Robot Chicken Quotes
Triple H: I guess if nobody's man enough to challenge me, I'll just take my championship belt and go home.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
(Just then, a music plays and everyone cheers as Dakota Fanning walks to the ring, angrily, with her theme intro)
TV Show: Robot Chicken
JR: IT'S HER! IT'S HER! Dakota Fanning is in the building and she looks pissed!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Announcer: And lets not forget the Dakota's new movie (An advertisement of the movie appears while seeing Triple H scolding Dakota) "Wishmagic: The Horse Who Wrote Poems" opens Friday at theaters across the country!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Dakota: (snatches the microphone from Triple H) I taught I was here to talk about Wishmagic...(whisper outside the mike) The horse who wrote poems...But apparently some son of a bitch have to go run his mouth! (Then she starts attacking Triple H and start stomping his head to make him bleed)
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Dakota: (Toss Triple H on top of the ringpole and going to do her finisher) Here comes a good part! (Does a finisher and crashes Triple H onto the announcer's table, breaking it in the process)
TV Show: Robot Chicken
JR: THE DAKONATOR! THE DAKONATOR! This match is over if she can pin him in the ring!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
(Just then, John Cena's intro is played while John Cena rushes into the ring)
TV Show: Robot Chicken
(Instead, he saves Triple H and start attacking Dakota and after he locks Dakota into submission and hitting her, Triple H came back with a steel chair and start hitting Dakota's face)
TV Show: Robot Chicken
JR: OH NO! It's a damn double-cross! John Cena and Triple H must have set up Dakota from the beginning! AWWW! DAMN THEM! DAMN THEM! (An advertisement about Wishmagic appears below the screen) "Wishmagic: The Horse Who Wrote Poems" opens Friday! DAMN THEM TO HELL!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Stormtrooper: [Luke Skywalker slices off a trap door on the bottom of an AT-AT Walker and tosses a grenade inside of it; the Stormtrooper is sitting on a toilet with a Playboy magazine] What in the [bleep] is... [the grenade sets off, sending the AT-AT to the ground in a static explosion]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Emperor Palpatine: [snickering, while talking with two guests] So, I threw the senate at him - the whole senate! True story!
Guest 1: Oh, my God! That is so funny!
Guest 2: [chuckling, while drinking milk from a carton] You made it come out of my nose!
Emperor Palpatine: [laughs; phone beeps; presses a button] Go for Papa Palpatine.
Operator: You have a collect call from:
Darth Vader: [breathing] ...Darth Vader.
Emperor Palpatine: Eh... I gotta take this, hold on. [picks up phone] Vader! How's my favorite Sith? [pause] Whoa, whoa, whoa... whoa. Whoa. Just slow down. Huh? What do you mean they, "blew up the Death Star"? [pause; bleep] Oh, [bleep; bleep; bleep]! Oh, who's "they"?! [pause] What the hell is an "Aluminum Falcon"?! [sighs] Ok. Ok. S-so, who's left? [pause] Are you [bleep]ing me?! Well, where are you?! Wait a sec, you've been flying around for two weeks trying to get a signal? Uggh, you must smell like... feet, wrapped in leathery, burnt bacon! [pause] Oh, oh, oh, I'm, I'm sorry, I thought my dark lord of the Sith could protect a small, thermal exhaust port that's only two meters wide! That thing wasn't even fully paid off yet! Do you have, do you have any idea what this is going to do to my credit? [phone beeps] Uggh, hang on, I got another call. [to other caller] What?! I'm very busy right now! [pause; calm] Oh... oh, well... well, where are they going? [pause] Oh, all right. Umm... just get me a.. turkey club. [pause] Uh... coleslaw, I guess. I'm, I'm not even going to eat it. Wha-what, what're you getting? Yeah, see, I, uh, always order the wrong thing. Naw, no, no, I'll just stick with that. Ok, bye -- wh-what? [pause] Oh, uh, cherry Coke. Thanks. [switches back to Darth Vader] Sorry about
Guest 1: Oh, my God! That is so funny!
Guest 2: [chuckling, while drinking milk from a carton] You made it come out of my nose!
Emperor Palpatine: [laughs; phone beeps; presses a button] Go for Papa Palpatine.
Operator: You have a collect call from:
Darth Vader: [breathing] ...Darth Vader.
Emperor Palpatine: Eh... I gotta take this, hold on. [picks up phone] Vader! How's my favorite Sith? [pause] Whoa, whoa, whoa... whoa. Whoa. Just slow down. Huh? What do you mean they, "blew up the Death Star"? [pause; bleep] Oh, [bleep; bleep; bleep]! Oh, who's "they"?! [pause] What the hell is an "Aluminum Falcon"?! [sighs] Ok. Ok. S-so, who's left? [pause] Are you [bleep]ing me?! Well, where are you?! Wait a sec, you've been flying around for two weeks trying to get a signal? Uggh, you must smell like... feet, wrapped in leathery, burnt bacon! [pause] Oh, oh, oh, I'm, I'm sorry, I thought my dark lord of the Sith could protect a small, thermal exhaust port that's only two meters wide! That thing wasn't even fully paid off yet! Do you have, do you have any idea what this is going to do to my credit? [phone beeps] Uggh, hang on, I got another call. [to other caller] What?! I'm very busy right now! [pause; calm] Oh... oh, well... well, where are they going? [pause] Oh, all right. Umm... just get me a.. turkey club. [pause] Uh... coleslaw, I guess. I'm, I'm not even going to eat it. Wha-what, what're you getting? Yeah, see, I, uh, always order the wrong thing. Naw, no, no, I'll just stick with that. Ok, bye -- wh-what? [pause] Oh, uh, cherry Coke. Thanks. [switches back to Darth Vader] Sorry about
TV Show: Robot Chicken
[inside the Mos Eisley Cantina]
Bartender: What'll it be, pal?
Jawa: [high-pitched voice] Martini!
Bartender: What'll it be, pal?
Jawa: [high-pitched voice] Martini!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Janitor: [on Naboo; whistling; Darth Maul's upper and lower torso fall in front of him as he's sweeping] Oh, gee-- oh, my God! [sweeps it away] ...I gotta get that transfer to Coruscant.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Boy: [at breakfast table with his sister] Ugh, I guess we have to eat this boring oatmeal.
Admiral Ackbar: [bursts into the room and smacks the oatmeal bowls off the table] It's a trap!
Boy & Girl: Wow! Admiral Ackbar! [Admiral Ackbar takes out a box of Admiral Ackbar Cereal] Wow! Admiral Ackbar Cereal! [Admiral Ackbar pours the cereal into new cereal bowls]
Boy: Colorful marshmallows!
Girl: Imitation crab meat!
Admiral Ackbar: Your tongues can't repel flavor of that magnitude!
Girl: There's a prize in every box! [pours more cereal into the bowl as a blue flop falls out; children then look into the hall as Admiral Ackbar does a moonwalk]
Narrator: Admiral Ackbar Cereal! Now, with brine shrimp!
Admiral Ackbar: [bursts into the room and smacks the oatmeal bowls off the table] It's a trap!
Boy & Girl: Wow! Admiral Ackbar! [Admiral Ackbar takes out a box of Admiral Ackbar Cereal] Wow! Admiral Ackbar Cereal! [Admiral Ackbar pours the cereal into new cereal bowls]
Boy: Colorful marshmallows!
Girl: Imitation crab meat!
Admiral Ackbar: Your tongues can't repel flavor of that magnitude!
Girl: There's a prize in every box! [pours more cereal into the bowl as a blue flop falls out; children then look into the hall as Admiral Ackbar does a moonwalk]
Narrator: Admiral Ackbar Cereal! Now, with brine shrimp!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Ponda Baba: [in Ponda Baba's bedroom; wakes up and speaks in his native tongue -- Ponda Baba grumbles in a deep, intimidating and incoherent voice][subtitles] Today's gonna be great! I can already tell! [takes a shower; eats Admiral Ackbar Cereal while reading the back of the cereal box; brushes teeth; walks outside with a brown briefcase][subtitles] Today's the day I get that promotion!
[at work]
Dr. Evazan: Wazuuuup, Ponda!
Ponda Baba: [subtitles] Wazuuuup, Evazan!
Dr. Evazan: Let's bust out early and hit that new cantina across the street!
Ponda Baba: [subtitles] I really shouldn't-
Dr. Evazan: C'mooon! One drink ain't gonna kill ya!
[at the Mos Eisley Cantina]
Dr. Evazan: --like I'm really gonna eat of bananas after that?!
Ponda Baba: [subtitles] Ha, ha, ha! You are so funny, man!
[ Luke Skywalker takes a seat besides Ponda Baba and accidentally bumps into his shoulder; Ponda gets his attention by pushing him on the shoulder. He then speaks to him but Luke is completely oblivious to what Ponda is saying]
Ponda Baba: [subtitles] I love your hair! Where do you get it done?
[Luke turns away; Evazan gets his attention by tapping him on the shoulder]
Dr. Evazan: He doesn't like you.
Ponda Baba: [subtitles] That's not what I said!
Luke Skywalker: Sorry. [turns away again; Evazan pushes Luke's shoulder]
Dr. Evazan: I don't like you, either. You better watch yourself. We're wanted men.
Ponda Baba: [subtitles] What?
Dr. Evazan: I have the death sentence on twelve systems.
Luke Skywalker: I'll be careful.
Dr. Evazan: You'll be dead
[at work]
Dr. Evazan: Wazuuuup, Ponda!
Ponda Baba: [subtitles] Wazuuuup, Evazan!
Dr. Evazan: Let's bust out early and hit that new cantina across the street!
Ponda Baba: [subtitles] I really shouldn't-
Dr. Evazan: C'mooon! One drink ain't gonna kill ya!
[at the Mos Eisley Cantina]
Dr. Evazan: --like I'm really gonna eat of bananas after that?!
Ponda Baba: [subtitles] Ha, ha, ha! You are so funny, man!
[ Luke Skywalker takes a seat besides Ponda Baba and accidentally bumps into his shoulder; Ponda gets his attention by pushing him on the shoulder. He then speaks to him but Luke is completely oblivious to what Ponda is saying]
Ponda Baba: [subtitles] I love your hair! Where do you get it done?
[Luke turns away; Evazan gets his attention by tapping him on the shoulder]
Dr. Evazan: He doesn't like you.
Ponda Baba: [subtitles] That's not what I said!
Luke Skywalker: Sorry. [turns away again; Evazan pushes Luke's shoulder]
Dr. Evazan: I don't like you, either. You better watch yourself. We're wanted men.
Ponda Baba: [subtitles] What?
Dr. Evazan: I have the death sentence on twelve systems.
Luke Skywalker: I'll be careful.
Dr. Evazan: You'll be dead
TV Show: Robot Chicken
[ C-3PO walks through a metal detector and a buzzer goes off while R2-D2 slides through on a conveyor belt beside the metal detector]
C-3PO: Oh... oh, dear! My keys! [takes out keys and puts them into a tray despite the fact he is what's setting of the metal detector] Hah-hah!
C-3PO: Oh... oh, dear! My keys! [takes out keys and puts them into a tray despite the fact he is what's setting of the metal detector] Hah-hah!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Qui-Gon Jinn: [slicing through a steel door with a lightsaber; to Obi-Wan Kenobi] It's almost open, hold onto this. [puts his arm out with his lightsaber and lets go, thinking Obi-Wan has it -- Obi-Wan drops his own lightsaber while trying to catch Qui-Gon's but fails as both lightsabers saw straight through several floors below]
Random Workers Below: Whoa, coming through! -- The wall's on fire! -- Get a first-aid kit! -- [elephant trumpets] -- Whoa, what was that?! -- That looked like a lightsaber! -- This is my first day! -- [car alarm sets off]
Random Workers Below: Whoa, coming through! -- The wall's on fire! -- Get a first-aid kit! -- [elephant trumpets] -- Whoa, what was that?! -- That looked like a lightsaber! -- This is my first day! -- [car alarm sets off]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
[an officer walks in on Darth Vader getting his helmet placed onto his head by a machine -- the machine accidentally clings to Vader's head and lifts him up as he wiggles a little]
Darth Vader: What the?! ...Little help?
Darth Vader: What the?! ...Little help?
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Imperial Officer: Welcome to Orientation Day here on the jolly, old Death Star! Now, there are a few things we want to go over with you concerning Lord Vader. First and foremost, he thinks he has the power to strangle us! Truth is, he doesn't. If he ever realized this, he would kill us with his lightsaber. Thus, to keep us safe, we'll all pretend to get strangled. Ok! Let's try a practice.
[Commander Winston walks over]
Imperial Officer: Commander Winston here will assist me. I'm going to hold out my hand like Lord Vader, and he will pretend to be strangled. [holds out his hand as Winston gasps, holding his throat, pretending to be strangled] Gasping for air; grabs throat; yes, eyes back, and he's down! [Winston collapses] Good show, commander! Now, two of the floor chiefs will retrieve the corpse. [two floor chiefs retrieve Winston and drag him out of the room] Redress him, add a mustache... [Winston comes back in again] and he's back to work as Lieutenant Leopold! Vader has the satisfaction of killing someone, and we stay amongst the living! Why, Private Perkins over there has been strangled over 30 times! Haven't you Perkins? [laughs; Private Perkins is shown wearing funky-looking glasses and an old man's beard] Good man!
[Commander Winston walks over]
Imperial Officer: Commander Winston here will assist me. I'm going to hold out my hand like Lord Vader, and he will pretend to be strangled. [holds out his hand as Winston gasps, holding his throat, pretending to be strangled] Gasping for air; grabs throat; yes, eyes back, and he's down! [Winston collapses] Good show, commander! Now, two of the floor chiefs will retrieve the corpse. [two floor chiefs retrieve Winston and drag him out of the room] Redress him, add a mustache... [Winston comes back in again] and he's back to work as Lieutenant Leopold! Vader has the satisfaction of killing someone, and we stay amongst the living! Why, Private Perkins over there has been strangled over 30 times! Haven't you Perkins? [laughs; Private Perkins is shown wearing funky-looking glasses and an old man's beard] Good man!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
[the Death Star implodes as Luke Skywalker flies away in an aircraft]
Luke Skywalker: Yeeah! This is awesome! R2, patch me through! I wanna call Uncle Owen and Aunt... [remembers that they're dead] ooh.
Luke Skywalker: Yeeah! This is awesome! R2, patch me through! I wanna call Uncle Owen and Aunt... [remembers that they're dead] ooh.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Nerd: [gets into an elevator with George Lucas; gasps] You're George Lucas!
George Lucas: Uhh, I take it you're here for the Star Wars convention?
Nerd: I sure am! Ooo, wanna see my costume? [begins to dress into it]
George Lucas: Uhhh... hm.
Nerd: See? I'm a Tauntaun! But I don't have to tell you -- you invented Tauntauns!
George Lucas: Well, that's uh.. that's very interesting--
Nerd: Listen to my Tauntaun call! Oorah-rah-rah-ooh-rah-rah-rah-ooh-rah-ooh-rah-ahh!
George Lucas: [elevator stops] Uhh... nicely done. [runs out of the elevator; sees a group of Star Wars fans in front of him] Oh, dear God...
Star Wars Fan #1: [screaming] Oh, my God, George LUCAAAAAS!
George Lucas: Oh, dear God, oh, dear God... [runs away]
Star Wars Fan #2: I love you! Give me a baby!
Nerd: [halts George Lucas] Quickly, sir! Onto my back! I am your steed!
George: Uhh... [pause; gets on] I have a bad feeling about this...
Nerd: [begins hopping away] Oorah-rah-rah-ooh-rah-rah!
George: Oh, dear God! [they enter the convention room on the stage; Lucas gets off and stands at the podium and gets small feedback from the microphone] Uh, well, um... and I thought they smelt bad on the outside. [laughter, cheers, and applause from the audience]
Nerd: Just like in the movie! [George Lucas offers his hand to the nerd] Me?! [takes his hand and bows, hyperventilating] Thank you! Thank you!
