Robot Chicken Quotes
[After variations on the above scene, in which the Tooth Fairy is seen by a young boy, and both sit through overhearing his father murder his mother, culminating in a "suicide by cop" scenario, a marching band bursts into the room, and an announcer appears.]]
Congratulations! This is officially the darkest sketch in TV history!
[Crowd chanting] Darkest sketch! Darkest sketch!
Congratulations! This is officially the darkest sketch in TV history!
[Crowd chanting] Darkest sketch! Darkest sketch!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
[Presidential Report Blooper starts]
Reporter 1: This just in: CNN calls the state of Florida for Al Gore! That means Gore has won the Presidential Election. Thank you, Jesus!
Reporter 2: Sure dodged that bullet.
[Blooper ends]
Bloopers Host: Oops.
Reporter 1: This just in: CNN calls the state of Florida for Al Gore! That means Gore has won the Presidential Election. Thank you, Jesus!
Reporter 2: Sure dodged that bullet.
[Blooper ends]
Bloopers Host: Oops.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Beastman:
[CSI Bloopers start with an operator getting surprised, not realizing that he cut himself]
Operator: [laughing] Oh, you guys! That was-- That was really fun-- [realizing] Oh, Jesus, I- I f***ing cut myself! It's really bad, it's deep! F***! Ow!
[another Blooper starts, this time with an already-covered victim and investigators on the scene]
Investigator: This bullet casing shouldn't be here if the shooting took place 10 meters west.
[the victim farts, and the investigators laugh]
Victim: Sorry, that was me. Sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. [another fart] Sorry about that.
[CSI Bloopers start with an operator getting surprised, not realizing that he cut himself]
Operator: [laughing] Oh, you guys! That was-- That was really fun-- [realizing] Oh, Jesus, I- I f***ing cut myself! It's really bad, it's deep! F***! Ow!
[another Blooper starts, this time with an already-covered victim and investigators on the scene]
Investigator: This bullet casing shouldn't be here if the shooting took place 10 meters west.
[the victim farts, and the investigators laugh]
Victim: Sorry, that was me. Sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. [another fart] Sorry about that.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
[We see Cobra Commander, Mumm-Ra, Skeletor, and Lex Luthor, together in a car, stuck in traffic]
'Cobra Commander: Don't let this car in! [The car goes in front of them] Wha..what..what are you doing?
'Skeletor': I have to, it's common courtesy!
Lex Luthor: This traffic is ridiculous. I knew I should've taken my teleporter to work today! I have a teleporter you know, I invented it myself.
Mumm-Ra: Blah blah blee blah! And yet every day you carpool with us!
Cobra: UGH! We're in the slowest lane! UGH! This minivan front of us is killing me! [Looks at the minivan, the bumper sticker reads MY CHILD IS AN HONOR STUDENT AT FANCHER ELEMENTARY SCHOOL] Oooh, "An honor student at the Fancher Elementary School, [He pulls out a tape recorder] Note to self: Blow up Fancher Elementary School!
[Later, they are still in traffic]
Cobra: Uhh! This....is...un...acceptable!
[Lex looks out the window, he sees two kids making faces at them, he makes a face back, they do one back, he does another one, they duck out of sight, Lex chuckles triumphantly, the kids pop back up, they put up a sign that reads YOU SMELL, Lex growls and fires his gun, blowing out their tires]
Mumm-Ra: You missed the kids.
[Later, they are still in traffic]
Skeletor: That was a good one, [Sighs]
Lex Luthor: What was a good... Oh!! [He covers his nose, the others do so and gag as Skeletor cackles]
Cobra: AH! UGH! AAAAAAAAAOOOOHH! AAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOHH! It's burning my eyes!
[Mumm-Ra tries to unlock the window]
Mumm-Ra: Unlock the window!
Skeletor: Behold the gaseous stench of Skeletor's breakfast burrito! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Cobra: Oh Crap! [In the car next to them are their respective heroes, He-Man, Superman, Lion-O, and Flint]
'Cobra Commander: Don't let this car in! [The car goes in front of them] Wha..what..what are you doing?
'Skeletor': I have to, it's common courtesy!
Lex Luthor: This traffic is ridiculous. I knew I should've taken my teleporter to work today! I have a teleporter you know, I invented it myself.
Mumm-Ra: Blah blah blee blah! And yet every day you carpool with us!
Cobra: UGH! We're in the slowest lane! UGH! This minivan front of us is killing me! [Looks at the minivan, the bumper sticker reads MY CHILD IS AN HONOR STUDENT AT FANCHER ELEMENTARY SCHOOL] Oooh, "An honor student at the Fancher Elementary School, [He pulls out a tape recorder] Note to self: Blow up Fancher Elementary School!
[Later, they are still in traffic]
Cobra: Uhh! This....is...un...acceptable!
[Lex looks out the window, he sees two kids making faces at them, he makes a face back, they do one back, he does another one, they duck out of sight, Lex chuckles triumphantly, the kids pop back up, they put up a sign that reads YOU SMELL, Lex growls and fires his gun, blowing out their tires]
Mumm-Ra: You missed the kids.
[Later, they are still in traffic]
Skeletor: That was a good one, [Sighs]
Lex Luthor: What was a good... Oh!! [He covers his nose, the others do so and gag as Skeletor cackles]
Cobra: AH! UGH! AAAAAAAAAOOOOHH! AAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOHH! It's burning my eyes!
[Mumm-Ra tries to unlock the window]
Mumm-Ra: Unlock the window!
Skeletor: Behold the gaseous stench of Skeletor's breakfast burrito! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Cobra: Oh Crap! [In the car next to them are their respective heroes, He-Man, Superman, Lion-O, and Flint]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Charlie Brown: This is different from the time we got lost in France, or when we almost drowned during the great river raft race. I fear just having a positive attitude with strong Christian overtones won't save us this time.
Marcie: Hold me, sir. [she and Peppermint Patty French-kiss]
Charlie Brown: I said "strong Christian overtones"!
Marcie: Hold me, sir. [she and Peppermint Patty French-kiss]
Charlie Brown: I said "strong Christian overtones"!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Charlie Brown: I'm at the end of my rope, Lucy. Everybody else is dead, besides you and me. I thought being stuck as a pre-pubescent bald kid for 50 years couldn't get any worse. What should we do?
Great Pumpkin: You should let the Great Pumpkin eat you!
Great Pumpkin: You should let the Great Pumpkin eat you!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Charlie Brown: Poor Linus...
Lucy: That block-head! Everyone's a block-head! Block-head, block-head, block-head!
Police officer: Whaa wha whaa wha wha wha wha wha whaa...
Lucy: What did he say?
Charlie Brown: Ugh, I never have any idea what any adult says; it's always that "wha wha wha" crap.
Lucy: That block-head! Everyone's a block-head! Block-head, block-head, block-head!
Police officer: Whaa wha whaa wha wha wha wha wha whaa...
Lucy: What did he say?
Charlie Brown: Ugh, I never have any idea what any adult says; it's always that "wha wha wha" crap.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Lucy: Just kick the ball, you block-head!
Charlie Brown: But every time I try, you just take the ball away.
Lucy: This time I won't! Come on already!
Charlie Brown: [to himself]Maybe this time she means it. I'm really gonna do it! I'm gonna kick the football! This is it![kicks Lucy] That's for years of humiliation, bitch!
Charlie Brown: But every time I try, you just take the ball away.
Lucy: This time I won't! Come on already!
Charlie Brown: [to himself]Maybe this time she means it. I'm really gonna do it! I'm gonna kick the football! This is it![kicks Lucy] That's for years of humiliation, bitch!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Pizza Chef: Hey, mamma mia! The cannoli! Eh, lasagna!
Man with Gun: Hey, pasta fagioli! A spicy meatball!
Man with Gun: Hey, pasta fagioli! A spicy meatball!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Aquaman: Listen, uh, I don't mean to be nitpicky or anything, but, um, the living room hasn't been vacuumed in weeks and...
Superman: Hey, Waterman, I was busy, you know...realigning the planet, or something.
Aquaman: But you drew vacuuming out of the job jar and everyone else...
Superman: Face it. Who's gonna save the Earth from a giant meteor while Superman's vacuuming? You? I don't think so.
Aquaman: I could. Hey!
Superman: Hey, Waterman, I was busy, you know...realigning the planet, or something.
Aquaman: But you drew vacuuming out of the job jar and everyone else...
Superman: Face it. Who's gonna save the Earth from a giant meteor while Superman's vacuuming? You? I don't think so.
Aquaman: I could. Hey!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Khan: Your change, sir. (knocks James T. Kirk's glass of water over)
Kirk: Khaaaan!!!! (everyone runs away) Khaaaannn!!!!
Kirk: Khaaaan!!!! (everyone runs away) Khaaaannn!!!!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Alien 1: Dammit, dammit, dammit! Years of planning, ruined!
Alien 2: How were we gonna take over the world with a white Michael Jackson, anyway?
Alien 1: Dammit, dammit, dammit!
Alien 2: How were we gonna take over the world with a white Michael Jackson, anyway?
Alien 1: Dammit, dammit, dammit!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Lion-O: After Mumm-Ra died of testicular cancer, there... was nobody left for the Thundercats to fight. We had to get real jobs.
Moore: Mm-hmm... was construction your first job?
Lion-O: Uh.... (Cut to a scene of Lion-O dancing in a strip club)
Moore: Mm-hmm... was construction your first job?
Lion-O: Uh.... (Cut to a scene of Lion-O dancing in a strip club)
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Man on Phone: Hey, a bunch of us are going to the bar later and...
Man watching TiVo: Well why don't you take your bar and shove it up your ass, I'm watching TiVo!!
Man watching TiVo: Well why don't you take your bar and shove it up your ass, I'm watching TiVo!!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Destro: Everyone just sort of lost interest. I think as you get older, ruling the world just seems like too much trouble.
She-Ra: Am I done yet?
Moore: You'll know, She-Ra, you'll know.
She-Ra: Am I done yet?
Moore: You'll know, She-Ra, you'll know.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Benjamin Franklin: I suppose y'all saw what the Wright Brothers did to old Ben Franklin last week. Well, if you think it's a bunch of bull-crap, gimmie a "boo-yaaaah!"
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Black Midget: Yeah! Then the five-O plant the DMA evidence. You can't trust to police! One time a police take my shoeshine box. Beat me with it! My lordy!...What? Every black man on TV gots to be a posamative role model?
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Judge: Jack Backett, you are charged with double homicide. How do you plead?
Jack: Not guilty, your honor.
Jury Foreman: This is gonna be fun! Yee-haw!
Dog: [Busts into the courtroom with a gun]
Guy in the courtroom: Oh my God! He's got a gun!
Dog: Nobody listened to me before, Jack must die! [Starts shooting everyone in the courtroom.]
Narrator: Tune in next time when every dog has its day.
Jack: Not guilty, your honor.
Jury Foreman: This is gonna be fun! Yee-haw!
Dog: [Busts into the courtroom with a gun]
Guy in the courtroom: Oh my God! He's got a gun!
Dog: Nobody listened to me before, Jack must die! [Starts shooting everyone in the courtroom.]
Narrator: Tune in next time when every dog has its day.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
[Papa Smurf and Brainy are in Vanity's house, investigating the latter's murder, in a parody of Seven. Brainy opens Vanity's styler to see what happened to him.]
Papa Smurf: Jesus Smurfing Christ!
Brainy: (catching breath) Oh! The comb is in his...and the lipstick is...oh, I can't look!
Papa Smurf: Jesus Smurfing Christ!
Brainy: (catching breath) Oh! The comb is in his...and the lipstick is...oh, I can't look!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Papa Smurf: One thing's for certain, Brainy. Vanity Smurf died the way he lived.
Brainy: Bicurious?
Brainy: Bicurious?
TV Show: Robot Chicken
[Brainy Smurf enters Smurfette's house, when all of a sudden, he sees Jokey holding a box.]
Jokey: Oh, Brainy. Hi, Brainy!
Brainy: Oh, no, Jokey! Your sense of humor, your total disregard for smurf safety, your Se7en movie trading card collection. You're the killer!
Jokey: I got you a present!
Brainy: What's in the box, Jokey, what's in the box!?
Jokey: It's a surprise!
[Brainy opens the box.]
Brainy: Nooo!!! Oh, Smurfette, noooo!!! [The box explodes.]
Jokey: Surprise!!! Mwahahahaha!!!
Brainy: What the fuck is wrong with you?
Jokey: Oh, Brainy. Hi, Brainy!
Brainy: Oh, no, Jokey! Your sense of humor, your total disregard for smurf safety, your Se7en movie trading card collection. You're the killer!
Jokey: I got you a present!
Brainy: What's in the box, Jokey, what's in the box!?
Jokey: It's a surprise!
[Brainy opens the box.]
Brainy: Nooo!!! Oh, Smurfette, noooo!!! [The box explodes.]
Jokey: Surprise!!! Mwahahahaha!!!
