Robot Chicken Quotes
Naked Guy: This is how I dance, when I'm not wearing underpants. Nothing I like more than to dance, and I'm not gonna wear no pants. You can't make me-- (scene cuts off)
TV Show: Robot Chicken
[J.K. Rowling is going through trash, looking for food.]
["Manchester, England 1989"]
Jerk: J.K. Rowling.
J.K. Rowling: Cor blimey, are you an angel?
Jerk: I am from the future. In fifteen years time, you will be a best selling children's book author, whose net worth is more than one billion american dollars!
J.K. Rowling: I had an idea about a boy wizard.
Jerk: No! Your books will be about uh-a magical racoon. He has an afro. His name is Squiggles and he shoots pixie dust out of his bunghole!
J.K Rowling: Thank you, I'll start right away!
Jerk: Haha
["Dicks with Time Machines"]
["Manchester, England 1989"]
Jerk: J.K. Rowling.
J.K. Rowling: Cor blimey, are you an angel?
Jerk: I am from the future. In fifteen years time, you will be a best selling children's book author, whose net worth is more than one billion american dollars!
J.K. Rowling: I had an idea about a boy wizard.
Jerk: No! Your books will be about uh-a magical racoon. He has an afro. His name is Squiggles and he shoots pixie dust out of his bunghole!
J.K Rowling: Thank you, I'll start right away!
Jerk: Haha
["Dicks with Time Machines"]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
[Two adults are riding a seesaw.]
Little Child: [Runs up to them.] Can I play?
Adult: Oh, you go to hell, you piece of garbage!
[Little Child runs off crying]
Little Child: [Runs up to them.] Can I play?
Adult: Oh, you go to hell, you piece of garbage!
[Little Child runs off crying]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Dog Pound Worker: Okay, little girl, take any pet you like.
Vickie: Thanks.
[Sees Lion-O sitting in a cage.]
Vickie: What are you doing in here, Mr. Kittie-cat?
Lion-O: A space time vortex opened up on my home planet Thundera and I suddenly found myself on Earth, where cats, apparently, don't share the same rights as humans.
Vickie: You're so cute! I choose you!
[Walking on the school yard.]
Vickie: I can't wait for show and tell.
Billy: Haha! Vickie has cooties, Vickie has cooties!
Vickie: Stop it, Billy!
[Lion-O slams Billy up against a wall and starts pounding on him.]
Lion-O: Vickie...does...not...have...cooties! Anyone else? Huh? Anyone else? Come on! I got nine lives and a whole can of whup ass!
[Vickie starts spraying Lion-O with water.]
Vickie: Bad! Bad Mr. Kittie-cat!
Lion-O: [Sarcastically.] Fine, fine I over reacted. Sorry everybody. Sorry, that one's on me. [Turns to Vickie, who has been continuing to spray him] Please stop that.
Vikie: This is my new pet. His name is Mr. Kittie-cat and I got him at the pound.
Lion-O: Actually, my name is Lion-O, leader of the Thundercats. I'm the choosen one.
Kid: Lame!
[Lion-O jumps on him.]
Lion-O: Ah come on Vickie, aren't we still friends? Huh? BFF!
Vickie: No!
Lion-O: Ahhh ooh ohh! Vickie!
Vickie: Go to hell!
Dog Pound Worker: Don't worry, Lion-O, we'll find you a home.
Old Lady: Miss prissy pants, stop fussing with your bow.
Lion-O: This bow sucks and my name is Lion-O, leader of the Thundercats. Sworn to...
Old Lady: Oopsie, grouchy don't get any tuna.
Lion-O: [Under his breath.]] I better ge
Vickie: Thanks.
[Sees Lion-O sitting in a cage.]
Vickie: What are you doing in here, Mr. Kittie-cat?
Lion-O: A space time vortex opened up on my home planet Thundera and I suddenly found myself on Earth, where cats, apparently, don't share the same rights as humans.
Vickie: You're so cute! I choose you!
[Walking on the school yard.]
Vickie: I can't wait for show and tell.
Billy: Haha! Vickie has cooties, Vickie has cooties!
Vickie: Stop it, Billy!
[Lion-O slams Billy up against a wall and starts pounding on him.]
Lion-O: Vickie...does...not...have...cooties! Anyone else? Huh? Anyone else? Come on! I got nine lives and a whole can of whup ass!
[Vickie starts spraying Lion-O with water.]
Vickie: Bad! Bad Mr. Kittie-cat!
Lion-O: [Sarcastically.] Fine, fine I over reacted. Sorry everybody. Sorry, that one's on me. [Turns to Vickie, who has been continuing to spray him] Please stop that.
Vikie: This is my new pet. His name is Mr. Kittie-cat and I got him at the pound.
Lion-O: Actually, my name is Lion-O, leader of the Thundercats. I'm the choosen one.
Kid: Lame!
