Peep Show Quotes
Jez: (Useless...all useless. I wish they were all robots...I wish I were a robot...maybe I could punch through a wall...)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: [Jeremy and Super Hans are trying to intimidate Gog] There, we have our answer. Can we please leave!?
Super Hans: We have to hurt him now, out of principal. Hit him with the fucking bat Jez.
Jeremy: Why do I have to hit him? Punch him with the glove.
Super Hans: Punch him? [holds up baseball glove] I can't even make a fist.
Super Hans: We have to hurt him now, out of principal. Hit him with the fucking bat Jez.
Jeremy: Why do I have to hit him? Punch him with the glove.
Super Hans: Punch him? [holds up baseball glove] I can't even make a fist.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: The only reason I don't go to church is that, for me, everything's a church. This room is my church, the hall is my church... Cost Cutters is a bloody cathedral.
TV Show: Peep Show
Nancy: Why don't they ever talk about all the buses that made it safely?
Mark: Yes, I suppose the news should just be a dispassionate account of all the events of the day - except it would take forever.
Mark: Yes, I suppose the news should just be a dispassionate account of all the events of the day - except it would take forever.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: I can take a joke as well as anyone, but if it happens again I'm taking it to a fucking industrial tribunal
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: (Come on, smile - you don't know I've got an ulterior motive for doing this.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark (Do a Columbo, do a Columbo) [To shoe shop assistant] Just remind me, which university was it April's gone to again?
Assistant Dartmouth.
Mark Dartmouth, of course. Dartmouth. Thanks. (Good old Columbo. Just the one technique, of course. Still, shits on Quincy)
Assistant Dartmouth.
Mark Dartmouth, of course. Dartmouth. Thanks. (Good old Columbo. Just the one technique, of course. Still, shits on Quincy)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: I thought you did do Ancient History.
Mark: I did business studies Jeremy. For three years. And I spoke with you about it daily.
Jez: (I could tell him that's all ancient history now. He probably wouldn't like that joke.)
Jez: Oh well, that's all ancient history now!
[Mark looks unimpressed]
Mark: I did business studies Jeremy. For three years. And I spoke with you about it daily.
Jez: (I could tell him that's all ancient history now. He probably wouldn't like that joke.)
Jez: Oh well, that's all ancient history now!
[Mark looks unimpressed]
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Stealing things just makes everything very cheap. Plus, you know how I feel about capitalism.
Mark: Yes, confused.
Mark: Yes, confused.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Is that it? Is that how easy it is to steal some education? Bloody hell, who's in charge? The world's just people walking around, going in to rooms and saying things. It's all a big swizzle!)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Oh God she is just so lovely and she doesn't even realise it. Probably no one's ever told her. I should tell her!! No, don't tell her. If she realises, I'm finished.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: So these are just rows and rows of books you don't like? Do you spend a lot of time not reading them?
Professor: (Angry) I think you've said enough, friend
Professor: (Angry) I think you've said enough, friend
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: He's not a mature student, he's been a loan manager for the last five years. He lives with me and he eats ready meals and we play 'Guess the Revels' and watch Men In Black on our massive telly and we have a fucking. Good. Time.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: [As Jez and Mark leave] (This is ok....it's just one of those things that will haunt me forever.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: If you can't have sex with the monkey, make friends with the organ-grinder.
Jez: Right. You didn't, did you? Try to have sex with a monkey?
Jez: Right. You didn't, did you? Try to have sex with a monkey?
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: You do realise I'm bored Mark? I'm dangerously bored. Today I even considered doing that thing that that MP and Michael Hutchence did. You know [Mimes putting a rope around His neck and Masturbating]
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: And if you do do that, don't do it in here. The hooks almost off the wall as it is.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: No Mark. I only told you for a laugh. You promised not to tell.
Mark: Hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia, Jeremy. Welcome to the real world!
Jez: But you said... what about your mum's life?
Mark: What does that even mean!? What are you going to do, KILL her!?
Mark: Hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia, Jeremy. Welcome to the real world!
Jez: But you said... what about your mum's life?
Mark: What does that even mean!? What are you going to do, KILL her!?
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (I'm staring into the Abyss.I've bought a House in the Abyss.I'm getting My post forwarded to the Abyss)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: So I was gonna twat this geezer, and then it turns out they were both Polish!
Mark You were going to 'twat' a 'geezer'? Were You playing the "Lock,Stock and two smoking Barrels" Video Game?
Mark You were going to 'twat' a 'geezer'? Were You playing the "Lock,Stock and two smoking Barrels" Video Game?
TV Show: Peep Show
[Mark consoles Sophie after she breaks up with Jeff.]
Mark: Does... does he beat you, Soph?
Sophie: God, no. He broke a plate once, but...
Mark: Does he come at you with a stick, Soph?
Sophie: No, never. It's nothing like that.
Mark: He does beat you though, mentally. And with his hands and with his fists.
Sophie: No.
Jeremy: Hey, Soph. You alright?
Sophie: Yeah, just getting my head together.
Mark: Oh God, your head - is it okay!?
Mark: Does... does he beat you, Soph?
Sophie: God, no. He broke a plate once, but...
Mark: Does he come at you with a stick, Soph?
Sophie: No, never. It's nothing like that.
Mark: He does beat you though, mentally. And with his hands and with his fists.
Sophie: No.
Jeremy: Hey, Soph. You alright?
Sophie: Yeah, just getting my head together.
Mark: Oh God, your head - is it okay!?
TV Show: Peep Show