Brainy: What the fuck is wrong with you?
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Homer Simpson: Morning Apu, one order of Freedom Fries, please?
Apu: Oh, for the love of my heathen God. They're called french fries, you fat, stupid American!
Guy: Department Of Homeland Security, don't move!
Apu: What?!
[The Department Of Homeland Security guys point their guns at Apu, then shows The Simpsons family at a barbeque.]
Simpsons: Happy birthday America!
Marge Simpson: I hope Apu has learned his lesson.
[Scene then changes to a naked Apu chained to the neck by Lynndie England in a detention prison]
Apu: I am so sorry I ever dared question the wisdom and strength of the United States of America.
Lynndie England: Damn straight, yee-ha!
Apu: Oh, for the love of my heathen God. They're called french fries, you fat, stupid American!
Guy: Department Of Homeland Security, don't move!
Apu: What?!
[The Department Of Homeland Security guys point their guns at Apu, then shows The Simpsons family at a barbeque.]
Simpsons: Happy birthday America!
Marge Simpson: I hope Apu has learned his lesson.
[Scene then changes to a naked Apu chained to the neck by Lynndie England in a detention prison]
Apu: I am so sorry I ever dared question the wisdom and strength of the United States of America.
Lynndie England: Damn straight, yee-ha!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Reporter: Time now for Celebrity Birthdays. Diff'rent Strokes star, Conrad Bain is 82. Adult film star, Ron Jeremy is 69. [music plays for a short time] And comedy trailblazer, Fatty Arbuckle is 118. At least he would be, if he wasn't [bleep] worm food. In your face, Fatty Arbuckle! You fat, filthy, [Bleep] [Bleep] [Bleep] [Bleep] [Bleep] [Bleep] fat f[Bleep] [Bleep]!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Bone-Chiling Villain: Gahahahaaaa! Sorry little girl, but Queen Beryl needs your life force to take over the planet earth! Gahahahaaaa!
Luna: Sarena, change into Sailor Moon Quickly!
Sarena: Right! Moon Prism Power! *Sigh*
[Transforms into Sailor Moon]
Sailor Moon: In the name of the moon, I will punish... Oh my god!!!
Bone-Chiling Villain: Hahahaaaa!!!
Luna: HMMMM!
Bone-Chiling Villain: ( whispers) What? What is it? OH MAN!!
Luna: Sarena, change into Sailor Moon Quickly!
Sarena: Right! Moon Prism Power! *Sigh*
[Transforms into Sailor Moon]
Sailor Moon: In the name of the moon, I will punish... Oh my god!!!
Bone-Chiling Villain: Hahahaaaa!!!
Luna: HMMMM!
Bone-Chiling Villain: ( whispers) What? What is it? OH MAN!!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Bone-Chiling Villain : AUGH UH! I-I-I-I don't know why how that happen!
Sailor Moon: Well... Geez!
Bone-Chiling Villain: I'm so sorry! That's is so disrespectfl of me!
Bone-Chiling Villain: Your pretty hot though!
Sailor Moon: Should... should we still fight, because I don't really want to anymore!
Bone-Chiling Villain: A-A-AWW! You know, your moments definitely pal!
Sailor Moon: Alright! S-See you next time man!
Bone-Chiling Villain: Nah! Sure! Okay! Um-Um- Another time!
Sailor Moon: Well... Geez!
Bone-Chiling Villain: I'm so sorry! That's is so disrespectfl of me!
Bone-Chiling Villain: Your pretty hot though!
Sailor Moon: Should... should we still fight, because I don't really want to anymore!
Bone-Chiling Villain: A-A-AWW! You know, your moments definitely pal!
Sailor Moon: Alright! S-See you next time man!
Bone-Chiling Villain: Nah! Sure! Okay! Um-Um- Another time!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Bone-Chiling Villain: Queen Beryl, I have failed to bring her Sailor Moon's life force!
Queen Beryl: You Fool! Your uttering confidence is dwarfed only by your sheer stupidity! EWW!!!
Bone-Chiling Villain: AUGH UH I-I'm sorry your majesty it's just... I kinda like it when you yell at me! I-It's Hot!!
Queen Beryl: You Fool! Your uttering confidence is dwarfed only by your sheer stupidity! EWW!!!
Bone-Chiling Villain: AUGH UH I-I'm sorry your majesty it's just... I kinda like it when you yell at me! I-It's Hot!!
TV Show: Robot Chicken