Red vs. Blue Quotes
[Listening to the spanish recording from command]
Simmons: This guy sounds just like the guy the Blues were talking to; Vic Jr. I'll bet his kid's changed sides.
Sarge: Eggs Benedict Arnold! Those dirty traitors!
[Pause]
Sarge: No offence, Simmons.
Simmons: None taken, Sir.
Sarge: ...Traitor.
Simmons: God dammit!
Simmons: This guy sounds just like the guy the Blues were talking to; Vic Jr. I'll bet his kid's changed sides.
Sarge: Eggs Benedict Arnold! Those dirty traitors!
[Pause]
Sarge: No offence, Simmons.
Simmons: None taken, Sir.
Sarge: ...Traitor.
Simmons: God dammit!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Doc: Okay, everybody, I'm gonna give Tucker his physical now. Would either of you like to assist?
O'Malley: That's just a fancy way of saying "hold the vomit bucket". Muaheheheh!
Church: Uhh... Sorry, I'm busy.
Doc: Caboose?
Caboose: I can't.
Doc: Well, why not?
Caboose: Oh. Because... I am allergic to things I don't want to do... [Fakes coughing] ...Coughing.
Doc: Ok, just more fun for me.
O'Malley: That's just a fancy way of saying "hold the vomit bucket". Muaheheheh!
Church: Uhh... Sorry, I'm busy.
Doc: Caboose?
Caboose: I can't.
Doc: Well, why not?
Caboose: Oh. Because... I am allergic to things I don't want to do... [Fakes coughing] ...Coughing.
Doc: Ok, just more fun for me.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Doc: Hey, guys? I've figured out what's wrong.
Church: What is it, Doc?
Doc: You're not gonna like the diagnosis.
O'Malley: Hmhmhmhm which is ironic, because I think it's absolutely delightful, muhahahaha.
Church: Just tell us, Doc. We can take it.
Doc: Your friend is -
Caboose: Dying? Oh, no!
Doc: No, he's not dying, he just has -
Caboose: No chance to live. I knew it!
Church: Caboose, one more interruption outta you, and he's gonna have two patients.
Doc: How do I say this, your friend is...
Church: Why are you pausing? Caboose is not gonna interrupt you this time.
Doc: No, that was just for dramatic effect. He's pregnant.
Caboose: Oh, good... Wait, what?
O'Malley: Hmhmhmhmhm, preggers, muahaha.
Church: All right, are we paying for this service, because, if we are, I want a refund. And if we're not, I want a refund
Church: What is it, Doc?
Doc: You're not gonna like the diagnosis.
O'Malley: Hmhmhmhm which is ironic, because I think it's absolutely delightful, muhahahaha.
Church: Just tell us, Doc. We can take it.
Doc: Your friend is -
Caboose: Dying? Oh, no!
Doc: No, he's not dying, he just has -
Caboose: No chance to live. I knew it!
Church: Caboose, one more interruption outta you, and he's gonna have two patients.
Doc: How do I say this, your friend is...
Church: Why are you pausing? Caboose is not gonna interrupt you this time.
Doc: No, that was just for dramatic effect. He's pregnant.
Caboose: Oh, good... Wait, what?
O'Malley: Hmhmhmhmhm, preggers, muahaha.
Church: All right, are we paying for this service, because, if we are, I want a refund. And if we're not, I want a refund
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Doc: No it's true. We found two heartbeats. So unless he has two hearts the only logical explanation is that he's pregnant. I think.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Chruch: (to Andy and Caboose) Alright, one of the two of you has some explaining to do.
Andy: (chuckles) Don't look at me! Tucker's not my type!
Caboose: Cha! Me neither. And, uh, maybe we should have the...doctor explain, uh, just how babies are made, y'know? Uh, in case someone...in the group, uh, may not exactly know how that happens...
Church: Oh my God, Caboose shut up. Andy, blow up. Doc, you're fired, get outta here. I'm gonna go shoot Tucker.
Andy: (chuckles) Don't look at me! Tucker's not my type!
Caboose: Cha! Me neither. And, uh, maybe we should have the...doctor explain, uh, just how babies are made, y'know? Uh, in case someone...in the group, uh, may not exactly know how that happens...