[Lion-O jumps on him.]
Lion-O: Ah come on Vickie, aren't we still friends? Huh? BFF!
Vickie: No!
Lion-O: Ahhh ooh ohh! Vickie!
Vickie: Go to hell!
Dog Pound Worker: Don't worry, Lion-O, we'll find you a home.
Old Lady: Miss prissy pants, stop fussing with your bow.
Lion-O: This bow sucks and my name is Lion-O, leader of the Thundercats. Sworn to...
Old Lady: Oopsie, grouchy don't get any tuna.
Lion-O: [Under his breath.]] I better ge
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Teacher: Yes?
Girl Student: Because your wife was a bitch?
[On Blackboard it says "Reasons I Left My Wife: "]
Teacher: Because...she was...a bitch. Yes.
Girl Student: Because your wife was a bitch?
[On Blackboard it says "Reasons I Left My Wife: "]
Teacher: Because...she was...a bitch. Yes.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Barber: There you go, one shaved head.
Customer: [Shown to be naked] Great, let's make the carpet match the drapes. [gestures towards pubic area]
Customer: [Shown to be naked] Great, let's make the carpet match the drapes. [gestures towards pubic area]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Paul Revere: The British are coming! The British are coming! [Sees a cave] Hey, a shortcut. [Slams into a painted wall, the time traveling jerk pops out.]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Mom: Margaret! Sarah!
Margaret and Sarah: A pony! A pony! Yay! A pony!
Mom: Only one of you gets the pony. The other one gets a whipping.
Dad: Now let's see those report cards.
Margaret and Sarah: A pony! A pony! Yay! A pony!
Mom: Only one of you gets the pony. The other one gets a whipping.
Dad: Now let's see those report cards.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Guy: It's Moses, he's back!
Moses: God has blessed me with ten irrefutable commandments for living.
Guy: Is there anything on there about not pushing your religion on other people?
Moses: No.
Guy: Didn't think so.
Moses: Number one: he who smelt it, dealt it.
[Everyone laughs.]
Moses: Wha? What's so funny? Stop it. Stop laughing!
[The time-travelling jerk is sitting behind him holding a hammer and chisel.]
["Dicks with Time Machines"]
Moses: God has blessed me with ten irrefutable commandments for living.
Guy: Is there anything on there about not pushing your religion on other people?
Moses: No.
Guy: Didn't think so.
Moses: Number one: he who smelt it, dealt it.
[Everyone laughs.]
Moses: Wha? What's so funny? Stop it. Stop laughing!
[The time-travelling jerk is sitting behind him holding a hammer and chisel.]
["Dicks with Time Machines"]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Swedish Chef: Yorn desh born, de umn børk børk børk, yorn desh born! Hey Björk Björk! Björk Björk Björk, Björk Björk, Björk Björk, Björk Björk Björk. Hey Mork! Nanu! Mork, Mork, Mork. Yorn desh dork! Hehe dork, dork! Hey, York! York, York! Eh Quark! Quark! Quark Quark! Hey Tork! Peter Tork Tork Tork Tork! Zork! Zork! Zork Zork! Zork Zork Zork! Hey, pork! Pork pork pork! Pork pork! Fork? Fork fork fork. Fork fork. Hey, spork! Spork spork! Spork spork! Spork spork! Orc! Orc! Orc!
Swedish Chef's Wife: Ah what kept you honey? Dinner's waiting.
Swedish Chef: (screaming in a completely American accent) Get the hell off my back, woman!! Can't I get a moment of fucking peace?!? [Throws dishes on floor] God!!!
Swedish Chef's Wife: Ah what kept you honey? Dinner's waiting.
Swedish Chef: (screaming in a completely American accent) Get the hell off my back, woman!! Can't I get a moment of fucking peace?!? [Throws dishes on floor] God!!!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
[Woman looks badly beaten up.]
Woman: I...uh...I-I walked into a door.
Salesman: Well then, can I interest you in our line of Nerf Doors?
Woman's husband: What about stairs? She's gonna need some Nerf Stairs too.
Woman: I...uh...I-I walked into a door.
Salesman: Well then, can I interest you in our line of Nerf Doors?
Woman's husband: What about stairs? She's gonna need some Nerf Stairs too.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Bill Gates: Hi, I'm Bill Gates. I heard you take insane bets and wondered if you'd be my ass slave for a billion dollars.
Adult: [Sigh.] I'll get my coat.
Adult: [Sigh.] I'll get my coat.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Boy: [With pants down, holding a laptop computer.] I was only half way done! Half way done!
Announcer: there has been a breakout in boston in which a virus wipes out and deletes all the porn out there; and here is president bush to adress this issue...
President Bush: And I the president of the United States have only one thing to say to you guys; come on man it's not funny give us back our porn!
Announcer: there has been a breakout in boston in which a virus wipes out and deletes all the porn out there; and here is president bush to adress this issue...
