Once Upon a Time in America Quote
Frankie Minaldi : Hey, Joe, tell these guys the story about the pussy being insured. What is it? Tell these guys how you stumbled on this whole thing. Tell them the story. Come on. Pussy insurance, the insurance pussies. Tell them that story.
Joe Minaldi : Life is stranger than shit, that's all. It's a pisser. No big story. I got this insurance agent, this Jew kid named David. He conned me into every policy in the world. Every policy, name it, dogs, house, wife, life, anything. I'm drinking with the boys one night. He comes in with his wife, a brunette with a nice ass who works for a jeweller. And he's still on the hustle, this guy. So I wink at the guys, I say, "Look... the most serious policy, you don't have me covered for." He goes, "What's that, Joe?" "Cock insurance. You make me a policy that when it don't work, I get a payment. I'll write out a check now." He thinks, and he says, "I don't know if the actuality gauges govern this... but we can make a policy. But you gotta guarantee you're in good health now." I says, "Look, leave her with me. Come back and see if it stands up. If it stands up, you know I'm in good health." The jerk leaves her. I screw her. Not only that, she likes it. And she tells me when her boss, the jeweller is shipping stones to Holland, where he keeps his stash - in a drawer in the safe - everything! Can't ask for more, right? Except, one better. I never paid the first premium on the new cock policy.
Max : [ laughing ] Cock insurance...
Joe Minaldi : Life is funnier than shit. But... be easy with the girl. I mean that. Be easy with the girl.
Joe Minaldi : Life is stranger than shit, that's all. It's a pisser. No big story. I got this insurance agent, this Jew kid named David. He conned me into every policy in the world. Every policy, name it, dogs, house, wife, life, anything. I'm drinking with the boys one night. He comes in with his wife, a brunette with a nice ass who works for a jeweller. And he's still on the hustle, this guy. So I wink at the guys, I say, "Look... the most serious policy, you don't have me covered for." He goes, "What's that, Joe?" "Cock insurance. You make me a policy that when it don't work, I get a payment. I'll write out a check now." He thinks, and he says, "I don't know if the actuality gauges govern this... but we can make a policy. But you gotta guarantee you're in good health now." I says, "Look, leave her with me. Come back and see if it stands up. If it stands up, you know I'm in good health." The jerk leaves her. I screw her. Not only that, she likes it. And she tells me when her boss, the jeweller is shipping stones to Holland, where he keeps his stash - in a drawer in the safe - everything! Can't ask for more, right? Except, one better. I never paid the first premium on the new cock policy.
Max : [ laughing ] Cock insurance...
Joe Minaldi : Life is funnier than shit. But... be easy with the girl. I mean that. Be easy with the girl.
Movie: Once Upon a Time in America