Church: Oh my God, Caboose shut up. Andy, blow up. Doc, you're fired, get outta here. I'm gonna go shoot Tucker.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Caboose: Uh, I think I need to stay here and guaaaaard... this rock. From Tucker. Because I'm pretty sure that's how this whole thing started.
Church: Alright, what's wrong? You seem nervous.
Caboose: What if Tucker is contagious? I do not want to catch pregnancy!
Church: Hey! No one is pregnant! And seriously, Caboose, when I get done with this, we gotta have a little talk, man. There's a book I've got that we can read together.
Caboose: (short pause) I'd like that.
O'Malley: Maybe you can have the bowling ball fill you in on some of the basics, let me get you started. There's three holes. (short, maniacal laugh)
Doc: Oh, gross
O'Malley: I meant in the bowling ball!
Church: Alright, what's wrong? You seem nervous.
Caboose: What if Tucker is contagious? I do not want to catch pregnancy!
Church: Hey! No one is pregnant! And seriously, Caboose, when I get done with this, we gotta have a little talk, man. There's a book I've got that we can read together.
Caboose: (short pause) I'd like that.
O'Malley: Maybe you can have the bowling ball fill you in on some of the basics, let me get you started. There's three holes. (short, maniacal laugh)
Doc: Oh, gross
O'Malley: I meant in the bowling ball!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
[Sarge is sneaking up behind Caboose to try and steal Andy]
Sarge: [Grabs Andy and replaces him with Lopez] Yoink!
Caboose: Andy?
[Caboose looks around]
Caboose: ...Andy?
[He sees Lopez on the ground]
Caboose: What happened to you?
Lopez: Rapido, antes de les que se vuelvan. Cave un agujero y entiérreme. Por favor.
Caption: Quick, before they come back. Dig a hole and bury me. Please.
Caboose: Andy, you turned in to a real boy!
Sarge: [Grabs Andy and replaces him with Lopez] Yoink!
Caboose: Andy?
[Caboose looks around]
Caboose: ...Andy?
[He sees Lopez on the ground]
Caboose: What happened to you?
Lopez: Rapido, antes de les que se vuelvan. Cave un agujero y entiérreme. Por favor.
Caption: Quick, before they come back. Dig a hole and bury me. Please.
Caboose: Andy, you turned in to a real boy!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Sarge: Regroup, men! Grif, start passing out additional ammo!
Grif: Uh...
Sarge: Simmons! Pass out the ammo you brought because you knew Grif would forget!
Simmons: [Simmons and Donut are arming their weapons] Already on it, sir!
Grif: Uh...
Sarge: Simmons! Pass out the ammo you brought because you knew Grif would forget!
Simmons: [Simmons and Donut are arming their weapons] Already on it, sir!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Doc: It's true, your friend Tucker is pregnant. See, my little gizmo lights up green to indicate pregnancy.
Church: I thought it lights up green to indicate flesh wounds.
Doc: Yeah also that.
Church: And infectious diseases.
Doc: Hyeah, it lights up green for just about everything. It takes a while to figure out the difference. Like this green, [points to Church's head] indicates a high level of anger stemming from suppressed feelings of inadequacy.
Church: If that thing keeps talking bad about me, I'm gonna fucking smash it.
Doc: [points to Church's crotch] And this green means impotency. Oops, actually that green causes impotency. My bad, Church.
Church: Oh, that's okay. I wasn't using it anyway.
Church: I thought it lights up green to indicate flesh wounds.
Doc: Yeah also that.
Church: And infectious diseases.
Doc: Hyeah, it lights up green for just about everything. It takes a while to figure out the difference. Like this green, [points to Church's head] indicates a high level of anger stemming from suppressed feelings of inadequacy.
Church: If that thing keeps talking bad about me, I'm gonna fucking smash it.
Doc: [points to Church's crotch] And this green means impotency. Oops, actually that green causes impotency. My bad, Church.
Church: Oh, that's okay. I wasn't using it anyway.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Tucker: Would this be a bad time to mention that my stomach just started hurting really bad?
Doc: Oh, boy. Caboose, you better go boil some water.
Caboose: How can you think of soup at a time like this?
Doc: Oh, boy. Caboose, you better go boil some water.
Caboose: How can you think of soup at a time like this?
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Simmons: Hey Blues! Uhp, I mean, blue, we're only gonna give you one chance to surrender.
Church: Wha, why would I--[Sheila fires her cannon.] Hey, hold on a second, Sheila. Why would I Surrender?
[The Reds hide behind the rock and whisper something involving the word "sandwich".]
Simmons: Uh, because you're outnumbered.
Church: Bullshit, dude, I got a tank! People with tanks are never outnumbered!
[The Reds whisper again.]
Simmons: We also think that it's your turn to surrender.
Church: WHAT!?
Simmons: Well, if you recall, first you surrendered and you gave us Doc, then we surrendered and we gave you the jeep so that means---
Church: Sheila, shut him up.
[Sheila fires her cannon against the rock.]
Simmons: (quickly ducks behind rock) SON OF A BITCH!!!
Donut: Is that a no?!
Church: Okay, guys, I don't mean to be rude, but I've got a missing girlfriend, a guy who's pregnant, an idiot who thinks his pet just died, AND our worst enemy is hanging out unsupervised at our base right now. So I really, really, REALLY don't have time for this horse-shit right now!
[An akward silence ensues.]
Grif: ...Uh, what was that part about the pregnant guy?
Church: HE'S NOT PREGNANT! That's impossible.
Andy: Yeah, unless the Alien impregnated him. That's what they do; they infect the host with a parasitic embryo. But you already knew that, right?
Church: What? NO! Why didn't you tell us that could happen?!
Andy: Uhhh...I mean...uhhh--Alien baby?! Uh, that's shocking! I am shocked.
[Caboose contacts Church through the radio.]
Caboose: Come in, Church. Come in.
Church: Caboose, what did I tell you man?! You're not suppos
Church: Wha, why would I--[Sheila fires her cannon.] Hey, hold on a second, Sheila. Why would I Surrender?
[The Reds hide behind the rock and whisper something involving the word "sandwich".]
Simmons: Uh, because you're outnumbered.
Church: Bullshit, dude, I got a tank! People with tanks are never outnumbered!
[The Reds whisper again.]
Simmons: We also think that it's your turn to surrender.
Church: WHAT!?
Simmons: Well, if you recall, first you surrendered and you gave us Doc, then we surrendered and we gave you the jeep so that means---
Church: Sheila, shut him up.
[Sheila fires her cannon against the rock.]
Simmons: (quickly ducks behind rock) SON OF A BITCH!!!
Donut: Is that a no?!
Church: Okay, guys, I don't mean to be rude, but I've got a missing girlfriend, a guy who's pregnant, an idiot who thinks his pet just died, AND our worst enemy is hanging out unsupervised at our base right now. So I really, really, REALLY don't have time for this horse-shit right now!
[An akward silence ensues.]
Grif: ...Uh, what was that part about the pregnant guy?
Church: HE'S NOT PREGNANT! That's impossible.
Andy: Yeah, unless the Alien impregnated him. That's what they do; they infect the host with a parasitic embryo. But you already knew that, right?
Church: What? NO! Why didn't you tell us that could happen?!
Andy: Uhhh...I mean...uhhh--Alien baby?! Uh, that's shocking! I am shocked.
[Caboose contacts Church through the radio.]
Caboose: Come in, Church. Come in.
Church: Caboose, what did I tell you man?! You're not suppos
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Sarge: Donut! Get back here! Wait for the ship.
Donut: But Sarge, we don't know when the ship is gonna get here. It's coming all the way from Earth! That could take days, weeks, months or even years!
[A Pelican aircraft lands on top of Donut and the Reds look on blankly for a second.]
Simmons: Ship's here.
Grif: [Quickly] Shotgun.
Donut: But Sarge, we don't know when the ship is gonna get here. It's coming all the way from Earth! That could take days, weeks, months or even years!
[A Pelican aircraft lands on top of Donut and the Reds look on blankly for a second.]
Simmons: Ship's here.
Grif: [Quickly] Shotgun.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Church: Hey Doc, what the hell is going on in there?
Doc: Church, everything is fine. The patient is just resting,
Church: (listens to the crashing noises) Doesn't sound like he is resting.
Doc: That's not Tucker, that's our new arrival. He's got a lot of energy since his first feeding!
Church: Tucker...fed...the baby. Gross.
Doc: Actually, Caboose was kind enough to donate some blood. You know what they say: "it takes a village."
Church: How'd you get him to agree to that?
Doc: It's amazing what you can get Caboose to do when you promise him a cookie and a glass of orange juice.
Church: But he hates needles.
Doc: No needles. Turns out, if you just expose some bare skin, the little guy just digs right in! It's a miracle to see nature at work!
Caboose: (drunkenly) I feel dizzy...
Church: Uh, is he gonna be okay?
Doc: Tucker's kid drank half a gallon in one go. Isn't that cool? I think he's gonna be a linebacker. Or a vampire. Or a vampire linebacker! That'd be crazy.
Caboose: (looking around randomly) Oooooh...
Doc: Anyway, blood is pretty important, so Caboose is bound to have some side effects like dizziness, or nausea, or sensitivity to light -
Caboose: I think I'm going to stop standing up now... (collapses face-down on the floor)
Doc: Or passing out.
Caboose: (from floor) Church, if I die, I want you to have my orange juice...
Church: How can Tucker sleep with all that racket?
Doc: Sleeping? He's not sleeping, he's in a coma.
Church: Alright, that's it. Get out of the way Doc, I'll take care of this.
Caboose:
Doc: Church, everything is fine. The patient is just resting,
Church: (listens to the crashing noises) Doesn't sound like he is resting.
Doc: That's not Tucker, that's our new arrival. He's got a lot of energy since his first feeding!
Church: Tucker...fed...the baby. Gross.
Doc: Actually, Caboose was kind enough to donate some blood. You know what they say: "it takes a village."
Church: How'd you get him to agree to that?
Doc: It's amazing what you can get Caboose to do when you promise him a cookie and a glass of orange juice.
Church: But he hates needles.
Doc: No needles. Turns out, if you just expose some bare skin, the little guy just digs right in! It's a miracle to see nature at work!
Caboose: (drunkenly) I feel dizzy...
Church: Uh, is he gonna be okay?
Doc: Tucker's kid drank half a gallon in one go. Isn't that cool? I think he's gonna be a linebacker. Or a vampire. Or a vampire linebacker! That'd be crazy.
Caboose: (looking around randomly) Oooooh...
Doc: Anyway, blood is pretty important, so Caboose is bound to have some side effects like dizziness, or nausea, or sensitivity to light -
Caboose: I think I'm going to stop standing up now... (collapses face-down on the floor)
Doc: Or passing out.
Caboose: (from floor) Church, if I die, I want you to have my orange juice...
Church: How can Tucker sleep with all that racket?
Doc: Sleeping? He's not sleeping, he's in a coma.
Church: Alright, that's it. Get out of the way Doc, I'll take care of this.
Caboose:
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Sarge: Simmons, status report.
Simmons: Um, an enormous thing just fell out of the sky, and landed on Donut, sir.
Sarge: Are there any other injuries?
Simmons: No, sir!
Sarge: You sure?
Simmons: I think so.
Sarge: Are you sure? No one accidentally got shot in the face when someone else's shotgun just accidentally went off during the incredible distraction of a spaceship crash landing, purely by coincidence?
Simmons: Uh, I don't kno-
Sarge: No one orange?
Grif: Ugh, I'm fine.
Simmons: Sorry, sir.
Sarge: Oh, dehrh. [examines his shotgun] I really need to adjust the sights on this thing.
Simmons: What about Private Donut Sir, there's no way he survived that. Poor Donut, I'll miss him like a sister
Sarge: I'll miss him like, well, like someone I knew, but then I don't really want to reflect on how deep our relationship went.
Simmons: Wait a second, do you hear that? Sounds like tapping.
Grif: All I hear is you guys talking about your feelings for Donut. And I have to say, I'm not really comfortable with that.
Simmons: Listen, there it is again.
Sarge: You're absolutely right. That sounds like Morris Code.
Simmons: Um, excuse me sir. It's actually not Morris Code, it's Morse code, sir.
Sarge: Morse, haha, that sounds ridiculous, I don't think so.
Simmons: Yes. Morse is the person who developed an international code for communicating without audio, Morris was a television cat that sold cat food.
Sarge: And that cat was one of our finest military minds. Don't you see, that mean Donut is alive and trying to contact us.. Now, get to tappin'.
Simmons: Maybe we can lift the ship off him somehow.
Sarge:
Simmons: Um, an enormous thing just fell out of the sky, and landed on Donut, sir.
Sarge: Are there any other injuries?
Simmons: No, sir!
Sarge: You sure?
Simmons: I think so.
Sarge: Are you sure? No one accidentally got shot in the face when someone else's shotgun just accidentally went off during the incredible distraction of a spaceship crash landing, purely by coincidence?
Simmons: Uh, I don't kno-
Sarge: No one orange?
Grif: Ugh, I'm fine.
Simmons: Sorry, sir.
Sarge: Oh, dehrh. [examines his shotgun] I really need to adjust the sights on this thing.
Simmons: What about Private Donut Sir, there's no way he survived that. Poor Donut, I'll miss him like a sister
Sarge: I'll miss him like, well, like someone I knew, but then I don't really want to reflect on how deep our relationship went.
Simmons: Wait a second, do you hear that? Sounds like tapping.
Grif: All I hear is you guys talking about your feelings for Donut. And I have to say, I'm not really comfortable with that.
Simmons: Listen, there it is again.
Sarge: You're absolutely right. That sounds like Morris Code.
Simmons: Um, excuse me sir. It's actually not Morris Code, it's Morse code, sir.
Sarge: Morse, haha, that sounds ridiculous, I don't think so.
Simmons: Yes. Morse is the person who developed an international code for communicating without audio, Morris was a television cat that sold cat food.
Sarge: And that cat was one of our finest military minds. Don't you see, that mean Donut is alive and trying to contact us.. Now, get to tappin'.
Simmons: Maybe we can lift the ship off him somehow.
Sarge:
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Church: What the fuck are you guys doing out here, breaking the canyon?
Grif: Fuck off, Blue. A ship just crashed on one of our guys.
Church: What, this ship?
Simmons: No, another ship. Then that ship left and this ship crashed in the exact same spot.
Church: Where'd it come from?
Grif: It's a spaceship. It came from space.
Church: ... ... ...Dibs
Simmons: What?
Church: Dibs. I just called dibs. This is my ship now. Dibs.
Simmons: No it isn't jackass, we found it first.
Church: Yeah but you didn't call dibs. I did. Dibs. See?
Grif: You can't call dibs on a spaceship! That's ridiculous.
Church: Yeheha, yes I can. Dibs- see? I just did it again. Now get the fuck away from my ship, tomato can.
Simmons: Don't call me 'Tomato Can'!
Grif: Try and take it, then!
Church: Um... Ok. Sheila?
Sheila: You bet!
Grif: Fuck... You forgot about that too didn't you?
Simmons: Yeah, kinda.
Sheila: Now, step away from the ship, Tomato Can.
Grif: Haha, 'Tomato Can'...
Sheila: You too, Lemon Head.
Grif: Hey, I'm orange, not yellow!
Sheila: [laughs]
Grif: Fuck off, Blue. A ship just crashed on one of our guys.
Church: What, this ship?
Simmons: No, another ship. Then that ship left and this ship crashed in the exact same spot.
Church: Where'd it come from?
Grif: It's a spaceship. It came from space.
Church: ... ... ...Dibs
Simmons: What?
Church: Dibs. I just called dibs. This is my ship now. Dibs.
Simmons: No it isn't jackass, we found it first.
Church: Yeah but you didn't call dibs. I did. Dibs. See?
Grif: You can't call dibs on a spaceship! That's ridiculous.
Church: Yeheha, yes I can. Dibs- see? I just did it again. Now get the fuck away from my ship, tomato can.
Simmons: Don't call me 'Tomato Can'!
Grif: Try and take it, then!
Church: Um... Ok. Sheila?
Sheila: You bet!
Grif: Fuck... You forgot about that too didn't you?
Simmons: Yeah, kinda.
Sheila: Now, step away from the ship, Tomato Can.
Grif: Haha, 'Tomato Can'...
Sheila: You too, Lemon Head.
Grif: Hey, I'm orange, not yellow!
Sheila: [laughs]
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Church: What's that tapping? Sounds like Morris code!
Simmons: [sighs] Morse...
Church: Sheila, if he corrects me again, please make him blow up.
Sheila: Heh heh heh... sounds like fun!
Church: Well, what does it say?
Grif: It says "tap tap tap." We don't know!
Simmons: We were trying to translate it when you showed up and interrupted us!
Church: No, when I interrupted you, you were standing around and doing nothing. Just like the last 50 times I interrupted you guys... Oh, wait, wait, wait, listen... it says... [tap] "Red..." [tap] "sucks..." [tap tap] "balls!" Hey, hey! Look, my new ship can talk! And it knows things! That's a good ship!
Simmons: [sighs] Morse...
Church: Sheila, if he corrects me again, please make him blow up.
Sheila: Heh heh heh... sounds like fun!
Church: Well, what does it say?
Grif: It says "tap tap tap." We don't know!
Simmons: We were trying to translate it when you showed up and interrupted us!
Church: No, when I interrupted you, you were standing around and doing nothing. Just like the last 50 times I interrupted you guys... Oh, wait, wait, wait, listen... it says... [tap] "Red..." [tap] "sucks..." [tap tap] "balls!" Hey, hey! Look, my new ship can talk! And it knows things! That's a good ship!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Simmons: I think there's something wrong with the tank.
Grif: Yeah, I noticed
Simmons: I got an idea.
Grif: Whoa, hold on a second, before you get too deep into this, let me remind you that we don't exactly have a good track record when it comes our plans and that tank.
Simmons: Come on, Grif. I think it's malfunctioning.
Grif: Well, there's only one part that has to function to turn me into a cloud of orange mist.
Grif: Yeah, I noticed
Simmons: I got an idea.
Grif: Whoa, hold on a second, before you get too deep into this, let me remind you that we don't exactly have a good track record when it comes our plans and that tank.
Simmons: Come on, Grif. I think it's malfunctioning.
Grif: Well, there's only one part that has to function to turn me into a cloud of orange mist.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Sarge: Bad news, men, I couldn't find that levitation ray. But I did find the remote control to - HEY!! What's going on out here?! What do you think you're doing, you lousy Blue?
Church: I'm just trying to figure out what's up with this spaceship out here.
Sarge: Dibs!
Simmons and Grif: Too late...
Sarge: DAG NABBIT! Why do I ever leave you two to guard ANYTHING? EVERYBODY knows about the international "dibs" protocol! And the no take backs accord!
Church: I'm just trying to figure out what's up with this spaceship out here.
Sarge: Dibs!
Simmons and Grif: Too late...
Sarge: DAG NABBIT! Why do I ever leave you two to guard ANYTHING? EVERYBODY knows about the international "dibs" protocol! And the no take backs accord!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Church: Caboose, where's Doc?
Caboose: Doc left. Took the baby for a walk. It's growing up so fast. Seems like just yesterday he was born.
Church: Well actually, that's because he was born today. Like, an hour ago.
Caboose: We need to cherish these times. I wish I knew how to scrapbook.
Church: Where's Tucker?
Caboose: Still in a coma.
Church: Great. Tucker's out, Sheila's on the fritz, and now Doc is babysitting. Caboose, if we survive the next five minutes, I'll be fuckin' amazed.
Caboose: I'm fine, by the way. Don't worry about me... [pause] I'm so cold...
Caboose: Doc left. Took the baby for a walk. It's growing up so fast. Seems like just yesterday he was born.
Church: Well actually, that's because he was born today. Like, an hour ago.
Caboose: We need to cherish these times. I wish I knew how to scrapbook.
Church: Where's Tucker?
Caboose: Still in a coma.
Church: Great. Tucker's out, Sheila's on the fritz, and now Doc is babysitting. Caboose, if we survive the next five minutes, I'll be fuckin' amazed.
Caboose: I'm fine, by the way. Don't worry about me... [pause] I'm so cold...
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Church: Hey Doc I need to -
Doc: (interrupts) Don't you want to say hello to our new friend.
Jr: Honk?
Church: I don't. I can't. I don't.
Doc: Take your time. This is a big moment.
Jr: Blarg.
Church: I don't have time for this right now
Jr: Honk.
Church: Shut up you're disgusting
Church: Doc, what is Vic's number?
Doc: What for?
Church: For reinforcements. Wait, unless you've had, like, specialized combat training in the last ten minutes?
Doc: Uh, nope.
Church: Then, yeah, reinforcements.
Doc: Well, I did just change a dirty diaper.
Church: That doesn't count.
Doc: I don't know, it was a real doozy... Number 2.
Church: Doc, Focus! Vic's number, what is it?!
Doc: C'mon, Church! Everybody remembers Vic's number! Didn't he ever teach you the song?
Church: Oh, right. Vic's jingle
Doc: "If you want to talk, don't e-mail, and don't you click-click-click-click, just call me up at 555-V-I-C-K!"
Church: You know, it probably would've been more memorable if it rhymed...or if his name actually ended with a "K".
Doc: (interrupts) Don't you want to say hello to our new friend.
Jr: Honk?
Church: I don't. I can't. I don't.
Doc: Take your time. This is a big moment.
Jr: Blarg.
Church: I don't have time for this right now
Jr: Honk.
Church: Shut up you're disgusting
Church: Doc, what is Vic's number?
Doc: What for?
Church: For reinforcements. Wait, unless you've had, like, specialized combat training in the last ten minutes?
Doc: Uh, nope.
Church: Then, yeah, reinforcements.
Doc: Well, I did just change a dirty diaper.
Church: That doesn't count.
Doc: I don't know, it was a real doozy... Number 2.
Church: Doc, Focus! Vic's number, what is it?!
Doc: C'mon, Church! Everybody remembers Vic's number! Didn't he ever teach you the song?
Church: Oh, right. Vic's jingle
Doc: "If you want to talk, don't e-mail, and don't you click-click-click-click, just call me up at 555-V-I-C-K!"
Church: You know, it probably would've been more memorable if it rhymed...or if his name actually ended with a "K".
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Church: Hey, shut up. I'm on the phone.
Junior: Honk!
Church: And do me a favor, kill that fucking thing, would you?
Junior: Blarg.
Junior: Honk!
Church: And do me a favor, kill that fucking thing, would you?
Junior: Blarg.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Vic: Hey dude.
Church: Vic, hey. This is Church. I need -
Vic: This is Vic at 555-V-I-C-K diddly-do. I'm not in the casito right now so leave your lowdown at the ding dong. Hasta.
Church: Hey Vic, this is Church. I need to-
Voice Mail: You have reached the voice mail system.
Church: [sighs] Okay, okay, come on.
Voice Mail: To leave a message, just wait for the tone.
Church: I know how to leave a goddamn message.
Voice Mail: When you are finished recording, just hang up or press pound for more options.
Church: Really. Hang up. No shit. I was just gonna keep talking until he decided check his voice mail.
Voice Mail: For delivery options, press five.
Church: Just give me the damn beep!
Voice Mail: To leave a call back number, press eight. To page this person, press six,-
Church: Come on!
Voice Mail: To repeat this message, press nine.
Church: I will fucking stab you, computer-phone-lady!
Church: Vic, hey. This is Church. I need -
Vic: This is Vic at 555-V-I-C-K diddly-do. I'm not in the casito right now so leave your lowdown at the ding dong. Hasta.
Church: Hey Vic, this is Church. I need to-
Voice Mail: You have reached the voice mail system.
Church: [sighs] Okay, okay, come on.
Voice Mail: To leave a message, just wait for the tone.
Church: I know how to leave a goddamn message.
Voice Mail: When you are finished recording, just hang up or press pound for more options.
Church: Really. Hang up. No shit. I was just gonna keep talking until he decided check his voice mail.
Voice Mail: For delivery options, press five.
Church: Just give me the damn beep!
Voice Mail: To leave a call back number, press eight. To page this person, press six,-
Church: Come on!
Voice Mail: To repeat this message, press nine.
Church: I will fucking stab you, computer-phone-lady!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Voice Mail: To mark this message as urgent, press eleven.
Church: THERE IS NO ELEVEN, YOU FUCKING WHORE!
Doc: Oooh language.
Church: THERE IS NO ELEVEN, YOU FUCKING WHORE!
Doc: Oooh language.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Church: Vic, it's Church, I need to-
Voice Mail: I'm sorry, but this person's voice mail box is full.
Church: [Disconnects call] Ugggg! I'm gonna kill myself, I'm gonna kill myself!
Voice Mail: I'm sorry, but this person's voice mail box is full.
Church: [Disconnects call] Ugggg! I'm gonna kill myself, I'm gonna kill myself!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Voice Mail: To hear these options in Spanish, press dos.
Church: I HATE YOUUU!
[Voice Mail beeps]
Church: Vic, it's Church. I need -
Voice Mail: I'm sorry, but this person's voicemail box is full.
Church: Urgh... I'm gonna kill myself, I'm gonna kill myself.
Church: I HATE YOUUU!
[Voice Mail beeps]
Church: Vic, it's Church. I need -
Voice Mail: I'm sorry, but this person's voicemail box is full.
Church: Urgh... I'm gonna kill myself, I'm gonna kill myself.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Church: Doc, we are royally screwed. Half our team is down -
Doc: No, it's not. Look! Caboose is already back in action!
Caboose: [wanders out of Blue base] I'm okay! I'm okay! [falls down] I'm not okay!
Doc: He's fine.
Doc: No, it's not. Look! Caboose is already back in action!
Caboose: [wanders out of Blue base] I'm okay! I'm okay! [falls down] I'm not okay!
Doc: He's fine.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Caboose: Also, I see a big ship. Now I know I'm hallucinating!
Church: Oh, and I forgot that part. The Reds also have an enormous ship that was sent by their Command. Probably has a huge fucking weapon on it. Like a nuke, or a biological weapon that's gonna melt our skin, or a genetic weapon that's gonna make everyone in blue armor sterile. [pauses] Awesome.
Church: Oh, and I forgot that part. The Reds also have an enormous ship that was sent by their Command. Probably has a huge fucking weapon on it. Like a nuke, or a biological weapon that's gonna melt our skin, or a genetic weapon that's gonna make everyone in blue armor sterile. [pauses] Awesome.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Church: Doc, I don't think this situation could get much worse. I mean the ship is bad enough, but god knows what kind of reinforcements they have on that thing! It could be a whole new squad, or a freelancer, or -
[Scene cuts to the Reds]
Simmons: Grif's Sister?!
Sister: Yeah! Isn't it cool?
[Scene cuts to the Reds]
Simmons: Grif's Sister?!
Sister: Yeah! Isn't it cool?
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Church: See him there? Right there? The yellow one.
Caboose: [aiming sniper rifle] The one next to Simmons. That's Grif.
Church: The other yellow one. Dumbass.
Caboose: Oh, that new yellow person - oh, yes, of course, yes. Ah... he looks very scary, yes, and I know that because I'm looking right at him, right now, yes, he's yellow, yes, this is very interesting.
Church: [sighs] You don't even see him do you?
Caboose: Yeah, I - I don't even know how to use this thing.
Caboose: [aiming sniper rifle] The one next to Simmons. That's Grif.
Church: The other yellow one. Dumbass.
Caboose: Oh, that new yellow person - oh, yes, of course, yes. Ah... he looks very scary, yes, and I know that because I'm looking right at him, right now, yes, he's yellow, yes, this is very interesting.
Church: [sighs] You don't even see him do you?
Caboose: Yeah, I - I don't even know how to use this thing.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue