelation was that most teenagers have absolutely no idea basically about STIs.
Jack: When I was a teenager, I had no idea about STIs. ..My god, I do now.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Does this.. sort of thing need to be in our living rooms? Does it? Really..?
Anna: Can you tell me what the #1 STI is, Simon?
Simon: Umm..
Anna: Have you been checked?
Simon: Have I been checked?
Anna: Yeah.
Simon: As an employee of the BBC...
Anna: Can you tell me what the #1 STI is, Simon?
Simon: Umm..
Anna: Have you been checked?
Simon: Have I been checked?
Anna: Yeah.
Simon: As an employee of the BBC...
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: There is no need for me to be checked because I've never..had sex.
Anna: To be honest, in that outfit, I can see why. (Simon is wearing a bunny suit)
Simon: If this doesn't get me laid then I don't know what will. I'm adorable!
Anna: To be honest, in that outfit, I can see why. (Simon is wearing a bunny suit)
Simon: If this doesn't get me laid then I don't know what will. I'm adorable!
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Do you feel closer now to the So Solid Crew or the cabin crew?
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks