Peep Show Quotes
Mark: Toilet paper, OK. Soap, OK. But not shower gel. And no razors. If you're poor, grow a beard. Tea Bags are allowed within limits.
Jez: What Limits?
Mark: No making a Pie out of tea or anything weird
Jez: What Limits?
Mark: No making a Pie out of tea or anything weird
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: You ate your nest egg? You're meant to sit on your nest egg until it hatches, not eat it like some greedy, mad chicken.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: It's not that easy mark, there's just not that many jobs in the media. That's the reality.
Mark: Do something else. Get on your bike.
Jez: I can't believe you're making me get a job not in the media. You're such a bastard.
Mark: Do something else. Get on your bike.
Jez: I can't believe you're making me get a job not in the media. You're such a bastard.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Ugh, speed dating. That was horrible. No one else seemed to mind. Maybe this is the future. Three minute date, three minute fuck, three minute marriage.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (I'm just another reject slowly slipping out of the gene pool to get hoovered up by the sex industry.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: I've been thinking ... it's been great having you here. But you've done the south now - the London Eye, the Trocadero - so you probably want to be heading up north. [...] There's a Harvey Nichols in Leeds that everyone goes on about, as if it's the answer to something.
Saz: Please don't kick me out, Marco.
Mark: There's an ANZAC memorial in Huddersfield.
Saz: Please don't kick me out, Marco.
Mark: There's an ANZAC memorial in Huddersfield.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: So that's what it comes down to, is it? You don't want to bone me, so I'm out - it's that brutal. Have you seen the old man, down by the seaman's mission? Yes - not very fuckable, is he?
TV Show: Peep Show
Dobby: [sings] Jeff's doing a joke, Jeff's doing a joke, everybody quiet 'cos Jeff's doing a joke!
Jeff: Freak.
Jeff: Freak.
TV Show: Peep Show
Super Hans: It's a pisser though, innit - cancer. They should find a fucking cure.
Mark: I think they're trying
Super Hans: Yeah, sure they are. They should pull their fucking fingers out. It's important, Mark.
Mark: I think they're trying
Super Hans: Yeah, sure they are. They should pull their fucking fingers out. It's important, Mark.
TV Show: Peep Show
'Mark: @ (Why doesn't Jeremy want You to be His Dad? I want You to be My Dad.I want to sit on Your knee right now)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: She's the one person for me, in the whole world.
Mark: Isn't it convenient that out of the approximately three billion adult women in the world, your one true love happens to live in the same block of flats as you instead of in a village in Mozambique?
Mark: Isn't it convenient that out of the approximately three billion adult women in the world, your one true love happens to live in the same block of flats as you instead of in a village in Mozambique?
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: Why does everything have to be fun to be worthwhile? Crick and Watson have discovered the double helix. Did they do it on a skateboard? No? Well fuck off then, I'm not interested.
TV Show: Peep Show
Sophie: Obviously it would be really great if you were happy but it's not the most pressing thing.
Mark: No... no, of course not.
Mark: No... no, of course not.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Why do you have to bring worry and doubt into everything? You're like some kind of mad evangelist for anxiety!
Mark: (Lots to go around old son. I'm probably a few grams lighter now.)
Mark: (Lots to go around old son. I'm probably a few grams lighter now.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Sophie: When our child looks up at you, I want them to see a happy, contented role model - not some grey faced, dull eyed drone who's hated his job and his life for years.
Mark: (Must ring Dad).
Mark: (Must ring Dad).
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Good old Jeremy's Mum. The more sophisticated end of the mum spectrum. The sort of mum you'd buy in John Lewis.)
Jez: Mummy, coffee, fucky hurry uppy.
Mark: (Whereas he's the sort of son you'd get free with Nuts magazine.)
Jez: Did you bring those CDs like I told you?
Jackie: Oh yes, they're in my handbag. Shall I fetch them?
Jez: Might be an idea. Oh, and guess what, you forgot to top-up my phone. Again.
Mark: Sorry, Jez, is there some reason why you're being so incredibly rude to your mum?
Jez Oh, right, stick up for mummy. You don't know her, Mark. You don't know her tricks. Anyway, what's it to you? Do you want to fuck my mum, is that it? Mum, Mark wants to fuck you.
Mark Shut up Jeremy.
Jez He definitely wants to fuck you, Mum.
Jackie Stop showing off to Mark, Jeremy.
Jez Me? I'm not the one dressed like a prossy.
Mark: Please, Jez! This level of conflict may be usual for you, but it's not healthy - I'm going to have a heart attack!
Jez: Oh, and I suppose your relationship with your mum is healthy, is it? Sitting in silence watching Taggart. Thirty years of mutual resentment eating away at you.
Mark: We like Taggart. Even the new ones.
Jez: Mummy, coffee, fucky hurry uppy.
Mark: (Whereas he's the sort of son you'd get free with Nuts magazine.)
Jez: Did you bring those CDs like I told you?
Jackie: Oh yes, they're in my handbag. Shall I fetch them?
Jez: Might be an idea. Oh, and guess what, you forgot to top-up my phone. Again.
Mark: Sorry, Jez, is there some reason why you're being so incredibly rude to your mum?
Jez Oh, right, stick up for mummy. You don't know her, Mark. You don't know her tricks. Anyway, what's it to you? Do you want to fuck my mum, is that it? Mum, Mark wants to fuck you.
Mark Shut up Jeremy.
Jez He definitely wants to fuck you, Mum.
Jackie Stop showing off to Mark, Jeremy.
Jez Me? I'm not the one dressed like a prossy.
Mark: Please, Jez! This level of conflict may be usual for you, but it's not healthy - I'm going to have a heart attack!
Jez: Oh, and I suppose your relationship with your mum is healthy, is it? Sitting in silence watching Taggart. Thirty years of mutual resentment eating away at you.
Mark: We like Taggart. Even the new ones.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: You really do have to get over this thing with your mum - you're not Hamlet. Stop being Hamlet.
Jez: Well, all right, I'll stop being Hamlet when you stop being ....
Mark: (He can't think of a Shakespearean character!)
Jez: ... a massive twat.
Mark: (Ha! He couldn't even think of Romeo! Romeo's easy!)
Jez: Well, all right, I'll stop being Hamlet when you stop being ....
Mark: (He can't think of a Shakespearean character!)
Jez: ... a massive twat.
Mark: (Ha! He couldn't even think of Romeo! Romeo's easy!)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (This is a fantastic evening. I've become a military historian and Jeremy's future happiness rests in my hands...And I've got a tiramisu. This is fucking amazing!)
TV Show: Peep Show
Super Hans: Jez - can you tell me, yeah, as a mate, someone who knows me really well, is the bottom half of me on fire?
TV Show: Peep Show