Psych Quotes
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Nannies are essential parts of today's working nuclear families.
Shawn Spencer: They're babysitters who drive.
Shawn Spencer: They're babysitters who drive.
TV Show: Psych
Carlton Lassiter: [Lassiter, Donny, Shawn, Gus and Juliet are all being showered in the parking lot] I mean is this really necessary? I didn't even go inside the cafe.
Donny Leberman: Oh it's necessary. Yeah, the CDC doesn't want to take any chances.
Carlton Lassiter: For the last time, who the hell is this?
Donny Leberman: Oh, I'm Donny Leberman. Hey, I'm the guy who screwed all this up.
Carlton Lassiter: I'm not big on nude handshakes.
Juliet O'Hara: They're probably just being safe, Carlton. [Hit by a hose]
Juliet O'Hara: Ooh, that tickles.
Carlton Lassiter: Spencer, are you shampooing your hair?
Shawn Spencer: Yes I am, Lassie. I always travel with a small packet of Johnson and Johnson's baby shampoo in my wallet.
Juliet O'Hara: Baby shampoo?
Shawn Spencer: No more tears, Jules.
Carlton Lassiter: [Getting scrubbed down] Whoa, take it easy, slugger, what are we dating?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: I can't believe this, Shawn. First, we're looking for a prostitute, now I'm naked in a parking lot.
Shawn Spencer: It's just like our prom night.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Shawn.
Shawn Spencer: Gus, relax. Don't be Nick Cage's accent from "Con Air." We've bathed together before.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: When we were three.
Shawn Spencer: It's essentially the same thing. It's just impolite to pee. [to the person scrubbing him down]
Shawn Spencer: That feels great by the way.
Donny Leberman: Oh it's necessary. Yeah, the CDC doesn't want to take any chances.
Carlton Lassiter: For the last time, who the hell is this?
Donny Leberman: Oh, I'm Donny Leberman. Hey, I'm the guy who screwed all this up.
Carlton Lassiter: I'm not big on nude handshakes.
Juliet O'Hara: They're probably just being safe, Carlton. [Hit by a hose]
Juliet O'Hara: Ooh, that tickles.
Carlton Lassiter: Spencer, are you shampooing your hair?
Shawn Spencer: Yes I am, Lassie. I always travel with a small packet of Johnson and Johnson's baby shampoo in my wallet.
Juliet O'Hara: Baby shampoo?
Shawn Spencer: No more tears, Jules.
Carlton Lassiter: [Getting scrubbed down] Whoa, take it easy, slugger, what are we dating?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: I can't believe this, Shawn. First, we're looking for a prostitute, now I'm naked in a parking lot.
Shawn Spencer: It's just like our prom night.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Shawn.
Shawn Spencer: Gus, relax. Don't be Nick Cage's accent from "Con Air." We've bathed together before.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: When we were three.
Shawn Spencer: It's essentially the same thing. It's just impolite to pee. [to the person scrubbing him down]
Shawn Spencer: That feels great by the way.
TV Show: Psych
Poppy: Growing up in Edinburgh we had a basset hound that used to hoot like a snowy owl.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: No kidding. What'd you name it?
Poppy: We just called him Basset Hound. My sister always used to call him Uncle Jimmy. I never knew why.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: No kidding. What'd you name it?
Poppy: We just called him Basset Hound. My sister always used to call him Uncle Jimmy. I never knew why.
TV Show: Psych
Shawn Spencer: It's one of life's little mysteries, like why the Oxygen network airs 'Goodfellas' or 'Why Fools Fall in Love.'
TV Show: Psych
Gus: [wearing a police uniform, selecting doughnuts in a store] I don't know if it's this uniform, but I've never craved doughnuts before in my life.
TV Show: Psych
Shawn: I'm not a palm reader, I'm a psychic.
Boone: What you are is 172 pounds of we don't give a damn.
Boone: What you are is 172 pounds of we don't give a damn.
TV Show: Psych
[Setting the inscription of a watch for his son]
Henry: "Love Dad"? Why don't you just put "kissy kissy"?
Henry: "Love Dad"? Why don't you just put "kissy kissy"?
TV Show: Psych
Henry: Well, fooling around with your best friend's sister certainly wasn't your most brilliant idea.
Shawn: No, that was the toaster alarm I invented in the third grade that woke you up by smacking you in the face with a waffle. [pause] I think I peaked too soon.
Shawn: No, that was the toaster alarm I invented in the third grade that woke you up by smacking you in the face with a waffle. [pause] I think I peaked too soon.
TV Show: Psych
Gus: You named your fake detective agency "Psych"? As in "gotcha"? Why didn't you just call it "Hey, we're fooling you and the police department; hope we don't make a mistake and somebody dies because of it."
Shawn: First of all, Gus, that name is entirely too long; it would never fit on the window. And secondly, the best way you convince people you're not lying to them is to tell them you are!
Shawn: First of all, Gus, that name is entirely too long; it would never fit on the window. And secondly, the best way you convince people you're not lying to them is to tell them you are!
TV Show: Psych
Lassiter: Don't you try and trivialize police work.
Shawn: I think you're doing a bang-up job of that all by yourself.
Shawn: I think you're doing a bang-up job of that all by yourself.
TV Show: Psych
Lassiter: You have a criminal record.
Shawn: I was 18.
Lassiter: Oh, 18? Well that makes it okay, let me just scratch this out.
Shawn: I was 18.
Lassiter: Oh, 18? Well that makes it okay, let me just scratch this out.
TV Show: Psych
Shawn: This is a great plan! Camden McCallum deserves to be commended.
Gus: Maybe you should date him too!
Shawn: Maybe I will!
Gus: Maybe you should date him too!
Shawn: Maybe I will!
TV Show: Psych
Gus: You don't smell that?
Shawn: I don't smell anything.
Gus: That's because you don't have the Super Smeller!
Shawn: Okay, you have got to stop calling your nose the Super Smeller. If you want to name a body part, man, name your butt. Call it the Tight-Bouncer or the Hexagon.
Shawn: I don't smell anything.
Gus: That's because you don't have the Super Smeller!
Shawn: Okay, you have got to stop calling your nose the Super Smeller. If you want to name a body part, man, name your butt. Call it the Tight-Bouncer or the Hexagon.
TV Show: Psych
Shawn: Actually, we'd like to start with the contestants still in the running. And let's start with the shifty-eyed ones!
TV Show: Psych
Gus: So now I have a cat?
Shawn: An orange tabby. Last year you made her a tiny Santa hat, it was adorable.
Gus: Fantastic, now I can't even have an imaginary boy cat.
Shawn: Gus, a boy cat wouldn't serve my purposes nearly as well. The next time I need you, Pickles is having kittens.
Gus: Pickles?
Shawn: Mrs. Pickles is her full name. Though I'm not actually sure cats can marry outside of Boston.
Gus: Yeah? Well, in a related issue, I'm blocking your number on all the phones in the office.
Shawn: An orange tabby. Last year you made her a tiny Santa hat, it was adorable.
Gus: Fantastic, now I can't even have an imaginary boy cat.
Shawn: Gus, a boy cat wouldn't serve my purposes nearly as well. The next time I need you, Pickles is having kittens.
Gus: Pickles?
Shawn: Mrs. Pickles is her full name. Though I'm not actually sure cats can marry outside of Boston.
Gus: Yeah? Well, in a related issue, I'm blocking your number on all the phones in the office.
TV Show: Psych
Gus: I just got a lap dance from Patrick Swayze!
Shawn: What, you mean like an impersonator?
Gus: No, I think it was actually Patrick Swayze!
Shawn: What, you mean like an impersonator?
Gus: No, I think it was actually Patrick Swayze!
TV Show: Psych
[Lassiter grabs Shawn by the collar and leads him into the hall]
Shawn: You know, if this is some sort of hazing ritual and we're gonna end up naked in a field, I'll need to arrange for a ride first.
Lassiter: Spencer, if I see you anywhere near this case, I'll throw every book I can find at you.
Shawn: Oh yeah? And what if you find the Bible? Are you gonna throw that too? Seems a little sacrilegious to me don't you think?
Shawn: You know, if this is some sort of hazing ritual and we're gonna end up naked in a field, I'll need to arrange for a ride first.
Lassiter: Spencer, if I see you anywhere near this case, I'll throw every book I can find at you.
Shawn: Oh yeah? And what if you find the Bible? Are you gonna throw that too? Seems a little sacrilegious to me don't you think?
TV Show: Psych
[Shawn pretends to feel a spirit in the records room so he can look at a case file]
Shawn: Yes, I can feel her all right. She's over by the W's.
Sgt. Allen: Why?
Shawn: No. W.
Shawn: Yes, I can feel her all right. She's over by the W's.
Sgt. Allen: Why?
Shawn: No. W.
TV Show: Psych
Gus: How do you just eat when there's a dead guy laying there?
Shawn: What, is that rude? Am I supposed to share?
Shawn: What, is that rude? Am I supposed to share?
TV Show: Psych
Shawn: The cat is not my new partner, Gus; don't be ridiculous.
Gus: Then tell me again why the cat gets to ride shotgun?
Gus: Then tell me again why the cat gets to ride shotgun?
TV Show: Psych
[watching Tilden's cat lick itself]
Shawn: There is a witness. There's a cat. I want to talk to that cat as soon as he's done licking himself... wow, I'm jealous.
Shawn: There is a witness. There's a cat. I want to talk to that cat as soon as he's done licking himself... wow, I'm jealous.
TV Show: Psych
Shawn: Let me tell you something. This cat here is a gift, a conduit for us to save lives. And he has more integrity in his furry little hand...
Gus: Paw.
Shawn: Paw. Than most people have in their whole appendages... Appendages?
Gus: What?
Shawn: All of. Than most people have in all of their appendages... combined.
Gus: Paw.
Shawn: Paw. Than most people have in their whole appendages... Appendages?
Gus: What?
Shawn: All of. Than most people have in all of their appendages... combined.
TV Show: Psych