President Bush: And I the president of the United States have only one thing to say to you guys; come on man it's not funny give us back our porn!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Voices: Braaains... braiiins...
Man: Are you radioactive zombie mutants, or survivors, thanking the only thing that's kept you alive?
Voices: (after a pause) Zombies.
Man: Okay.
Voices: Didn't feel right to lie to you.
Man: Are you radioactive zombie mutants, or survivors, thanking the only thing that's kept you alive?
Voices: (after a pause) Zombies.
Man: Okay.
Voices: Didn't feel right to lie to you.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
[E.T.'s Mom is nitting waiting for E.T. to Phone him]
E.T.'s Mom: He said he would phone me but he has'nt phone he knows how I worry.
E.T.'s Mom: He said he would phone me but he has'nt phone he knows how I worry.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Leonardo: Oh, no! I just cowabunga'd in my pants!
Raphael: Barfaroonie! I hope you're wearing adult undergarments!
Leonardo: It depends!
Raphael: Barfaroonie! I hope you're wearing adult undergarments!
Leonardo: It depends!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Michelangelo: Dudes, where's Splinter?
[Splinter is using his cane to lift a nurse's skirt]
Nurse: Um, what are you doing?
Splinter: Looking for Shredder. No, not here. [smiles]
[Splinter is using his cane to lift a nurse's skirt]
Nurse: Um, what are you doing?
Splinter: Looking for Shredder. No, not here. [smiles]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Corey Haim: [Yawns.] Good morning! What are we going to do today, Corey Feldman?
Corey Feldman: Same thing we do every day, Corey Haim. We save the world.
[Both get dressed and put on hair gel.]
Corey Feldman: Let's go start the day!
Corey Haim: Yeah!
[Both ssitting on a couch flipping through channels.]
Mel E. Kazurowski (News Anchor): This just in: President Bush's daughters are missing in action after the helicopter carrying them to a USO tour event crashed in Brazilian Rainforest. The military released the following video tape just prior to the crash.
Jenna Bush: Wooohoo! It's a party! Aaa-whoo!
Barbara Bush: My dad's the president!
Pilot: Ms. Bush please I can't see.
Barbara Bush: Suck it!
Pilot: Look out!
Corey Feldman: Two presidental daughters! That's one for each of us.
Corey Haim: Feld-dog, let's roll.
[They exit their house in a van that goes into a jet.]
Corey Haim: Coordinates are locked in.
Corey Feldman: Let's punch it.
Corey Haim: Woo!
Corey Feldman: Yeah! Let's go, go ,go, go. Whoa, this is tight! This is tight!
Corey Haim: That's what it would be like if we had the Corey Van and the Corey Jet.
[They get on a bus.]
["96 Hours Later"]
Corey Haim: Listen to me! We should have Corey Rocketpacks!
Corey Feldman: Hey Corey I've got an idea for ya. How about a nice tall glass of shut the fuck up!
Corey Feldman: Hey barkeep, nice frosty cola right here.
Corey Haim: Two straws please.
Barkeep: We don't surve your kind here.
Corey Feldman: Our kind? You mean Americans?!
Barkeep: No I mean anyone who's ever been on the cover of a tee
Corey Feldman: Same thing we do every day, Corey Haim. We save the world.
[Both get dressed and put on hair gel.]
Corey Feldman: Let's go start the day!
Corey Haim: Yeah!
[Both ssitting on a couch flipping through channels.]
Mel E. Kazurowski (News Anchor): This just in: President Bush's daughters are missing in action after the helicopter carrying them to a USO tour event crashed in Brazilian Rainforest. The military released the following video tape just prior to the crash.
Jenna Bush: Wooohoo! It's a party! Aaa-whoo!
Barbara Bush: My dad's the president!
Pilot: Ms. Bush please I can't see.
Barbara Bush: Suck it!
Pilot: Look out!
Corey Feldman: Two presidental daughters! That's one for each of us.
Corey Haim: Feld-dog, let's roll.
[They exit their house in a van that goes into a jet.]
Corey Haim: Coordinates are locked in.
Corey Feldman: Let's punch it.
Corey Haim: Woo!
Corey Feldman: Yeah! Let's go, go ,go, go. Whoa, this is tight! This is tight!
Corey Haim: That's what it would be like if we had the Corey Van and the Corey Jet.
[They get on a bus.]
["96 Hours Later"]
Corey Haim: Listen to me! We should have Corey Rocketpacks!
Corey Feldman: Hey Corey I've got an idea for ya. How about a nice tall glass of shut the fuck up!
Corey Feldman: Hey barkeep, nice frosty cola right here.
Corey Haim: Two straws please.
Barkeep: We don't surve your kind here.
Corey Feldman: Our kind? You mean Americans?!
Barkeep: No I mean anyone who's ever been on the cover of a tee
TV Show: Robot Chicken