[scene switches to the nerd in his old age with his grandson on his lap]
Old Nerd: ...And that was the greatest day of my whole life.
Grandson: What about when I was born?
Old Ner
George Lucas: Uhh, I take it you're here for the Star Wars convention?
Nerd: I sure am! Ooo, wanna see my costume? [begins to dress into it]
George Lucas: Uhhh... hm.
Nerd: See? I'm a Tauntaun! But I don't have to tell you -- you invented Tauntauns!
George Lucas: Well, that's uh.. that's very interesting--
Nerd: Listen to my Tauntaun call! Oorah-rah-rah-ooh-rah-rah-rah-ooh-rah-ooh-rah-ahh!
George Lucas: [elevator stops] Uhh... nicely done. [runs out of the elevator; sees a group of Star Wars fans in front of him] Oh, dear God...
Star Wars Fan #1: [screaming] Oh, my God, George LUCAAAAAS!
George Lucas: Oh, dear God, oh, dear God... [runs away]
Star Wars Fan #2: I love you! Give me a baby!
Nerd: [halts George Lucas] Quickly, sir! Onto my back! I am your steed!
George: Uhh... [pause; gets on] I have a bad feeling about this...
Nerd: [begins hopping away] Oorah-rah-rah-ooh-rah-rah!
George: Oh, dear God! [they enter the convention room on the stage; Lucas gets off and stands at the podium and gets small feedback from the microphone] Uh, well, um... and I thought they smelt bad on the outside. [laughter, cheers, and applause from the audience]
Nerd: Just like in the movie! [George Lucas offers his hand to the nerd] Me?! [takes his hand and bows, hyperventilating] Thank you! Thank you!
[scene switches to the nerd in his old age with his grandson on his lap]
Old Nerd: ...And that was the greatest day of my whole life.
Grandson: What about when I was born?
Old Ner
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Luke Skywalker: [with a helmet on next to Ben Kenobi] But with the flash shield down, I can't even see! Aw, how am I supposed to fight? [Ben waves his hand in front of the helmet, seeing that Luke really can't see anything; he then knees him in the crotch] Oooh! [falls and then gets back up, swinging his lightsaber around; Kenobi knees him again] Oooh!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Space Slug #1: [emerges from a burrowed tunnel and attempts to devour the Millennium Falcon but misses; in an Cockneyaccent] Aww! Damn it!
Space Slug #2: [emerges from a tunnel right beside the other space slug; also, in a Cockney accent] Wuh, what is it?
Space Slug #1: I never get a spaceship! Never! I never get anything!
Space Slug #2: Should we order some Chinese food?
Space Slug #1: [whisper] I dunno... I guess.
Space Slug #2: I'll get some Chinese. [submerges into the hole and reappears with a headset on, dialing a number] Uh, hello, yeah, can we get, um... [to first space slug] what do you think? Five million tons of Kung Pao Chicken?
Space Slug #1: That's good.
Space Slug #2: [back to phone] Yeah, three million pot stickers, and, uh, one order of scallion pancakes and uh--
Space Slug #1: Oh, het some fried rice.
Space Slug #2: Oh, yeah, five million tons of fried rice. Um, cash or charge? It's um... hold on. [to first space slug] We're just gonna gobble him up when he gets here, right?
Space Slug #1: Yeah, 'course.
Space Slug #2: Ok, it's cash, then.
Space Slug #2: [emerges from a tunnel right beside the other space slug; also, in a Cockney accent] Wuh, what is it?
Space Slug #1: I never get a spaceship! Never! I never get anything!
Space Slug #2: Should we order some Chinese food?
Space Slug #1: [whisper] I dunno... I guess.
Space Slug #2: I'll get some Chinese. [submerges into the hole and reappears with a headset on, dialing a number] Uh, hello, yeah, can we get, um... [to first space slug] what do you think? Five million tons of Kung Pao Chicken?
Space Slug #1: That's good.
Space Slug #2: [back to phone] Yeah, three million pot stickers, and, uh, one order of scallion pancakes and uh--
Space Slug #1: Oh, het some fried rice.
Space Slug #2: Oh, yeah, five million tons of fried rice. Um, cash or charge? It's um... hold on. [to first space slug] We're just gonna gobble him up when he gets here, right?
Space Slug #1: Yeah, 'course.
Space Slug #2: Ok, it's cash, then.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Mace Windu: [on Coruscant; off-screen] Aaah! That mother...! [falls in front of the janitor as he's sweeping]
Janitor: [sighs] I gotta get that transfer to the Death Star.
Janitor: [sighs] I gotta get that transfer to the Death Star.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
[at the doctor's office]
Doctor: Mr. President, your vitals all check out fine. There is just one thing - your midi-chlorian count is extraordinarily high.
George W. Bush: Does that mean that I'm one of them... what ah, whatcha call 'em... Jedis? [thinks; pulls down the doctor's pants with the Force; snickers]
[in bed, next to Laura Bush; George runs his hand up and down the side of Laura]
Laura Bush: Oooh, not tonight. I'm tired, honey.
George W. Bush: You're not tired; you want to have a threesome!
Laura Bush: [under mind control] I'm not tired; I want to have a threesome.
George W. Bush: [smiles and picks up phone] Get me Condi! [snickers]
[at a McDonalds; Bill Clinton pulls up in front of George's black SUV in the drive-thru in his red Corvette]
Bill Clinton: Oh, sorry, Dubyuh! Big Mac attack! Yeeeee-whoooo!
[George uses the Force to lift Bill Clinton's car into the air, then drops it into a pond near McDonalds]
Bill Clinton: Hey, hey! Whoa! What the dilly?!
George W. Bush: [parks in Bill Clinton's parking space; snickers]
[at the Lincoln Memorial; George W. Bush carves "W wuz hear" into the Lincoln Memorial with a lightsaber]
George W. Bush: [snickers]Saber beats rock. [gasps] What the hell?!
[the Lincoln Memorial raises up revealing a figure sitting underneath it, clouded by fog and a glowing white light; a machine lowers a top hat onto the figure's head; the figure turns around as a choir vocalizes, then reveals itself to be none other than Abraham Lincoln, who is a Sith]
Abraham Lincoln: Who dares disturb my slumber?
George W. Bush: Who dares question my... daring... of.. his.. dare? ...Jerk!
Abraham Linc
Doctor: Mr. President, your vitals all check out fine. There is just one thing - your midi-chlorian count is extraordinarily high.
George W. Bush: Does that mean that I'm one of them... what ah, whatcha call 'em... Jedis? [thinks; pulls down the doctor's pants with the Force; snickers]
[in bed, next to Laura Bush; George runs his hand up and down the side of Laura]
Laura Bush: Oooh, not tonight. I'm tired, honey.
George W. Bush: You're not tired; you want to have a threesome!
Laura Bush: [under mind control] I'm not tired; I want to have a threesome.
George W. Bush: [smiles and picks up phone] Get me Condi! [snickers]
[at a McDonalds; Bill Clinton pulls up in front of George's black SUV in the drive-thru in his red Corvette]
Bill Clinton: Oh, sorry, Dubyuh! Big Mac attack! Yeeeee-whoooo!
[George uses the Force to lift Bill Clinton's car into the air, then drops it into a pond near McDonalds]
Bill Clinton: Hey, hey! Whoa! What the dilly?!
George W. Bush: [parks in Bill Clinton's parking space; snickers]
[at the Lincoln Memorial; George W. Bush carves "W wuz hear" into the Lincoln Memorial with a lightsaber]
George W. Bush: [snickers]Saber beats rock. [gasps] What the hell?!
[the Lincoln Memorial raises up revealing a figure sitting underneath it, clouded by fog and a glowing white light; a machine lowers a top hat onto the figure's head; the figure turns around as a choir vocalizes, then reveals itself to be none other than Abraham Lincoln, who is a Sith]
Abraham Lincoln: Who dares disturb my slumber?
George W. Bush: Who dares question my... daring... of.. his.. dare? ...Jerk!
Abraham Linc
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Weather Reporter: Cloud City will be cloudy this evening, followed by clouds.
TV Show: Robot Chicken