Never Mind the Buzzcocks Quotes
Penny: Amy, is that hair yours, and is anything living in it?
Simon: That's not the GMTV way!
Penny: It would be if I had my way, I'd say that hair is fantastic!
Amy: Oh, yeah it's all mine...'cause I bought it.
Simon: That's not the GMTV way!
Penny: It would be if I had my way, I'd say that hair is fantastic!
Amy: Oh, yeah it's all mine...'cause I bought it.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Did you see Pennie smash up the instruments on GMTV?
Penny: I did, and I was in the studio when he did it...
Simon: You must have wanted to smash up the GMTV set though, a couple of times... or at least Fiona Phillips' patronizing witch-face.
Penny: I did, and I was in the studio when he did it...
Simon: You must have wanted to smash up the GMTV set though, a couple of times... or at least Fiona Phillips' patronizing witch-face.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
[After being badgered by Simon to talk about her love life]
Penny: Okay, I might do silent humming like I do when something really awful is happening.
Simon: Okay... You also went out with, um-
[Penny lets out a high pitched hum]
Maxwell: This is a weird show, man...I've only ever seen it on T.V, and it's just not like this. It's not usually hectoring of day-time T.V presenters. She's humming to herself! Look, she's been around the block, she's knocked off a few dudes in her time!!
Simon: But we want to know, we want to know about Penny's love life, don't we?
Penny: No, I don't think we want to know...
Simon: Tell us about going out Paul McKenna, that's exciting.
Maxwell: Whoa! Did you go out with Paul McKenna!?!
Penny: Okay, I might do silent humming like I do when something really awful is happening.
Simon: Okay... You also went out with, um-
[Penny lets out a high pitched hum]
Maxwell: This is a weird show, man...I've only ever seen it on T.V, and it's just not like this. It's not usually hectoring of day-time T.V presenters. She's humming to herself! Look, she's been around the block, she's knocked off a few dudes in her time!!
Simon: But we want to know, we want to know about Penny's love life, don't we?
Penny: No, I don't think we want to know...
Simon: Tell us about going out Paul McKenna, that's exciting.
Maxwell: Whoa! Did you go out with Paul McKenna!?!
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: [About Amy meeting with Pete Doherty] Don't go near him! Do something with Katie Melua. There you are.
Amy: I'd rather have cat-AIDS, thank you.
Amy: I'd rather have cat-AIDS, thank you.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: [To Amy] It's lovely to have you here. Part of the BBC's new remit: More Jews, less carbon emissions.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: What about John Stapleton, what about him? He's a bit creepy though, isn't he?
Penny: Oh, will you stop it with your nonsense.
Simon: Has he ever tried anything on? "The time is seven o'clock. The place is: my lap."
Penny: Oh, will you stop it with your nonsense.
Simon: Has he ever tried anything on? "The time is seven o'clock. The place is: my lap."
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: You and Stapleton! "The time is nine pm...The place: my Travelodge. Come with me, Penny. Ride me! For I am Stapleton."
Phill: I bet Stapleton, after shagging all night, not a hair out of place.
Maxwell: I bet he does it with a shower cap on.
Phill: I bet Stapleton, after shagging all night, not a hair out of place.
Maxwell: I bet he does it with a shower cap on.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: What's the "push push"?
Amy: I don't know, it's my new thing.
Simon: Is it? I thought it was crack.
Amy: Do I look like Russell Brand?
Simon: Uh, yes.
Amy: I don't know, it's my new thing.
Simon: Is it? I thought it was crack.
Amy: Do I look like Russell Brand?
Simon: Uh, yes.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
[About Ben Elton]
Amy: I don't think there's such thing as integrity or being a sell out, I just think he's a wanker.
Amy: I don't think there's such thing as integrity or being a sell out, I just think he's a wanker.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Didn't you used to do a fashion column for the Daily Mail?
Penny: Funnily enough, I did. I've done many strange things in my time.
Simon: What does one wear to a lynching?
Penny: Funnily enough, I did. I've done many strange things in my time.
Simon: What does one wear to a lynching?
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
[Amy complains to Simon about what he said about the participants in the identity line-up]
Simon: Oh, they get paid and they know what's going to happen.
Maxwell: Oh god, you sound like a pimp! (In East End Voice) They gets paid their money, they know whats gonna happen. As you close the container lorry and set sail for western Europe.
Simon: Oh, they get paid and they know what's going to happen.
Maxwell: Oh god, you sound like a pimp! (In East End Voice) They gets paid their money, they know whats gonna happen. As you close the container lorry and set sail for western Europe.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: This is not a football match. You come here, full of...crack...spitting all over things.
Amy: Let it die, please. Let it die.
Simon: The addiction I'd like to die...this isn't even a pop quiz anymore, it's an intervention, Amy.
Amy: Let it die, please. Let it die.
Simon: The addiction I'd like to die...this isn't even a pop quiz anymore, it's an intervention, Amy.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Penny: Spitting...that would never happen on GMTV.
Simon: Nothing happens on GMTV.
Simon: Nothing happens on GMTV.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: [Reading an intro] "They tried to make me go to rehab..."?
Amy: "I said no, no, no".
Simon: Is correct. In hindsight...I think maybe "yes", maybe...
Amy: "I said no, no, no".
Simon: Is correct. In hindsight...I think maybe "yes", maybe...
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: [Reading an intro] "They told him don't you ever come around here..."?
Bill: Uh...because you're a registered sex offender.
Bill: Uh...because you're a registered sex offender.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: [Reading an intro] "I've got something to put in you..."?
Amy: Thanks darling!
Amy: Thanks darling!
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
With regulars Simon Amstell, Bill Bailey, Phill Jupitus
With guests John Barrowman, Robin Ince, Daniel Bedingfield, Kelli Young
With guests John Barrowman, Robin Ince, Daniel Bedingfield, Kelli Young
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
[About Sugababes]
Bill: Ungodly? Is there anything specific about that?
Simon: I think it was just a lot of wiggling of vaginas...that sort of thing.
Barrowman: Hold on, hold on...does a vagina wiggle?! Not that I've never seen one but; so please inform me.
Simon: Well, I'm not an expert...
Phill: There's nothing like the T.V comedy stylings of two homosexuals discussing fannies, is there?
Bill: Ungodly? Is there anything specific about that?
Simon: I think it was just a lot of wiggling of vaginas...that sort of thing.
Barrowman: Hold on, hold on...does a vagina wiggle?! Not that I've never seen one but; so please inform me.
Simon: Well, I'm not an expert...
Phill: There's nothing like the T.V comedy stylings of two homosexuals discussing fannies, is there?
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: [About Liberty X 'X'] People won't remember this, as people barely remember Liberty X...
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: You look like you haven't aged in 15 years.
Barrowman: That's what the TARDIS does to you.
Simon: ...You sure it isn't the botox?
Barrowman: That's what the TARDIS does to you.
Simon: ...You sure it isn't the botox?
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: You cheated there, Bill Bailey!
Barrowman: I didn't cheat!
Simon: Not you, Barrowman!
Barrowman: Right.
Simon: Always about you, isn't it? "I'll be on Maria! I'll be in Torchwood, I'll be on any bloody show that'll have me! Even Buzzcocks". I saw you on Loose Women.
Barrowman: Yeah.
Simon: They're awful, aren't they?
Barrowman: I didn't cheat!
Simon: Not you, Barrowman!
Barrowman: Right.
Simon: Always about you, isn't it? "I'll be on Maria! I'll be in Torchwood, I'll be on any bloody show that'll have me! Even Buzzcocks". I saw you on Loose Women.
Barrowman: Yeah.
Simon: They're awful, aren't they?
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: You cheated!
Bill: Yeah, I cheated. And what of it? You ain't the boss of me. I ain't never gonna be your bitch!
Barrowman: Talk to the hand 'cause the wrist is pissed.
Simon: You've out-gayed me, Barrowman!
Barrowman: [Exaggerated accent] Let's have a gay-off! Ready? Lips pursed, hands on the table, and go!
Simon: ...I haven't even told my mum yet.
Bill: Yeah, I cheated. And what of it? You ain't the boss of me. I ain't never gonna be your bitch!
Barrowman: Talk to the hand 'cause the wrist is pissed.
Simon: You've out-gayed me, Barrowman!
Barrowman: [Exaggerated accent] Let's have a gay-off! Ready? Lips pursed, hands on the table, and go!
Simon: ...I haven't even told my mum yet.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Kurt Cobain is now the top earning dead celebrity. So not Bruce Forsyth. If you're watching that on a repeat...and he is dead...that is inaccurate.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
[Trying to guess an answer with John Barrowman raising his hand]
Robin: I don't even think you are gay, Barrowman! I think. I've seen all this pretending that "Oh, don't worry girls, I'm just gay, now I'm going to kiss you and fondle my stuff," it's disgusting! The oldest trick in the book! What would Barrowman know? Oh, Lulu! It's Lulu then!
Robin: I don't even think you are gay, Barrowman! I think. I've seen all this pretending that "Oh, don't worry girls, I'm just gay, now I'm going to kiss you and fondle my stuff," it's disgusting! The oldest trick in the book! What would Barrowman know? Oh, Lulu! It's Lulu then!
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Robin, John will not be able to help you with this one because tonight he's playing the part of a stereotype.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: We've had a gay man guessing Kylie, a black lady guessing Bob Marley. We are doing nothing to subvert expectations!
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: [About a gorilla coat] I should say that that coat is not made out of gorilla.
Bill: Is it not?
Simon: It's made out of Desert Orchid.
Bill: Is it not?
Simon: It's made out of Desert Orchid.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Were you ever in the Sugababes?
Kelli: I wasn't in the Sugababes, no.
Simon: My sister's going to be in the Sugababes for her gap year.
Kelli: I wasn't in the Sugababes, no.
Simon: My sister's going to be in the Sugababes for her gap year.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks