Never Mind the Buzzcocks Quotes
Simon: Britney Spears' CD's are used by German farmers to keep wild boars from eating their crops. Meanwhile, Tina Turner's Greatest Hits are used at Gloucestershire airport to scare birds from the runway. They originally tried Ronan Keating's album, but the birds kept hurling themselves into jet engines.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Why don't you tell the nice BBC viewers what your song "Flip Reverse It" was all about?
Kenzie: Um...women...
Russell: Women?! It was about anal in a truck!
Kenzie: Um...women...
Russell: Women?! It was about anal in a truck!
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Kenzie: I've got a girl friend at the moment, whats she going to think about this?
Phill: I dunno...can she sit?
Phill: I dunno...can she sit?
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Kenzie: We're going by our human names to be taken more seriously.
Simon: Your human names?! Well, I think that's worked, Kenzie.
Simon: Your human names?! Well, I think that's worked, Kenzie.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
[About Blazin' Squad]
Kenzie: Four are starting Blazin' Squad up again, one's going solo...and two have gone out and got jobs.
Kenzie: Four are starting Blazin' Squad up again, one's going solo...and two have gone out and got jobs.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
[In the Intros round, after hearing an intro]
Nick: Ah, I see it now.
Simon: You see it now? Shall I give you a point for seeing it now?
Nick: Would help. 'Cause they just got a point. So we could equalize by my recognizing it afterwards. [To Bill] This could work very well for us.
Simon: Hang on, hang on. I've lost control of the whole thing. I feel like I'm the supply teacher and you're...you're just not respecting me as you should.
Nick: Play the track and I'll see if I can guess which one of them is going to take the lead and which one's going to do the-
Simon: How about you be quiet, and stop throwing chalk, Knowles! Hmmm? It's your own time you're wasting!
Nick: Ah, I see it now.
Simon: You see it now? Shall I give you a point for seeing it now?
Nick: Would help. 'Cause they just got a point. So we could equalize by my recognizing it afterwards. [To Bill] This could work very well for us.
Simon: Hang on, hang on. I've lost control of the whole thing. I feel like I'm the supply teacher and you're...you're just not respecting me as you should.
Nick: Play the track and I'll see if I can guess which one of them is going to take the lead and which one's going to do the-
Simon: How about you be quiet, and stop throwing chalk, Knowles! Hmmm? It's your own time you're wasting!
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Nick: I just thought I might get one of these. You know what I mean? You sit at home and watch the program and think, "I could do that". And you sort of shout at the screen. And...now I feel like a tit.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Russell: I imagine when Kenzie started singing then, the ears of the other members of the Squad just pricked up. Like funky meercats..."Kenzie's in trouble, put that mouse down!"
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Kenzie: [After refusing to sing his song "Flip reverse it"] I can't sing... I rap.
Simon: You rap?
Kenzie: Uh, no...
Simon: You rap?
Kenzie: Uh, no...
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Russell: When did you meet Meatloaf?
Kenzie: We were doing Party in the Park in 2002 with the Squad and he, um...walked past us.
Simon: Wow. I would have saved that story for Parky, personally.
Kenzie: We were doing Party in the Park in 2002 with the Squad and he, um...walked past us.
Simon: Wow. I would have saved that story for Parky, personally.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: We also heard 'Straight Up' by Paula Abdul. During the last series of American Idol, there were...there were...
Kenzie: "Scurrilous".
Simon: "Scurrilous", thank you very much.
Kenzie: Just trying to help.
Simon: Ooh, I can read!
Phill: One of 'em had to.
Kenzie: "Scurrilous".
Simon: "Scurrilous", thank you very much.
Kenzie: Just trying to help.
Simon: Ooh, I can read!
Phill: One of 'em had to.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Guest Host Ricky Wilson
With regulars Bill Bailey, Phill Jupitus
With guests Colin Murray, Bez, Ryan Jarman, and Jeff Green
With regulars Bill Bailey, Phill Jupitus
With guests Colin Murray, Bez, Ryan Jarman, and Jeff Green
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Ricky Wilson: And tonight I am contractually obliged to say "I predict a laugh riot!"…I feel so dirty!
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Ryan Jarman: If there's any legal implications involved in this, then, like, I invented Live 8, you see. This is not actually a lie. We were in the recording studio recording our album. I found Bob Geldof's mobile phone number while we were in the recording studio so I sent him a text message just saying "Three words, mate - Live Aid 2". Lo and behold six months later Live 8 comes out. It's just nice to know that you've made a little bit of difference, that's all. It really is.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Bill Bailey: [to Ricky] Last time I saw you was at Heathrow Airport, wasn't it? And you were shitfaced. You came up to me and said "[slurring]" I'm Ricky Wilson from the Kaiser Chiefs!
Ricky Wilson: [drunkenly] I love you!
Bill Bailey: [drunkenly] Love you, Bill!
Ricky Wilson: I thought you were Hulk Hogan.
Ricky Wilson: [drunkenly] I love you!
Bill Bailey: [drunkenly] Love you, Bill!
Ricky Wilson: I thought you were Hulk Hogan.
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Vanessa: I'm too old or too young for it. One or the other...
Simon: ...Old...
Simon: ...Old...
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
[Simon has been making fun of Vanessa]
Simon: After the show, we're gonna make love.
Simon: After the show, we're gonna make love.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Guest Host Huey Morgan
With regulars Bill Bailey, Phill Jupitus
With guests Reginald D Hunter, Sheila FergusonAndy Rourke, and Natalie Cassidy
With regulars Bill Bailey, Phill Jupitus
With guests Reginald D Hunter, Sheila FergusonAndy Rourke, and Natalie Cassidy
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
[During the Identity Parade, when all the guests were dressed in bird outfits]
Bill: BIRD FLU! [Everyone but Andy runs out of their seat and off the set. Andy covers his face with his arms]
[Later]
Bill: [On the subject of bird number 4] It doesn't look like any bird ... I don't understand ... it's a hybrid. It looks like some kind of -
Natalie: It looks like Phill! Look at the belly of it! Go and stand next to it! [Phill stands next to the bird] Look!
Bill: [Into his microphone] If we are very quiet we can hear the mating calls - [Phill makes a noise while Bill continues] - of the Essex bird.
Bill: BIRD FLU! [Everyone but Andy runs out of their seat and off the set. Andy covers his face with his arms]
[Later]
Bill: [On the subject of bird number 4] It doesn't look like any bird ... I don't understand ... it's a hybrid. It looks like some kind of -
Natalie: It looks like Phill! Look at the belly of it! Go and stand next to it! [Phill stands next to the bird] Look!
Bill: [Into his microphone] If we are very quiet we can hear the mating calls - [Phill makes a noise while Bill continues] - of the Essex bird.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
With regulars Simon Amstell, Bill Bailey, Phill Jupitus
With guests Alesha Dixon, Phil Nichol, Ricky Ross, and Anthea Turner
With guests Alesha Dixon, Phil Nichol, Ricky Ross, and Anthea Turner
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Hello there and welcome to the exciting new series of Never Mind the Buzzcocks. New set, new titles, new host. I guess what I'm trying to say is...welcome to the last series of Never Mind the Buzzcocks.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Lorraine from Deacon Blue has a recurring nightmare where the band are playing to a baying crowd without the correct instruments. I have a recurring nightmare that I'm stuck in the middle of a baying crowd watching Deacon Blue.
[Ricky Ross from Deacon Blue smiles]
Simon: Only joking, I've never heard of you.
[Ricky Ross from Deacon Blue smiles]
Simon: Only joking, I've never heard of you.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
[To Anthea]
Simon: With this new show, "Perfect Housewife", did they say to you, "Look, we'd love you to have your own show, you just need a skill". And you went away for five years and you said "I'm really good at tidying! I can fold! Towels! I can put a toothbrush in a cup!".
Simon: With this new show, "Perfect Housewife", did they say to you, "Look, we'd love you to have your own show, you just need a skill". And you went away for five years and you said "I'm really good at tidying! I can fold! Towels! I can put a toothbrush in a cup!".
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
[To Ricky Ross]
Simon: Ricky, has anything like that ever happened to you in your career like that? Have you ever...thrown a lollipop at a famous star?
Simon: Ricky, has anything like that ever happened to you in your career like that? Have you ever...thrown a lollipop at a famous star?
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Waxed, buffed, full leather interior, slight smell of sick, some rear end damage. It's Girls Aloud!
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: [About Ricky Ross] Are you sure he's been in a band?
Phill: How would you know, you're twelve!
Simon: I don't really know anything pre McFly.
Phill: How would you know, you're twelve!
Simon: I don't really know anything pre McFly.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Phill: Who's your favourite McFly?
Simon: What day is today?
Phill: It's a Thursday.
Simon: Thursday's a Danny day!
Simon: What day is today?
Phill: It's a Thursday.
Simon: Thursday's a Danny day!
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks